Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks guys for your wonderful reviews. You really do keep me writing. I hope you enjoy the new chapter.
Chapter Fourteen

“Is that all you’ve got?” Buffy gasped as she felt her fist connect with William’s jaw. “I never realised you were such a lightweight.”

He grinned evilly as he bounced on the balls of his feet. “Dangerous words, little girl.”

She gave a mock shiver. “Ohhh, scary.”

Her giggle was cut off when he attacked again. For the next few minutes the only sounds in the otherwise empty room were of their harsh breathing and occasional grunting.

Buffy had been attending William’s Tai Kwon Do class faithfully for over two months. The class, together with extra one-on-one tutoring from him afterward, saw Buffy’s fighting skills improve at lightening speed. Now she and William were close to being equally matched. She’d also taken to going to the gym several times a week to develop her strength, and was now almost as confident physically as she had been as the slayer. Though, now, she always allowed William to walk her home when they were out after dark.

Watching doggedly for any sign of weakness in William’s defence, Buffy lunged swiftly when she saw her chance. Sweeping his legs out from under him she launched herself on top of him as he hit the ground, straddling his thighs. Holding his hands in a firm grip above his head, she smirked down at him. “Loser.”

“Hey! I’m still your teacher, you know?”

She waggled her eyebrows at him. “I think you’ve taught me everything I need to know.”

A blink of an eye later Buffy was crying out in indignation as she found herself on her back, with William taking her place on top. He winked at her. “Not everything.”

She laughed up at him, delighting in the feel of his weight pushing her into the mat. She could feel the hard length of his arousal pressed against her and knew he was just as excited by their sparring as she was. When his eyes were drawn to the hard nipples that were visible beneath her sports top, she felt his heated gaze like a caress.

Giving in to temptation, she raised her head, capturing his lips with her own. It was like that simple act obliterated every ounce of control he had and he delved into her mouth eagerly. Suddenly his body was pressed against hers from breast to thigh. His knee nudged her legs apart so he could settle his body in the cradle of her hips, and she groaned aloud at the intimate contact.

They’d been dancing around each other for months now, with the innuendos, flirting, and the odd stolen kisses. But this…this is what she dreamed of when she laid in bed at night. The feel of him moving against her, his body hard and wanting. She hadn’t felt this way since…since…

“Buffy.” William’s voice, harsh with lust, interrupted her musings. “Who do you see?”

Still intoxicated by the feelings coursing through her body, Buffy found herself barely able to comprehend his words. “What?”

He held her gaze firmly, even as his hips continued to undulate against her, sending waves of heat rippling through her. “Tell me who you see.”

Her mind froze. She didn’t know anymore. He was William, but he was Spike at the same time. She was beyond differentiating between them. She opened her mouth but she didn’t know what to say.

It seemed her silence was answer enough. William’s head dropped into the crook of her neck and slowly his body became still on top of her. For a moment she just held him, trying not to squirm in arousal beneath him, still hot with need. Then, with a muttered curse, he was gone.

Aching and frustrated, she watched him pace back and forth across the room, his breathe deep and fast, before finally scrambling to her feet herself. She’d had enough of this jealously crap and was determined to deal with it once and for all. They’d avoided this conversation for long enough.

“I see you both, alright? It’s always you I’m with Will. Always. But I will always see Spike inside of you. He is part of you. Don’t you understand that?”

“No. You created him, he’s part of your delusion. I had nothing to do with it.”

“For fuck’s sake Will, where do you think he came from? I needed you in Sunnydale and you were there.”

“I was your friend Buffy. You drag me there and turn me into the enemy and you pretend it’s okay, but it’s not. I loved you and you turned me into a murderer.”

That’s it? Buffy realised with sudden clarity. That’s why he hates Spike so much? “I don’t know why you were a vampire there.”

“Because you hated me!” he shouted, his chest heaving with anger. “You begged me to keep your secret and I didn’t. I was scared for you and I told your mother. You might not remember, but I do. I remember the look on your face when they dragged you into that hospital. You hated me. You screamed at me for betraying you. You said that it was my fault you were there.”

Buffy’s heart ached at the anguish she saw on his face.

“You blamed me and you punished me by turning me into the evil monster that was trying to kill you. How do you think that made me feel, Buffy?”

Buffy shook her head, denying his words. “That may have been how it started but everything changed. Spike fell in love with me and it changed him.”

“Is that right?” His voice was quiet but edged with steel. “That’s why you snuck around behind your friend’s backs, ashamed to admit that you were slumming with old Spike. That’s why, even as you were fucking him, he was trying to drag you down; because he was a changed man.”

Tears slid unchecked down her cheeks as she was forced to face the reality of what she’d done to him. Every time Spike had acted wrongly, every time she’d rejected him and called him worthless, every time she’d denied his love, she’d pushed that knife a little deeper into William. It wasn’t a wonder he hated…her. Her breath hitched as understanding dawned painfully. “Oh God. You don’t hate Spike at all, do you.” It was more of a statement than a question. “I got it all wrong. You’re angry at me. You’re angry at me because Spike even existed at all.”

When William refused to look at her, she knew she had spoken the truth. Buffy felt pain explode in her chest, as if a weight was suddenly crushing her. She’d hurt him in ways she hadn’t even dreamed about. And she couldn’t ever take it back. Not ever.

Choking back a sob, Buffy grabbed her bag and ran for the door. She had to get out of there; needed time to comprehend this new devastating insight.

Two days later Buffy sat once again in a large comfortable chair in Dr Callahan’s office. She’d spent a lot of time thinking about everything that had happened, all the way back to her first meeting with Merrick, and she’d come to a decision.

Looking steadily at the doctor, she spoke with firm determination. “I want to know why I got sick.”





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