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Author's Chapter Notes:
I was shocked and embarrassed to realise that I had somehow managed to leave out a chapter of this story. It was the penultimate chapter and while it wasn't huge I do feel it is integral to the story. So, I wanted to include it. My apologies to those who are having to read it after reading the concluding chapter.

Many thanks to basilio_the_cat from Elysian Fields for alerting me to this error.
Chapter Twenty-Nine

Buffy chewed on the end of her pen, her brow furrowed in concentration. She was in the middle of writing about the conversation she’d had with Willow about having sex with Angel for the first time.

“I like seeing you at bedtime?” She cringed as she read the line aloud. It sounded more than a little lame now that she wasn’t actually in the moment. She could still picture the look on Willow’s face though and it made her giggle. She wished she could describe that look on paper, but that was where William came in. As far as she was concerned her writing still sucked.

A knock on the door interrupted her musings and she rose from the couch to answer it.

“Hello, Buffy.”

Hank’s expression was contrite and Buffy did her best to give him a welcoming smile. “Hi Dad.” Moving away from the door she gestured for him to enter.

“This is a nice place. You’re doing okay?” he asked nervously.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied, hoping he’d get to the point as quickly as possible. “Why are you here?”

“Your mother and I are getting back together.” He watched her closely, obviously wanting to know her reaction. “At least…we’re trying. I’ve still got a lot more grovelling to do.”

Buffy wasn’t sure exactly how she felt about that, but she figured that after a while she’d be glad that her parents were still together. They’d seemed really happy when she first got back and she didn’t want to be the one to come between them. “That’s good. If you guys are happy, then so am I.”

Hank stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room, still having yet to even take off his coat. “Buffy, I am so sorry about everything that happened. I never wanted to hurt you or your mother.”

“Well hey, having an affair was a sure fire way to fail there,” Buffy snapped without thinking. Regretting her harsh words, she tried to explain more accurately how she felt. “Look, Dad. The way I see it, the fact that you had an affair is between you and Mom. It’s not really any of my business. However,” she continued, “coming home to find my father having sex with a strange woman in my mother’s home when I was sixteen years old? That’s my business.”

“I don’t know what else to say, Buffy,” Hank said wearily. “I fucked up.”

“Yeah. You really did,” she replied.

“If I could take it back I would. I know it was my fault that you got sick,” he cried in anguish.

“No, it wasn’t,” Buffy replied quietly.

Surprised, Hank looked up at her. “What?”

“I don’t blame you for that.” Her shoulders slumped as she felt the fight drain out of her. “What happened to me was something I did to myself. I did what I had to do in order to cope and I take full responsibility for that.”

“But if you hadn’t seen what you did,” Hank argued, “there wouldn’t have been anything for you to cope with.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow at him. “You do remember I was sixteen, right?” He shrugged dejectedly and Buffy couldn’t help but take pity on him. “I’m not saying it’s inevitable that something else would have happened to send me running to Sunnydale...but I also can’t say that it wouldn’t have happened either.”

“Still,” Hank persisted. “It wasn’t something else. It was me. It was what I did.”

“That’s true.” Buffy shrugged. “But I’m not bemoaning the years that I lost. I never have. For me they were filled with amazing experiences and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. They made me who I am.”

A tear trickled down Hank’s cheek as he looked at her with proud eyes. “Who you are is pretty amazing.”

A flush of pleasure spread through her at his words of praise and acceptance. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Will you ever be able to forgive me, Buffy? Do you think that things will ever be right between us again?” Hank asked tentatively.

“Someday.” Buffy nodded, wondering how many times she’d used that word now for questions such as these – but somehow it seemed to work for her. “Yeah. I think someday.”

**********

“Mom? Are you home?” Buffy called as she entered the house through the back door.

“In the kitchen!”

She found her mother sitting at the kitchen table and greeted her with a quick hug. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” she said as she sat down at the table. “Dad came by yesterday and told me you two are going to try again.”

“Yeah,” Joyce replied absently. “We’ll see how it goes.”

It was then that Buffy realised her mother was crying. “Mom, what’s wrong? Don’t you want to work things out with Dad?”

“It’s not that.” Wiping away the last of her tears with a tissue, Joyce closed the folder she had in front of her and slid it across the table.

Looking down, Buffy saw that it was a copy of her and William’s finished manuscript. “Oh,” she said, not quite sure what the problem was. “Where did you get that?”

“William thought I should read it.”

“Oh,” she repeated. “And you didn’t like it?”

“You did all those things? All those things that Dawn did?” Joyce asked.

Shrugging self-consciously, Buffy nodded.

“I had no idea. The danger you were in, how scared you were.” Joyce’s eyes began to fill again. “You were so brave.”

“It wasn’t all bad, Mom,” Buffy assured her. “I had you, and I had my friends.”

Nodding emphatically, Joyce cried, “I know. I just…I never thought about them as people. I didn’t want to know anything about them. They kept you from me for so long. But…reading this,” she hiccuped, “you must miss them terribly.”

Smiling sadly, Buffy answered, “I do. Every day.” She took her mother’s hand. “I tried to tell you; explain it to you, but…”

“But I wouldn’t listen,” Joyce finished for her.

She looked so miserable that Buffy couldn’t help but try to make her feel better. “I could still tell you,” she offered. “I’d like to be able to talk about them, the same way I talk about other parts of my past.”

Joyce smiled through her tears. “I think I’d like that.”

Buffy brightened. “Plus, I have new friends here that make it easier. I have a new life. And I can still visit Sunnydale whenever I want.” She smiled, remembering Giles’s final words to her. “It’s right there in the pages.”





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