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Thanks to those who have started reading this story and have reviewed. It's great to hear from you. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.
Chapter Two

Buffy stared at Spike – no William – for long minutes. A thousand questions ran through her head. He looked exactly the same and yet – different. He looked so full of life. His skin glowed with the light tan of a man used to standing in the sunlight. His eyes sparkled as he sat there, quietly returning her gaze.

She knew he was waiting for her to make the next move and she realised she was grateful. After all the mental prodding and probing she’d endured in the last month it was a relief to not feel pressured. Unsure where to begin, she finally asked, “Why are you here?”

At her words he released a heavy sigh. “I wanted to come see you so many times love. But the doctors, they wouldn’t let me…”

“No.” Her voice was harsher than she meant it to be and she gripped his hand tighter. “I mean, why are you here in this world? You were there. You’re not supposed to be real.”

She saw his jaw tense as he dropped his gaze to their clasped hands. She wasn’t sure what she was seeing. Anger? Hurt? Both?

“Nobody knows why I showed up in Sunnydale. Or at least parts of me did. In Spike.” He spat the name out with contempt and Buffy wondered why he hated the vampire so much. “It was a long time before they even realised that Spike was me – after a fashion. It was only when you began to talk about Spike in more detail that your Mum and I started to figure it out. That was when they stopped letting me visit you. They were worried I’d just upset you, make you worse.”

“And now what? You’re like some sort of test? Like if I can handle seeing you I’m labelled ‘sane’ enough to go home?”

“I don’t know. I guess so.” He shrugged. “I just wanted to see you.”

Dropping his hands she rose from the bed and walked over to the small window. On the other side all she could see was the hospital car park. The hot sun beat down on a random selection of cars, motorbikes and small vans. Small tufts of grass struggled through cracks in the baked bitumen. In the afternoons Buffy would sit by the window and watch staff members and visitors get into their cars and drive through the main gates and out of sight. She would think about all the things she would do when she made it back into the outside world. That car park wasn’t much to look at, but to her it was the most beautiful sight in the world, because it was freedom.

She felt William standing beside her but couldn’t bring herself to look at him. The combination of Spike and William, of old world and new, real world and…loved. It made her miss things and reminded her of their lack of substance all at the same time. It was too much.

Blinking back tears she tried for a little distraction. “Why don’t I remember you?” she asked accusingly.

He gave a short bewildered laugh. “What?” Disbelief was clear in his tone.

“My life before I became the slayer, before I moved to Sunnydale. I remember it. But I don’t remember you.”

She saw him swallow heavily as his eyes glazed over. “I don’t know. We knew each other for about a year before you came here. I didn’t realise you wouldn’t remember me at all.”

She’d hurt him. She could tell. And part of her wanted to try to make him feel better. “Maybe with some more time…”

She trailed off when he shook his head curtly. “Don’t worry about it love. Maybe I just didn’t mean so much to you after all.”

She frowned at the implication in his words. “What were we to each other? Before.”

For a moment he was silent, obviously still reeling from this newfound hole in her memories. “We were friends.”

“Friends,” she repeated in disbelief. “You’d visit a mental hospital for six years for all your friends?”

He threw her a look and she merely raised an eyebrow at him in response.

“We were close.”

His eyes were intense and she turned away, not quite sure she wanted to know. Spike’s voice sounded in her head. You’ll fight, you’ll shag and you’ll love each other till it kills you both but you’ll never be friends.

She couldn’t help but smile at the familiar memory. Then, giving herself a mental shake, she walked over to the door. Flinging it open she found her mother waiting anxiously on the other side. “I want to go home.”

**********

Her room was exactly as she remembered it. A single bed sat in the corner. Its white lace bedspread decorated with yellow daisies. Her dresser was covered in small bottles of perfumes and lotions. Opening the closet doors she looked at the multitude of fashions she’d loved so much. Most of them were hopelessly out of date now. Turning toward the bed she picked up Mister Gordo and held him tightly to her chest. Again Buffy looked at the familiar objects around her. Everything was in its place. And yet she remembered leaving here so clearly. “Dawn cried for a week,” she murmured sadly.

“Honey?” Joyce’s smiling, if somewhat wary, face appeared in the doorway. “Would you like something to eat?”

Suddenly curious about the rest of the house Buffy nodded. “Sure.”

As Joyce fixed them both some lunch Buffy wandered through the many rooms. There were a few new photos and knick knacks here and there, but otherwise it was just the same. She felt like she was in a dream, staring at the past like Alice through the looking glass.

“Mom?” Buffy sat at the kitchen table opposite her mother and began to pick at her food. “Will you tell me about William?”

Joyce tensed slightly and looked at Buffy through cautious eyes. “What has he told you?”

Shrugging, Buffy rolled her eyes. “We were close friends.”

Joyce nodded. “That’s true. He moved in next door about a year before…before you went to the hospital. His parents are still there. You two were pretty much inseparable from the time you met.”

“Were we…” Buffy paused, unsure how to word her question, “more than friends?”

Joyce smiled knowingly. “I think you were heading that way. I know he invited you to the Spring Dance. You were so excited.” Her expression clouded as she continued. “Then you started to change. You were anxious, secretive, you began pushing us all away, William included.” Tears began to gather in her eyes as she was overwhelmed by her memories. “It was William you first told about the vampires and how you’d been called to fight them.”

“I did?” Buffy exclaimed in surprise. “What did he do?”

“Tried to help you. He kept your secret at first. But when he realised you were getting worse and he couldn’t keep you safe he came to me. When you went to the hospital he was devastated. We all were.”

An image of Spike flashed in Buffy’s mind. He’d carried all her secrets too. The fact that she’d been in heaven not hell. The relationship they’d had. The darkness she’d sunk to. It seemed in every world she burdened him with her problems.





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