Lots of angst, and I’m not sure if I want to continue this, or leave it be. I guess we’ll find out. Should I continue this? Let me know.

Tell me what you think.

Rating: R eh... NC-17 I guess. Pairing: Buffy/Spike

This Love

Saturday

I was so high I did not recognize The fire burning in her eyes The chaos that controlled my mind

“I don’t think you should go. You need to stay here.” Buffy pleaded to Spike. “I can’t take you going out night after night! Stay home once in awhile!”

Spike laughed and shook his head at her, “Oh, because if I don’t stay you’re just going to go run off to another guy in the middle of the night?” Off her look he continued, “Yea, I know about that. I know what you do.”

He pinned her against the wall using the weight of his body, “Tell me you don’t.”

Buffy looked him in the eye, her head raised, not faltering, “I don’t.”

“Lying bitch.” Spike pushed against the wall with his hands and stalked to the closet, grabbing a shirt.

Buffy ran toward him and grabbed the shirt from his hands as he put it over his head, “No, you’re wrong you bastard! I stay home, waiting for you. Night after night. They tell you something else so you’ll stay away, and like a fool you believe them.”

Spike smirked, “Oh, now I’m a fool?” He pushed her on the bed and straddled her. “Tell me Buffy; tell me what he does to you. I want to know.”

Buffy tried to sit up, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“I think you do know.” He held her arms above her head and leaned down to kiss her. Just before his lips touched hers she turned her head away. Spike’s mouth touched her neck and he frowned, lifting his head up to look at her, “You can’t kiss me?”

“Not when you act like this.”

“Stupid bitch. Don’t know why I put up with you.” He got off of her and grabbed his shirt.

“Because you love me.”

He didn’t say one word to her as he left their apartment.

Sunday

Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane Never to return again But always in my heart

“Thank you.” Buffy said as she took her airplane ticket. She sat on a bench waiting for the gate number to be called.

She was fed up. She didn’t know why she put up with him. They had been together almost two years and she had been with him through everything. She gave up her life at home to go wherever he went. They had many indiscretions, but they had gotten through it. His drugs, alcohol and the women. All she had was one night of drunken passion and things were never the same. She wanted to forget everything but in the end it all came crashing back at her. Whenever she went out with her friends he always interrogated her when she returned, asking if she fucked anyone while she was out. He even went as far as to shove his hands down her pants to make sure. Then he’d take her where she was, apologizing in her ear the entire time.

*****

“Bloody fucking hell,” Spike muttered as he walked into the apartment. He knew something was up as he looked around and took in the appearance of the living room. Things looked as if they were thrown, the couch cushions hanging halfway off the sofa. He cursed and slammed open their bedroom door to see her clothes on the bed, obviously been through. He started throwing her clothes around the room, looking for any sign that she in fact didn’t leave. He stalked into their bathroom, going through cabinets and drawers. Her make up was gone. He went back to their dresser and went through her jewelry box. All of her rings, necklaces and bracelets were gone.

Except for the one’s he had gotten her so long ago.

“She thinks she’s leaving again. Fuck.” He ran and dodged over things that were lying on the floor, running out of the apartment, down the steps to his car. He called her on his cell phone but she didn’t pick up.

“I know where you are.” Was all he said on her voicemail.

He drove like a bat out of hell to the airport.

*****

Buffy stared at her phone.

He called her.

She wasn’t surprised. She knew he would. She also knew by the blinking on her phone telling her that she had a message that it was him.

She knew he was coming to get her.

And like a fool she knew she would go back to him.

Monday

I tried my best to feed her appetite Keep her coming every night So hard to keep her satisfied

“Oh God … Spike, baby, please …” Buffy moaned and held onto his hair, nearly ripping it out of his head.

Spike did whatever she wanted when they got back to the apartment. He didn’t bother cleaning up as he shoved everything off the bed, her belongings that she had left behind falling to the floor. Spike pushed her on the bed and undressed her, too fast for her taste but she didn’t mind, she was just happy that he was so eager. He fucked her all night long into the morning. The next afternoon Buffy tried to get up, but he pushed her back onto the bed again.

Spike held the back of her thighs up, her legs dangling in the air and he licked and sucked and nipped just the way she liked it.

“Tell me you love me … I need to hear it, please!” Buffy begged.

He looked at her, grinned and went back to what he was doing. Buffy threw her head back on the pillow, holding back tears. Finally, her tears for her own stupidity turned into sobs of pleasure as she came. She felt her legs fall on the bed and when she finally sat up to look at him, he was gone.

Tuesday

Kept playing love like it was just a game Pretending to feel the same Then turn around and leave again

Buffy was watching a late night movie when Spike stumbled through the door. She turned her head and looked at him; she could tell he was drunk.

“See! I’m home. Told you I would be!” Spike declared then walked into the kitchen. “You didn’t go to the store today?! Bloody hell, there isn’t shit to eat in this house.” He slammed the refrigerator door and stalked in the living room. He moved to sit down and she scooted over to the other end of the couch.

“What?” Spike asked.

“Nothing.”

“Liar. Why’d you move away from me?” He scooted closer and put his arm around her, pulling her to him.

“It’s four am Spike, where the fuck were you?” Buffy was pissed. Beyond pissed.

“Out.”

“I get that,” She stood and moved to the recliner. When she sat she started flipping through the channels on the television. Spike stood up and yanked the remote from her and threw it across the room.

“What the hell did you do that for?” Buffy yelled. “You come home finally and you expect me to just open my arms to you!”

“Well, actually I was hoping you’d open your legs for me.” Spike smirked and then laughed at his own statement.

“I can’t believe you, you …” She didn’t finish her statement as she got up, went to the TV and turned it off. “You are a prick and you can sleep on the fucking couch!” Buffy then went to their room and slammed the door.

“You wonder why I don’t come home! I have to put up with this bullshit!” He followed her and opened the door to the bedroom. He kicked off his shoes as she turned out the light and crawled in bed with her. She turned away from him.

“Get out.”

“No.”

He ran his hand down the side of her body, his fingertips giving her goose bumps on her skin.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean what I say.” Spike told her then kissed the back of her neck, her shoulders.

“I can’t take this anymore, I just …”

“Stop. Don’t say anything else. I don’t want to hear it, please don’t leave.” He rolled her on her back and kissed her.

Buffy lay there motionless, just watching him. She didn’t say anything more and let him make love to her.

Although she knew for him it wasn’t love.

He noticed that when they both finished, she never put her arms around him. She always did that. He rolled off of her and instantly she turned on her side away from him.

He sat up on the edge of the bed and realized that she really is gone.

Wednesday

I'll fix these broken things Repair your broken wings And make sure everything's alright

He didn’t go out that day. He stayed home hoping to show her that he wanted to make everything work. He started to regret it when she still wasn’t home. He had woken up and she was gone. He knew she hadn’t left for good because everything was still in place. He had called her friend, Faith to make sure that Buffy was with her. She was. He was relieved to find that out but then scared. Faith didn’t like him. He knew Faith was bad mouthing him at this very moment. Spike walked into the kitchen and made dinner thinking she should be home any minute. He looked around the room and tried to remember the last time they had actually had a meal at home, much less him cooking for her. Over six months.

“Fuck.” He looked at the clock just as seven o’clock rolled around. She still wasn’t home. He was tempted to call Faith again but decided against it. She had to come home any minute now.

Finally ten o’clock came and he was sitting in the dark, beer in hand when he heard the door open. He heard her move to the light switch to turn on the lights but he stopped her.

“Leave them off.”

Buffy jumped and turned to face the living room, “Spike?”

“Where the fuck were you?”

“I think you know,” She put her bags down and headed towards him. “I know you called Faith.”

“Yes, I fucking did. Looking for you. Where the fuck were you?” His voice sounded cold and Buffy closed her eyes wishing that she came home later when she knew he’d be sleeping.

“Out.”

The next thing she heard was the beer bottle as it crashed against the wall, glass and liquid going everywhere. After that, she felt her body being pressed against the door.

“Don’t give me that, where were you? Who did you see? Do I need to check?”

“Fuck you.” Buffy spat and pushed him away.

He grabbed her hand and swung her around to face him. Buffy looked away, looked at anything so she didn’t have to see the look in his eyes.

“Buffy …”

“What the fuck do you care Spike? I mean really! Do you even care? Do you even love me? No, you don’t, so don’t go around, acting like you do. What if I was? What if I was out fucking some other guy,” She started walking to the bedroom. “Would that really matter? You’re out every night, doing God knows what and you know what?” She turned to face him. “You don’t care.” She willed herself not to cry. “So why should I?” She walked away from him and into their bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Once she was in the bedroom, she almost regretted the words she had just said as she took in the flowers and the note on the bed.

“Fuck.”

She covered her mouth and reached for the note, but then dropped it as she heard him curse and dishes when crashing to the floor. Then the door slamming as Spike left.

Thursday

My pressure on your hips Sinking my fingertips Into every inch of you Cause I know that's what you want me to do

Buffy moaned and sleepily put her arm around the body that was on top of her.

“Mmm …”

“Buffy …”

She opened her eyes when she felt her neck being kissed and all she saw was platinum blonde hair.

“Spike?”

“Ssh … baby, I’m sorry, just let me.”

“Okay.”

He pushed into her and kissed her. “Did you read my note?” He asked as he moved her leg up to wrap around him. “I meant every word.”

Buffy turned her head away, “I didn’t read it.”

“What?” Spike looked down at her, and then closed his eyes when he felt her muscles squeezing him. “God Buffy …”

Buffy pulled his head down and kissed him, “Spike? I’m leaving.”

His body stilled and she just watched his face. She saw the shock, the sadness then the cold eyes that burned into her own eyes last night. He pulled out of her and flipped her on her stomach roughly and without giving another moment to spare he entered her.

Buffy screamed.

“Why?” He shouted. “Tell me now.” He moved into her, his fingers digging into her hips.

Buffy closed her eyes and pushed back against him, “Because you don’t love me.”

He grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her up and licked her neck, “I do love you, you fucking bitch.” He pushed her back down and fucked her.

Friday

This love has taken its toll on me She said goodbye too many times before And her heart is breaking in front of me I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

Spike sat on the bed and watched as she packed another bag. She had told him to just go out. She really didn’t want him here while she did this. While she left him. He didn’t say one word to her the whole time and that was creeping her out. He even went as far as to make the arrangements for her flight.

There was a knock at the door and Buffy looked at Spike. He waved his hand for her to continue what she was doing and he went and answered.

It was Faith.

“Is she ready to yet?” She asked as she walked past him.

“Oh, you’re so eager to have her leave me.” Spike slammed the door after she walked in.

“Actually, yea, I am.” She smiled. She fucking smiled at him.

“Fuck you.” Spike went and grabbed a beer and went back to the room.

“Um, no. I’m happy with the man that loves me and not uses me you fuck face.” Faith said as she followed him into the room.

“Hey B, you ready yet?”

“Um …” She looked at Spike again as he sat on the bed, his eyes on her. She looked away from him and back at Faith. “In a minute.”

Faith grabbed a bag, “I’ll go ahead and put this in the car then.”

“Okay.”

Faith flicked Spike off when Buffy’s head was turned and he was tempted to break that finger. Fucking bitch. When he heard the front door close he put his beer down and went to her. He wrapped his arms around her and he felt her stiffen.

“Buffy, please don’t.” He moved her hair out of the way and kissed her neck while he brought his hand up to cup her breast.

“Spike, I have to.” She didn’t move away from him.

“No, you don’t. You’re doing this to prove a point.” Spike stated and began moving his hand under her shirt, rubbing her stomach. “I know you love me, and you know that I …” He let the words trail off and Buffy finally pushed away from him when she knew he wasn’t going to finish the sentence.

Spike brought his hand up to his head and sighed, “Buffy don’t’ do this.”

“Why? Oh, let me guess, because I’m only proving a point? Because you know I’m going to come back to you? Well, guess what. I’m not. I’m not proving a point and I’m not coming back to you. I can’t take this anymore!” Buffy screamed at him.

Spike closed his eyes and reopened them. He knew she was going to cry and if it had been six months ago, she would have. He knew he loved her, he knew he wanted her and he wanted to prove to her that he did. He just didn’t know how.

“I want you to stay.”

“I don’t care.”

“You’re lying … I know …”

“I know, I’m a lying bitch, right?” Buffy put her hands on her hips and stared at him.

His mouth opened and closed a few times, “No, no … you’re not.”

“Oh, what a change. I seem to recall being a lying bitch a lot.” Buffy picked up her bag.

As she walked out the bedroom door he stopped her.

“I love you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do, Buffy I love you so much, please don’t leave.” Spike pleaded. If he had to get on his knee’s he would.

“You’re a lying bitch.”

Buffy walked past him and out the door.

This love has taken its toll on me She said Goodbye too many times before And her heart is breaking in front of me I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

End.