This dedicated to a very special friend...she knows who she is. Thank you for standing by me no matter what. for supporting me and never abandoning me. This is the best way I know how to say thank you...
Sister Bernadette shivered as a cold wind blew threw her small chamber. It was night now, she could feel it. They way the air smelt the stillness around her. She reached out for her knitting needle knowing she had left it there the night before. Stretching out her hand she grazed the small bumpy surface feeling for it. Suddenly she felt a hand, inhuman, cold as ice grasp her wrist. She knew he had entered her room before she felt his chilled grip. To any ordinary person this figure, this would be demon would bring a fatal foreboding. Most people, that had clear eyesight would have acted in alarm, one could only gather how she must have felt. They might scream, cry even try to cast away the evil figure with chants and prayers. This thought alone made the old nun chuckle.
“Amused tonight Sister Sally?” the presence sneered.
Sister Bernadette sighed shrugging her shoulders. She had gotten used to the strange man’s odd references to obscure defunct T.V. shows. She cocked her head to the side listening to the metallic click then turned up her nose once the smell of burning tobacco filled the room.
“William why do you insist on smoking in here. You should be more respectful of your elders.”
She heard a strange cackle then choking. Although she tried her best not to laugh out loud the sound of the indignant man delighted her far to much. She gave into her glee letting out a huge laugh.
“Elders? I have been around a hell of a lot longer than you and the rest of your flying nuns. In fact I used to eat your kind you know? There was something nice and tasty about all you hooded little goodies. It made the kill that much sweeter.” He replied seemingly devoid of any remorse.
“Not anymore, in fact not for a long time. What has you in such a foul mood tonight William?”
She heard an indignant snort. Then felt him cross the room to where the only window of her room was located. The window he climbed through to sneak up on the old woman.
“Your actions are very telling tonight William.” She whispered standing to her feet and reaching out for her trusty cane. “You’re in pain.”
Silence filled the air confirming her observation. She ambled her way across the room toward the strange man.
“Would you like to know how I know?”
The old woman kept her slow but steady walk toward the man.
“Normally you just come bursting into her like you own the place. Ranting and raving like some sort of lunatic about the weather, something that happened on that silly soap opera you watch, or if you happed to catch one of the children sneaking around after bedtime.”
“Someone ought to! Those kids have the run of this place. You spoil them horribly. Even found one of the brats in my room!”
Again Sister Bernadette had to bit her tongue. She knew the man loved all the orphans here. Knew he would rip her anyone’s head that dared lay a finger on them. Even stalked the homes of adopted families once one of them were placed there. Only she knew that, just like only she knew how much it broke his heart to see any one of them leave him.
Ever since that faithful night after the great fight. When she and the sisters found the fallen hero broken and bleeding in the street and nursed him back to health. The strange man had dedicated his life to The Order. Taking of all of them. Providing what ever they needed. Scaring away some of the nasties both human and supernatural who preyed on young innocents like the ones the cared for. His entire existence seemed to revolve around them. Seemed to, again only Sister Bernadette knew they truth.
She sighed finally reaching to man. Ignoring her weariness, she reached out for him feeling the cold leather of his coat sleeve.
“William, what’s troubling you?”
Bloody Hell he hated the old bat sometimes. Stubborn as the day is bloody long! She couldn’t let anything go. He silently kicked himself for being so weak for coming here and releasing his venom on her. Subconsciously, he knew she would see through his charade. He needed her to. For someone to…
“Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to.” He whispered.
“Because in my line of work , we live by our motto..Confession is good for the soul.”
He chuckled.
“How often do you confess about playing demon poker with me and the blokes?”
The nun laughed.
“There’s the William I know. Not this bastard that came in here all dark and menacing.”
He gasped.
“You reminded me about confession. I figured I would give Father Daniel something entertaining this time around.”
Sister Bernadette pulled on the leather sleeve in her grasped. She felt a strong icy arm band around her waist and gently nudge her back to her seat. He walked very slowly insisting she bare her weight against him. He positioned her back to her seat and help3d her ease down. She heard him swipe her small knit throw off her bed and felt him place it in her lap. Gingerly he turned her hands upward and bestowed her knitting needle with her palms. Sister Bernadette smiled..Monster, indeed.
“Now not that you ever stop thinking about Ms. Summers but what has you thinking about her so fiercely today? Talk to me William.” She implored.
Only she called him William everyone else called him Spike. The old bat was the only one who could get away with it now a days. Back then, before his life here, she would call him that every once in awhile. When she was trying to goad him or in there quiet more intimate moments. Those were the memories that haunted him tonight. Those last few days before the Hellmouth closed. The nights were she found peace and solace in his arms. He had thought he had learned to live with the ache. He had found other things to fill the void.
Not like when he was in L.A. with the big broody one. All the stunts he pulled to try to get her out of his mind. His near tryst with Harm, the bantering with his Sire. Even the do-gooder task he performed for the further good. None of it dulled the ache. Nothing seemed to until he awoke here and started to help the Flying Nuns.
“This is rich. Someone like you pitying a demon.”
“You’re not a demon anymore William.”
Spike looked at the old woman in utter amazement.
“Care to feel my sharpies? I think you better remember who and what your dealing with.” He snarled.
Sister Bernadette sighed.
“William, we have had this argument before demons do not have souls. You do. Albeit you are not exactly human anymore, you’re not a demon. However, that’s an argument for another time. Let’s get back to our most frequent debate. The subject of why you insist on not contacting Ms. Summers.”
“Because, she’s happy.” Spike whispered.
“You don’t know that.”
“Come on Sister Sally. Let’s put two and two together shall we. We know the Broody one became a real live boy. As confirmed by your sources I might add. Then hightailed it to Italy. Him and his little offspring. The last we heard the boy is going to school with Dawnie. So where do you think dear old dad is?”
If bile could have, it would have rose up his throat just then. Angel had gotten what he wanted Shansued… the dream he wanted. A human life with Buffy by his side. In his loftier dreams he envisioned it would not have mattered to her. She would have chosen Spike anyways, if she had known he had survived. But he let the world think he had yet again died a hero. It freed her from him yet again. Even though it trapped him forever.
“If you would allow me to, I could find out for sure.” The old nun replied.
Spike shook his head.
“No, like I said before. Best let her get on with it.”
“If you insist, still you have yet to tell me what’s troubling you so.”
William looked at Sister Bernadette and smiled. The old woman worried way too much.
“Never you mind, Sister Sally. I’ll be right as rain.”
Spike sauntered over to the window then perched atop the sill. Tonight he would go out, get smashed look for a spot of trouble. After he checked on the brats of course. Made sure all the troubling little piggies were in there safe warm beds. Then he would find some way to work past his pain.
He looked out into the dark night allowing the memories of her to engulf him one more time. He smiled a bittersweet smile and whispered
“Happy Birthday Buffy”
Author's Chapter Notes:
There is Buffy with other only in flashback..very much a Spuffy Story!!