Chapter Nine
It was funny the kinds of things a girl would think about while she’s having blood pumped back into her battered body. Buffy lay weakly on the gurney and watched the thin tube convey fresh plasma into her veins and used all her energy to concentrate on the signature of Spike outside the room. She knew why he wouldn’t come in, and while she was glad in her head, her heart ached to see him.
This night had been monumentally strange, and while her tired brain strained for answers, Buffy was almost scared to receive them. The tantalising nature of Giles’s claim was more than enough to get her through the healing process without having a meltdown. Once she was back in tip top shape, though, she had to know the rest of it. Had to know why she was almost toast in the middle of a vampire scrum and why Spike’s decision to fight at her back was what turned the tide. Had to know if this scorching of the vamps into spontaneous dust was a thing that was going to continue or if her one trick pony had now cantered out of town.
Buffy sighed as she felt Spike distance himself. His presence faded and Buffy’s shoulders slumped against the portable bed, making her realise just how tense she’d been. How exactly was she supposed to deal with all of this? Her current existence was not something she would normally recognise, but nothing about it felt off. None of it was screaming ‘mistake’ and she had to take comfort in that, even if that kind of progress meant facing the fact that she’d shared something insanely personal with Spike.
Before she could blink, he was back, standing before her decked out fully in black with his outstretched hand holding a Styrofoam cup of orange juice. “Heard this is what they give you lot when they pinch your blood. Can’t hurt to boost your sugar intake even when it’s being forced back into you.” He looked all boyish and cute as he allowed her to take it from his hand. Sitting up was a struggle, but again he surprised her and reached forward to help, perching himself on the edge of the precarious gurney and holding her steady enough to drain the juice.
“Has anyone ever told you you’re swell?”
He chuckled, his hand heavy as he absently rubbed her back. “Only the once, pet. Annoying bint of a slayer that could barely keep her eyes straight.”
Her head lolled and she thought he’d called her a name, but Buffy was finally winding down from her eventful day and night and she slipped into a healing sleep against Spike’s chest.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
She was walking in a garden, fragrant and beautiful with a multitude of species and colours. Buffy breathed deeply as she slowly wandered further in. This place was a haven; she sensed that and it made her smile. So few places she went were safe and even then they didn’t do a thing about protecting her heart. About guiding her with wisdom toward a love that would complement her rather than drain her energy and power.
“Angelus has moved on, my child. He was never the one for you and we apologise for creating such a circumstance.”
The voice didn’t wig her out like it might have. This place fostered peace and acceptance like no other and in that moment she knew it was otherworldly. Knew that the words here were mired in the truth and that she could believe in them and rest her head from the trauma of trying to work it all out. She knew that whatever revelation she was given here could be trusted.
It was a relief to know. Angel had always been hard work, even though she’d loved him passionately with a teenager’s heart. She’d loved him since she was sixteen and as such, there was no shame in making a mistake. No reason either, to cling to a love that had been ruined the moment he’d welcomed back his soulless persona and killed people she knew.
“Thank you.” Buffy gracefully accepted their apology—whoever they were. Sometimes not everything could be seen in the long distance game of life.
“You have bonded with the true one. Together you will guide and protect the other and fight for the good, eradicating Sorrow until the world is safe again. Together you are immortal, child. Be wise with one another’s hearts.”
Buffy blinked. Okay, so the existence of solitude and safety wasn’t always enough to cancel out the wig factor. “You know,” she started, speaking into the air around her, “I’m really kinda young to be tied down for eternity. Can’t I keep looking for, say, a hundred years or so? Maybe then I can trust my judgement where men are concerned.”
There was no amusement in the voice that replied and Buffy pouted in disappointment.
“Destiny has begun its process. The vampire you have joined with is the only being who will ever understand you and love you for the warrior you are. Reject him and your life will end in two years. Your friends will pull you from your final rest, you will abuse the one who was meant all along for you, and then you will lose him forever as he burns to save your world.” There was an ominous pause and Buffy gulped in shock. “But it is your choice.”
“Oh, so now you get a sense of humour,” she accused, rolling her eyes. “And this alternative future includes Spike too?” Buffy bit her lip as the disembodied voice replied “Yes,” confused and a little relieved that she had some kind of alternative offered to her. Because being dead and then ripped from Heaven by her friends? Really sucked.
“Okay, so the deal is, I don’t love Spike. Sure, he makes my blood hot and he’s kinda sexy in that way he thinks he’s all evil, and he has a kiss that could make a girl forget her name, but I don’t love him.”
Their reply was confident and final.
“You will.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
The slayer jerked awake in her bed and groaned. Last night was still kind of fuzzy, but she remembered vaguely waking and realising Spike had left her, but her mom and watcher waited at her bedside to take her home. She’d been tucked into bed with Giles forcing a promise from her that she would show up at the library for a ‘debriefing’ and she’d fallen back into the land of many nods.
And she remembered the dream. Or the message from the ‘Powers That Be.’ Whatever it was, she knew it was a done-deal and surprisingly it didn’t cause her any of the anxiety she’d expected.
Climbing groggily out of her bed, Buffy made her way to the shower and turned the water on full. She needed the sharp needles to pound her in the face just to try and shrug off this weakness that wanted her to deny the past couple of days. But opening her eyes and seeing the muted blue of various bruises and the bite marks on her body forced her back to reality and she slumped against the tile.
It was all true then.
Angel had never really been hers, just an accident that got out of hand while she was meant to be waiting for Spike. The thought of the bleached, semi-evil entity that made her heart pound equally with lust and anger made her chuckle. Her life was already so bizarre, so why would this mismatch surprise her?
Closing her eyes, Buffy allowed herself a guilt-free replay of their encounter the other night. Allowed her skin the freedom of flushing when she recalled how she took him into her mouth, how he felt stretching her body around his hardness, how he made her want to be able to think and talk dirty while he was in her arms.
Yup, there were totally worse things that could happen. Like losing for good the one guy she was promised would ever really understand her. Angel never had; she could see that so clearly now. When he was good he was so righteous—and dishonest. He claimed things about other demons because he didn’t want to believe he’d been incapable. He didn’t want to face his evil side, and while she could understand why, he wasn’t doing himself any favours by lying to himself.
Only now he was something different again. And again with Dru. My how the world turned strange when you didn’t keep a proper eye on it!
It was time, she decided, and so Buffy turned off the water, dried her body and shrugged on some clothes.
It was dark outside and she felt a little disappointed for not having noticed that when she awoke. She’d forgotten her stake, not that she lacked the skill to compromise. Still, it was a shock when she faced her first vampire of the night and as he ran at her, intent on claiming the slayer for his meal, her hand passed straight through his chest as he crumbled to dust.
So, guess that pony had galloped right back to her side. Shaking her head, Buffy looked down at the ground in front of her and quickly walked to the school.
It was a relief to pass through the library doors and see people she knew, people she trusted. A deep sigh shook her frame as she moved toward the research table, ignoring all the eyes that were trained steadfastly on her while she took the remaining seat. Only when she’d done that did she look up and challenge the stairs with a sense of ease—until she’d reached the unfathomable depths of Drusilla’s deep gaze.
“Spike wants to hear it from you alone,” she said and Buffy felt her stomach drop. For some reason she’d believed if Dru and Angel were here, he would be too. The loss of his potential support when she was on display to her watcher and friends was a much harder hit that she would have expected, but slayers passed beyond the discomfort.
“Okay.” She could do that, be alone with Spike. She’d best get used to it if he was her eternal immortal companion.
She kick-started the meeting with a report on her strange vampire encounter, feeling her stress-levels increase as everyone just stared at her.
“So, what you’re saying is, you don’t even have to hit them now? They come running at you and they turn to dust? Whoa, that’s intense.” Xander voiced her uncertainties exactly, and Buffy trembled at the implications. Could it really be that easy to eradicate vampires from the face of the earth? And how come her presence wasn’t making Angel and Dru twitch? And Spike, there was definitely no bursting into flamey dust there.
“I-if I may, I believe your connection with Spike is now, er, complete. I don’t believe you are the slayer anymore. I think you are…something more.” Incredulous silence followed his observation and Buffy wondered how exactly she felt about that. “The prophecy claims that together, you and Spike are a King and Queen.” Giles looked at her with a proud grin and Buffy felt like such a huge impostor. She was far from royalty.
“So I guess Faith gets to be the one and only again, huh?” she joked, not quite feeling it as the insecurity of the new situation hit her.
“Y-yes, and that, on reflection, might actually be good for her.” Giles wasn’t the only one that was hopeful on that front, though Buffy knew the other slayer, the now one and only slayer, was unpredictable. Faith had been jealous of sharing her calling. Now to be usurped? That boded all kinds of bad.
“So what’s Dead Boy and his fruitcake doing here?” Xander prodded, missing the flinch from the brunette pair as he aimed his question at Giles.
“Well, for a start, Angel and Drusilla aren’t actually dead.” Giles squirmed in embarrassment for Xander’s insults and braced himself for the discussion of such a complicated issue.
“Wait, that means they aren’t vampires anymore, right?” Cordelia looked at the couple and rolled her eyes. “Figures. We’re only just getting started with the freaky.”
At least Buffy now knew why they hadn’t been among the dust shadows of their kin last night. And now she understood why they weren’t considered Aurelian anymore. Well, okay, the real understanding would come much later with the in depth explanations, but for now, she’d cope with the knowledge she had.
The talk continued, doing little to clear up matters and much to create more confusion about the unexplainable. When the talk had dried up and the curious stares had become too much, Angel stood and, without a word, left Drusilla in the wary bosom in the library as he wandered away, head bent and a frown furrowing his brow.
Buffy followed him outside, glad for this chance without Drusilla at his side to talk to him, and with a pain in her chest for what had been between them not so long ago but which now seemed all but dead.
“Dru and I are leaving, Buffy.”
That stopped her cold, even though deep down she knew it was the only good option open to them. Her life with Angel was over, and while she hadn’t quite wrapped her head around her new path, she knew it was one to be followed. Yet it didn’t make the goodbyes or the surrendering of residual feelings any easier.
“You have a new destiny now, and we need to find out what we are. What our purpose is in the world. Giles is going to help and we already know we still have the strength of a vampire, but it’s tempered with a permanent soul. And Dru—she seems to have regained her sanity. I have a lot to make up to her.” Angel pinned her with a pleading look for understanding and the remaining part of her heart that had locked him away broke open and set him free.
Buffy nodded, the finality of it making her breath hitch and her heart ache. She was ready for him to be gone, she knew she was, but it didn’t lessen the sadness at seeing him go or the fear of being left alone with Spike. A tear slipped down her cheek and Buffy sniffled.
“I’m scared.” She hadn’t meant to let that escape her mouth, but once he hauled her into his arms she was glad. Angel’s hugs had always engulfed her; overwhelmed her, and right now, it was exactly what she needed to calm the panic about what her life would actually mean once he was gone. “I mean, I’m something different now, and there’s Spike. I don’t love him, Angel.”
He smiled sadly and kissed the top of her head, stepping away from her as Dru slowly descended the school steps toward them.
“You will, Buffy. You’re full of love and Spike? Well, it’s what he does best.”
The brunettes linked arms and walked away, leaving Buffy feeling shell-shocked and needy. He’d said the words spoken to her in her dream, in the garden of truth. Maybe getting to know Spike wouldn’t be so bad. A vision of his naked body flashed in her mind and Buffy smiled slowly.
Maybe it would even be kind of…exciting.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
He’d slept the day away and dreamed of a life with Buffy. He’d touched her, talked to her, kissed her and made love to her and through it all, Spike was happy. Deliriously, shockingly, unnaturally happy. He’d woken and immediately shrugged aside his previous desire to introduce her to a plot in the ground and altered it with a house in the suburbs. There’d be children, a fireplace, family and lots and lots of love.
His demon should have been disgusted, but when Spike had tried to seek it out to renew his idea of damage control, he’d found it amazingly silent. He’d vamped with no trouble, so the first suspicion of losing his undead status was put immediately to rest. But he knew he’d changed. His demon had resolved to exist peacefully beside the killer of its kind and had been quiet ever since. Spike found the violence that always hummed in his veins to have lessened and the anger he’d arrived in Sunnydale with to have disappeared entirely.
When night had fallen, he’d sought out Peaches and Dru. His old feelings of antipathy for his sire seemed to have died overnight and he was able to observe them together without reproach and with a good healthy dose of encouragement. He wished them well, hearing their plans to leave both the Hellmouth and Buffy in his capable hands.
He tried to ignore how hard those hands shook. There was a sad detachment between the three of them now, each immersed in their own version of limbo as they clawed at the reasoning for such life-altering changes.
He’d refused to follow them into the school library, feeling like Buffy owed him her presence when explaining how his existence was thrown completely out of whack. The watcher would undoubtedly know more, and he had his doubts Buffy could relay the pertinent information without slicing it up into incomprehensible segments. But, it would mean having Buffy alone, and the overwhelming nature of everything right now made that look a whole lot more appealing that batting off the repulsed and less-than-friendly glares of her friends.
He hadn’t expected this, though. Hadn’t expected to eavesdrop on her cheerios with his brooding ponce of a grandsire. That wasn’t even right anymore. Despite how they’d come into being, they weren’t even related on a demon scale anymore. What he was now was new, fresh, and becoming more besotted with the mystery of Buffy every second he looked at her.
That she hurt over Angel’s proposed departure would once have unleashed a desire to punish her with it, to fling insults at her to weaken the fighter enough to lose against him. Now he just hoped he would be enough for her and that in the end, they’d be all right.
The smile she bestowed on the pair as they walked away from her wasn’t totally pitched in misery and Spike felt hopeful.
He stepped out behind her and felt curious about the nervous fluttering of her pulse as she spun around. Her breathy “Spike” was music to his ears and he let himself smile.
“Hello cutie,” he said, enjoying the blush that heated her cheeks and realising that hope was all they ever had.
And this time it was going to be fine.
The End
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I have no way of adequately expressing my gratitude to the most amazing people. Holly, Schez and Slackerace did a fantastic job of making this fic as good as it can be. Spikeslovebite as usual allowed me the freedom to toss around ideas, neurosis and paragraphs to my heart's content and I will always find it easier to write when I have both her and Holly to swap text with in YIM. That instant feedback is incredibly addictive.
Lastly to you, the readers. It gives a writer great joy to know that someone is enjoying what they are posting. It spurs us on and validates the time and energy we take from our work or families to do this. Thank you so much for sticking by me and I truly hope you've enjoyed this little fic for Rae.
Lastly to you, the readers. It gives a writer great joy to know that someone is enjoying what they are posting. It spurs us on and validates the time and energy we take from our work or families to do this. Thank you so much for sticking by me and I truly hope you've enjoyed this little fic for Rae.