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Author's Chapter Notes:
thank u for all the comments:D very helpfull and glad your all enjoying the story so much.
Buffy stared at the ceiling forlornly her eyes not taking in anything really. Her life seemed pretty much over and she didn’t really care if she stayed exactly where she was doing nothing for the rest of her life as long as she didn’t have to focus on the searing pain that was tearing through her.
She heard a knock at the door and rolled over to face the opposite wall ignoring Willow’s insistent knocking. When it didn’t let up after 10 minutes she snapped and stormed across the room. She threw the door open her rage rolling off her in waves.

“Willow would you just leave me alone!”
“Sorry to disappoint luv…Im guessing Willow was here.” Spike mumbled.

They both just stood there looking at each other neither finding any words that wouldn’t be completely idiotic. Spike looked away for a second not able to look at her without feeling sick. Just looking at her face and imaging never seeing it again made his heart clench and he felt his throat burn as he fought to keep his tears at bay he gave up any hope of stopping them however when he heard a sob.

He looked back at her and he welled up when he saw the tears running down her face. He stepped into the room and wrapped his arms around her burying his face into her shoulder. He felt her body shaking and it made him cry harder it wasn’t long however before he felt her small hands beating at his chest as she tried to push him away. He stepped back and stared into her stony face.
“get out.” She said quietly.

Spike didn’t move an inch just stared at her. Her voice seemed so dead and it was then that he noticed the dull look in her eyes.
“Im not leaving you alone.” He said pathetically not sure what else to say.
“You already left me alone.” She said venom dripping from her voice.
“Look Buffy…im sorry…I-”

“You what? Forgot to tell me you were married? Forgot to tell me you were married to a huge actress even though you were reminded daily that we all recognised you!?” She started to laugh hysterically.

“I didn’t forget Buffy I was….can we sit please? Just give me five minutes and after that if you want me to leave I will.” Spike pleaded holding onto her hand like it was a life line. Buffy stared down at their joint hands and closed her eyes as a fresh wave of hurt washed through her. She pulled her hand away and went to sit on her bed watching as he pulled up a chair and sat opposite her.
“Me and Dru were getting divorced…well sort of..” Spike sighed staring down at his own hands not wanting to look into Buffy’s face.

“I left her five months before the crash but we were long over before that I could barely stand her to be honest and when I found her in bed with one of my best mates I just snapped and left. Five months…I did my best moving from place to place but eventually I realised I had no where to go. She had been my entire life for six years Buffy…that’s hard to give up on no matter what…I was flying to Australia on that flight cause she was meant to be doing a film over there…I didn’t really want to be with her but I felt stuck….then I met you.” Spike smiled softly finally looking up and seeing the confused emotions that were shining out of Buffy’s eyes.

“I love you Buffy. I don’t think I’ve loved anything more.” Spike sighed lifting a hand and running his fingertips down the side of her cheek. She closed her eyes at the touch and turned her face into it before opening her eyes again and nodding her understanding to Spike.
“you still should of told me Spike…I…I told you everything…After all the lies…all i’ve been put through and you hurt me more than anyone else.” Buffy sobbed.

“I know and im so sorry luv…so sorry im an ass.” Spike half sighed half cried as he moved forward wrapping his arms around her trying his best to comfort her.
“I saw you on the deck though. You both seemed…close.” Buffy sighed pulling back and searching Spike’s eyes for the truth. When he turned his head away her heart sunk even further into despair knowing he wasn’t telling her everything.
“we aren’t close Buffy…I have nothing in common with her anymore.”
Buffy felt her heart lift slightly and she almost let a smile slip out but all that was shattered with his next sentence.

“but I cant leave her.”

“What do you mean you can't leave her? You just said you loved me!” Buffy said confusion and hurt lighting up her face.
“I do Buffy and im a prick for putting you through this but…Dru got pregnant.” Spike sighed.
“Pregnant?” Buffy said quietly. Her breath had caught in her throat and she stared at Spike in disbelief.

“I didn’t know, but she says its mine…I don’t know if it is yet. Im gunna have a paternity test but…he‘s three months old…”He trailed off sadly seeing the hurt in Buffy’s eyes almost broke him and he went to move forward to hold her but she held her hand up and her face turned to stone as she stared at him.
“Leave.”
“What?” Spike gulped.

“I said leave…go back to your wife and child Spike.” She gulped using every ounce of strength in her to not be needy and desperately plead for him to stay with her. She wanted to scream that she was pregnant she was the one having his baby! He should be with her but the pain was too raw and at the moment she couldn’t bare to be near him. He had a son for Christ sake.

Spike nodded his head sadly and stood walking to the door and pushing it open ready to leave. He froze in the doorway but didn’t turn around.

“Im sorry Buffy. I want nothing more than to be with you but I know what its like growing up without a father…I wish there was another way.” He finished in a sob before shutting the door behind him. As he rested his head back against the door his heart ripped apart listening to Buffy cry her heart out alone in her room.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“I am sure your all exhausted so on behalf of the Radissons Hotel we wish you a peaceful stay and your all of course welcome to stay as long as it takes you to settle in to normal life again.” The beaming man dressed in the fancy tux bowed deeply before moving off leaving the exhausted group standing there.

They had arrived at Sydney Harbour almost 8 hours ago to a crowd of screaming people and god knows how many camera crews and reporters. It seemed in their time away they had become famous and they had all stood stunned by the flashing lights while Drusilla worked the crowd perfectly hanging onto Spike as if he was a lifeline while clutching William their son, every inch the perfect reunited couple. Buffy stood behind them staring at the baby and felt awful for the jealousy that over took her. She couldn’t help wondering if her baby would look like the one Drusilla was currently showing off

“Are you okay sweetie?” Fred asked over the loud cheering and clapping of the crowds. She was desperately worried for her friend and winced as she took in the puffy red eyes with black bags under them as she gave the girl a pitiful look.
Buffy just nodded not trusting herself to speak.

“Im so sorry Buffy.” Fred sighed already knowing how pathetic it sounded but what else can you say to a woman who had just found out the man she had fallen in love with and had gotten pregnant by currently had his wife draped all over him and his baby son was attached to said wife.
After what felt like hours of interviews and a rather tearful reunion between Giles and his wife they had all been ushered into a large coach and had been informed that they would be staying in a top hotel for free for as long as they needed all arranged of course by Drusilla.

The whole group moved straight to the elevator all realy eager to find a real bed. Drusilla looked around wanting to keep an eye on that Buffy girl. When she saw she wasn’t in the lobby she looked out of the glass front and saw the blonde still standing outside staring off somewhere.
Drusilla grinned maliciously and turned to give Spike a sweet simpering smile.

“I’ll be right up sweetie take William up and get settled in okay.” Drusilla smiled choosing to ignore the exasperated and obviously pissed off look on Spike’s face.
She turned and headed outside stopping just behind Buffy.
“He’s mine you know.”

Buffy jumped at the interruption and turned around, away from the sunset which she had made a habit of watching and stared stony faced at the woman in front of her.
“What are you talking about?” Buffy asked playing dumb.
“Don’t act innocent with me Blondie! Spike told me all about your little relationship” Dru sneered putting extra emphasis on the last word.
“Thanks by the way for keeping him entertained while he was away.” Dru smiled at the look of confusion and hurt on the blondes face.

“What? You think he cares about you? Honestly!” Drusilla cackled making Buffy feel utterly pathetic.
“He does. He loves me.” Buffy said quietly flinching as that earned another laugh out of the raven haired woman.
“Please! You were just a distraction dearie. What do you think kept him occupied on the boat? Me. He loves me not you and your a fool to think otherwise…all that pent up sexual tension he had from being stuck on an island with a pathetic excuse for a shag like you and he couldn’t get enough of me!” Drusilla absolutely delighted in the look on Buffy’s face as the girl visibly paled and tears welled in her eyes.

“Your lying.” Buffy said lamely.
“Im not and deep down you know it. You could never get his love…so im warning you, stay away from my husband. Im his family.” Drusilla warned coldly lifting her nose up and walking away.

Later that night Buffy sat on the end of her bed flicking through the channels but not really watching anything. It was scary how much had changed since the crash and Buffy still hadn’t yet taken it in fully. she was startled by the knock on the door and she sighed waking tiredly to the door not up for a confrontation right now so she hoped it wasn’t Drusilla the mad bitch coming to attack her or something.

She opened the door and raised an eyebrow at Willow, Tara, Fred, Anya and Cordelia all stood there with bags upon bags of sweets, armfuls of pizza and a bag full of videos.
“We thought you could do with a girly night.” Willow smiled at her obviously wondering what her reaction would be.
Buffy just smiled nodding her head and gesturing for them all too come in.

“Don’t you guys have better things to do than get stuck with me?” Buffy questioned.
“Nope. We all just wanna get settled slowly…im not exactly comfortable around crowds right now after so long with just us. I don’t think I could deal with going out.” Tara shook her head.
“yep and all our families are waiting at home for us. We sent all the boys away too…Xander was not pleased.” Willow smiled

Buffy just gave a little smile and didn’t say anything as everyone settled on her bed not one of them even attempting to go put a movie in the video player all just sat there awkwardly waiting for someone to talk. Buffy sighed knowing exactly what they all wanted too talk about and she started to fiddle with stray strands that were dangling off her sweatshirt.

“So your up the duff huh?…OW!” Anya yelped when she received a painful elbow from a frowning Cordelia.
Buffy rolled her eyes at Anya’s usual bluntness and just shrugged nodding her head.
“So have you told Spike?” Fred asked eagerly happy that they had actually been able to get to talk to Buffy about this.
“No and im not going to,” Buffy shrugged once more trying to act indifferent.
“What!? But Buffy you have too. He deserves to know.” Willow said without thinking.

“Yeah well I thought I deserved to know he had a wife, a pregnant wife.” Buffy snapped angrily earning a sheepish look from Willow.
“Yeah of course im sorry, I didn’t think.” Willow said apologetically.

“Yeah but Willow is right you should tell him. He loves you I know he does, and your so miserable without him.” Tara said rubbing a soothing hand up and down Buffy’s back.
“No im not miserable. Im tired. Tired of everything. Im sick of this world and all the people in it. That’s all anyone does is lie and im tired of it.” Buffy sighed and everyone went quiet at the utter lack of feeling behind her words. She really seemed completely burnt out.

“He told me on the boat coming here that he loved me not her but he couldn’t leave her cause she has his child. Then she tells me that he’s loved her all along and he just played me. I don’t know what to believe to be honest and either way I end up alone so to sum it up…im just tired.” Buffy finished looking sadly at all her new and only friends who all stared back with compassion.

“Tell him Buffy. He loves you. Its so obvious its scary. He worships the ground at your feet and the only reason he’s with that crazy witch is because of the kid and he doesn’t even know if he’s the father!” Willow urged her.
“He might not be the father?” Tara asked her hopefully, smiling when Willow nodded.
“See you still cou-”
“no. It doesn’t change anything Tara. He picked her.” Buffy sighed.

“look im pretty beat guys do you mind if I take a rain check on the whole girly fun thing.” Buffy said silently thanking them for their understanding as one by one the got up to leave all giving her hugs or kisses till only Willow remained. She hugged Buffy tightly and turned to leave but just before she left the room she turned back to Buffy.

“And just to let you know. He didn’t pick her, he’s just doing what he thinks is right...he'd pick you over her any day.” And with that Willow left the room deeply worried for her friend.





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