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Chapter 7:

They lay there for a moment. Spike lay draped over her while she laid beneath him her legs still not unlocked from around his waist. Both tense for two different reasons. Spike for wanting to know how she would react for him calling out Cordy’s name and her trying to come to terms with him calling out the other woman’s name.

He didn’t look at her as he untangled himself from her body and began to do up his jeans and she turned away as she pulled her jeans back up and attempted to hold the torn shreds of her shirt together. She had yet to even look at him. She knew if she did she might cry and that was the last thing she wanted to happen.

She had let it happen again. She had let people in again and what did she get. Pain. Like she always did. She had learnt at the tender age of 15 that she shouldn’t trust people and she meets Spike and all that gets blown to hell. He actually made her believe she could trust people again and now she felt like her insides had been torn apart.

“You still want my forgiveness?” Spike spoke quietly his voice devoid of emotion. He still felt angry and hurt by what she had said to him before and her treatment of him but he couldn’t help feel the guilt that overwhelmed him. He could tell he had hurt her badly but he was determined not to care.
She finally looked up at him with those beautiful hazel eyes and he almost cried himself at the tears that were brimming there.

“Im sorry. I really am. I didn’t mean to say those things but…I guess you really won’t forgive me. I… I wish…Cordelia huh?.” She choked out through the tears that were clogging her throat.
“Yes Cordelia.” He said twisting the knife in that little bit further.

He saw her nod her head in acceptance before she turned stumbling back into the trees to the right. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath fighting off the need to go find her and apologise. He couldn’t bring himself to leave for over ten minutes and when he finally got to the beach and saw Buffy’s shelter with her t-shirt hanging on a line outside he almost broke down completely.


Buffy in the meanwhile stumbled through the jungle blindly. Her eyes were filled with tears and were too blurry to see anything so she just hoped for the best and kept on stumbling through just needing to get away…anywhere. She just needed to be away from the pain. Again she felt like she had no escape and she gasped for breath.

How had this happened!
She loved Spike! Spike! She had only know him a month!
7 years of not letting anyone close to me. Not letting my walls down and then Spike manages to bulldoze them all in a matter of weeks.

He’s with Cordelia.

The thought of him and her together. Kissing, moaning, the look of wonder in his eye when he slowly…

No no no! She held her hands to her head trying to get rid of the images tormenting her brain. She had never felt more devastated in her life and she fully realised what she had done to him. Sure she had only thought of him when he had sex with her but she used him as an escape to get away and so did he. He used her to get away to pretend he was with Cordelia.

She let out a pain filled sob and didn’t even notice the log blocking the way in front of her. She stumbled forward and spotted it too late. Her ankle twisted as she stumbled over it and she fell sideward’s. Instead of landing painfully on the ground however she felt her stomach roll as she fell sideways onto a steep embankment.

She tried to grab onto a branch sticking out of the side but she was so disoriented from the tears she missed and fell, landing at least 10 feet below into a gully. Her head hit a stone with a sickening thud and the world went blissfully black.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Spike awoke to the sound of panicked voices outside. He had gone to bed early complaining of a headache and he had just laid there as the full force of what he had done came to him. He had acted like a bloody bastard. There was no need for him to be so rough with her and there was no need to bloody bring Cordelia into it! As if he could have ever thought of her when he was with Buffy.

They were incomparable and he could only image how she must be feeling right now, cause if she had moaned Angels name while he had been with her he would have probably tried to drown himself. The voices outside got louder and he frowned to himself.

“What’s going on?” Spike asked as he stepped out of his shelter too see everyone standing around looking slightly panicked.
“Oh Spike!” Cordelia cried throwing herself into his arms. He rolled his eyes and pushed her away.
“Enough! God I’ve told you stay away from me!” he grumbled. Pulling a clean t-shirt on and moving away from the infuriating brunette.

“Spike have you seen Buffy?” Tara asked worriedly.
Spike gulped and his eyes went wide at the question.
Why are they asking me that? What’s happened?
“No not since yesterday why?” Spike asked cautiously.
“She didn’t come back to camp last night.” Wesley informed him watching as the colour drained completely from Spike’s face.

“What the hell do you mean she didn’t come back!? Why didn’t anyone go look for her!?” Spike bellowed his panic was making him angry and he pulled his boots on quickly.
“Well she used to stay out in the jungle till late before and we just assumed she had decided to stay up for a bit…we fell asleep and when we woke up…” Wesley trailed off.


Spike didn’t wait for anything else and took off running into the jungle, with everyone except Cordelia trailing behind.
“Wait we need to organise this.” Giles gasped out.
“There’s not enough time! What if she’s hurt?” Spike cried out. A soft hand rested on his shoulder and he turned to see Tara looking at him calmly. He could see the worry in her eyes too but she was reassuring all the same.

“Okay groups! Spike Xander, Tara and Willow. you go that way! Fred Gunn, Anya and Riley go that way. Wesley Angel, Oz and I will go this way. Go!” Giles ordered and everyone scattered out in their groups.

Almost two hours later Willow and Tara sat on top of a log gasping for breath while Xander stood next to them nursing a stitch. Spike was not to far away shouting.
“Buffy! Buffy! Are you there!?” Spike shouted hoarsely. Two hour of shouting had strained his voice and he swigged from his bottle of water. It was so damn hot.

“Guys what are we gunna do?” Xander asked worriedly watching as a frantic Spike run too and fro.
“I don’t know. If we don’t find her tonight…” Willow trailed off not wanting to think about it.
“There’s no way Spike’s gunna stop till we find her.” Tara sighed standing up once again and on sore feet she began walking again.

6 hours later:

“Spike you need to stop.” Tara tried to reason with him pushing him down onto a rock and pushing a bottle into his mouth. He took it gratefully as he tried to keep his eyes open.
“Spike we have to go back to camp…everyone’s waiting for us.” Tara tried to convince him. Xander and Willow had gone back ages ago for rest and Tara was desperately trying to convince Spike.

“No…not leaving…her.” Spike croaked out.
“Spike we have walked around this island over a dozen times. The other groups have also searched over a dozen times. If we haven’t found her yet we aren’t going to find her today.” Tara reasoned.
“And if…we don’t find…her today…she’ll…” Spike trailed off as tears poured down his face and he cried into Tara’s shoulder.

“Shhh come on Spike. We can try tomorrow. Maybe she just wants to hide away for a bit. You know how she likes her alone time. Maybe she doesn’t want to be found.” Tara smiled reassuringly.
“Or maybe she’s dead.” Spike finished blankly draining his water bottle and trudging back to the beach his shoulders slumped. And a defeated air about him.

“Do you think she’s still alive?” Xander asked nervously as they all sat around the camp fire. They were all too edgy to sleep except for Spike who had fallen into an exhausted sleep almost an hour ago.
“She has to be.” Willow cried.

“Fred what are the chances of her surviving?” Angel asked.
“Depends on what’s happened to her. I mean…if some sort of animal…got her…I mean…I’d doubt she’ll be…alive and even if she was…with the supplies we have…I wouldn’t be able to do much. If she’s hurt herself then…well she’s been missing since around 5’oclock yesterday. That’s 26 hours ago. The nights are freezing without any blankets and the days are boiling and with no water….” Fred trailed off stating just how grim the outlook was.

“Not the bad side. On the good side. What are the chances?” Tara asked.
Fred shrugged and looked at her boyfriend for comfort. Gunn immediately locked his arms around her in a show of support and kissed her head softly.
“We have to find her before tomorrow night. I…I thinks that’s the limit…” Fred sighed. A morbid silence filled everyone as they all got lost in their own thoughts.





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