Fred emerged from inside the hut looking strained and Spike focused on a small patch of blood she had on her hand, watching in horrified fascination as she swept a stray piece of hair behind her ear causing a red streak to smudge across her face.

“How is she Fred?” Anya asked surprising everyone with the worry in her voice. She usually was just blunt and indifferent but she actually looked as if she cared for once.
“She’s okay for now I think. I set her leg and cleaned the wound I just have to keep it clean but it should be fine. I cleaned the cut on the back of her head too…I don’t know how bad that actually is though until she wakes up. She’ll probably have a minor concussion we’ll have to wait and see.” Fred sighed.

“She’s really dehydrated too. She’s lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time and we’re gunna have to keep giving her water regularly but slowly. She might have a few cuts and bruises but they’re all minor.” Fred informed them all looking from one sombre face to another.
“Is she awake?” Spike asked.

“No…I think she’s going to be out for awhile I gave her a pretty strong sedative and some antibiotics for the pain she probably wont wake up till tomorrow and even then she’ll be so muddled from the heat, the head, the drugs and the dehydration she probably wont even remember her name properly.”
“Where’d you get a sedative from?” Anya asked in confusion.
“Someone had them in their suitcase.” Fred shrugged sitting down next to Gunn and closing her eyes enjoying the comfort he gave her in a simple hug.

“I’ll watch over her tonight.” Angel offered.
“No I’ll do it.” Spike answered instantly almost out of his seat to go to Buffy.
“No Spike you won’t help. You’re exhausted you need your rest almost as much as she does.” Willow encouraged him to sit back down gently nodding to Angel and he stood up walking into the hut where Buffy lay asleep.
“I want to be with her.” Spike whined.

“And you can in the morning now come on.” Willow eased him up and led him into another shelter watching over him until he fell into a much needed sleep. Which didn’t take long.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Spike lay perfectly still staring into the wood grain to his side. Everything was dead silent outside and the sun was no where near rising yet but still Spike was wide awake. When he had woken up he had immediately run outside to see Buffy but was surprised to see that it was still pitch black. He had stared at the hut which he knew Buffy was in for a long minute before trudging back into his shelter and rolling his eyes at Xander and Willow who were wrapped tightly around each other.

Its official im fucking nuts.

Spike had prided himself on always being rather strong but now…
Buffy had some how wormed her way in and it truly scared him. Spike was an all or nothing guy, he had only ever cared for two women in his life but when he fell he fell hard. The last few years Spike had hardened. Ever since Drusilla the meaning of his entire existence had decided to fuck around with every guy she laid eyes on he had hardened. He’d become some sort of man slut which he had always sworn to never be but Drusilla had crushed all respect he had for women…or so he thought.

And in comes Buffy. She captivated him. She made him want to go back to being the devoted wimp he had been before. Made him feel things he had never even thought he would feel again and he had only known her a month! She was the most secretive, untrusting, messed up and confused woman he had ever met…but when he looked at her he saw perfection.

She made him want to know everything about her. He wanted to know Why she didn’t trust people, why she liked to be alone all the damn time, why she pushes everyone away and the thought that he may never know the answers terrified him.

He groaned loudly and buried his face into his hands.

Bloody hell.


“Hey.”
Angel jumped up startled by the softly spoken word. He stared at Spike in surprise and confusion for a second before realising he had fallen asleep.
“Hey, she hasn’t woken up yet.” Angel yawned rubbing his bloodshot eyes.

“Okay you can go now mate. Get some sleep.” Spike nodded moving closer to Buffy not looking at Angel as he left the tent. He knelt down next to Buffy brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face. Even with black bags under her eyes and a deathly pale face Spike had never seen a more beautiful woman.

“Buffy…sweetie I’m so sorry.” Spike whimpered in her ear already feeling the tears well in his eyes.
“I should never have treated you like that no matter how much of a bitch you treated me.” Spike let out a strained laugh. He continued to stroke her hair softly and gave in to the fight of trying to keep his tired eyes open; he rested his head onto Buffy’s stomach and drifted off with his hand still tangled in her hair.

“rghs” Spike mumbled unintelligibly as a hand pushed at his shoulder. Not until he heard the voice whisper Spike did he realise where he was and his eyes shot open meeting the luminous hazel eyes staring back at him.
“Buffy!?” he smiled in relief grabbing a hold of a trembling hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it causing Buffy to smile weakly.

“What happened?” She whimpered out raising a hand to her painful throat. Spike immediately held a bottle of water to her lips and tipped a little into her mouth.
“You must have fallen down the embankment fell into a gully and knocked your head.” Spike informed her.
“How long was I…”

“37 hours around about.” Spike interrupted straight away staring down at her with sad eyes.
“I thought I’d lost you.” Spike choked out running a hand down her cheek and smiling softly when she closed her eyes and turned into the contact.
“No…im still here.” Buffy joked lamely staring at anything but Spike.

He doesn’t like you Buffy he hates you remember that.

Spike frowned when she looked away form him and he sat back on his haunches removing all contact from her.
“I'm sorry you know.” Spike said almost a minute later.
Buffy turned her head back to look at him with a confused look on her face.
“Sorry for what?”
“About what I said before you ran off…for what I did…Buffy I-”

“Spike please. I know okay. I get it its okay you’re sorry.” Buffy gulped determined not to let her emotions show too much.
“No Buffy seriously I don’t think you unders-”

“Spike please I don’t want to know about it okay…can you go get Fred please?” She asked pleadingly. Spike nodded and exited the tent. The next person to walk through the entrance was a smiling Fred. Buffy was both relieved and disappointed that Spike didn’t follow behind.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Almost a week later and Buffy was back to nearly full health. Apart from her leg she felt brilliant and she was very happy to be out with the group again. A niggling part of her brain however wouldn’t let her forget the part where whenever she saw Spike he either paid no attention to her or very little. Although she did understand. He was with Cordelia. So there was no need for him to talk to her really.

Which was why she was surprised to see Spike trudging up the beach towards her. The group had all gone out on an expedition, they all wanted to go swimming by the waterfall she and Spike had found and with reassurances that she would be fine they had left no more than ten minutes ago.

“Hey.” Spike greeted awkwardly.
“Hey too you to.” Buffy smiled at him.
“Where is everyone?” Spike asked looking around as if hoping they would all appear.
“They went swimming almost ten minutes ago.”

Spike stood there indecisively. On one hand he didn’t want to spend alone time with Buffy. She had the ability to crush his heart and that’s all he needed. On the other hand however he couldn’t just leave her here alone.
“You wanna sit?” Buffy asked patting the place next to her which Spike immediately sat in.
“Does it hurt? Your leg?” Spike asked nervously trying anything to start the conversation up.
“No not anymore really. Aches sometimes or when I bang it.” Buffy responded.

They lapsed into silence for a bit that wasn’t exactly the most comfortable of situations and they both desperately tried to avoid eye contact with one another.
“I woke up didn’t I? When you found me? I remember your face hovering over me.” Buffy gave him a thankful look and smiled when she saw the embarrassed flush appear on his checks. Boy does he not like being thanked for things.

“Yer you did pet. Called me dad too.” Spike chuckled but abruptly stopped when he saw Buffy’s face drain of colour and a look of dread settle on her face.
“What is it?” Spike asked worriedly.
“Nothing…nothing just…did I say anything else?” She asked nervously chewing on her bottom lip delicately.
“No…” Spike trailed off waiting for her to explain but she didn’t she just sat there looking a tad relieved but he could still see the almost terror on her face.
“Buffy what’s the matter?” Spike questioned.

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” She shrugged.
“You’re always fucking doing that! You ignore things! It’s not wrong to show your emotions Buff! If you go through your life hiding away you’ll never fucking live!” Spike snarled his sudden anger shocking Buffy.
“Maybe I don’t like showing my emotions and at least I won’t get hurt this way.” She responded giving him an offended look.

“You won’t listen to me when I apologise for what I did the day you went missing. You wouldn’t talk to me after we had sex the first time and now I mention the fact you called me dad when you woke up and you look as if I bloody mentioned the damn devil and then you won’t explain why!” Spike growled giving up completely. He stood up and strode away angrily.

“Spike! Please! Wait!” Buffy shouted after him, he stopped and turned to look back at her. Buffy could see the anger in his eyes but she could also see the hurt and the confusion.

It’s about time I owe him an explanation.





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