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Author's Chapter Notes:
To all my readers and reviewers, I love you all. For the impatient among you who jumped to AFF to read more. Tut Tut, but thank you. Please all thank Mollie, Tori, Eve and Spikesmrs who hassled me to put it up here. If not for them this story would have stayed on AFF
Chapter 16 – Realisations

Lying in bed staring at the ceiling, William knew he had crossed the line. How could he face sweet innocent Buffy knowing what he had turned into? He had not let anyone bugger him since boarding school yet the night before he had welcomed it and even sucked cock. He had to break the engagement and soon.

The question in his mind was how the engagement could be broken when the announcement was in the papers that day. He had heard his man answer the door many times this morning; he knew that there would be many invitations on his study desk when he finally rose.

Maybe he should tell Buffy the truth. His mind quickly ruled that out. How do you start a conversation with an almost innocent girl in which you have to tell her how debauched you have become. He knew he had gone down too far to drag himself back up again. Could he become a better man?

He thought about his feelings for Buffy. He had known her but a few days yet she was on his mind constantly. Her beautiful green eyes haunted him, and the way she kissed could bring him to his knees. He had already gone further with her than he intended in such a short time. A few stolen kisses are all they should have shared and yet she had taken him to heaven and back with her mouth.

His mood brightened when he thought that he would only see her for one month of the year when she was packed away to the northern estates. He could carry on his debauched life with Dru and she would never need to know. Angelus only came home for one month a year and during that month he would go north to see his wife and bed her then.

A sudden thought came into his mind and he sat up abruptly. Drusilla was on her own for eleven months of the year and in that time she took many lovers including him. He was the only constant and he realised that he held this position because he was willing to share Dru’s charms.

It never occurred to him that he was the one being shared.

Would Buffy do that to him while he was away? He already knew what a sensuous creature she was. With a few lessons she would be a formidable lover. Anger rose within him. No man would touch Buffy but him, but how could he enforce such a regimen on her when he was not willing to part from Drusilla.

He realised that he did not want to give either woman up. He did not care that Drusilla shared her favours because he believed she loved him. Buffy on the other hand was a different matter. He could never share Buffy with anyone. He wanted to be her only lover.

What a coil he had managed to weave for himself. He knew in his heart that if he kept up his relationship with Dru he would eventually hurt Buffy and he could not do that.

Rising from the bed he made a decision. He would talk this out with Drusilla and hopefully she would be able to advise him.

Calling on Drusilla during daylight hours was not an easy matter. He could not go up to the front door and ask to speak to the mistress of the house. Maybe it would be best if he sent round a note asking her to meet him somewhere. The meeting place came to him in a flash; he would ask to meet her in the Green Park. Hardly anyone went there and they could meet and talk amongst the trees. With any luck they would not be seen.

Resolving to get this over with as quickly as possible he rang for his bath. Within minutes his valet had brought him coffee and scones and he quickly disposed of them while he waited for his bath to be filled.

Tenderly he sank into the bath. He was still sore from the evening before he resolved to take his curricle to the park and he did not think he would enjoy riding. Rising from his bath he wrapped himself in warm towels and called to his valet to get his writing materials. He must ask for this meeting quickly before he changed his mind.

Calling for John Coachman he handed the man his missive. John knew exactly where to deliver it, and after instructing him that he must await a reply, William allowed his valet to dress him. He wanted to look his best as he would visit Buffy as soon as he had finished with Dru.



Drusilla’s reply stated that she would meet him at the appointed time and hinted that they may do more than talk. He did not want to be with Drusilla just before meeting Buffy and he resolved to refuse her this time. It would not be easy but he did not feel he could go from Drusilla to Buffy in the same day. He wondered when he had grown a conscience as it had never been evident before.

As soon as his curricle was brought from the mews William strode from the house. Electing to drive himself he dismissed the groom and took the reins. He made quickly for the park.

He had to wait for Dru for over forty-five minutes before she finally appeared. He had started to get anxious that she would not come when he had noticed her black mare entering the park. Drusilla was dressed in the height of fashion in a deep red riding habit. Her hat had a veil which covered her face and he thanked the Gods that she had had the presence of mind to wear such an ornament today. If they were seen at least she would not be easily recognised.

She sat ram-rod straight in the saddle and he watched her as her head turned this way and that looking for him. When she spied him she cantered her mount towards him. Seeing him sitting in the curricle she laughed. “Can’t you ride today William?” she asked still laughing at him. “Saddle too hard today?”

William scowled at her and in a way was glad she had alluded to their activities of the night before. At least it would give him a starting point in the conversation.

“Hello Dru, you are looking charming today?”

“I know dearie,” she replied. “But I have to keep my skin covered at all times. I do not like the daylight. I was made for the dark.”

William took her meaning immediately. “Yes my love. You were definitely made for the dark”

Drusilla twittered at him prettily. “Why did you ask for us to meet here William, was last night not enough for you. Do you want me so much that we have to be in the open air amongst the cows?”

“I want to talk about last night Dru,” William spoke softly. “I cannot go ahead with this marriage knowing that I want to spend my nights with you and not my wife.”

Drusilla’s face distorted in anger and she spoke to William through gritted teeth, “Angelus is cutting my allowance William. I need money badly to pay some debts. Your new wife will bring you fifty thousand on the marriage and ten thousand a year thereafter. That will be more than enough for us to live on.”

William was appalled. “Us, Drusilla?” he queried, “We are not a couple. You are not free and you will not divorce him so why should I keep you?”

“Who do you think pays for your entertainments William?” Drusilla replied her voice rising in her anger. “Do you think that the entertainment you have received over the last few nights comes cheap? I need money William and you will get it for me from your whey-faced bride.” Drusilla drew a long breath and carried on. “You will marry the chit because I say so and you will still come to me each night. Bed your wife before you come to me if you must, but you will come to me.”

William stared at Drusilla in astonishment. She had never spoken to him in that way in the ten years they had been together. She had always seemed to be a bit soft in the head and that was what had drawn him to her. He had wanted to protect her from the world and keep her safe from harm. Where were the burning baby fishes now?

He made another attempt for her to see his point of view. “I love you Drusilla, but it against my honour to use my wife’s money to keep you.”

Drusilla threw her head back and laughed heartily. “Do you expect me to sleep with you for love William?” she drawled. She bent forward against her horses neck and almost spat at him in the curricle. “I own you William. You belong to me. You have belonged to me since you came to London as a green youth from the north. I made you William and I will never let you go.”

William was lost for words. He stared at her realising that she never loved him. She had used him for years to slake her lust while Angelus was away. He suddenly felt un-clean.

“I love you Drusilla, I have from the moment I set eyes on you.”

“You don’t love me you stupid boy. You love what we do in bed and you have become addicted to it. You think I care for you?” she spat at him, venom in her voice. “You’re beneath me William. You always have been and you always will be. You were a toy to be played with and you joined the game of your own will. I tell Liam how much of a lapdog you are and he laughs at you. I have told him of the things I make you do and how you enjoy every minute. You were made to be my plaything William and I am not ready to throw out my toy just yet.”

Anger like he had never felt before rose within William. “This liaison is at an end Drusilla. I never want to set eyes on you again in my life. You are a black-hearted bitch who has used me for years and I now realise that I let you.”

Drusilla laughed hard. “I give you a week of your simpering virgin and you will be back at my door for the pleasure I can give you.” She looked at him with a coldness in her eyes that he had never seen before. “You will never be able to give me up. I have made sure of that. You need me to survive William. You are nothing without me.”

With her comments ringing in his ears she turned her horse and rode from the park.





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