Chapter 5

Buffy had never meant to lie.

Not to Riley, not to Spike and not even to herself. But some kind of survival instinct kicked in the moment she saw the two pink lines of the home pregnancy test so many years ago. Lying had, at the time, seemed like the most logical thing to do. It wasn’t going to hurt anyone—not as much as the truth would. She did it to protect Jess, Riley and ultimately, herself. No one stood to gain anything but pain from the truth.

As she stood looking into the eyes of Jess’s father the same instincts of survival kicked in again. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for the worst.

“So, I guess that’s one question I have wanted an answer to for the last seventeen years, answered,” Spike spat the words out bitterly making Buffy take a step back as though the words themselves would hit her in the heart.

“What question?”

“Whether on not Helen Barnes really ever existed?”

“And my question of if you would recognise me if we passed in the street has been answered as well.” She fidgeted with her skirt trying to make light of the situation, not wanting to fully grasp what was happening.

“Why did you lie?” He was trying to hide it but she could see the pain in his eyes.

“Why do you care? You got what you wanted; a nice roll in the hay. Sorry if I didn’t think that a one night stand was going to be the start of a beautiful relationship,” Buffy let fly—after all the hell she had gone through raising Jessica on her own, Spike was angry that she’d given him a fake name. What about the child he had given her?

‘The child he doesn’t know about.’ That would be the reason why. She had no right to be angry at Spike because she had given him no rights to be a father. She took a deep breath and took stock of her emotions in order to deal with issue at hand.

“Look, I’m sorry I lied to you seventeen years ago, but unless I left you with some kind of bad credit rating I don’t think now is the time or the place to be bringing this up. Let’s try to be adults and discuss the issue at hand.”

“Your daughter Jessica.” She could see Spike slip into teacher mode and was grateful for the respite from the current integration.

“Yes, what did she do this time?”

“She skipped class, and I’m worried about her.” He made his way around to his desk and pulled out a rather thick file, Buffy could only assume it was Jess’s records. “Over the past year her marks have slowly fallen. Surely you yourself have seen a change in her.”

“Yes, I have, its called puberty.”

Flashback

“Why are you even here, Spike? This doesn’t seem like your kind of deal at all,” Buffy said to him, sifting the sand through her fingers while keeping one eye on the party and Cordy.

“It’s not, Helen.”

Buffy still wasn’t used to the fake name. She’d given it enough so she should have been, but she wasn’t. And for some reason, the idea of Spike saying her real name was something she really wanted to hear.

“I’m planning on moving to the States and some friends promised to ‘show me a good time’. This was their idea of a good time. It wasn’t mine.”

“Who was that girl you were talking to?”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Harmony something or other. Annoying gnat, she was. She actually told me that I must speak really good English, since I was, ya know, English and all.”

Buffy burst out laughing before asking, “She didn’t?”

“She did,” Spike replied, smiling. Her smiles were contagious. “What’s your story pet?”

“Not much of one. My friend dragged me here too. I thought it might be fun until well…”

“Until I tackled you?”

Buffy felt a blush coming on. Sure, he had literally tackled her, but what if he tackled her in a different way? Bad Buffy, she thought, You have a boyfriend. One that you love too.

“Actually, until I realized you were right about the roofie. That tends to put a damper on the fun.”

“You know what I was thinking when I walked away from you?”

“What?” she asked, turning her head to look at him.

He looked at her soulfully. “I was thinking that all I wanted to do was learn your name.”

She blinked at him. “Really?”

He nodded and smiled softly. “I’m glad I did.”

She pointed a finger at him. “No funny business, mister.”

He laughed and held up his hands. “None whatsoever. Unless you wanted it.”

She gave him a look and he laughed again.

End Flashback

“I think it’s a bit more than that.” His eyes were as still as blue as she remembered, and staring into them she could feel herself getting lost all over again.

“And what makes you an expert on my daughter?” She already knew the answer. He was her father and even though he didn’t know it she got the sense he was going above and beyond his call of duty.

“Well being an expert hasn’t helped you any.”

“Do you speak to all parents this way because I have gotta say your bedside manner not so great.”

“Well we both know that’s not true.” The sparkle in his eye did something to her insides she wasn’t quite ready to face. How did he do it? Five minutes and she was turning into a silly school girl. The same silly school girl who had slept with him all those years ago. This was not a good time to get off track.

“So about Jess, what’s happening to make her grades slip?” She asked trying to stay in safer territory.

“Well I was hoping you could tell me. Has anything changed at home?”

“No. I have provided a stable environment for her, always have. No matter how hard it was.” Why was he giving her the feeling she had to justify her actions?

“A new boyfriend perhaps?” he asked.

“No, Jess isn’t allowed to date until she is seventeen.”

“I was talking about you.”

Buffy was outraged was he trying to hit on her again?

“I don’t see how that is any of your business.”

“Sometimes when a parent gets a new partner a child can act out to grab back some of the attention she feels she has lost.”

“My daughter has my full attention, Mr Mayne.”

“Yet somehow you didn’t know her grades were falling.”

“Listen, why are you taking such an interest in my daughter?”

“I don’t know, I guess I see myself in her.”





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