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Author's Chapter Notes:
Same as Chapter 1
Chapter 2-

Buffy had moved to the swing and thought about what had happened. All those hateful words she’d said to him. If he saw it in her eyes, why couldn’t he believe what he saw?

When Willow and Dawn pulled up half hour later, they hadn’t seen Buffy sitting on the swing. It wasn’t until they come up the steps, that they’d seen her.

“Willow, look, why is Buffy out here?” Dawn asked, worriedly, as she looked at her friend.

“I don’t know.”

Dawn ran over to her sister, noticing that Buffy was in her rob. “Are you ok?” There was a bit of chill to the air and Dawn pulled her sister to her feet. “Come inside.”

Buffy went willingly with her sister and friend, and they made themselves comfortable in the living room sofa. Willow set the DVD’s that she and Dawn picked out earlier on the table and then sat on the other side of Buffy. “What’s the matter?”

“What‘s wrong with me?” Buffy asked her friend.

“Dawnie, go make some popcorn ok, and we’ll watch the kiddie movie you picked out, ok?”

“But…” Dawn protested.

“Go!”

Dawn crossed her arms over her chest defiantly and stomped away, mumbling to herself, “I never get to stay for these kinds of conversations.”

When Dawn was out of rang, Willow asked, “Why would you ask me that, Buffy?”

Buffy brushed her tears away. “Answer the question, Wil.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Willow responded honestly. “Just tell me what’s wrong. I know there’s something bothering you, otherwise, you wouldn’t be a mushy mess.”

“Nothing.” The slayer shook her head. She couldn’t tell her friend what went on, but she knew deep down, Willow would be the one to trust with this.

“Buffy, you know you can trust me. I know I’ve done some bad things in the past, but, you have to know, I’m here for you.” Willow sighed, feeling bad for her friend. Whatever it was, really got her in a tizzy.

Something is been bothering Buffy and it has been for awhile. I wonder if it has anything to do with Spike. They started to get close around the time of the singing and dancing catastrophe that Xander caused. She silently giggled to herself.

“Come on, Buffy, you’ve got some splany to do,” Willow said after a few moments to lighten the serious mood. “I’ve got eyes.”

“What?” Buffy looked up at Willow, believing that she knew what had been going on between her and Spike. “I didn’t…we didn’t tell anybody, Willow, it just sort of happened. I couldn’t help myself when I was around him. He made me feel…alive.” Buffy took a breath and then asked. “How’d you know?”

Willow just giggled.
“What?” Buffy asked surprised.

“You just told me.” Willow giggled again.

“Hey, you tricked me.” A smile spread across the slayer’s face. “Did you really know?” Buffy was suddenly feeling some what better, but the ache in her heart had not gone away.

“Well, no, not really, I knew that you were getting closer, especially at your birthday party.” Willow crossed her legs, giving off a fun grin. “You wanna know what really convinced me of something, it wasn’t the stolen glances you gave to each other…” Willow elbowed Buffy playfully, “It was this amazing chemistry you two shared. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve always chemistry, but this was something different. It was love.”

Buffy was shocked. She didn’t think anyone noticed what was going on, well, other than Tara. “It was that obvious?”

“Totally!” Dawn snuck out of the kitchen.

“What?” Buffy looked like a dear caught in the headlights. “Oh god, even my little sister knew? Oh the humiliation.” Buffy’s face turned crimson color.

Willow and Dawn just giggled. Dawn came into the living and sat down next to Buffy.

“God, I didn’t intend for this to get some complicated.” Buffy ran a hand through her hair. “It was something that just happened. At first, I was just using him and Spike was totally fine with that, but I began to abuse him, use him for my own pleasure, but the lines begun to blur.” She turned towards Willow, tears welling in her eyes, “I wasn’t very nice to him, Willow. No he’s gone. I didn’t even get a chance t tell him how I felt…He wanted to know and I was so horrible to him.” Buffy began to cry again.

Willow and Dawn hugged Buffy. “I know, sweetie, I know.” Willow took a deep breath. She knew that hurt all to well, she‘d been there before when she was still with Oz. “Maybe you should go find him, tell him how you feel.”

“I can’t,” Buffy sat up. “I’m sure that he’s long gone by now. He said that he wasn’t going to stay.”

“What?” Dawn asked incredulously. “Buffy, why did you send him away? He loves you! He‘d never try to hurt you. You should have just told him how you felt. You didn‘t have to hurt him.”

Way to make Buffy feel better! Buffy thought to herself with a sigh.

“Dawnie, hold on. Buffy was just confused. I’m sure she was afraid to admit the truth to herself and to Spike. We all get scared,” the sensible Willow spoke up and Buffy vigorously nodded.

“All the times that he asked me, I could never admit what I truly felt. Today was the first time I’d even come close, but even then, I couldn’t. I said some hateful, hurtful things to him.” Buffy began to cry again. “He said that he wasn’t going to wait, that he was tried of being love’s bitch.”

Dawn handed Buffy a tissue and she watched as her sister dapped at her eyes.

“He said that?” Willow said, feeling the wave of hurt coming from her friend. Buffy nodded with a sniffled. “He didn’t mean it Buffy. He was just upset. We all say things that we don’t mean, in the heat of an argument.”

But Buffy didn’t believe that.





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