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Wesley walked up and stood next to me. “He's, uh, anagogic.” I turned my confused eyes to him and he smiled. “Psychic. He's connected to the mystic. When you sing, you bare your soul. He sees into it. Kind of like seeing your path.”

I held up my hands. “Whoa, whoa. Buffy and singing are unmixy things. I mean, there was that one time, but that was because of a singing demon guy, and we all sang and told our secrets and then…all was bad!” I rambled until I saw a familiar shock of red hair in the doorway behind Lorne. “Oz!”

I launched myself into my friend’s arms. He was the perfect size to hug, an inch taller than me. I pulled back from the embrace to see Oz’s goofy grin. I turned back to my new friends. “Wesley, you remember Oz.” He nodded and they shook hands. Very manly. “And this is Fred and Lorne.” He shook hands with the others as well.

“What’s this I hear about you singing?” he grinned at me.

“I’m not gonna!” I admonished.

“I have my acoustic in the van. I’ll go grab it, and then you can sing ‘Stay.’”

As I tried to tell him no, Lorne clamped a hand over my mouth. “That sounds fabulous, Oz. Well, move this party down to Angel’s office, where there’s lots more room.” With that, he drug me down through the halls into the spacious office. Of course, I could have broken free of Lorne at any moment and we both knew it, but I didn’t. I was curious. What was my path anyway?

Angel and Gunn were in the office. They looked up in surprise when we, Wes, Fred, Lorne and I, came crashing into the room. “What are you doing in here? Gunn and I are talking about a client…” Angel whined.

“I’m going to read this petite crème before she scampers back across the pond,” Lorne explained.

“Can’t you do that in YOUR office.”

“Yours is bigger and closer to where we already were.” I really liked Lorne. It was nice to hear someone dismiss Angel in such a way. It was refreshing. I wasn’t seeing Angel with the rose colored glasses of my youth. Spike had taught me a lot about vampires, and I knew that Angel had lied to me. About a lot of things. But that was a conversation for another time. Now, I had to sing.

Oz came padding into the room with his guitar case. He set it on the conference table, and pulled out the instrument. “Really Buffy, you have the perfect forum here.” He tuned his guitar as I watched. “You get to spill out emotions you wrote down in a song. No one will judge you for it…except maybe Angel,” he finished.

“No shit,” I muttered under my breath. I turned to face the group. “Ok, I guess I should set this up for you so it makes sense. When I…reconnected with Oz, he came over to the flat a lot and Dawn and I sat down and filled him in on everything that had happened since he left Sunnydale. Everything…no denials. For the first time, I was completely honest about everything that had happened. Not just with Oz and Dawn, but with myself. About my death and resurrection. About past lovers. About Spike…about our relationship, but more importantly, about my feelings…and how far back they went. After all that personal revelationing and a few shots, we wrote this song. I had never intended to sing it in front of anyone but,” I turned to Oz. “You’re right, this is the perfect forum. Only one thing would make this more right, but…” I shrugged. “I’m probably not ready for that kind of honesty anyway.”

Oz began the first lone chords of the song and then I felt it. Spike was in the building and on his way here. Honesty, here we come. I looked at the expectant faces watching me and began.

You say I only hear what I want to
You say I talk so all the time… so.

I could feel him stronger as he left the elevator. He was crossing the lobby. As he opened the door to Angel’s office he caught my eye and stopped.

And I thought what I felt was simple,
and I thought that I don't belong,
and now that I am leaving,
now I know that I did something wrong 'cuz I missed you.
Yeah… I missed you.

I smiled at him as I said it. He slowly walked around the outside of the assembled group until he stood in the front next to Lorne, never taking his eyes from mine.

And you say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard,
I don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no (bad)

I could hear Oz singing my backup, and I turned to glance at him. He gave me an encouraging nod so I faced Spike again.

And so I…I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up
and this woman was singin' my song:
the lover's in love and the other's run away,
the lover is cryin' 'cuz the other won't stay.

Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
dieing since the day they were born.
Well…this is not that:
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.

And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure.

You try to tell me that I'm clever,
but that won't take my anyhow, or anywhere with you.

You said that I was naive,
And I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh but now I know that I was wrong, 'cuz I missed you.

You said you caught me 'cuz you want me and one day you'll let me go.
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cuz you know you're just so scared to lose.
And you say, "Stay."

You say I only hear what I want to.

Spike rushed to me as I finished and gathered me in his arms. “You don’t really think I want to be with you because I’m afraid to lose, do you kitten?”

“There was a time I did, not recently mind you, and I wrote the song for the wealth of emotions I was feeling at the time. I know that’s not what you feel, don’t worry,” I reassured him.

“But you missed me?” There was a desperate note of panic in his voice. William’s insecurities made plain in Spike’s face.

“Oh, god yes.” I snaked my arm around his neck and so my fingers could free his curls from the confines of his gel to play with them. I looked deeply into his eyes. “Hey,” I whispered, “cried a thousand tears for you, remember? I think it’s safe to say that I missed you, don’t you?” I smiled shyly at him.

He returned my smile. “I love you, pet.” His hands that had settled on my hips, gave me a tentative squeeze. His eyes spoke volumes of his feelings. I would have known what he was feeling in that moment had he said nothing at all.

I could only hope that my love for him shone as clearly in my eyes the way his did for me. “I love you, too.”

We immediately found ourselves enveloped in a pair of arms. “Aren’t they just the sweetest couple you have ever seen?” Lorne’s excited question shocked us from drowning in each other. I’m not sure about Spike, but I had completely forgotten there was anyone else in the room. Fred, Wesley, Gunn, and Oz were all watching us with happy smiles on their understanding faces. Lorne was chattering about how darling we were and how we looked made for each other.

Angel glared at us, simply seething. It made me wonder if he had ever really loved me at all. Surely if he had, he would be happy for me, because for the first time since I had been “chosen,” I was happy. Really happy. If he loved me, that should have been enough for him. But no, after all this time, the only way he would be happy was if I was alone. I couldn’t ever be with him, not that I would want to anyway, but let’s not forget what he said the last time we were together. He had called us a freak show. I remember how stunned I had been to hear that from him. But it looked like even if that’s what he thought, he still couldn’t let go.
I snapped out of my thoughts when I realized Spike was talking to me.

“…so I’m just going to run to the apartment and grab a few things.” He finished.

“Huh?” At the wounded look on his face, I elaborated. “I was lost in thought. Don’t go all Vampy Broods-a-lot on me. We already have one of those,” I snarked.

He smiled down at me. “I said I’ll run to my apartment and grab a few things if you want me to stay in the hotel with you. My flat is all…spartan. I don’t think you’ll want to stay there. I mean, the bloody bed is a single for one thing.”

I giggled at the thought of us trying to sleep in a tiny single bed. Uncomfortable much? “Of course that’s fine. I can’t imagine trying to sleep alone after last night/this morning.”

He grinned. “I’ll go take my stuff to the hotel then. Want me to meet you back here when I’m through?”
“That’s as good a plan as any,” I nodded.
He kissed me chastely on the cheek and turned to leave the office. It was then Lorne put his hand gently on Spike’s arm.

“Are you sure you still won’t sing for me, Spike darling?” Lorne smiled cheerily up at him.

“I’m never going to soddin’ sing for you.” With that, he exited the office. Lorne watched him walk all the way to the elevator and then turned back to me.

“First, he was humming ‘I Want to be Sedated’ all the way to the elevator, and second, his path is so intertwined with yours, when you sang, it was like reading two people at once.”

Sappy love tears filled my eyes. “Thank you, Lorne,” I whispered. Spike and I had been through enough angst and I was tired of it. We had been through so much, most of it from me and aimed in Spike’s direction. It meant so much to me that not only had we fallen into such a comfortable ease with each other, but also we were meant to do so.

Fred walked over and nudged me with her elbow. “I thought you didn’t come here to be with Spike,” she giggled.

I blushed. She was right. I had said that. “I didn’t come here to start a relationship, but I never said I would back away if one were offered. And anyway, you heard Lorne. Spike is part of my path.”

“I thought you weren’t done baking yet,” Angel snorted derisively from the chair behind his desk. I walked over and sat in the chair across from him.

“When I found out I was immortal, the only thing I could think of was how I wished Spike was there to laugh at the triteness of it all with me. I mean, it’s so cliché. And then I remembered if he was alive, I could spend the rest of eternity with him. That’s when I knew I was done baking. But by then, I didn’t think it mattered anymore.” As I watched Angel wince at my words, I was reminded of something Spike had said to us a long time ago. I smiled sadly at him. “You know…it’s funny. Remember, like, four years ago when Spike came roaring back into town and kidnapped Willow and Xander? We ‘helped’ him get supplies from the Magic shop. Do you remember what he said to us?” I asked him.

I could see in his eyes he remembered the conversation I was about to recall and he didn’t want to admit it. “He said that you and I would never be friends. And it’s true. My being here right now only proves that you don’t want to be civil with me because I am in love with someone else and you won’t be nice to Spike because, well, you never have been, so why start now? But he and I are warriors. We could be your allies if you let us. If you could look past the fifteen-year-old girl whose ‘heart,’” I air quoted, “you fell in love with while she was licking a lollipop, you’d remember eight years have passed and I am no longer a child. I know what’s right for me and it’s Spike. I’m still willing to help you fight evil, if that is indeed what you still do here, but it’s for you to decide if you want the aid.” With that, I walked out.

Fred, Wesley, Lorne and Oz, complete with guitar case, followed me out the door, leaving Gunn to “discuss clients” with Angel. Lorne’s cell phone rang and he tottled off with a backward wave, chatting with whoever had called. Oz turned to me.

“ I have a family dinner to suffer through. You and Spike wanna do something when I’m done?” he asked mildly.

“Sounds like a plan.” I watched as he walked to the elevator. As he stepped in, he turned and waved.
I regarded the remaining people in front of me, and I decided to ask them the question that had been nagging me since the car ride last night. “So…where is Cordelia? You mentioned her, but I haven’t seen her, and…”

Fred and Wesley exchanged glances. It was Wes who turned to me and was forced to answer. “Cordelia….well, she’s in a coma.”

I could feel my eyes darken and my brow furrowed. Something didn’t feel right about that statement, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. “Take me to her.”





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