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“How did you know about the amulet?” she asked softly.

A sob tore through my throat and tears welled up in my eyes. “Spike?” I pleaded with her. “Please, is he alive? Is he there? Tell me that these weren’t just dreams! I saw it. It felt so real, like I was there in the room with you. I saw you and Wesley and Angel and two others and Angel tore open an envelope and it was the amulet, the one Spike wore that day on the Hellmouth. It fell from the packet and then Spike was there. Right? He rematerialized?”

Fred took a shaky breath and began to explain. “Yes. He’s alive. Well, as alive as any vampire with a soul can be I guess. Except for one really rather important detail, that is. He’s not corporeal.”

I sunk to my knees on the floor, the tears falling unbidden from my eyes. Fred continued to speak.

“I run the science department here so I took him down to my lab to try to discern exactly what kind of entity he is. What he is. I found electromagnetic readings consistent with spiritual entities, but there was no ectoplasmic matrix. You see, ectoplasm's what makes ghosts visible to the human eye. If he's a ghost, technically we shouldn't be able to see him. And I also detected brainwave activity.” She snorted. “Angel thought that was hilarious. That and ghosts generally absorb light and heat energy making the area around them a few degrees cooler, too. Spike's radiating heat.”

I giggled hysterically into the phone. “You think Spike’s hot!”

“That’s interesting.” Fred said quietly.

I stopped laughing. “What is?”

“Well, it’s just…that’s exactly what Spike said when I explained it.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I guess that is what Spike would say. I mean, I spent a lot of years around him. A few of his mannerisms were bound to wear off on me eventually. Spike-isms, my sister calls them. So are you trying to find a way to solidify him?”

“Well, I had a way. I built a machine that could do it.” My heart leapt into my throat as she continued to speak. “It was a one shot kinda deal. But there was another entity. Matthias Pavayne. He was terrorizing Spike and trying to keep himself from going to hell. He was tied to this building after his death in the eighteenth century when Wolfram and Hart has him killed. They needed his blood to consecrate the ground or something. He had been feeding on the ghosts of others to keep himself strong enough to keep from crossing over. I guess when he targeted Spike; he didn’t realize he was dealing with a warrior, not the ghost of a dead employee of the firm. Spike fought him, and when Pavayne couldn’t beat him, he came to where we were powering up the machine and started to strangle me. Spike pushed Pavayne into the circle and he was made corporeal, so we could fight and stop him. He chose to save my life rather than save himself,” she finished quietly.

“That’s my stupid vampire, always doin’ the wacky,” I smiled.

“Really, it only confirmed what I have been saying the whole time.” Fred muttered.

“What’s that?” I asked her.

“That he’s worth saving. I think he could be a tremendous asset to us, fighting for humanity. Angel thinks my faith is misplaced. He says that Spike’s playing me, being all charming, so I’ll help him, and when he’s corporeal again, he’ll take off to find you. He believes that I’m wasting my time, that Spike can’t be saved. I know that my last attempt failed, but I haven’t given up. I’m still going to try to find a way,” she finished. I knew instantly that this girl was very special. Now more than ever, I wanted to go to L.A. I mean, Willow had mentioned Fred before, and told me how sweet she was, but I hadn’t expected her to be so wonderful.

“I hate to ask this, but has he mentioned me at all?”
I could actually hear Fred smile over the phone. “Only all the time! It was one of the very first things he said when he rematerialized. He wanted to make sure you were okay and then he asked where you were. Angel said Europe.”

“Yeah. I’m in London, helping set up a new Watcher’s Council. We’re trying a whole ‘being compassionate instead of stiff upper lippy’ policy. It’s working out pretty well. A lot of my friends from Sunnydale, the Scoobies, are training to become Watchers. In fact, my old Watcher, Giles, is the head of the Council now.” I wasn’t sure why exactly I was telling her all this, but I liked her. I felt like I could trust her. “Fred, I don’t want you to tell anyone that I called. Even Wesley. I’m going to get my affairs in order and then I’m coming there, to Los Angelus. I’m just not ready for anyone to know that yet. Not Angel, not Spike, not my friends, no one. I don’t think they would considerate of the good that I was coming. It will take me a few days, maybe a week at the most. Can…well, can I call you when I get there? I don’t really know many people in L.A.” I asked her sheepishly. I didn’t want to just walk into the huge office and search for Spike either.

“Of course.” We exchanged cell phone numbers.

“Call me if anything changes or…you know.” I requested.

“I will.”

“One more thing. Why didn’t anyone call and tell me that he’s back?”

Fred took a moment before answering. “Well, I think that’s something you’re going to have to ask Spike. I can’t say for sure what his reasons are. I mean, I know why Angel didn’t call to let you know…” she trailed off.

“Yeah, I get that. So, I’ll see you in a few days?”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

I hung up the phone, lay down on my bed and cried myself to sleep.

…

“Buffy!” I felt a hand shaking me. “Buffy, wake up!”

I groaned and opened my eyes. I saw my sister sitting on the edge of my bed. Panic set in. I sat up quickly, to quickly. The room spun a little as I held my head. “What is it Dawn? What’s wrong? If there’s an apocalypse, tell it to wait until later.”

“What’s wrong?” she raged at me. “Buffy, it’s three thirty in the afternoon. You’ve slept all day.” She looked down at me suspiciously. “You didn’t get really drunk and get another tattoo, did you?”

I scowled at her. “You say that like it happens all the time. Like I’m a crazed tattoo covered drunk! I did that once and that was three days after we got here. I think I deserve the benefit of the doubt here, Dawn!” I took a deep breath. “I didn’t sleep well.” It had been two days since I had talked to Fred. My dreams had been full of finding Spike. I still couldn’t say to Dawn I was leaving. I tried to change the subject, I just couldn’t tell her yet. “How were classes today?”

Dawn launched into a detailed oration about something a girl said to her at lunch, but I heard nothing she said. I got up from my bed and sat down in front of my vanity mirror and studied my reflection. I knew I had changed, physically and mentally, a lot since we left Sunnydale. I had lost so much weight. I barely ever ate. I was plagued with dreams when I slept, so I tried no to. I trained all the time at the council, teaching all the new Slayers, and it had taken its toll on my appearance. My eyes were rimmed with dark circles and they looked slightly sunken in. I didn’t even pun that much anymore. Some nights after patrolling with the Slayers in training, I had come home and drank myself to sleep. Sometimes, it had even helped me forget the pain, a little.

I stared down at the tattoo that took up my entire inner forearm on my left side. Well, not entire, but a lot of it anyway. The third night we had been here in London, I had wandered the streets for hours, not really looking for anything in particular, just not wanting to go home, where nothing would distract me and I would be forced to think. That’s when I saw the little tattoo shop. I looked in the window and saw a man getting a girls name tattooed on his arm. She was there with him, and when the inking was finished, he gathered her up in his arms and they kissed. I didn’t realize I was crying until they walked out of the shop and passed me, headed off down the street. That’s when I decided. I went into the shop and gotten my first tattoo. I had fed Dawn the story that I was drunk so she wouldn’t ask me if she could get one. I also told her it had hurt a lot, when in reality, I hadn’t felt any pain.

I ran my fingers across my tattoo. It was all healed and no longer raised above my skin. It was a six-inch long railroad spike. In a flowing cursive script in red ink, the spike was engraved with one word. A name, in fact. William.

I wore a lot of long sleeves to hide my new tattoo. I wasn’t ready to explain it to anyone yet. Like I should have to at all. Dawn was the only one who had seen it thus far. She had promised not to mention it to anyone, and I took her at her word. I knew that Dawn was very hurt when Spike had died and she was still grieving for her fallen friend. I also knew that she was and would be the only one to support my relationship with him. My cell phone ringing startled me out of my deep thoughts. I picked it up.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Buffy? It’s Fred. It’s about Spike. He’s corporeal!”

I put my hand over the phone and turned to Dawn, who was still sitting on my bed. “Honey, I need to take this. Can I have a minute?”

She smiled at me and left the room. I turned back to the phone in my hand.

“How did you do it?” I cried excitedly into the phone.

“That’s just it. We didn’t do it. Spike got a box in the mail and when it was opened there was a flash of light and now he’s all solid! I just thought you should know.” Fred explained.

“I’m going to the council now and I’m going to get someone to take over the training. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”





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