Chapter 2
“I know you don’t like to be set up, but Xander’s a decent bloke. I work with him and figured you two might hit it off. Are you angry?”
Buffy could clearly see the fear on his face and gave a smile. “I’m not angry, Spike. It was sweet of you, but I just don’t think I’m ready to date anyone new right now. We’re here for you, not me.”
He nodded and waited for Xander to return. “I guess it was worth a shot. You just haven’t been involved with anyone since that Warren ponce, and that was about seven months ago. I just wanted to help.”
“I know you did and I love you for that, but I think I would prefer finding my own dates. I’m not hesitant just because everything went so badly with Warren; I just want to take my time. I’m in no hurry to be in another relationship.” Buffy didn’t think he was quite ready to know that she only wanted to be with him. If she didn’t ease him into that, she would probably really scare him away.
* * * * *
Buffy got to her apartment as fast as she could. It was a slow day at work and she just wanted to see Spike. He would probably really need a friend at the moment. She entered the living room to see him staring at a blank television screen, his expression one of shock and despair.
“I just heard. Are you okay?”
Spike shook his head and gazed up at her. “I can’t believe this is happening. I still feel like it’s just a bad dream and I’ll wake up any second. I must have pinched myself a million times after I heard the news.”
Buffy sat down next to him. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes, you can tell me that this is some sick joke. You can tell me that they didn’t seriously cancel Passions. This is a bloody nightmare.”
She rubbed his back and tried to keep the smile off of her face, still not believing they were having a serious conversation about his show getting cancelled. You would think someone died with the way he was acting, but she was here to be the supportive best friend. “I know, honey. It’s such a tragedy.”
He scoffed and moved away from her. “Tragedy my arse, you’re just loving this. Admit it; you never did like the show. I bet you’re doing a happy dance inside your head right now.”
“Hey, that is so not true. I’m really very sorry this happened, but life has to go on. There will be other shows.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Not like that. I just can’t get a break.” He stood up and headed over to his bedroom.
Buffy placed her hand over her mouth to try and control the laughter that wanted to burst out of her, but she didn’t do a very good job of it.
“Yeah, you just laugh it up, Summers,” he called from inside his room, slamming the door shut.
Buffy couldn’t keep the giggles in anymore and did just that.
* * * * *
“Okay, what about him? He’s a cutie.”
Spike cringed. “Are you bloody serious? He looks like a hobbit.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. They never did have the same taste in men, but it was always fun to go guy hunting with him. She was secretly smiling inside that he hadn’t found any of her choices to be good-looking.
“Now, that one is more like it.”
Buffy turned to see the guy that had his attention and had to admit that he was pretty easy on the eyes.
“I can tell he’s straight, you should ask him out.”
Buffy shook her head. “I don’t think he really satisfies me. We should keep looking.”
Spike raised his eyebrows in confusion, but accepted her answer.
Buffy continued to watch the men walk by her and no one was all that interesting. She wondered why Spike was suddenly being so quiet and noticed that his attention was now on someone else, but it wasn’t someone she expected. “What the hell are you doing?”
Spike looked caught and tried to put on an innocent expression. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, you were just checking out that girl over there,” she claimed and pointed at the girl in question.
He shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. “Right, so you weren’t just staring at her ass? Is that what you’re trying to tell me? God, you confuse the hell out of me sometimes. You can’t keep going back and forth like this, Spike. You need to make up your mind already. Is it men that you really want, or are you still interested in women?”
Spike let out a sigh. “I don’t know, okay? I’m just as confused as you are. I consider myself to be gay, but I can still notice attractive women.”
“Yeah, that would make you bi-sexual,” she commented dryly.
He threw his hands up in the air. “Maybe I am then, what’s so wrong with that?”
“I just don’t know why you can’t pick one and stick with it. What’s so hard about that? It’s not right to keep playing the field the way you are. Is it wrong that I think you should just choose one person to be with?”
Spike thought about it. “No, it’s not wrong. I just haven’t found that person yet. I get what you’re saying, but I’m still young. I’m not ready to settle down yet. When I find the right person, I’ll know it. Whether it’s a man or a woman. At this point, it really doesn’t matter. I can’t help the way I am, Buffy. I may have been with a few men in my life, but nothing compares to being with a woman. I don’t think I’ll ever really get over that, no matter how many times they’ve screwed me over in the past.”
Buffy took a deep breath before asking what she dreaded. “If that’s the case, then why haven’t you ever noticed me?”
That was the last thing he ever expected her to say. “What do you mean?” he asked again.
Buffy knew that it was about time the truth came out. “Do you have any idea how hard it’s been on me to see you with someone else? And now I find out that you’re still interested in women, but never once interested in me? Do I just not attract you or something?”
“Where is this coming from? You’re my best friend, Buffy. I guess I never really looked at you like that before, but of course I find you attractive. I may be confused right now, but I’m not blind. I just would never want to do anything to ruin our friendship. It means everything to me.”
Buffy nodded and pretty much expected that, but it still hurt to hear. “I’m kind of tired. I think I’m gonna head home. You should stick around for a while longer; maybe ask her for her phone number or something.” She stood up and grabbed her purse.
“Are you going to be okay, pet? I never meant to hurt you.”
Buffy nodded again and tried to force a smile on her face, but knew that she had to get out of there before the tears started. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it. I should be used to the rejection by now. I’ll just see you at home.”
Spike watched her walk away with a heavy heart, wondering if he made the right decision.