Chapter 2 – Secrets and Lies.
Buffy couldn’t think of anything to say. Wide-eyed she stared at Spike willing her mouth to lie. She felt vulnerable and confused, especially in her un-clothed state, and his ocean-blue eyes seemed to pierce her very soul.
“Letter?” she queried. “Who said I got a letter?” She hoped her voice did not betray the panic she felt inside.
“The new guy on the stage door, luv.” Spike’s voice left her in no doubt that he wanted answers. “The one you’ve been flirting with for the last few weeks when he thought my back was turned.” His eyes turned into chips of ice as he continued. “The one who gave you the envelope and the one you kissed on the cheek as a ‘Thank you’.” Suddenly his grip on her arms tightened as he fought for control. “Let me see the letter, Buffy.”
Frightened, Buffy thought the best thing to do was lie. “I burned it.”
“Did you now,” he countered. “Let’s see the ashes, pet”
Thinking quickly, she looked at him in defiance. “I swept them into the trash and you know how Harry always cleans up my room when I’m on stage.”
Looking down at the waste-basket beside her dressing table, he noticed it was full of tissues from her make-up. Harry had called in sick tonight, and there had been no-one in her room but him. No one else would dare.
“Harry’s not in tonight, Buffy, so you’ll have to think up something better than that.”
Her eyes wildly scanned the room, and she knew she would have to tell him something believable. She wasn’t sure how he would react to the truth, but right now she didn’t care.
“How long have I worked for you, Spike?” she asked; her tone indifferent.
Puzzled by her question, Spike wondered if she would finally open up and tell him some truths. He let her go and handed her a robe, maybe she would open up more if she felt less vulnerable.
“Almost three years, kitten.”
Involuntarily she flinched at the endearment. “Three years,” she agreed. “And how long have I been your lover?”
Smiling at her, he tilted her head. “Almost three years. You know the answer to that question, luv. I seduced you almost as soon as you started working for me.” Leaning towards her, he whispered in her ear. “And you were the first virgin I’ve ever taken to my bed.”
Red-faced and angry at his pleasure in her humiliation, she turned on him. “Really Spike. Well I won’t be the last, will I?”
“Do you want to be the last, Buffy?”
Her mouth dropped open, and she was truly stuck for words. How did he want her to answer a question like that? He had told her at the very beginning of their ‘so-called’ relationship that she could have anything she wanted; clothes, money, cars, an apartment; but she would never have his love. Why was he asking questions like this now?
“What do you want me to say, Spike?” she angrily replied. “Do you want me to say ‘I love you’? Is that what this is all about?”
“Don’t turn this round on me, Buffy. I asked you two questions. The first was about the letter delivered to you tonight, and the other was whether you want to be the last virgin I ever sleep with.”
She stared at him for almost a minute. He was so close to her, but since she had put on her robe he had not touched her. This slightly worried her; Spike always touched her.
“The letter is none of your god-dammed business, Spike. As for the last virgin you ever sleep with, well that won’t be hard. Half the fucking chorus is trying to get you to sleep with them, and they’ve all been round the block and then some.”
Spike closed his eyes and rolled his head back on his shoulders. She was deliberately being obtuse, and this angered him. He would give her the world if she asked, but the only thing she ever asked him for was money. Afraid to ask her where all the money went, he had never questioned her about it. Maybe it was time he did.
“I’ve never slept with anyone else since I met you pet, you know that. Why are you being like this? Is it because I asked about the letter? Do you have something to hide from me, kitten?”
Something to hide from him; she had everything to hide from him. If he knew the truth, he would drop her like a hot potato, and she needed the money he gave her more than ever now. Some of her inner war must have shown on her face because he pulled her gently into his arms.
“Please talk to me Buffy,” he whispered against her hair. “Please tell me what’s wrong. I promise I won’t be angry, or annoyed or anything. Please, sweetheart, I can’t stand this not knowing any longer.”
Relaxing against him, she sighed against his chest. “I can’t.”
Trying very hard to keep his temper under control, Spike held her to him. He deliberately made his voice gentle and soothing as he spoke. “Buffy, I need you to be honest with me sweetheart. Tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll do my best to fix it. Anything you want, my angel, I’ll make sure you have it. Please Buffy, tell me about the letter.”
Moving back from the circle of his arms, she moved slowly towards her dressing table. She knew she would have to tell him the truth, and if it meant he told her to leave, then so be it. He was so angry with her, that he might just do that anyway. Maybe after all this time he had some modicum of feeling for her, and everything would be all right.
As she pulled out the drawer of the dressing table, she decided she did not want to tell him anything here. There were too many ears eager to hear what she had to say, and she wanted total privacy for their talk. As she removed the envelope, she asked over her shoulder.
“Can we do this at the apartment, Spike?”
“If that’s what you want, kitten. I’ll go and get things sorted out here, and you can come and get me in the office when you’re ready to go.” He walked over to her and cuddled her from behind. “I promise I won’t be angry Buffy. I just don’t want any secrets between us.”
He could feel her tremble in his arms, and part of him felt guilty at pushing her so hard; but he needed to know what she was hiding from him. Finally he kissed her softly on her nape, and let her go.
“Don’t be long, sweetheart.” He chided as he walked through the door.
Walking purposefully towards the stage door, his eyes searched for Riley Finn. Spike had already decided to fire the ex-serviceman for smuggling things in to Buffy, but mostly he was firing him for the way Finn looked at her.
Spike tried to deny his feelings for Buffy, and God knows he had never told her; but he loved her very much. He had coerced her into bed, convinced she had been a good time girl, only to find that he had been her first. The wonder of their first night together had never left him, and the memory of what it felt to be inside her still turned him on. She had become his life, and he was determined that he would never let her go. All that stood between them now was the secrets she kept close to her heart. Once everything was out in the open, he would ask her to marry him.
Riley Finn’s form came into view. Determined to make this quick, Spike strode towards him, his anger plain to see.
“Finn,” he barked. “Get your stuff and fuck off.”
Riley stared at Spike, his mouth open in shock. Jobs were hard to get these days, and he had been lucky to land this one. It was well paid, and the additional benefit of listening to Buffy Summers sing each night had been wonderful. The fact that she spoke to him each evening and gave him the wonder of her fantastic smile had made him weak in the knees. He had harboured hopes that she would leave Spike and come to him, but he knew that would never happen.
Finally he found his voice. “Why do I have to leave, boss?”
“I don’t need a fucking reason Finn.” Spike said harshly. “I want you out of here in the next ten minutes.”
All colour drained from Riley’s face at Spike’s words. He could not understand what he had done to bring this on. It was then he remembered the letter he had smuggled in to Buffy. Had someone seen him do it, he wondered.
Obviously they had.
Riley knew better than to try and argue his case. Spike was known throughout New York for his stubbornness and his temper. Head bowed, he made his way to his locker to collect his things.
He swore to himself that one day he would exact his revenge.
##
Now that Riley was gone, Spike made his way back to his office, resigned to waiting patiently for Buffy. All sorts of things passed through his mind. Why had she kept secrets from him, and just what type of secrets did she have.
This relationship had started as lust on his part, but had slowly turned to love – at least for him. He knew Buffy did not love him, but she was dependant on him; and for now that would have to be enough.
To pass the time, he looked over his accounts and checked the contents of his safe. The Club was doing well, and so far he had kept far away from the Mob. He knew that by not making trouble for the local Mafioso, and keeping his mouth shut about his suppliers, had meant they had left him alone. He had heard some rumours that the Irishman Angel O’Neill had been trying to stir up trouble for him, but he had dismissed them. It was not the first time that a thug straight from the Queenstown boat tried to make their mark.
He would sort the git out only when he had to. No point in starting trouble based solely on rumour. He might have done that in the past, but he was a grown-up now.
Where was she, he wondered. Determined to let her come to him this time, he used every bit of patience he possessed to stay enclosed in his office. Waiting for her was difficult; everything in him wanted him to walk the short distance to her dressing room and march her back to their apartment.
But he wouldn’t do that. This was one occasion where sense would win over impatience.
A long twenty minutes later, his eyes lifted from the paperwork on his desk. Buffy’s soft knock on the office door had broken his concentration on the books. He had resorted to doing some real work while he waited on her, anything to take his mind off what she was going to tell him. As the door slowly opened, and her blonde head peaked through, Spike managed to give her a loving smile.
Rising from his chair, he kept the smile on his face as he extended his hand for her to take. “Let’s go home, kitten.” He wanted to ask if she had brought the letter with her, but held himself in check. His mind wanted answers; his heart told him to not push for them.
Hand in hand they left the club. Buffy dimly realised that her friend, Riley, was not on the door, but she didn’t want to ask. Riley had tried his best for her, but someone had betrayed him. When she found out who had done it, she would make sure they felt her pain.
A short cab ride later, and they were outside their apartment building. Her nerves were shot to hell, and she could feel her legs shake as Spike helped her out of the car. As he led her up the tiled staircase her shaking increased. She knew she would have to tell him the truth, but she was so scared he would ask her to leave.
Spike had pulled the keys from his pocket as they had climbed the stair. He wanted to keep skin to skin contact with her, and did not want to let her go. She was trembling and he really wanted her to relax. Deliberately keeping his grip on her hand casual, he unlocked the door and led her through to the lounge.
Kissing her lightly on the forehead, he pushed her gently on to the couch. “You sit there, sweetheart. I’ll make us both a drink.” Pouring them both a shot of bourbon and soda, he returned to sit next to her. Making sure he did not sit too close, he pushed her glass between her clenched hands. “Drink sweetheart,” he gently chided. “It’ll help.”
Buffy turned her tear-stained face towards him, giving him a watery smile. Shakily she lifted the glass to her lips and took a long swallow. Her face screwed up in disgust as the liquor burned its way down her throat. Spike was right, the liquor was helping.
Carefully placing her drink on the low walnut table in front of them, she took a deep breath. Turning slightly towards him, she seated her self comfortably on the couch. Her heavy stage makeup was gone, and her eyes sparkled with unshed tears.
“I told you when we met that I had no family, Spike” she began, a trace of tears still in her voice. “I lied.” Hanging her head low, she waited on him to speak.
“Why would you tell me you didn’t have family, pet?” his confused voice reached through her misery. “I don’t understand, Buffy. Why would you lie to me?”
Her soft weeping now turned into a full flowing flood of tears. “I was ashamed.”
More confused than ever, Spike pulled her into his arms. “Why are you ashamed of your family, pet?”
Pulling angrily out of his arms, her weeping turned to laughter. “I will NEVER be ashamed of my family, Spike” she angrily spat at him. “I’m ashamed of you.”
Spike almost reeled back in shock. His hands clenched together in his lap, and his eyes turned to chips of ice as he stared back at her.
“Ashamed of me?” he whispered, the hurt evident in his voice.
All trace of tears disappeared from her eyes as she stared at him in hatred.
“My mother is dying in a hospital in California, while my sixteen year old sister tries to hold it together for her. I send them money every week to help them pay the medical bills and put food on the table.” Her green eyes flashed as she continued to speak. “Money you give me, Spike. The money you give me for being your whore.”
Rising from the couch at a great rate of knots, she ran towards the bedroom. Spike was behind her in seconds, determined to finish this conversation. She had hurt him with her words, and now he needed to have his say.
Slamming the door behind him, he leaned back against it and stared at the woman lying face down on the bed, her head buried amongst the pillows.
“I have never treated you like a whore, Buffy.”
Muffled laughter rose from the bed. “Since the day you met me, you’ve treated me as your whore.” Suddenly she turned on the bed, lying flat on her back. Her long blonde hair lay tumbled on the pillows as she smiled maliciously at him. Slowly she lifted one leg until her foot was flat on the bed. Her long silver dress rode sensuously up her body, and she slowly open her legs under his gaze. Painted red nails drew the dress higher until the front was bunched around her waist. She wore no panties.
“Isn’t this what you like, Spike?” she teased him as her fingers moved closer to her shaven crotch. “Whores play with themselves to please their customers, and you do like to see me play with myself, don’t you Spike?”
Staring at her lying on the bed they had shared for three years, while she taunted him with her words and actions, made him feel nothing but disgust. For the first time in three years, she did not turn him on. She made him feel unclean, and he didn’t know what to do.
He continued to stare at her as she pushed her fingers deep inside her. “Do you think I twiddle my fingers inside me and pretend it’s you?” Her hips started to move in rhythm with her thrusting fingers, and she never took her eyes from his face. “This is what you like, isn’t it Spike? You like to watch your whore perform, on the stage and off.”
She had pushed him too far. “You want me to treat you like a whore, Buffy?” he taunted her. “Have you started to like it now that I’ve taught you the tricks of the trade? Do you want to try your wiles on someone like Finn to see if you can get more money lying on your back?”
“You fucking evil bastard,” she screamed as she removed her hand from between her legs. “You know I’ve only ever been with you, but now you think I want to whore myself out to someone else?”
Throwing herself from the bed, she flew at him. Her hands were bunched into fists as she railed against his chest. Spike never lifted a finger, and stoically stood and let her burn her temper out; her small fists hammering against his chest. When he felt her anger recede, he gently pulled her into his arms. Her face turned into the crook of his neck, and he could feel her tears against his throat.
He knew he didn’t want to hear the answer to his next question, but he had to ask it anyway.
“Are you telling me you’ve only stayed with me for the money I’ve given you, pet?” His heart contracted in his chest, but he knew he had to find out the truth. “Don’t you have any feelings for me at all, Buffy?”
Confused and hurt, she continued to cry against his neck. “Sometimes,” she conceded after a few moments.
“Do you even like me?” he whispered against her hair. She was tearing his heart out by the roots, but it was like watching a car wreck, he had to keep this going to the bitter end.
“Sometimes,” she whispered.
He wanted to hurt her as she had hurt him. He felt broken and used, and he lashed out the only why he could.
“So when do you like me, pet?” he sneered. “When my tongue or my dick is up that money-grabbing cunt of yours? Please let me know what you prefer kitten, and I’ll be sure to comply”
He pushed her away from him in disgust, and started to pace the floor. Her head was bent low, her eyes staring at her bare toes as he started to vent.
“I have given you everything I could. Money, clothes……me.” He stopped his pacing and stared at her bent head. “You want to know what the real kicker is, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice devoid of emotion. “The kicker is that I fell in love with you.”
Suddenly her head lifted and she turned to stare at him. “You don’t love me, Spike” she declared. “You love having control of me. You love showing me off like a new suit of clothes. You love the fact that guys ogle me, but you are the one taking me home.” She stopped her tirade to walk up to him, coming to a halt when her body touched his. “You love the fact that the whole of New York knows who you fuck when the club closes down.”
“You fucking bitch.” His eyes were cloudy with emotion as he stared down into her eyes. “I fucking love you, and you still throw everything back in my face.”
“You think I believe you, Spike?”
Grabbing her face between his hands, he pulled her mouth to his.
“I don’t even care any more, Buffy.” He whispered as her mouth opened under his.
Tongues, teeth and lips battled for domination. Neither would win this battle of wills, and they both knew it. She may not love him, but she loved how he made her feel during sex. Clothes ripped under impatient hands, and the blonde couple fell on to the bed, their lips still joined.
They rolled backwards and forward on the bed. One second Buffy was in control, the next it was Spike. Within moments they were naked, soft skin rubbing against soft skin.
Spike’s head reared back against the pillows as Buffy’s small hand wrapped itself around him. Through practice she knew just how to hold him, and how much pressure to use.
Leaning down, she whispered into his ear. “Do you want my mouth around you, Spike?” she teased. “Do you want to pour yourself down my throat?”
His head was thrashing against the pillows as her words penetrated her lust addled brain. “No, Buffy” he stammered. “Need you, kitten. Need to be inside you. Please baby,” he begged. “Ride me, Buffy”
Buffy smiled a sweet smile, and deftly removed her hand from his pulsating dick.
“I don’t think I will, Spike” contempt evident in her words. “I don’t think I will ever ride you again.”
Spike lay for a few seconds in shock. She meant it, she really meant it. Suddenly she lay on her back on the bed and he loomed ominously above her.
“Are we negotiating, pet?” He felt in control for the first time tonight. “Do you want more money to perform for your trick, sweetheart?” Her eyes grew wide at his words, and a small frisson of fear trickled down her spine. He had never spoken to her like this before. “Or would you prefer this?” he asked as his fingers connected with her clit and rubbed hard.
Her orgasm was almost immediate. She was as turned on as he was, and why should he deny them both. “Want me inside you, pet?” he whispered down at her as his fingers continued to gently circle her tight hole. He kissed her passionately till she responded, her body arching into his. “Tell me you want me, Buffy” he demanded.
She was almost incoherent with need. Writhing against his hand, she knew she could not resist him much longer. Biting her lip to stop the words pouring from her mouth, she let her body speak for her. Without warning, Spike’s mouth connected with her nipple and she was lost.
Pushing his hand away from her crotch, she grabbed his dick and pulled him to her entrance. Spike removed his mouth from her breast, and smiled at her in triumph. She might not have begged him to take her, as he had begged her to take him, but this was close enough. He was determined that she be the one to give in, and he held himself back until she guided him inside her.
Slowly he pushed forward until he was balls deep. His head fell forward against her neck, and he sucked on her skin. He could feel her tremble beneath him, and he decided to take it up a notch.
“Do you want me to make you come again, Buffy?” his voice rumbled against her neck. “Do you want me to make you scream?”
Disgusted with herself for being so weak with longing that she had given in, she refused to answer him. Her body was responding almost against her will, and she could feel her second orgasm building. Biting her lip to stop the words she wanted to say spilling from her mouth, she closed her eyes and moved her head to the side. If she looked into his fathomless blue eyes, she was lost.
He started to thrust harder and deeper, and she lifted her hips higher in answer to his body’s demands. Attuned as they were to each other’s needs, she moved her head back to his and allowed him to take her mouth with his.
In unison they came, their mouths still fused together.
As they broke apart, Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy and pulled her close to his body. “Pet,” he queried. “Why are you hurting me like this? I would do anything for you, you know that, right? I still don’t understand why you think you’re my whore.”
Cuddled against his chest, she sighed. “Spike, my mom thinks I send the money I make from singing in your club. She couldn’t cope with knowing I sleep with you. My mom and sister are the only people I love in this life, and I could never hurt them.” She was so caught up in her words that she did not notice him wince at her declaration.
“The letter I got today was from my sister, Dawnie.” Suddenly tears rolled down her cheeks, and she did not realise that she moved further into his arms as if seeking comfort. “My mom doesn’t have long to live, and I can’t get home to see her before she dies.”
Holding her tightly against him, he asked her gently. “Why can’t you go back to California to see your mum, Buffy?”
Turning her head further into his chest, she answered him in a small voice. “If I asked to go home Spike, you would never have let me go. I can’t face my mom knowing that I won’t be able to lie to her. She’ll ask me about my life in New York, and I just can’t tell her about you.”
“Yes you can, sweetheart” his cooed against her hair. “We’ll both go back to California to make sure your mom’s okay.” When he sensed she was going to object, he knew exactly how to deflect her objections. “I’ll come with you as your fiancé, and tomorrow we’ll buy a ring to prove it.”
His words took a few moments to penetrate her thoughts.
“What?”
“I said,” he drawled. “We will go and buy an engagement ring tomorrow; then we’ll go buy some train tickets to California and go and see your mom.”
Her head moved slightly back and she looked up into his smiling eyes.
“I never told you because I thought you would ask me to leave, and I needed you to help me save my mom.” At the hurt look in his eyes, her heart softened. “I’m sorry, Spike. I should have been honest from the start.”
His heart turned over at her words, but he knew he had a long way to go to make her believe that he loved her.
“It doesn’t matter now, kitten” he said, smiling through his pain. “Let’s just get your mom sorted out and we can start again.”
She closed her eyes against the feelings his words invoked in her breast. Tomorrow she would tell him more of her life in Sunnydale, but tonight she was too exhausted.
Cuddled together, blonde head resting against blonde head, they both fell asleep.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I was totally gob-smacked at how well this story was liked. This chapter is for all of you