Chapter 19. Neo-Expressionism
Buffy entered her room with barely enough time to throw the bags over the bed, dress in a flurry and freshen her makeup. As a matter of fact, she had just finished getting ready, breathless and more than a little flushed due to her haste when she heard the knock on the door.
She glanced quickly towards the mirror to check her appearance one last time, and then opened the door to the breathtaking sight of her man dressed in a tailored tux, a mischievous tugging on his lips and a red silk scarf dangling from his fingers.
Spike almost decided to say to hell with everything he’d planned when he saw her clad in the form-hugging red gown. He was drawn to her, as he’d always been, like a moth to a flame. And bloody hell if she didn’t inflame him even more every time he saw her. His eyes all but devoured her as he took a step forward, speechless before the goddess in front of him. She was divine, every delicious inch of her and he couldn’t contain his excitement at knowing it wouldn’t be long until she was his, all his… body, heart and soul.
She felt more than a little dazed by the way he looked tonight. And it wasn’t that she hadn’t seen him in a tux before, but the combination of white dress shirt and coat with black trousers, vest and bow tie made him look absolutely edible in a GQ kind of way. Add to that the slightly mussed white-blond hair which she was just dying to run her fingers through, the delicious whiff of his cologne blending with the aroma that was so uniquely him and she was actually surprised her knees were still holding her upright.
Mentally shaking herself out of her haze, she glanced from him to the scarf and back before raising an inquisitive eyebrow. “Don’t tell me… more surprises?”
Instead of answering, he neared her, a predatory gleam in his eyes as he allowed the scarf to caress her right hand, trailing up her arm, shoulders and neck as he slowly walked behind her.
She couldn’t suppress the shivers running down her back, holding her breath as she waited for his next move.
He lowered his mouth to her ear and murmured huskily, “Do you trust me?”
With my life, she wanted to answer were she able to speak at all, as it was she barely managed an, “Uh-huh.” Her body sagged against his, wishing he’d turn her around and kiss her even more breathless than she was right now. It’d been far too long since last night.
He must have thought the same thing. Either that or he was really, really pleased with her answer, succinct as it’d been, because before she could even take another breath, he had already twisted her in his arms and captured her lips with his.
His hands came up to cup her cheeks while he plundered her mouth passionately, his tongue entwining with hers, cajoling, persuading, distracting her from what he was planning to do with the silken piece of cloth.
She tasted sweet, oh so delectably sweet as she responded to him, giving all of herself in that one kiss. He could feel his control slipping even faster than on any of their other previous meetings. Perhaps it was the knowledge it wouldn’t be too long now until they were one, perhaps it was because it was her. But whatever it was, he simply didn’t want to relinquish this feeling or her lips… ever.
He had to, though. At least for now.
With some difficulty, he tore himself from the magnetic pull of her mouth, quickly turned her around and covered her eyes with the scarf before deciding to give in to the temptation of taking her right here, right now. And while the thought wasn’t without merit, he was too set on the idea of a perfect night to forsake it when it was about to come to fruition.
She pouted when she realized what he’d done and tried to take the scarf off, but he pulled her hands down, taking them into his. “Hey, that’s so not fair!”
“All’s fair in love and war, darlin’,” he said, stealing a kiss from her pouting lips.
“Says the man who blindfolded me,” she scoffed, still trying to get her hands free.
“If you’re a good girl, I might let you blindfold me later,” he purred in her ear.
“Promises, promises.” She squirmed a little, her panties were already uncomfortably wet and this was only the beginning. God, how was she going to manage until he decided it was time?
He chuckled, his voice dropping an octave before whispering, “Oh, I can make you all sort of promises, love, and make good on every last one of them before the night is over.” He brought her hands up and kissed each of her knuckles. “But I think we should move this little tête-à-tête to another place.”
“Another place? Where?”
“Ah, tha’s for me to know and for you to discover when the time is just right.”
She could practically hear his smirk. “Cryptic much?”
“A tad yeah, but you love it, don’ you, darlin’?” He turned her around again, pressing his body against her back, delighting at her sudden intake of air. He could smell the effect all this talk and his nearness were having on her and bloody hell! How was he supposed to carry on with the rest of his plan with as hard as she had him already? For as much as he wished this night were eternal, would last forever, he also desired time to go by quickly so he could find himself buried deep inside her body, deep enough to touch her heart, her soul, until they were one.
Oh yes, I sure do, she thought, nodding as she almost melted into him. Anything he wanted, needed, desired… that’s what she wanted as well. Being his, becoming one with him, that’s all she would ask for in return.
Taking her hands in his once more, he led her out of the room. He’d toyed with the idea of taking her through several hallways, up and down the stairs before going to their final destination, but he simply didn’t want to delay this any longer than necessary. So, decidedly, he steered her from one wing to another in the most direct path he could find, stopping only to open the door and guide her inside.
She smelt the faint aroma of oil paint and turpentine and wondered if he’d taken her to his studio again. Although, she also picked up on the faint scent of incense and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
They didn’t stay here though. He immediately directed her past what felt like heavy curtains as it brushed her shoulder and into what she imagined could only be outdoors, like a terrace. The night breeze caressed her skin as soon as they stopped and she was thankful they were still in the middle of the summer or she would’ve needed a coat and that would’ve been a waste. To cover the gorgeous dress he’d bought for her would’ve been something akin to sin, especially if it earned her some of those hungry looks he’d treated her to before blindfolding her.
Buffy held her breath when she felt him behind her again, this time removing the silky cloth from her face. As she opened her eyes, she nearly gasped to find a lovely table set for two, a champagne bottle in an ice bucket to the side, soft music coming from somewhere nearby that only added to the romantic ambiance he’d created. When she turned to look at him, he was holding a delicate white flower in his hand.
“You approve, milady?”
“Oh yes, it’s all so… so gorgeous. I love it, thank you.” She took the flower he offered and brought it to her nose. “This flower is so lovely. What is it?”
“A Monja Blanca, a rare orchid which only grows in the northern mountains of Guatemala. And one of the reasons for the delay, I had it shipped ’specially for you.”
She smiled in awe. Leave it to him to go to so much trouble to make this night special for her. Then again, that was one of the reasons she’d fallen head over heels for him in such short time.
Her nerves returned with a vengeance after he politely seated her. He’d really gone out of his way so that tonight would be perfect and that could only mean one thing… she’d been correct in her assumption he’d be claiming her later. And she could hardly wait for the moment when he would tell her about it.
Spike handed her a glass flute filled with champagne, slightly intrigued over the way her hand trembled as she took it and the sudden increase in her heart rate. She was edgy, but other than imagining it was over what would happen later, when he finally made love to her, he couldn’t think of any other reason for her anxiety.
They made small talk throughout dinner during which she hardly ate a thing, merely shoving the food from one side of the plate to the other.
“Is it not to your likin’?” he inquired.
“What?” He looked pointedly at her plate and she blushed, smiling embarrassedly at being caught. “No, it’s not that. It’s delicious. Everything is, I promise. It’s just—” Should she tell him? God knew she couldn’t keep waiting until he did.
“Tell me, love.”
He placed his hand over his, his eyes so full of love as they locked with hers that it gave her the courage she needed to say what she wanted.
“I-I found a book while I was exploring your house… I didn’t mean to,” she rushed to clarify.
His curiosity was piqued. What could she have found that made her so adorably flustered?
“I just… there was this chess set, in the library. You know the one, don’t you?” He nodded encouragingly, a soft smile tugging at his lips. “A-and I was thinking it’d be wonderful to learn to play and then I found this book…”
“Book?” he compelled her to elaborate, his mind already going through the titles in his library, trying to think which one could’ve garnered this type of reaction from her but without much success.
“Well… more like a book I found behind it. A-a book about… uhmm, vampires.”
If he could’ve paled further, he would’ve. As it was, he was too dumbfounded to do anything but stare at her and listen.
“I know you probably wanted to tell me yourself, but,” she looked at him from beneath lowered eyelashes, trying to gauge his reaction to her bit of news. He was so quiet; but then again, he was probably surprised she found out about claims before he had a chance to tell her. “I read of a way where vampires and humans can mate with each other, be together for all eternity. And I just wanted to let you know, I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.” She smiled hopefully at him, her love for him shining brightly in her eyes. The certainty she held that this was what they both wanted making her feel like she was in heaven already as she waited for his response.
He couldn’t give credit to his ears, he simply couldn’t… what was she saying, that she wanted him to claim her? It was his sweetest dream and worst nightmare all wrapped into one.
“No!” he stated flatly, hating to have to say that to her. But he couldn’t concede, not in this matter. She didn’t know what she was asking, couldn’t possibly understand.
How could someone experience absolute and perfect bliss one second only to have it turn into a bottomless abyss of despair the next?
Quite easily it might seem.
It took one word, just one… ‘no’, which coupled with the horrified expression in his eyes was more than enough for her to realize it wasn’t going to happen, had never even crossed his mind. All she’d dreamt of, all she’d felt… had been a lie. He never meant to claim her or even keep her around for longer than the duration of her vacation.
She was frozen, completely baffled by his response. She’d been so naïve dreaming of an ever after with him, thinking that a man like him wanted her as she wanted him. She should’ve known better, he never promised her anything, never said anything other than he was in love with her and wanted to give her a perfect night. The rest had been all her doing, misconstruing his actions, mistaking his words for something they weren’t… it was all in her head.
Poor, innocent, stupid little Buffy. Haven’t you learned by now when things seem too good to be true, they usually are?
She closed her eyes trying to ward off the pain. She didn’t want him to see how heartbroken she was, how hurt, but she wasn’t sure how she’d manage. She wasn’t about to cry in front of him, though, in front of anyone. She wasn’t going to ask him for a reason why or beg him to reconsider or even worse, stay here for him to witness her meltdown, she simply couldn’t. The wound was too deep, too fresh. And if there was anything she still had left in the midst of this awful mess was her pride.
“I… Buffy, I just—” he started. “Please, understand.”
Oh, she did. She truly did, more than she wanted to, more than she needed to. He might love her, but he didn’t want forever with her. He didn’t love her enough for that. She wasn’t enough for him. “I-I,” her voice cracked and she swallowed past her tears, moving her chair back as she stood up. “You don’t need to say anything else. I understand all too well.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m sorry… I just… need to be alone right now. I’m sure you can…” What? Understand? She wanted to laugh bitterly at that. He’d never comprehend just how much he’d hurt her. And even if he did, it wouldn’t change a thing. They weren’t meant to be, and she needed to leave before she began bawling in front of him like a baby.
She hadn’t taken more than two steps toward the French doors when he appeared in front of her, blocking her exit.
“Please, Spike, can we not do this now?” Or ever, she added to herself.
“You can’t go like this. I… I didn’t say no because I don’t love you or because I don’t want it, it’s just too dangerous for you. You read what could happen in the book you found, it’s too risky.”
“Why don’t you just say it, you DON’T love me enough.”
“I love you TOO bloody much, ’s why I have to say no, why we can’t…” he trailed off, frustrated that she didn’t recognize the danger in asking for such a thing.
“True love is about taking risks, Spike. I’m willing, you aren’t and that’s that. There’s nothing else to talk about, it’s all pretty clear to me.”
He sighed, why did she have to be so difficult? Couldn’t she see he was only saying no for her sake, for her safety? “I can’t risk you,” he said softly. “You’re too precious to me.”
“So you keep saying, and yet…” she took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she needed to say. “And yet you’re willing to let me go. Willing to make love to me then toss me aside when my vacation is over… with complete disregard of my feelings for you.” She looked down at the floor, whispering more to herself when she added, “You were just going to use me.”
He was taken aback, never even thought for a second she’d take it like that. “I never… I wasn’t—”
“What… thinking? Yeah, I can see that. You simply don’t care, Spike. You decided for the two of us and never, not even once, thought about what it would do to me. How it would kill me to know I wasn’t enough for you, to know I never will be.”
“Tha’s not—”
“What did you expect to happen, Spike? That I should be grateful you deigned giving me a few days of your time then go my merry way? To never think of you again? Perhaps you thought my love for you was as disposable as yours seems to be? Well, sorry but things don’t work that way. I have feelings for you, deep abiding feelings which I can’t change or turn off as if it were a faucet.”
“NO! Tha’s not it at all. Don’ you get it? You’re more than ‘nough for me, you’re all I bloody care about, all I think about.”
“Really? Because you sure have a funny way of showing it.”
“Listen to me,” he all but growled, his patience giving way to desperation. “I’m doing this for your own good, your own safety. Buffy…I haven’t fed from a human in decades, I could easily lose control and you don’t know—”
“And neither do you. I don’t need you… or anyone else for that matter, doing anything for my own good. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”
“Capable as you were of fending off that git?” he regretted saying the words as soon as they left his mouth, but God, she made him so… so… Arghh!
She blanched at that. “Th-that was different and you know it. It was something beyond my control and has nothing to do with what we’re discussing now.”
“Like hell it doesn’t!”
“It doesn’t, don’t you see?” She shook her head sadly, knowing he didn’t. “No, you don’t,” she answered her own question. “You’re so wrapped up in your little world, you can’t see how much your actions affect others, me. You only see what YOU want to see; only understand what YOU want to understand. You think saying you love me is enough? Well, it isn’t. It never will be. I want all of you… or nothing at all. I thought I made that clear.”
He grabbed her by her shoulders then, his fingers digging into her flesh, his eyes flickering from gold to blue and back again as he fought to retain some semblance of control. “You don’t know what you’re asking of me, you bloody bint. You have no idea of the forces you’d be messing with,” he said in a low, threatening manner.
“As a matter of fact, Spike, I do know.” She brought her hands up to his chest and with all her might pushed him away, somehow—be it by surprise or from the need to get away from him once and for all, to leave and lick her wounds in private—making him stumble backwards. “Love is the only force driving me here. My love. Which I see now will never be reciprocated in equal measure as I would’ve wished.”
“You’re misinterpretin’ me on purpose!” He ran a shaky hand over his face and hair.
“Oh please, give me a break, there’s nothing to misinterpret here. I all but asked you to claim me and you said no. I’m not asking you to reconsider, I never would. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” She tried to pass by him, but he blocked her way again by trying to put his arms around her. He had to make her understand somehow.
“What? Wasn’t it enough to stomp on my offer, on my heart, now you have to manhandle me, too?” she hugged herself, taking a step back from him.
Manhandle her? He blinked, focusing for the first time on the red imprints his fingers left on her flesh. God, how could he do that to her?
“Chris’, Buffy, love, I’m sorry, I never meant…”
“No, you never did, that’s the problem, isn’t it?” Taking advantage of how baffled he was, she moved the heavy curtains out of her way and walked away from him. “Good bye, William.”
The tears she’d been trying to hold back almost fell when she saw the rest of his surprise as she stepped into his room. Her heart breaking all over again as she noticed the painting of herself in the middle of the room, the rose petals scattered across the bed, the soft glow from dozens of candles illuminating the room. If only he… but no, it wouldn’t do to think about what never would be.
She held her head high even as she felt his eyes following her every move until she left his room for the hallway, never once turning back to look at him.
Buffy didn’t know how she got to the kitchen. She was simply trying her best not to give in to the overwhelming need to cry, to scream against the injustice of it all. There’d be time enough for that once she was alone, away from this place, away from anything that reminded her of him, of Spike.
The Giles looked up in surprise at finding Buffy in the doorway, looking distraught.
“Buffy?” Anne exchanged a worried look with her husband. The last thing either of them expected was to see the young woman until the next morning… at the very least.
“I… Mr. Giles, could you drive me to London? Please?”
“Is something wrong, child?” Anne asked, noticing how the young woman’s bottom lip was trembling.
“No, nothing is wrong, Anne. Don’t worry. Could you, Mr. Giles?”
“Why, yes, of course, Miss Buffy. In how long would you like to leave?”
“Immediately.”
tbc
Before I leave to hide in a super-secret location, I want to tell you next chapter is already written so you won’t have to wait too long until it’s posted and to keep in mind that this is a Spuffy story and I’m a happy endings kind of gal, not that you could know it, since this is just the second story I’ll be finishing but… I promise you everything should be resolved… eventually. *weg*