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Author's Chapter Notes:
Can I just say wow. 13 reviews for the last chapter! Saying thank you isn't enough, you have no idea how happy you made me! And 164 reviews over all...! I'm shocked, but in a good way :) Thank you so much for reading, it means a lot to me that you're sticking with this story!



A huge thank to my incredible beta Chriss and to Buffymon for the incredible banner(s)!
Chapter 18 - Sadness

“William and Chelsea Giles?”

Spike looked up at the doctor who had just entered the waiting room and he found himself clasping his hands together even harder than before. On shaky legs he stood up and nodded to the doctor. From the corner of his eye he saw Chelsea and Buffy stand up too.

“I-Is he… Will he be all right?” Spike dared to ask, afraid of the answer and he felt Chelsea press herself against his side for comfort. He wished he could give her that but he didn’t know what to do except putting and arm around her shoulders.

“Mr. Giles will be okay,” the doctor confirmed and Spike’s shoulders sagged in relief as Chelsea let out a quiet sob. “Although, I want to keep him here for a few days, just to make sure. He had a heart attack and it seems like he was under a lot of stress and also having missed taking his medication too many times. In the future I’d want you to make sure he’s taking the pills to avoid this happening again.”

“Of course,” Spike said, his throat dry as he glanced at Chelsea, then Buffy who stood beside his sister looking at him with relief. “C-can we see him?”

The doctor nodded kindly. “Yes, but only one at a time to begin with. Mr. Giles needs to rest.”

“Why won’t you go first, Chels?” Spike asked the younger girl and she nodded. “Meanwhile I’ll go and get us something to eat.”

“Follow me then.”



“Coffee?”

Buffy jumped at the sudden voice. She had been deep in her thoughts and hadn’t heard Spike coming. Her eyes met his sapphire ones and she nodded and took the cup from him.

Spike sat down beside her in one of the waiting room’s uncomfortable chairs with a sigh. “I appreciate you staying, Buffy,” he started, “but you don’t have to now when everything seems to be fine.”

“If you want me to go just say so,” Buffy said, her voice barley a whisper and Spike frowned.

“That’s not what I said.”

“I know that. I just wanted you to know that you could tell me to,” Buffy replied softly, still not looking at him.”

“I don’t want you to go,” Spike said, making sure she understood that he really didn’t want her to. Buffy nodded and took a sip of her coffee, then making a face that made Spike smile. “Disgusting, eh?”

“That’s an understatement,” she said, smiling for the first time in hours. Then she turned serious again, finding her fingers very interesting. Spike let his eyes rest on her fingers for a few seconds, watching them clasp and unclasp and he realized that she was nervous. He let out a sigh.

“Buffy…” He began and she turned her head towards him. Suddenly he lost his ability to speak, so it seemed. He opened his mouth, once, twice… All the words he wanted to say seemed to have disappeared when she looked at him, her beautiful eyes almost drowning him. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

“I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry too,” Buffy replied, smiling slightly. “But… I just hate it when people – anyone - tell me what to do. I can’t do it. And this whole thing with Chelsea, I realize I got nothing to do with it but I couldn’t just stand there and watch.”

“I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, luv,” Spike said. “I… I know it doesn’t mean much, saying I’m sorry over and over again but I want you to know I really am. I lost it.” He scoffed, shaking his head. “Like you noticed. It’s just… Do you remember what I told you, that night? About my mum… and Chelsea?”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, you said she’d been out a lot, hanging with the wrong people.”

“Exactly,” Spike replied, warming his fingers on the coffee cup. “But it got better. A lot better and then seeing her like that again… it was just a slap in the face.”

“I realize that,” Buffy answered before she carefully asked, “Had you… Had you really forgotten about your mother?”

Spike felt all the shame wash over him for the hundredth time that night. He couldn’t believe he had actually forgotten about it. Every year since she had died, he’d mourn on this very day, tried to think of all the happy memories with her, talked to Giles… He had promised himself that he would always think of his mum, especially on this day and yet – he had forgotten. After all… He had found her, a little more than two years from now, her bloodied, lifeless body…

He realized Buffy was still waiting for an answer by the way she tilted her head to get a glimpse of his hidden face. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

“Well, it’s understandable,” Buffy said softly, trying to comfort him and giving him a reassuring smile. “You’ve been through a lot lately. With Connor, Angel and all.”

“Yeah, and you,” Spike said without thinking. Buffy’s smile disappeared as fast as it had shown up and was replaced by an expressionless face.

“What?” Buffy said, standing up and nearly knocking the chair down with her speed. “You’re blaming me for this?”

Spike felt the panic rise in his chest. No, she was not to blame for this and he hadn’t meant that either. “No, I just mean that… You know…?” He trailed off, begging her to understand but she just crossed her arms over her chest.

“No. I don’t know. Tell me.”

Spike sighed, trying to find the right words. “I meant that… that this time with you, it made me forget.” Spike gave himself a mental slap. You wanker, what the hell are you doing?

“Well, that’s what I thought you said,” Buffy mumbled, hurt covering her voice and Spike felt a lump in his throat start to take for when he saw her sad because of him.

“No, Buffy,” he said running his hand through his hair as if hoping it would make him clear his head. “Bloody hell, I seem to say all the wrong things tonight, don’t I?”

Buffy didn’t answer. She just eyed him, waiting for his explanation. Spike stood up and started to pace in front of her. The scene would’ve been comical if it wasn’t so serious, Buffy thought, the way her head followed his steps, back and forth, back and forth.

He came to a halt a few seconds later and faced her. “No, I don’t blame you, Buffy, although I know that you are a part of the reason I forgot about today. Wait, just let me explain,” Spike quickly let out when he saw Buffy raise her eyebrows and dropping her arms along her sides. For a second it seemed like she would protest but then she gestured for him to continue. “Like I said… I think, no, I know that this has to do with you. I’ve been spending nearly all those days with you and don’t get me wrong, they’ve been great, fun…” He slowly let his eyes meet hers and found that they had softened a bit and didn’t contain as much anger as it had before.

“Those days have been among the best of my life.”

Buffy didn’t know what to say so she just kept watching him and didn’t interrupt him. He started to take up the pacing again, drawing his eyes away from her. “I know it’s probably against all... unwritten rules and sense to say this now but it’s the truth. I’ve been occupied by you and your charm, all of you. My band mates have been complaining because I haven’t been around like I used to,” he added and Buffy couldn’t keep a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“Don’t you understand, Buffy?” He said, finally coming to a stop. “You’re the reason I forgot. I did not remember that today was the day my mother died. Don’t think of it in a bad way, because it’s not. Sure, I feel ashamed, I really do. But think of how incredible it is that you made me completely forget about it. You have to understand that, Buffy, because I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

Buffy’s mouth was wide open and her throat dry. She didn’t know what to say. Her eyes were teary and hands trembling. She was at loss of words. What could she say to that?

“I – “

“Mr. Giles?” The blonde duo turned around at the sound of the doctor’s voice. “Your sister wanted to let you know that you can visit your father now.”

“Uh, thanks,” Spike replied and the doctor gave him a warm smile, waiting for him to come. Spike turned to Buffy as if asking her what he should do. Buffy mentally shocked herself and gave him a weak smile. “I’ll be here.”

Spike silently thanked her and walked after the doctor who led him into the room where Giles was.



Spike was sitting at one of the chairs in the room quietly talking to his father.

“Have you talked to Chelsea yet?” Giles asked as sat up a little bit in the bed.

Spike nodded. “We did, a bit in the waiting room. But I think we’ll talk later again.”

Giles nodded, and tilted his head in curiosity. “And Buffy?”

With a shake of his head Spike couldn’t hold the chuckle. “You’re always asking about her.”

“Well, I see that she is a big part of your life and she is a very nice young woman. Besides, you know what I meant. Did you work things out?”

“I think so,” Spike replied. “I wasn’t fair to her, she hadn’t done anything.”

“It’s good you realise that by yourself, William,” Giles said. “If I hadn’t had those stupid chest pains I would’ve stopped you but… Well, you know what happened.”

“We set this off, didn’t we?” Spike asked, remorse filling his voice. “The chest pains I mean. Considering the stress we put you through in such a short time.”

Giles seemed to think about it for a second before answering. “William, I won’t lie. I’ve told Chelsea this too, that whole thing with your sister being out much later than I would have liked, that she got drunk and then the fight… But you can’t blame yourselves for this, promise me that. I haven’t been very careful with my medications lately. I tend to forget them.”

“You have to be more careful, Dad,” Spike mumbled. “I’ll come by and help you more, I promise. And you can call me whenever you – “

Giles chuckled. “It’s all right, William. You don’t have to spend 24 hours a day with me, though I can’t help but say it would be nice to have you around a little bit more,” he added with a wink and Spike smiled.

“I will.”

“Although, right now I know you can’t come that often. You should spend time with Buffy. I know you two need it.”

“Are you sure?” Spike asked, frowning and Giles nodded in agreement.

“I can see you like her.”

“You do?”

Giles scoffed as if it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “I’m not blind. I see it in your eyes. You two are meant to be.”

“I don’t know, da,” Spike sighed. “I mean, she won’t stay here forever and what happens when she’s going home?”

“Well, then you better go make the most out of it,” Giles said, thinking he made his point clear but when Spike didn’t move he raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. “Now!”





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