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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks so much to Chriss for sending me three chapters in two days! You're the best! And also a great thanks to everyone who reviews! I have chapter 20 all beta'd so I'm just waiting for your thoughts... :)



The song in this chapter is Glorious by Andreas Johnson. There are a few warnings in this chapter, but nothing serious, thought I'd tell you just in case. Anyway, on with the story!
Chapter 19 - Realising

Just a few days later, Spike’s band was supposed to play again. His face was as good as new, except for the scar crossing his eyebrow. Buffy had promised to come and was really excited for it.

When the night of the gig approached Buffy made her way through the village towards Wicca were the band was playing once again. Since Willow knew Xander Harris, the drummer, from their school years in America she always let them play at the pub. Apparently Willow had had a crush on him too before she met Tara.

Buffy was thrilled for tonight. She had only heard Spike sing once before, the night she came to Cornwall and from what she heard then, he was a star. Come to think of it, that voice made me turn around in that barstool… She thought as she entered the surprisingly filled pub. A lot of the listeners were girls, Buffy noted and a weird feeling filled her. She frowned and mentally shook her head. Wait, I’m not jealous am I? I mean, why would I be? It’s not like I have the right to, I’m not his girlfriend or anything…

Determined to shake off those feelings she made her way towards the bar where she spotted Tara serving a costumer and Willow standing beside her, making a drink for a young man. When she saw Buffy, her face lit up in a smile and she waved at her. “Buffy!”

“Hey Willow,” Buffy greeted and gave the new found friend of hers a hug. “Hi, Tara!” She added and Tara winked at her before another costumer showed up.

“So, many people here tonight? You must be making money.”

Willow laughed and let her eyes land on the stage where a few people were setting up the things. “Yeah, on these nights we make a lot of money. But, I have to admit I didn’t think it would be so many people here tonight though. Well… many I thought but this is just… lots!”

Buffy grinned and sat down at a barstool. Willow turned around and filled a glass of beer to another man on order from Tara while talking to Buffy. “So, what can I offer you? Drink?”

“Oh,” Buffy said shaking her head frantically. “I thought you remembered that Buffy and alcohol are unmixy things. I’ll take a diet coke.”

Willow put her hand against her forehead dramatically. “Ah! Sorry, I forgot. I’ll get you one diet coke instead.”

When the crowd of people started to whistle and cheer Buffy turned around towards the stage and felt as she was back at the first night in Cornwall, although, to be honest this was another chair. The band was coming on to the stage. Last of all, Spike stepped up on the stage and the crowd went wild. Buffy chuckled as she saw Spike smirk one of his sexiest smirks. She frowned and shook her head. Smirk. Not sexy. A normal, nice… smirk. Keep fooling yourself, a little voice in her head told her and she let out a frustrated little growl. Stupid inner voice, always knows the best.



Xander grabbed the microphone from his position behind the drums twenty minutes later. “We’ll take a short break but we’ll be back soon.”

Buffy clapped her hands together with a smile on her face. She wanted to tell Spike how good he was. Her eyes searched for him but he had disappeared down the stage. As if reading her thoughts, Willow gestured towards a door further in the pub.

“I’m sure Spike would appreciate it if you showed up backstage,” Willow told Buffy. “Tell the man standing over there that you’ve had my permission to go inside. He’s called Riley Finn.”

Buffy thanked Willow and made her way towards the door where Willow had pointed. It was no trouble getting inside, Riley told her he knew Willow would only let friends inside and he let her pass. Inside, she felt lost though. There was a long hall with a lot of doors, leading into different rooms. She started to walk down the corridor, reading the signs on the doors but there was nothing that could help her find Spike.

Suddenly she heard voices and laughs from one of the rooms further down the corridor. The door was left ajar and Buffy made a quick decision and walked down to it. Just as she was about to knock she stopped, her hand merely inches from the wooden door.

Drusilla.

She gulped at the sight in front of her. Drusilla was standing in front of Spike, almost pressing herself against him, her right hand entwining with his left. Spike’s back was facing her and she couldn’t see his face. All of a sudden, she was happy. Drusilla had a pleasant look on her face. Buffy couldn’t hear what she was saying, Drusilla’s voice a mere whisper.

She didn’t know how long she stood there, her hand still in the same position as it was about to knock, before getting herself together and moving away from the door. Just as Buffy turned around she could’ve swore she felt Drusilla’s eyes falling on her back, but she didn’t turn back. She wanted to get away and fast.

Quickly she walked past the doors towards the exit, barley noticing Xander and Gunn greeting her and frowning when she rushed away. She didn’t even stop when Riley called after her. This was all too weird. Why did I react like that? Buffy asked herself, once out in the bar again. All those feelings were making her dizzy and she didn’t know what to think. Of course, though, he’d get back with Drusilla at some point. They’d been together for years, of course he’d have a weak point with her.

He probably still loved her.

That statement made her feel sick and she was making herself furious - again. The jealousy (even though she didn’t really want to admit that was it), the sadness, the guilt of feeling this way. At loss of what to do, Buffy ran her hand through her hair and took a deep breath to calm her nerves.

She didn’t know if she wanted to stay. The risk of seeing Drusilla and Spike together were big and she didn’t want that. As much as she hated to admit it – it hurt.

Deciding she’d stay in the background and then leave right after the show was over, she walked back to the bar and sat down; hoping Willow or Tara wouldn’t see her. She was sure she looked like she’d seen a ghost right now, at least she felt like she’d seen one. But, of course her luck wasn’t that great, just a few moments later Tara appeared behind the bar and with a frown.

“Buffy? Are you all right?”

Buffy gave her a fake smile and nodded. “Fine. Never been better actually!” Not wanting to look her in the eyes she turned her gaze towards the stage. Her stomach turned when she saw Spike stepping up on it. Quickly she turned back to Tara and grabbed the drink she was just about to serve one of the customers. In one second, she swallowed it all and put it back on the bar with a groan. The strong liquid burned down her throat and her face scrunched up in disgust. “Disgusting,” she muttered and Tara raised her eyebrows.

“Uh, Buffy? Remember what you told Willow? Buffy and alcohol equals bad?” She said carefully and Buffy grunted an ‘I’m fine’ in response. “All right, Buffy, I don’t think you should – ”

Tara’s voice was drowned by the melody of the guitar and she quietly cursed Gunn for making it now. Buffy knew that if she looked at Tara, she’d see that she wasn’t at all fine and she’d break. Somehow, Tara had that talent – or curse, she wasn’t sure which it was – she could always make Buffy to tell her anything without actually asking her to.

“We’re back with a few songs,” Spike said into the microphone and the girls who stood in the front just below the stage screamed as soon as he opened his mouth. Spike smiled at them. They’re absolutely mad… “and I’d like to dedicate this to a person that has become a close friend of mine in the short time I have got the fortune of knowing her. Right, here goes…”

Huh, wonder what Drusilla would say about that… Buffy thought since she was sure he meant her. Maybe it sounded a little self-centered to say that but from what she knew of Spike hadn’t met any other female friend. Oh, maybe he has… What if… She didn’t finish that thought and drained another glass. She grimaced as the dizziness reached her. “Ugh, Tara what the hell was in that drink?”

“Buffy, seriously, what’s wrong? You shouldn’t - “ Once again she was interrupted by the sound of the band playing and Tara groaned in frustration. Buffy took that chance to get away from there, from the awkward questions, not caring about her state.

“Never mind, I’ll go dancing. I’ll talk to you later!” She said in a high pitch voice and faked a smile. She walked out in the crowd of dancing people, pretending she didn’t hear Tara call her name.

Buffy had always loved dancing, no matter where she was. But during the time she’d dated Angel she had stopped. Angel didn’t at all like the fact that she’d drawn the hungry eyes of many guys towards her when she danced and to make him happy - she had stopped. She shook her head at her stupidity. Buffy closed off her mind and let her body move to the music.

Here she comes with a master plan
And I’m starting to lose control
Here she comes to this trash of man
And I’m ready to taste it all

She closed her eyes and let Spike’s voice be the only thing she heard in the background. She didn’t care about the people around her. Didn’t see Spike’s eyes stare at her in bewilderment. Didn’t see the man watching her from the bar…

And she’s
Bringing me in
Checking me out
Making me glorious

Another wave of nauseas washed over her and she stopped her moments for a second to curse herself for drinking the alcohol. She really couldn’t take much of it, she knew that since previous events. But seeing Drusilla and Spike together hurt more than she wanted to admit and she just had to do… something. Maybe drinking wasn’t the best idea, okay, it absolutely was not but still.

Here she comes like a brand new day
Belly dancing across the room
In the moonlight I watch her sway
To her rhythm I'll go as groom, with grace, tonight

Her body moved in time with the music and she let herself disappear into her own world. Suddenly Buffy felt a body move behind her and for a moment she believed it was Spike. Then, still with her eyes close, she frowned. That didn’t make sense. Spike was on the stage. Right? Or did her brain play her a trick? Maybe that alcohol was effecting her quicker than she thought. No, she wasn’t imagining. That was Spike’s voice in the background. The chorus of the song he’d dedicated to her was still sung by his beautiful voice.

For a second, she forgot about the person behind her but when she felt something hard poke her in her ass her eyes widened and reality crashed down on her.

A pair of strong arms encircled her waist and she held her breath as the man started to dance with her, letting his hands wander down her body. Buffy felt extremely uncomfortable. Something was definitely not right. She turned around and froze when she recognized the face. She had seen him before, but where? Work, brain, work!

“Hey, babe,” he mumbled, smirking as he thought she’d melt. Then it hit her.

‘This is sunshine? She sure looks more like an innocent little-‘

“Lindsey?” She got out in a raspy voice, too shocked to move away just yet. “What are you doing?”

He chuckled. “Silly girl… What does it look like?” His left hand held her waist in a firm grip while the other one wandered down. She flinched and tried to move only to realize she couldn’t. He had her in such a strong grip it would be impossible for her to get out. The thought of being kept here by Lindsey whom she did not like at all and on top of it gave her the creeps made her panic. Once again Buffy tried to get out of his grip without much success.

“Let go of me,” she said, trying to keep her voice calm and demanding but it came out as a mere whisper, almost a plea. “Lindsey – “

“What? Worried your bleached friend will notice?” He grinned and leant into her ear and whispered. “He won’t even notice, I promise, if we go back into the – “

Buffy pushed at his chest. “Stop it and let me go. I’m not kidding.”

“Neither am I. Come on, you know there’s something between us...”

“No. I don’t,” Buffy replied through clenched teeth and tried to move his hand from coming to near her ass. “I’m not interested. And, what would Dru say? Never mind, she’s too busy screwing Spike I guess…”

The words didn’t effect as Buffy would’ve thought. Instead of becoming over protective boyfriend he only smiled. “Dru got her way with him then?”

Buffy frowned. “What?” She hissed. ”You knew?”

”’Course, babe. It’s all a part of the – ”

“Don’t call me that,” she glared at him and did one more try to get away from him but Lindsey only brought her closer to him and she felt the evidence of his desire for her. She flinched. “Let. Me. Go.”

Lindsey grinned mischievously. “Or what?”

“Or this.”

The next moment Lindsey was laying on the floor, clutching at his nose as someone aimed a kick at him in the stomach. Buffy backed in shock and glanced up at the person’s leg who was right now aiming a kick at Lindsey’s groin. She met two blue eyes full of anger.

“Spike, stop it!” Buffy screamed, not thinking of Lindsey’s health but of Spike. If the guards came and saw him doing this it would definitely not be good and considering all the faces in the crowd that was now directed at the trio, they knew.

Buffy rushed forwards and placed herself between Spike and Lindsey as she realized Spike was not listening to her. He was just about to kick when she stood in front of him and stopped. “Move, Buffy.”

“Stop it, you’ll only get yourself into trouble,” Buffy pleaded and her voice and her hands on his shoulders seemed to be reassuring enough. He backed a few steps as if showing her he wouldn’t attack him anymore but the fire in his eyes were still there, directed at Lindsey.

“What’s going on here?”

It was the guard Buffy had been granted permission to go backstage who showed up behind her and glanced from Lindsey’s bloody form on the floor then towards Spike and Buffy. Lindsey groaned and tried to sit up.

“The idiot hit me!” He squeaked. Riley glanced at Spike in confusion and first then, Buffy realized Spike must’ve jumped town from the stage right in the middle of the song. Xander and Wesley were still on the stage while Gunn was moving towards Spike through the crowd. Her heart fluttered, he’d come to help her. Lindsey continued his painful moans. “He hit me with no reason!”

Spike scoffed furiously. “No reason? From what I saw you were keeping the girl on the floor against her will. Wouldn’t that be enough reason?”

“She wanted to!” He hissed. “What do you care? You’ve got Drusilla.”

Spike glared at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”.

Riley stepped in between them and crouched down beside Lindsey. Grabbing his arm and helping him up Riley told him, “All right, Lindsey, I think it’s time to go. Work this out another time and not here.”

Buffy glanced after Riley and swallowed. She couldn’t form a word. Nothing to help Spike. What the hell was wrong with her? He’d helped her for god’s sake!

Spike glanced at her. “Are you okay?” She turned around, looking into his worried eyes. For a second or two she just stared at him before nodding.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks, I – “

“Good. Go stay with Willow and Tara while I finish the last songs, then we’ll talk,” he said, waiting for her answer and she nodded again at loss of words. He smiled at her and quickly squeezed her hand. The same hand he’d held Drusilla with a few minutes earlier, Buffy noted. She glanced at her hand before seeing that he was gone. Buffy watched after him as Gunn grabbed him by the arm and helped him back up on the stage before she realized that the people gathering around her was still looking at her.

Blushing hard, she moved out of the dance area towards the bar still in confusion. All her thoughts drifted back to the events… If Drusilla and Spike were back together, then why had he helped away from Lindsey? Maybe he cared about her as a friend and didn’t want her to be harmed... Well, that one was of course a good reason. And she was his friend. That was what she had been all along, wasn’t it? She should be happy for Spike, he was after all someone she cared about – much. She should hope they’d get a happy life together. She’d be standing at their wedding telling them how wonderful they’re relationship was… Not feeling as someone had ripped her heart out.

And for the first time she realised the scaring truth. I’m falling for him. I’m falling for him and I can’t have him.

So, what do you think? Please review and tell me :)





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