Chapter 27 - Live in the moment
“I think we need to talk.”
Not really expecting that answer to his question, Spike looked at her stunned for a few moments with his hands still around her waist. He felt Buffy move slightly and eased the firm grip. He bit his lip as he looked at her softly.
“Nothing good ever comes out of those words,” he replied with a weak smile, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Buffy returned the smile as she moved away from his lap slightly to sit in front of him, clasping her hands together before looking at him again.
Then a frown formed on her face when she saw the clearly nervous expression on his face. Tilting her head, she asked softly; “Are you okay?”
“Yeah I just…” He trailed off, averting his eyes from her gaze, all the insecurity the nasty comments had caused him years ago crashing down on him again. So long ago and yet, it was still there. He was sure she’d break things off with him now. It was all too difficult, he was difficult, and they were living in different countries. Sure she was going to tell him they were over.
“Spike – “ Buffy began and he put up a hand in front of him.
“Don’t bother, Buffy,” he replied softly, still not looking at her. “I understand.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow in question. If he knew what she wanted to talk about, then why was he acting so strange? “You do?”
“All too well,” he mumbled before clenching his jaw. “I should… go…”
As Spike tried to stand up Buffy realized he hadn’t been thinking about how they were going to continue their relationship, the contrary. He actually thinks I want to end it?
Putting a hand on his arm she stopped him from getting up. Spike glanced from her hand to her face and finally made eye contact with her. It was then Buffy felt her heart clench at the obvious hurt in his eyes. Dragging him down to the sand again she held tighter onto his arm.
“Spike, no,” she said, harder than she had intended to but at least it made him look at her. “Whatever you thought I meant - I didn’t.”
“It’s alright, Buffy. I understand that you – “
Buffy rolled her eyes in frustration. “God and you’re calling me stubborn?” Spike raised an eyebrow in confusion and Buffy let out a sigh before moving closer to him. “Listen,” she said in a much softer voice. “I just wanted to talk to you about something and – “ she quickly added when she saw him lower his head, “- it is not about breaking up with you.”
Finally raising his head he stared at her in bewilderment. “No?”
Buffy shook her head. “No.”
“Then what?”
Buffy leant closer into him and placed a soft kiss on his lips and without really thinking, she let her left hand trace the lines of his stomach, just above his belt buckle. He responded instantly and let out a gasp. “Buffy, I don’t think… I mean…”
She placed a finger over his lips to silent him. “I’ve been thinking,” she whispered, leaning her forehead against his.
“Thinking?” Spike repeated.
“About us,” she said softly.
“You have?” He asked a little surprised since he now knew it wasn’t about ending what they had and also surprised that he was not the only one. She nodded.
“Yeah and I’ve come to a decision.” She waited for him to respond but when she got nothing she continued. “This… this thing we have… What does it mean to you?”
Taken aback by her question he just stared at her a few seconds. “What it means?” Once again nodding to him Spike opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally being able to form a coherent sentence. “It… It means something important of course,” he mumbled before lowering his head again. “Something I don’t want to lose.”
She gave him a soft smile. “Me too.”
The worry that had filled him since Buffy started to talk about this was slowly disappearing when he realized that he had been wrong all the way. I really should learn to not presume things like that…
Buffy glanced down a bit. “I know it’s early, for… for whatever we have. After all, we’ve only known each other for such a short time. But on the other hand, I’ve come closer to you than I have to anyone before.”
Spike tilted his head and watched her in awe. She had just described the way he felt about her. Swallowing hard he took her hand in his and made her look at him. “I understand exactly what you’re feeling,” he almost whispered.
“You do?” Buffy asked.
“Buffy, we have been through a lot during your short stay here. Things that I didn’t even want my closest friends to be a part of. Things I haven’t even told them, I told you after just a few days. There is something about you that keeps drawing me in and I can’t resist it.”
Buffy’s mouth was left opened, as if she was about to say anything but there was no words. Instead, her eyes started to tear up and she blinked a few times to get the tears away. “Spike…” She began but he continued and moved closer to her.
“Buffy, you’re the first person who has ever made me forget about Drusilla,” he said sharply, needing her to understand the weight of those words, the meaning of the statement. “I’ve walked around for years now, trying to find myself again after the fiasco with Dru and I have never done that… until now.”
Buffy swallowed again and bit her lip in order to keep the tears back. Spike smiled weakly at her and brought his hand up to her cheek and caressed it gently. “You know,” he started as he traced her cheekbone, “Drusilla told me something once, after we were over. One of those times she sought me up to show her new fling of the night in my face, thought she was absolutely stir crazy then, but… I’m starting to wonder if she actually was right about that one thing.”
“What?” Buffy said in a raspy voice, thick from all the emotion coursing through her.
“Drusilla told me I’d find my sunshine, that my heart belonged to her. And I think she was right. I found her.”
Buffy let out a happy whimper and threw her arms around Spike’s neck, drawing him closer to her as she expressed her feelings to him through the kiss. Spike felt his heart swell as he kissed her with equal favor, trying not to let the kiss become too passionate. Pulling back slowly, they found themselves in the same position again – heads resting against each other.
“That has to be the sanest thing she’s ever said,” Buffy smiled and Spike chuckled in response.
“I’ll have to agree with you, luv.”
Buffy came to think of the first time she’d met Drusilla, at the beach after her first surfing lesson with Spike and everything became so much clearer.
*
“She also told me that you would have Sunshine with you. And there she is.” She turned to Buffy with a tight grin.
“Er… Hi, I’m Buffy.”
“Sunshine says she has a name. And so she does. She has come here to take my Spike away from me.”
*
“Sunshine has already gotten you were she wants you, Spike. Remember the time when I was the only one you cared about?”
*
“I had no idea,” Buffy mumbled as she pulled back from Spike’s embrace.
“Really not blaming you, pet,” Spike said, “after all, I haven’t told anyone that. See, you’re doing it again, making me confess things.”
Buffy couldn’t help but laugh and the sound was music to Spike’s ears. He smiled as he looked at her and realized he couldn’t let her go. She was going home in a couple of weeks and then hell would break loose.
“Buffy,” he started, his voice taking on a more serious tone. “What are we going to do?”
Reading his thought, Buffy sighed. “I don’t know. We’re living so far away from each other and… I didn’t plan for this to happen.” Frustrated she ran a hand through her hair as she realized this was the first time they had really talked about her going home sometime in the near future. The subject had been avoided over and over again – now, they were here and she didn’t feel comfortable talking about it at all. Most of all, she wanted to forget it for now.
“What happens later?” Spike asked, not able to bring himself to say those words ‘going home’. Buffy looked at him.
“I don’t know. I wish I knew,” she whispered, helplessly. “Can’t we just… No…”
“What?” Spike asked, pushing her to tell him what was on her mind. She averted her eyes from his gaze and kept them at the soft sand. A frown appeared between her eyebrows as if she was in deep thoughts. “Come on, tell me.”
Chewing her bottom lip, Buffy looked at and meet his blue eyes. Tucking a strand of her behind her ear she mumbled; “I know it’s probably not a good idea…”
“What isn’t?”
“It’s against everything I should do, or would do for that matter,” she added.
“That depends on what you’re proposing,” Spike smiled.
Buffy swallowed. “I…” She suddenly shook her head and a determined expression replaced the nervous one on her face as she rolled her eyes. “Oh, screw it. Can’t we just live in the moment?” She blurted out.
Spike stared at her. “Live in the moment?”
“Couldn’t we forget about tomorrow and the day after that? Can’t we just… make the most out of the valuable time we have?”
Once again, Spike was left speechless. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish as he watched the woman he’d come to care so much about. She was more than just a fling, and hopefully she knew that. He wouldn’t just forget her after a few weeks and judging by the way she explained things she wasn’t going to forget him either. So why couldn’t they? They’d deal with the problems in their life after summer was over later. Right now…
“We better make the most out of it,” he said in a whisper. Buffy smiled at him as she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Not able to find the right words, Buffy kissed him again and soon they were lost.
Buffy crawled up in his lap again and wrapped her arms around his neck as Spike let his hands wander down her body. Desperate to be closer to her, Spike picked her up and rolled them over in the sand. Buffy let out a small gasp at the new position but didn’t let that get her off tracks.
Her fingers curled in his blonde hair when Spike tore his mouth away to trace kisses along her jaw down to her chest. Buffy let out a moan and arched her body into his, getting an instant reaction from Spike. His arm snaked around her waist to bring their lower bodies closer as Buffy’s nails dug into his back.
“Buffy,” he murmured and found her lips again.
Buffy responded by pulling at his shirt, trying to get it over his head and he helped her get it off. He had barley laid it aside when Buffy stared to pull off her shirt as well – leaving them both to really feel skin on skin for the first time.
Spike let out a moan as he let his fingers gently trace their way from her hips to her bra, his fingertips grazing the edges of her breasts as if asking for permission. He got his answer when Buffy instantly gasped into his mouth.
The next second, the bra was off and Spike raised an amused eyebrow. “I didn’t even see you do that.”
Buffy gave him coy smile before bringing him down for a passionate kiss once again. “Too much talking,” she mumbled between kisses as she began to get out of her pants. That move made Spike realized what was about to happen and he pulled away from her swollen lips.
“Buffy, I – “ he began, but like she had before, she silenced him with a soft finger to his lips.
“Shh… It’s okay. I want you,” she smiled.
Spike felt his breathing hitch in his throat and he swallowed hard. “Buffy, you don’t have to,” he began but Buffy shook her head.
“Didn’t we just agree on living in the moment?”
Spike watched her for a few moments until he slightly nodded. Meanwhile, Buffy had gotten out of her pants, leaving her in only a pair of panties. Buffy’s hips grinded into his, eliciting a low groan from him as he slowly kissed his way down her body.
A sense of déjà vu crashed down on them as Buffy’s fingers gently traced the outlines of his belt buckle and Spike found himself gripping her hand as she began to pull at his zipper. Looking into her eyes he asked, panting, with a serious tone; “Are you sure?”
“More than I’ve ever been,” she replied and that was all he needed to hear before his lips met hers in a heated kiss as his hands wandered her body, feeling the soft curves of her body.
Feeling his mouth close over of her nipples, she gasped in pleasure. “Spike, please…” Her hips writhed beneath him, making him growl against her skin as he pressed the evidence of his arousal against her thigh.
Spike pulled back to look at the woman lying in under him and he felt his breathing become even heavier. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, kissing her and Buffy’s hands once again found their way down to his zipper – this time pulling it down. Her hand found his erection and gently stroked it, causing Spike to let out a breathy gasp.
“Buffy…” He stilled her movements with his hand and looked at her with darkened eyes.
“I-I’m sorry,” Buffy got out, “I’m not really… sure of how to do it.”
“It’s fine, Buffy,” he assured her, stroking her cheek, “That’s the reason I asked you to stop. I won’t last much longer if you keep doing that.”
A smile spread across her lips and she slowly moved her hips against his. Spike just stared at Buffy, an indescribable feeling showing in his eyes. She looked so beautiful lying there on the blanket with the sand surrounding her and the soft sound of the waves crashing behind them. He swallowed and leant in to whisper in her ear. “Are you really sure, Buffy?” He asked.
She answered him by pulling him down for yet another kiss which he eagerly responded and Buffy’s hands ran through his hair, dislodging the curls from the gel. His hands slid down her body, learning every detail as he nudged apart her legs and positioning himself between them.
Pulling back to look at her he found her looking at him with an intense stare, her chest rising and falling in time with her irregular breathing. She looks like an angel, he thought with her golden hair spread around her shoulders in a soft mess of curls.
His eyes never left hers as he entered her, both gasping at the new sensation as he pushed all the way in. Spike bent his head down to the crook of her neck and groaned as Buffy closed her eyes to control her emotion, oblivious that Spike was doing the same thing.
Buffy was the first one to break out of their trance and she slowly moved her hips against his. Spike lifted his head from her neck and tried to control his breathing as he started to move along with her.
Finding her lips again, Spike began to thrust harder into her when he felt Buffy’s hands gripping his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and their breathing started to become more rapid when they got closer to the edge with each thrust.
“Oh God!” Buffy exclaimed, arching her back off the ground as she came. Spike thrust into her a few more times before he spilled himself within her, letting out a deep growl and collapsing on top of her. Buffy’s hands were still on his back, pulling him to her as they tried to catch their breath and realize what they just had done.
Seems like I have to call Cordelia after all, Buffy thought happily.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you so much for the reviews, I'm so happy each time I read them so please continue doing that :)
I have the next chapter ready so I'm just waiting to hear your thoughts... :)
I have the next chapter ready so I'm just waiting to hear your thoughts... :)