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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! I'm as happy as ever, each time I read them :)

The ones who are reading my other story might have read the A/N and know that I said I would go out of town, change of plans - I'm staying so hopefully there will be an update sooner ;) Please tell me what you think, and if you have any suggetions you're more than welcome to tell me! I'll see if I could fit it into the storyline. Thank you!
Chapter 33 - You’re the Best

Buffy was starting straight ahead, her eyes attached to the wall without really seeing it. If someone could’ve seen her, it would have looked like she was figuring out in which colors she wanted to paint it, or if the wallpaper seemed okay. But if the person in question had looked her in the eyes – he or she would see that she really wasn’t doing that. She was doing nothing at all.

Her eyes were blank, free of any emotion and she might as well have been asleep. She looked so calm when she sat there, but inside her head, there was another thing going on.

She thought she was going crazy. The little voice inside her head that usually made itself known whenever she really did not need it had suddenly duplicated into hundreds of them and they were all screaming different things, making Buffy dizzy.

Pregnant. She was pregnant.

Should’ve figured it out, she thought. I didn’t have my monthly and then the fainting…

Ever since she left the hospital, she had felt like a zombie, walking around because she just had to. She most of all would’ve liked to just lie down and sleep in that uncomfortable bed the hospital offered her, just to think and make things a little bit clearer. But there hadn’t been time for that.

‘I’ll go and get your friend.’

‘Can you do me a favor? Don’t tell him about… about the condition.’

First she hadn’t thought the doctor would listen to her but when Spike entered her room a few minutes later she had seen it in his eyes that he did not know, and he had just been asking about her, worried that she might have hurt herself. He’d given her promising words while gently stroking her hair, promising to take care of her until she felt like her old self again, telling her over and over again how worried he’d been.

But Buffy had barley been listening, she heard the words but didn’t comprehend them. Smiling from time to time, Spike didn’t know that she was just seeing his mouth move without making any noise.

She really didn’t know why she had said that to the doctor, it had just slipped out of her mouth and she hadn’t tried to tell him again. Seeing him kissing her hand while he held it so hard in his own, she couldn’t, just couldn’t.

Buffy glanced down to her hands where they were wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate and tightened the grip. She could almost still feel Spike’s soft lips against it.

‘You’re five weeks along, congratulations. Do you know who the father is?’

If she did.

At first, she couldn’t believe it. Of course she wanted children, she worked with them because she just loved them in every way, but during the circumstances she wasn’t sure that was the absolute brightest decision ever.

God, if it had been Angel… She didn’t want what she would’ve done. Angel was a part of her life she wanted to erase so when the doctor had told her she was five weeks pregnant she had almost let out a sigh of relief, almost. Then the panic came back.

Spike was going to be a father. And she a mother. Mother.

Buffy couldn’t help but let her eyes trail down from the cup towards her stomach in bewilderment. How would Spike react? They weren’t supposed to be something serious, were they? It was just a fling over the summer, something she would’ve looked back on with a nod and thought ‘hey, it was a great time but that was it’. That was the problem, wasn’t it? She would have, but she couldn’t do that now. Not when she was carrying his child.

Before the doctor told her about what was happening, all she wanted was to go home, but after that – staying at the hospital made much more sense. She wouldn’t have to face Spike again and talk to him, he sure would ask about the fainting over and over again. And to be so close to him, to know that she kept a secret from him would just be killing her slowly.

Yet she found herself in his car twenty minutes later, driving her towards her rented house. She’d at least got her wishes about going back to her apartment. Spike wasn’t too keen on the thought of leaving her alone but she had persuaded him that she was fine and he’d finally given up, but not without calling her to make sure she was okay before she went to sleep.

‘It’s really not my place but I can’t seem to notice that you’re not looking extremely… delighted?’

Buffy didn’t know what she was feeling. She was just confused and when the doctor had taken her silence like a ‘no’ to that question she had suggested abortion. That was when Buffy snapped out of it.

‘I won’t kill my baby. It’s already a part of me, I just can’t.’

And she was telling the doctor the truth. She wouldn’t kill it. She would go through the whole thing, with or without Spike’s support.

I’ll have to tell him, Buffy thought and let out a little sigh, I’ll have to tell him tonight. The sooner the better.

Since their dinner was cancelled the other night, Spike had insisted on her coming over today instead and she really couldn’t deny him and after all, he’d notice something was off if she kept avoiding him. That wasn’t the right solution even if it sure felt like the better one. And the less scarier one.

She could see his face in front of her, absolutely terrified at what had happened, how he would start pacing, running his hands over his face and tell her he just wanted a good shag, nothing serious. She could see herself beg him to understand she wasn’t asking him to give everything up, she just wanted to tell him and then he’d start yell at her.

Buffy shivered at the thought. She’d come to like him so much and it hurt her to know that his reaction might not be that happy. She had been happier with him the few weeks they’d had together than she had been with Angel for the last year. But then again, Spike wasn’t her boyfriend, right? They were just… friends with benefits of some sort… They had agreed on living in the moment, so why did she feel so empty and cold when thinking about this?

‘Because you love him.’

Buffy tensed up. The voices in her head had suddenly gathered themselves together and said the four words at the same time. She stared at everything and nothing, letting the words sink in before shaking her head in disbelief.

Oh god… I can’t be in love with him, can I?

‘Of course you can, you’ve been trying to avoid it for weeks now but this whole thing made you see clear. You love him.’

God dammit, those stupid voices were killing her. She couldn’t love him, sure, care for him but not love him. She would leave soon and he wouldn’t want to be with her anymore. At least, she didn’t think he would.

‘Well, you don’t know until you’ve asked, do you?’

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Buffy placed the cup on the table in front of her and wrapped her arms around her as she came to a decision.

I will tell him tonight.



Everything was looking perfect and Spike couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of himself for doing such a good job. He’d been cleaning the whole apartment, remembering that Buffy had told him a few days ago that it looked a bit dirty.

And unlike what he’d done before, when he brought girls to his apartment he listened to her. He’d never done anything like that for another woman, apart from Cecily and Drusilla. The girls he had taken home during his so called ‘man slut’ time had just been… available. He saw no future with them, just someone he could share the night with.

But Buffy was different. She was the one.

He groaned and almost slapped himself for letting the poet in him get to the surface. That was one thing he loved about Buffy, she could bring out William and he didn’t feel ashamed.

Spike eyes snapped open as he realized what he had thought and he stopped dead in his tracks.

‘Loved? No, that can’t be right, it just slipped, I don’t… I can’t…’

He shook his head, trying to forget ignore his inner battle and instead went into the kitchen to do the dishes. But it didn’t take him long until he had to skip the rest of the cleaning, the thought was bothering him too much and he let out a deep sigh and lent his back to the kitchen door.

He hadn’t loved anyone since Drusilla, not once, and there was a reason behind that. He didn’t want to get hurt again, the thing with Drusilla had almost killed him. He didn’t want to risk falling back again by being in love…

‘I’m just imagining… It’s just because I’m worried about her. I don’t… love her.’

Well, the part about being worry was most definitely true. Only once in his life had he felt a worry like that race through him, when Buffy fell, and that was when he found his mother in the bathroom. When the nurse who had tried to calm him down in the waiting room had told him that he’d have to wait outside, Spike had paced so much he started to think he’d break the floor.

That gotta be it. The worry is just messing with my head. And then the whole thing about her going back to America. Shit, I’ll have to talk to her tonight…

Spike ran a hand through his hair as if hoping to clear it a little when the phone made itself known. Grabbing the wireless phone, Spike picked it up and answered.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Giles?”

Frowning a bit Spike answered pending tone. “Yeah… Who’s asking?”

“Mr Giles, my name is Warren Meyers. Maybe you have heard of me?”

Raising an eyebrow, Spike was starting to wonder what the hell this was all about. “Uh… No, I can’t say I have.”

The man on the other end seemed a little surprised as he let out a ‘oh’, apparently not expecting that answer. “Well, then I will tell you exactly who I am. I’m Warren Meyers; I work at an agency in America.”

“What kind of agency? Oh, are you the one who’s been trying to make contact with Lily Simmons's mother?”

“Sadly, no, I’m not. But I did hear of that, very… heroic I might say, that you took care of the little girl. Will make you even more popular. The tabloids will love it.”

“What are you…”

“I’ve been trying to contact you for a little more than a week now to offer you the chance of a lifetime.”

Spike was quiet for a few moments, thinking this person was really out of his bloody mind. What the hell was he talking about? He shook his head and closed his eyes for a few seconds before answering. “Sorry… What? What chance?”

“Now, before you answer, I really want you to think this through. It’s one hell of a chance, one of those you get once in a lifetime.”

“Spit it out, already,” Spike muttered, not really feeling in the mood to chat with this Warren whatever the hell his name was, he needed to get started with the food and then pick up Buffy. He was just about to say that when the man on the other end talked.

“Patience, patience,” he mocked with a chuckle. “Would you want to say that to your new coach?”

“Coach?”

“I have talked with a few people after watching you surf and I’m calling to offer you a place in a surfing tournament, and not just a tournament, but the one.”

Spike was speechless and suddenly let out a laugh. “You gotta me kidding me.”

Warren seemed slightly surprised, judging by the tone of his voice. “No… I’m not. You’re the best there is, you’ll make it big if you join this competition and the winner gets the greatest price, plus the fame. Don’t you want to do that? See the world?”

“I don’t get it… How could you, I mean, why would you choose me?” Spike mumbled, stumbling on his words.

“I already told you that. You’re the best, and if you just get out of the small town and get the chance to show the world how good you are, you’ll be famous. I talked to my boss, he thinks you’re the right person for the last place in this tournament. So what do you say?”





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