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Chapter 25

“How many days is this without REM sleep?” the voice taunted.

“Go to hell,” Charlotte told the apparition in the corner.

“Can’t. You don’t have to be asleep for me to reach you, you know, so those little pills you’re taking to prevent the dreams? Useless.” The demon’s voice was sinuous and evil.

“You’re not real,” she replied, trying to ignore it in favor of the television.

“Real enough that you’re talking to me. I’m stuck inside your head, remember? I can’t leave until you’re dead.” The demon shifted to look like Spike. “Then again, maybe I’ll stick around to sample a piece of this action,” she added, stroking a hand over the body.

“He won’t look twice at you,” Charlotte answered haughtily.

“Do you know why you’re here?” the demon asked, changing tactics.

“Because you’re a sadistic evil demon stuck inside my head?” she replied sarcastically.

“Nooo…that’s why I’m here. Try again.” Charlotte refused to answer. “Alright…I’ll tell you.” The demon shifted to look like Nicholae. “You are here, little lotte, because you have a purpose…which isn’t about you.”

“Wonderful. I’m busy. Can we do this another time?”

The demon, black as coal again, grinned ferally. “As you wish.”

~+~

New Year’s Eve…

Buffy didn’t have a clue how to dress to blend into a punk crowd, so she didn’t try, putting on a black sweater, jeans, and boots. Her hair was pulled back in a high ponytail and her eyes were rimmed with dark green and black. She did know how to pull off a flawless smoky eye.

“Will I pass?” she asked Dawn.

“I think you’re non-offensive enough.”

Bzzzzt!

“Ooo! That’s the door – get it while I hide!” Buffy babbled.

Dawn rolled her eyes and opened the door. “Hey…love the eyeliner! How do you put it on without a mirror?”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Go get your sister, brat.”

“BUFFFFFFYYYY!” she yelled, then dodged his hands as he swiped at her.

“Dawn, do you really have to yell – Hi!” Buffy replied, stopping short when she saw her date.

The vision before her looked more ‘Big Bad’ then he had in a long time. The vampire’s hair was roughed up to stand in spikes. He wore a faded t-shirt with some horror movie image under his coat, a studded belt across his tight-black-jean-clad hips, and all the silver jewelry was back. And eyeliner.

Spike started to fidget under Buffy’s stare. “What?” he barked.

She shook her head, coming back to reality. “Nothing. You just look like the…old you. In a good way. I think I might stand out like a sore thumb.”

“You look fine, pet. You might be surprised,” he replied. “Shall we? It’s a bit of a drive.”

Buffy nodded, grabbing her purse and jacket. “No boys,” she told Dawn.

“Yeah, yeah…” She gave Spike a thumb’s up as Buffy walked under his arm out the door.

“G’night, Bit.” They waited in the hall until they heard her turn the lock. “18 going on 30, that one is.”

“You’re telling me!” Buffy agreed. Tonight, she was just ‘Buffy going on a date’, so she let Spike get her doors for once without comment.

He handed her a little bag as he got into the car.

“What’s this?”

“Just look, Slayer.”

She reached her hand in and pulled out a set of new foam earplugs. “You didn’t have to.”

“Yeah, but I figure you’ll be grateful by the end of the night. It…I’m glad you want to share my interests, pet, but I’ll understand if you want to duck out early. This isn’t that ‘pop punk’ shit they play on the radio,” he warned her.

She looked at him seriously. “Spike, I want to ring in the New Year with you. It’s why I bought two tickets.”

He grinned. “Alright, then.”

~+~

The punk-fest was eight hours of a mix of cover bands and original local groups. It was standing room only. They stopped at the bar, then waded through the crowd, Buffy holding on to Spike’s coat sleeve. She stayed close once he stopped, gazing around with wide eyes. Every kind of alternative fashion you could think of could be found in the crowd, plus those who made a statement by being as non-descript as possible. She hadn’t expected the older people in the back, though – wasn’t that guy Giles’ age?!

Spike bopped his head to the music and sung along when he knew the words. He’d look down and smile at her every so often, brow quirked in question. She’d smile and nod back, since he probably couldn’t have heard a word she might have said. Cuz okay – he was right about the earplugs, but she could bounce to a beat, right? It didn’t have to matter if she heard the words or understood the songs. And Spike was actually a good date – he moved her in front of him when he’d felt her get jostled one too many times, and kept checking if she needed a soda refill.

The crowd only booed one band off the stage before midnight. Buffy hadn’t thought that one was so bad, but what did she know? Anyway, they were on their seventh band approaching midnight.

“Okay, we’re going to play one more song before the countdown, so if you didn’t bring a fuck buddy, find one!” the singer yelled into the mic.

Buffy blushed head-to-toe and hoped Spike wasn’t paying attention. She hadn’t even thought of a midnight kiss, let alone a hook up. She was being so careful not to mess this up with physical crap this time!

Spike did notice her temperature rise, didn’t know what to do about it, so ignored it. He was impressed that she hadn’t turned her nose up at the whole scene yet for offending her girly sensibilities. He also wished he could tell Joyce that he’d gotten her daughter to go to a punk concert of her own volition. She’d laugh in disbelief, saying she had more radical musical tastes than her oldest ever would. Spike was brought out of his musings by someone announcing, “Ten seconds!” over the PA system.

“Happy New Year, Buffy,” he murmured in her ear.

She turned her head back, not able to hear him clearly. “What?” she asked, then noticed that his face was close to hers. Buffy saw him mouth ‘Happy New Year’, and smiled and nodded.

“3! 2! 1! Happy 2005!!!” the crowd shouted.

For a second as she was looking up at him, Spike thought about kissing her, then placed it on her forehead, instead.

She’d thought he was thinking about kissing her, but then he didn’t. Was her breath really bad? Did he not think of her like that anymore? Was he afraid of it, like she was? Oh, hell… Buffy grabbed his cheeks and placed a short, firm, closed-mouth kiss on his lips. There…see how he liked them apples! Oh, God…what if I just ruined everything?!

Spike stood in shock, staring at her. She kissed me! Is it just New Year’s? Does she want me? Did someone spike her Coke? What do I do – stop staring at her, mate!

“You hungry?” he shouted, finally.

“Huh? Uh…yeah, I guess,” she yelled back. He nodded, grabbed her hand, and started fighting his way through the crowd (not literally).

The sudden rush into cold January air chilled her sweaty body as they stepped outside. Buffy shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. She’d taken Spike’s advice about leaving her jacket in the car, which worked inside a crowded club, but now she wanted to dive back in where it was warm.

“Come on, luv, it’s not far to the car,” Spike encouraged, steering her to the parking lot. He was grateful for ‘fresh’ air, after five hours of not breathing amongst the crowd. Once upon a time, he would have been plucking the juiciest treat out of a gathering like that, but now… “There’s a diner a couple miles back.”

“Th-that’s f-fine,” she replied.

He turned on the heater as soon as the car was running. With that big V-10 under the hood, it didn’t take long to warm up in the cabin. Buffy felt dry and toasty by the time they reached the restaurant.

“Just coming from a party?” the waitress asked, handing out menus as they walked inside. “Take a seat anywhere, we’re not full.” She wasn’t sure what to make of the young man, but the girl looked respectable. She hoped they weren’t the type to skip out on the check.

“Pick anything you want, pet,” Spike stated, glancing at the menu. “I hope your ears aren’t ringing too badly.”

“Nope,” she replied, reading her choices. “The ear plugs really helped.”

They placed their orders and lapsed into silence. Buffy spoke first.

“So…were they good…the bands? I wouldn’t really know…”

He gratefully latched onto the topic. “Yeah…yeah, most. Most of them were really into what they were doing, which is the point. If you don’t mean what you’re singin’, get off the stage. Especially with rock…man, I’ve seen some bloody vicious crowds when there’s a poser up there. They can scent that you’re fakin’ it a mile away. I’m sure your Watcher has some stories about that, too.”

Buffy smiled. “I wouldn’t know. Giles and I don’t discuss music, either. It might lead to violence. About, um…about the…”

“Yeah?” he asked, cursing internally at the note of hope in his voice.

“Um, yeah…are you cool? Cuz…um…I like you, okay? But, I don’t want you to think…I wasn’t taking…this time… Just so you know,” she babbled. She covered her face with her hands. “Did that make any sense?”

Spike grinned and reached out to pull one of her hands away, engulfing it in his own. “Yeah…it did. Thank you.”

She opened the eye that wasn’t covered by her other hand. “Yeah?”

He smiled wider. “Yeah.”

~+~

Once they knew they were okay in each other’s minds, the pair relaxed. The waitress brought their food. Buffy wrinkled her nose up at his rare steak and eggs, while Spike kept stealing the blueberries sitting atop her stack of waffles. Coincidentally, they’d both rounded out their late-night meal with chocolate milkshakes. Once Buffy started yawning because of the late hour, he decided to take her home.

The drive back was comfortable. The car was cozy warm, Spike was singing softly along with the radio, and Buffy felt herself drifting in and out. He gently shook her shoulder when they pulled up to her building.

“Hmm?” She blinked sleepily.

“We’re here, luv.”

“Oh, okay. You wanna come up for a little bit? Dawn probably isn’t asleep…” she replied. Buffy waited for him to come around the car.

“Think she had a party while we were out?” he asked, helping her rise out of the low-sitting Viper.

“Nah…she doesn’t know anybody…does she?” They looked at each other, and made quick work of getting up the steps to the apartment, silently, to catch Dawn in the (possible) act. “Hear anything?” Buffy whispered, before putting her key in the door.

Spike listened for a minute, then shook his head. “Just the telly.”

The Slayer nodded and noisily turned her key in the door, swinging it open to find her sister slumped over asleep on the sofa in front of the television.

“Cute,” the vampire quipped quietly behind her. She giggled, then tiptoed to the couch and pulled the afghan over Dawn. Spike shifted his weight back and forth. “Well, I guess I better be going…leave you to get some sleep,” he suggested awkwardly.

Buffy nodded, secretly disappointed. “Okay. Let me see you out so I can lock up downstairs.”

They stopped at the outer door.

“Thank you for the concert, luv…again,” Spike said sincerely.

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you had fun. I really wanted to get you the right thing.” She looked up at him through her lashes, feeling like a teen on her first date, unsure how to end the night.

Spike was just as unsure. Part of him didn’t want the night to end, as it’d been nearly perfect, but the other half was screaming at him to run before he managed to mess it up. At least she looks as reluctant to say goodnight as I feel.

“Well…goodnight, then,” he finally murmured, just to end their torment. His feet didn’t obey.

“Uh-huh…” Are we to the point of a goodnight kiss?

Sod it. Spike leaned in 90% of the way, giving her the chance to meet him with her lips or her cheek. Fortunately, Buffy was just as ready to meet him half way and tilted her face up at the perfect angle. Their lips met in the softest kiss they’d ever shared. The first kiss that wasn’t about lust or desperation or escape. It just was.

They parted with identical smiles, foreheads leaned into each other as they inhaled each other’s breath.

“See you soon, Slayer,” Spike whispered, then walked away. If he stayed any longer, then they would have to think about other things, and the moment had been too perfect.

“Bye…” she sighed.

Dawn sat wide-awake on the couch when she returned, a satisfied smirk on her face. “Have fun?” she drawled.

“Don’t start! You big faker,” Buffy growled, her face turning red. Her sister’s giggles trailed down the hall as she fled to her bedroom.

~+~

January…

Life is a dichotomy. Over here, you have the good things, the happy things, people falling in love, and babies being born. And over there: death, mayhem, horror, and destruction. For every weekend that saw a couple getting married, there were just as many starving, diseased, and murdered in man’s senseless struggles for dominance over each other. The supernatural world mirrored this, of course, and even overlapped it. The balance of order and chaos, life and death…

But that was on Earth. And this was Hell.

Charlotte froze as she discovered she was dreaming. She’d tried so hard not to dream again!

“Ahh, home sweet home…” the demon purred at her side. “You know, I do find your human world trying in some ways, but it’s also a lot of fun. I bet you didn’t know there’s fun, here, too.” She touched Charlotte’s arm, and a scene unfolded before them.

Charlotte tried to close her eyes, but they wouldn’t obey. She found herself forced to watch as a man was disemboweled on a table, his screams deafening, until he succumbed. Then, it started all over again. It was dark, hot, and smelled of sulfur – stereotypical, really, but no less disturbing in reality. She finally managed to blink, only to find herself on the table.

The demon stood over her with a long curved knife. “I hope you’ll scream for me. I must have my scream.” The knife sliced into Charlotte’s belly.

The scream forced its way out hard enough to make her throat bleed.

(flash)

Another scene. Darkness. Isolation. Cold. Charlotte got the profound sense that she was alone. Truly alone.

The demon’s voice suddenly whispered, “You know what real hell is for the human soul? It isn’t torture and fire and pain. It’s desolation. To truly be deprived of any contact or comfort or even light.” The voice shifted to her other ear. “It’s what awaits you for being bound to me…”

“You lie!”

The demon chuckled in such a way that Charlotte felt the bottom of her stomach drop out in dread. “You’d really like to think so.”

(flash)

She found herself in a very large room that was shrouded in darkness. Spotlights suddenly turned on, shining on the assembly. Every person she cared about was crucified upside-down, bruised and beaten and bleeding.

“NO!” she cried out desperately.

Nicholae appeared before her dressed like a circus Master of Ceremonies.

“You like the display? I thought it a bit over the top, but I’m not in charge.”

“It’s not real. They’re not real. You’re not real,” Charlotte chanted.

“This is as real as you perceive, Charlotte. You smell the blood, don’t you? The dirt, the sickness, the urine and feces…you especially won’t be able to block out the blood. You tasted so sweet, you know. The perfect blend of innocence and fear.” He circled her, going into vamp face. “I must admit, the innocence surprised me a great deal in a woman of your age. In these modern times, you never let a man between your soft ivory thighs?”

“Stop it…” She tried walking away, anywhere away. He appeared before her again. “You’re not him. As misguided as Nicholae was, he was not a monster!”

The image of Nicholae shifted into that of the demon. “You’re right. He was pathetic. But…I’m forever grateful that he opened that door for me. Back on topic, though.” The demon waved her hand, changing the setting again. Charlotte was chained to a wall, naked. “If you never let a man go all the way, how about a woman?”

Charlotte receded deep into her own mind as the pain grew and grew, praying she would wake up.

~+~

“Can’tsleepcan’tsleepcan’tsleepcan’tsleep…won’t sleep.”

Too many weeks without sleep will make the mind of anyone unstable. Trying of her own will to not sleep or dream didn’t work, so Charlotte resorted to something she had sworn all her life she would never do.

She sighed in relief as the methamphetamine flowed into her veins. No need to sleep, now. She was careful, of course…couldn’t look strung out or jittery. Her coworkers would spot it in a heartbeat. She’d inject just enough to continuously stay awake. Could see how so many got addicted to the feeling of that initial rush, though. It felt so good when you were dragging…

Not for every day, though. There were also these wonderful energy drinks and pills and herbs…

But eventually, you can’t help crashing. And then the dreams get worse.

~+~

February…

Dawn came home from class to find Buffy and Spike cuddling on the couch again, watching a movie.

“You guys are so cutesy, it’s disgusting.”

“You’re just jealous because you’re still in the friend zone with Connor,” Buffy retorted, snuggling closer to her vampire. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“You don’t have to rub it in,” Dawn groused. “Hey, Spike, have you talked to Charlotte lately? I’ve been so swamped with school work, I keep forgetting to call her.”

He looked sheepish. “Um, no, not for a while… Kinda been distracted, myself,” Spike replied, smiling down at Buffy.

“You wanna get a pizza, Dawn?” Buffy asked, giving him a peck on the cheek before following her sister to her bedroom.

Spike stood to grab a beer from the fridge, only to be diverted by his phone ringing in his coat pocket. “Hullo?”

“Uh, yes…is this William?”

“Yeah…” he replied warily. Who’d be using his given name?

“Hi, this is Mr. Brooks, the principal at Miss Taylor’s school? She listed your number as a contact in the area. We were wondering if you’ve talked to her recently.”

“Sorry, I haven’t, mate. Been a bit busy, lately. Why, is anything wrong?”

“I’m…concerned. She hasn’t come to work for two days, and there’s no answer to her phone number. It’s very unlike her.”

“Right… I’ll go by her place now; I’m familiar with it. Um, give me a ring at this number if she calls, eh?”

“Thank you, sir. If you could leave a message with the secretary when you find her, we’d appreciate it.”

Spike scribbled down the number for the school office, hung up, and slipped into his coat.

Buffy came back out, followed by Dawn. “Hey, where are you going?”

“Charlotte’s missing. That was her boss on the phone.”

“Maybe she just forgot to call in sick,” Buffy suggested.

“She missed two days without a phone call, pet. I’d say it’s a bit more serious than playing hooky.” He placed a quick kiss on her forehead. “I gotta go.”

“Do you want help looking?” Dawn offered.

Her question fell on deaf ears, as he was already out the door.





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