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I do not own the characters of BTVS. Yeah that's right. I don't. Also, wanted to mention that it was brought to my attention that as far as legalities went, Spike and Buffy's night in vegas could technically be considered rape (at least statutory) and also assault. I didn't want Buffy to feel like that had happened to her in this fic, figuring she had enough stuff to deal with. If this bothered anyone, I very much apologize. I wanted to leave Buffy with SOME good thoughts of that night, so that was my basis behind it. Now, on to the story!!
Chapter 8

They sat there on her mom's couch in silence again, both lost in their own world. Spike could feel his demon getting pushed further back, and his mind played over the recent events that had caused that to happen. He'd never given much thought to children, mostly because he was under the impression he would never have any. He had never gotten off on feeding on children like a lot of his kind, but now the thought of that made him sick, and he wondered what was happening to him.

"Spike?"

"What?"

"How come you've been such a jerk since you came to town?"

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that he was always a jerk, which wouldn't be far from the truth. In actuality, he had acted in a manner far less violent than he was used to, but he knew what she was referring to and decided to give her an honest answer. "Mostly 'cos I was angry, I suppose."

"At me? What did I do?? Well, besides hit you over the head that time, but you so deserved that."

Spike gave her a half smile. "Yeah, guess I did. No, was angry at me."

"Huh?"

Spike thought she looked cute with that confused look on her face. Going for brutal honesty, he asked, "Buffy do you know what I usually do to virgins?" At the hesitant shake of her head, he replied, "I hurt them, is what. And I like it."

He could see the horror etched on her face, and he pressed on. "I'm a vampire, luv. A demon. And we like causing pain and death. It's what we do."

"But... you uh, didn't really hurt me." Buffy said hesitantly, finding herself confused. "Well, you did at the end, but that was different."

"Yeah, it was."

"So..why didn't you hurt me?"

"My demon wanted to, believe me."

"So, what stopped it?"

After a lengthy pause, Spike finally said, "I did."

"oh. So, uh.. what happened to you when I freaked?"

"The demon took control."

"Oh. I think I get that. But that still doesn't explain why you've been such an ass since you came to town."

"Like I said, I was angry."

"Yeah, but why?" Buffy pressed.

Spike looked over at her in mock annoyance. "Boy, you really ask the tough questions dontcha? Ok, you really want to know why? I'll tell you. But don't complain if it doesn't make a whole lot of sense." Buffy nodded. "The demon's pretty much been in the drivers seat for the last two years. I've been one mean son of a bitch." At her horrified look, he smirked. "Yeah that's right baby. Bad. The demon population the world over has suffered greatly."

"Demons?"

"Yeah, demons. Don't know why, but the human scene got a bit old. Demons were more of a challenge, put up more of a fight. But even that got old. Then I heard some talk about the slayer, and I thought, well, there's my next challenge." He didn't look at her as he told her this, not wanting to see the condemning look on her face. "So I arrive in Sunnydale to take out the Slayer, and who do I find? You. The Slayer. So yeah, angry here."

"It's not my fault you don't get to kill a slayer!" Buffy said indignantly.

"Yeah, well that's not what caused the anger. I discovered I felt something like guilt when I saw you. Me, feeling guilt. I don't feel guilt, I'm a vampire. But that's what I felt. And it brassed the demon off but good."

"Oh. Ok, that makes a little sense. So, are you still pissed?"

Spike smiled at her and shocked her by reaching for her hand. "Yeah, my demon's not happy with all these tender feelings I seem to be having, but I'll try not to take it out on you again, ok?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice. Because, you know, you were kind of annoying earlier." Buffy remarked with a slight teasing tone in her voice.

Spike snorted. "And like you weren't?"

"I so wasn't."

Spike's sensitive ears picked up the sound of Buffy's mom finally going all the way up the stairs. He had been aware of her presence, but didn't really blame her. At least not enough to call her on her eavesdropping. He was actually amazed she hadn't tried to stake him on sight, and another sliver of human emotion snuck in on him. But this time, he just accepted it, didn't lash out at the one his demon deemed "responsible" for it. The girl sitting next to him.

Buffy's face turned serious, and her eyes hardened a bit. "Spike, there are a few things I need to say to you, things I've pretty much been holding onto for 2 years now. I know it probably won't make a difference to you, but I have to say it anyway."

Spike nodded. "Fine."

Taking a deep breath, Buffy plunged ahead. "Ever since that night, I've been really confused. But the bottom line is, you hurt me. And you terrified me. And if I wasn't the Slayer, you'd be terrifying me right now. But killing vampires is my job, and I'm good at it. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt about that night, because I realize you really were trying to make it good for me, which added greatly to my confusion. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't seen you in the mirror, and I'd rather not think about that." Then, looking straight into Spike's intense blue eyes, Buffy added fiercely, "But what I can tell you is this. If you hurt me again, I will kill you. If you hurt our son, I will kill you. If you hurt any of my friends or family, I will kill you. Understand?"

Spike looked away, but Buffy still caught the flicker of sadness in his eyes, which only added to her confusion. Why was he so damn confusing? "Yes, I understand."

Buffy nodded. "Ok, good. And just so you know, I'm not making idle threats here. You're Blake's father, and I'm not entirely certain there isn't a reason why we were given a chance to have this baby, which is why I'm even willing to take this chance with you. I'm going on gut instinct here, so please don't make me sorry, ok? If you don't want a part of this or if you know you can't be trusted, you are more than welcome to walk away now. I won't stop you."

"Not walking away from my son." Spike replied, finding himself oddly proud of Buffy's speech to him. He had discovered she had grown claws, now he realized she'd also grown up a bit.

"Alright, just remember what I said. I'm dead serious." Looking at her watch, Buffy groaned. "Uh, time to go to bed, I have school in the morning."

Spike looked at her in surprise, then remembered how young she really was. "What do you do with the boy while you're at school?"

Standing up, Buffy answered, "Mom takes him to the gallery and watches him there."

An odd feeling hit telling him that he had missed out on a lot of his boy's life, and that tugged at him. "I can watch him."

Spike watched with dread as Buffy's face closed off and she shook her head. "No. Not going to happen."

A small glint of anger found its way back into Spike's eyes as he retorted, "He's my son."

Putting her hands on her hips, Buffy replied, "Spike, I said I was willing to take a chance. That does not mean that I trust you."

A stab of hurt found its mark, and Spike found himself with an internal war once again. But before, when he would have reacted in anger, this time he allowed himself to react in acceptance, knowing the words she spoke were most likely true. "Ok. I guess we'll have to work on that, won't we?"

Buffy gave him a relieved smile, and Spike felt like he had passed a test. "Yeah, guess so. Bring him on up, let's get him back to bed."

"Can I just sit with him a while more?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, Spike." At the look of anger on his face, Buffy added, "And if you try that controlling claim thingie on me again, I'll kick your ass."

That made Spike smile, as he drawled, "Yeah? Like to see you try."

Buffy shrugged, as she pulled him up off the couch. "Maybe we can spar sometime. Giles'd like that. I'm always pounding on him."

"Yeah, maybe." Spike followed Buffy up the stairs, noticing the light was still on in her mum's room. Reluctantly, he lowered his son into his crib, wanting to have him back in his arms again. But, he knew it was his fault Buffy didn't trust him, and allowed himself to curse his demonic side. He had been honest with her tonight, and he knew he'd been a jackass to her. Blame it on his defense mechanism, or whatever, Spike decided then and there he was willing to do whatever it took so that he earned Buffy's trust. He wanted it, and he hadn't realized how much he needed it until now, as he looked at his precious sleeping son, then back at Buffy's gentle face. He smiled at her, and allowed himself to be drawn out of the room.

Closing the door quietly behind her, Buffy asked, "So, how did it come about that you got yourself invited to Giles for a drink?"

"Saved his life, is what."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you can ask him. Think your Watcher is a bit on the lonely side."

"Yeah, maybe." She turned to head to the bathroom, then looked back at him and announced, "Just so you know, I'm sleeping in Blake's room tonight."

Spike held her gaze, then nodded his head, acknowledging her unspoken statement that she would be watching over her son against him. Again, the need to wipe that doubt and mistrust from her face stuck Spike like a sledgehammer, even while he knew he was responsible for putting it there. No, he corrected, the demon put it there. Yeah, well you helped, mate, Spike chastised himself.

"Better be getting to bed with you then." Spike commented, as he turned around and went back down the stairs, knowing Buffy was watching him walk away.

As Buffy settled into the twin bed in Blake's room, she realized that her most of her conflict surrounding that night was gone. Whatever the outcome of the future, for that she was grateful. She was glad they had been able to talk, that he now knew exactly what he had done to her. And she could so do without the piddly shit fighting they kept engaging each other in.

Joyce also finally allowed herself to shut off the light, and tried to sleep. She had no guilt about eavesdropping on their conversations. Regardless if Buffy was the Slayer and could handle herself against a vampire, she was still her little baby girl. And that vampire downstairs had hurt her. But, Joyce had also seen something else in Buffy, something that would flash in her eye when she would talk about "him." It had been enough for Joyce to allow herself the benefit of the doubt when he had shown up at their door, wanting to see how they interacted with each other. And again, it was her mother's intuition that told her that the entirety of Buffy's feelings towards Spike were not all bad. That was the only thing that kept her from sending a stake through his heart, because she just wanted to see her daughter happy. She realized most would think her foolish for giving an evil vampire the benefit of the doubt, but Joyce felt it was the right thing to do. So for now, she would just watch and see what happened. And pray she had made the right decision.

With that thought in mind, Joyce drifted off to sleep.

tbc..

Ok, hope this chapter clears up some questions or "issues" regarding the emotions behind various characters actions/thoughts/whatever. I had already planned on having Spike and Buffy's relationship improve, so the comments I have received in that area helped me go in that direction even more. But, unlike my other fics, I didn't want Spike whipped too soon, it just didn't' seem to work in this story. Of course, that's not to say that he WON'T be whipped, cos well, that's my favorite kind of Spike!
thank you so much for all the comments regarding this fic!! You guys rock!





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