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Chapter 26


All around them conversations continued, life went on. A small part of Buffy's mind felt that there should have been a collective gasp, a turning of a few heads, or at the very least a whisper or two behind raised hands.

Maybe she hadn't grown up as much as she believed.

“Hello Buffy,” he continued to look at her. Up close he still had the same piercing blue eyes but where once they were bare to her they seemed cautious and closed to her now.

Not feeling comfortable under his sudden inspection coupled with too much alcohol, Buffy found herself suddenly angry. “Where's your girlfriend?” She barbed out before she could stop herself.

“Who, Fred?” He asked cautiously. “She has an early class in the morning.” They once again lapsed into an uncomfortable silence.

“So what? Now that your girlfriend's gone, you find me?” Spike's eyes hardened. Buffy knew she was being argumentative but the conversation she overheard between Spike and Fred was suddenly fresh in her mind.

“No I was being sensitive to her feelings regarding you and I and what we use to have. In reality, I'm just here trying to make nice for the cheerleader's sake.”

What about my feelings she wondered bitterly. “Oh, is this the part where we ask how life' s treating one another and we smile and pretend everything is resolved?”

“Pet, err Buffy everything is resolved for me.” Spike said softly.

Buffy flinched. Standing she clasped her hands behind her back, but not before Spike noticed the tremor in her hands. He wondered briefly why it bothered him. “I'm glad to hear that”, she sighed sadly. “You know what? I'm suddenly very tired. Tell Cordelia and Angel I said goodnight, please”. She picked up her bag and pausing turned back to him. “For what it worth, I never meant to deceive you. I just needed to tell you that. Truthfully, in the beginning the age thing--- didn't mean too much, but by the time it started to matter it was to late. I couldn't think of a way to tell you, plain and simple. I know that you don't believe me but I really did love you and I wanted to spent the rest of,” she stopped and smiled sadly. “I guess it really doesn't matter anymore what I wanted, huh?” He reached out for her but after a moment dropped his hand. As she hurried away Spike realized that he wasn't ready for her to leave.

Refusing to ask himself why, he followed Buffy out. “You don't get to do that.” Sighing she stopped on the lawn without turning around. “You don't get to make your little speech and then get a dramatic exit.” Buffy slowing turned to face him. “Yea, maybe I have something to say to you. You ever think of that?”

Buffy looked at him with wide angry eyes. “Don't- you- dare--!!” she began.

Don't I dare what?” he asked quickly.

“Why you aggravating!!--” She threw her head heavenward and growled in frustration. “I always wanted to talk, Spike. God! I wanted to work us out. I killed myself trying to get you to just talk to me.” She march towards him and poked him in the center of his chest. “You're the one that made sure that That Night was our last conversation.”

“That Night should never have happened Buffy.” He bit out. “You were just a silly girl playing silly girl games.”

“That's not true and you know it” Buffy fought to keep her tears from falling. “Did you ever love me?” she whispered.

Spike turned from her and after a moment said softly, “it was a long time ago, Pet. Does it really matter?”

“Of course it does.”

“Why?”

“It just does!” she yelled.

“Well I don't like thinking about that--time.” She looked at him with wide eyes. “What did you expect Buffy, you made a fool of me.”

Buffy felt her heart breaking all over again. She watched as Spike fought to keep his emotions under control. A sorrowful smile played on her lips. “See that's just it, that was never my intention.” Buffy closed the distance between them once again as she stepped to him and said, “I loved you, Spike. Every moment you were away from me I missed you. Even now, after all this time I look at you--” Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head laughing bitterly. “Wow, I need to go home before I embarrass myself any more. Spike I would like for us to at least be friends. Can I have that at least?”

Spike shook his head sadly saying, “We're not friends, We'll never be friends.”

After searching his eyes, wordlessly she left. This time he didn't follow her.


He was in the backyard when Angel came out later that night. Angel watched the glow of the cigarette for a moment before saying, “Those things are going to kill you someday.” Spike waited for his former flatmate to settle down next to him. The two sat and listened as the party continued in the house.

“Damn woman.” He said dropping the cigarette butt.

Angel smiled softly, “What did you do? I thought you promised Cordelia you where gonna play nice?”

“I didn't do anything. I said some things and she said some things—then I said some more things and she left.”

“Did you make her cry? Please tell me she wasn't crying.” Angel growled at his former flatmate and said with his teeth clenched, “What the hell Spike, you promised you wouldn't cause any trouble.”

“Don't worry Peaches. Buffy's not going anywhere. Anyway it had to happen—her and I. There was things that needed to be said, by both of us.” Spike lapsed into silence but Angel knew that his former flatmate had something else on his mind. He waited quietly for Spike to speak, and he didn't have to wait long. “Now don't read anything into this but I just wonder, for a moment—when I saw her. When she first walked in the door it was like these last few years—never happened. Just for a moment I was glad to see her. And then she looked at me and smiled...”

Angel watched him as he drifted away, a small smile on his lips. He wondered briefly how long Fred would be around. To bad, she was a nice girl.

Spike cleared his throat and continued, “It was only for a moment. Then Red dragged her away and then—bloody hell! That's why I don't tell you anything. Stop smiling at me like that!” Spike stood up and glaring at Angel said “Sod off you bloody tosser. It meant nothing.”

“Of course not--”

“It was only for a moment. I have a wonderful bird at home,” he continued.

Angel nodded.

“Who I think is sleeping with that Professor again.” Spike mumbled.

Slowly Angel smile slid from his face and he stood up. “Professor Wyndam-Price?”

“The one and bloody only.” Spike placed a cigarette in his mouth and lit it. “She says that nothing is going on but there is something she's not telling me. If she's not sleeping with him what on earth could it be?”

Behind them the door was suddenly thrown opened. “There you are!” Both men turned to look at Cordelia standing in the doorway. “Is everything alright.”

“Everything is--”

“Uhh honey I was talking to Spike.” she said smiling frostily. “Now there was no tears, right Spike. I don't to have to go all the way to Ohio to get my bridesmaid back, do I?”

Spike chuckled and running his hand through his hair said, “No Pet. She'll keep. Although you probably will be getting a phonecall tomorrow.”

Cordelia smiled knowingly and said, “I would have expected no less.” Angel walked towards his future wife as she continued, “Are you coming back in?”

Spike shook his head and stepped off the porch. “No, I think I'll be heading home. Goodnight.”
Spike turned and walked slowly away. Cordelia reached for her lover's hand and gave it a squeeze.





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