Caught Between Two Lovers
Author: Pattyanne
Disclaimer: None of the
BtVS characters belong
to me.
Part 20....
Here I Am
~~~~~~~~~~
"Here I am
Playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me..."
~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy's eyes went wide with shock. She turned hot,
then cold, then hot again.
"Ahhhh!" Looking up, she saw her reflection, squealed,
and clapped both hands over her eyes to shut out the
image, dropping the envelope and letter.
**He's coming back! And I look like something the
cat wouldn't bother to drag in!**
The letter settled on her foot, but the envelope played
hide and seek by sailing under her mother's curio cabinet.
She dropped to her knees and tried to wedge her
hand between the bottom of the cabinet and the floor.
Groping around blindly, she was beginning to think that
she'd have to move the stupid cabinet away from the
stupid wall when the tips of her fingers touched the very
edge of the envelope.
Buffy scanned the front of the envelope for the post-
mark, but it was smudged and she couldn't tell
where he'd sent it from.
The frustration she felt was beginning to give way to a
surge of pure happiness and excitement, as she
felt herself coming alive for the first time in endless,
dreary weeks.
Jumping to her feet, she ran back upstairs and pulled
off all her baggy clothing, then streaked down the
hall to the bathroom.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Holding you...a feeling I never out grew
Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside."
~~~~~~~~~~
She showered, washed and conditioned her hair,
then shaved her legs and underarms. Dashing back
to her room with a towel wrapped around her, she used
her blow dryer, brushing her hair until it gleamed in the
lamplight.
Sitting down at her vanity table, she made up her
face, using a taupe shadow on her eyes, followed
by a soft brown liner and a few strokes of mascara.
She was about to apply her favorite lip color when
she ran her tongue over her teeth, grimacing at the
gritty feeling. Back to the bathroom she went, where
she flossed and brushed her teeth, then rinsed with a
mint flavored mouthwash.
Buffy gave her reflection a big smile. "Much better."
She returned to her bedroom and finished applying
her make-up, painting her lips a dusky rose, then
adding just a touch of gloss.
Logically, she knew it was unlikely..although certainly
not impossible..that he would come that night, but decided
there was nothing wrong with a girl wanting to look nice
while she kills things.
Suddenly anxious and jumpy, she needed to leave
the house, to get moving, to go somewhere and do
something..do anything..just to keep busy.
She donned an emerald green pullover that he had
admired on her once, telling her that he loved the way
the color deepened the green in her eyes.
After slipping on a pair of her tightest jeans, the ones
that clung lovingly to every dip and curve they
touched, she fished around under her bed for her
black ankle high boots.
She took one more look in the mirror and smiled,
pleased with her results.
"He's coming back," she whispered, afraid to say
it too loud. If this was all just an elaborate dream she
was having, she wasn't taking the slightest chance of
waking herself up.
~~~~~~~~~~
"So there's no sense pretending
My heart, it's not mending.."
~~~~~~~~~~
Grabbing a light denim jacket, she skipped happily
downstairs. After scribbling a quick note to her
mother explaining that she'd gone out with Willow
and Xander, she left the house and headed straight
for Mount Hope cemetery.
When she crossed the street where they'd had their
second encounter, Buffy paused, unconsciously
straining her ears for the roar of a powerful V-8
engine.
But the only sound she heard was the sputtering
motor of a VW that was already old before she'd
been born.
With a smile and a shake of her head, she practically
jogged the three miles to Mount Hope. A feeling of anti-
cipation that she just couldn't quell flared in her heart when
she walked through the front gates.
As she wove in and out of the tombstones, paying
scant attention to whatever might be going on around
her, she imagined their reunion. Even if he didn't show
up tonight, he soon would, and she had to decide just
exactly how to behave when he did.
Should she be angry that he'd left without saying goodbye,
or just be happy he was back? Maybe a combination of
of both emotions would be the right thing to do.
Briefly considering the option of acting very sophisticated
about the whole thing, she dismissed it just as quickly. The
last thing SHE could pull off would be a "woman of the world"
attitude, acting as if she'd barely noticed he was gone. He
knew her far too well to swallow a line like that.
Deciding to decide later, she then began to worry.
What if she froze up and couldn't think of anything to
say, or said something stupid and babyish, or said nothing
at all and just burst into tears?
These worries were bad enough, but they were nothing
really..just insignificant trifles..compared to her biggest
worry, the one that frightened her more than any demon
ever could.
What if he had brought Drusilla back with him?
She couldn't bear that, not again. It just hurt too much to
be 'the other woman' in William's life. Married to him or
not, she wasn't going to put up with it this time.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh, baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't
Go on without...you"
~~~~~~~~~~
She was so lost in thought that she almost tripped
over the exposed roots of an ancient tree. Shaking
her head, she tried to pay attention to what she was
there for.
But she completely lost her concentration again when
she saw where she'd ended up.
The huge, gloomy bulk of the mausoleum that William
had pressed her against when he had kissed her for
the first time loomed up in front of her.
Closing her eyes, Buffy leaned back against it, her palms
flat on the cold marble. This was where it had all started.
The first touch...the first embrace...the first kiss.
Here was the place where she had fallen in love. The
place where she had abandoned everything she stood
for and gave herself over into his keeping.
Smiling, she opened her eyes and paced around the
perimeter of the building, then stood back and studied
every inch of it.
Her knowledge of romance was limited, but one thing she
DID know was that almost every couple had certain things
they considered to be "theirs".
A song, a favorite restaurant, a particular time of the year,
or a special place that held beautiful memories; a place
where they'd met, perhaps, or gone to on a first date.
"It just figures," she said matter of factly, "MY special
place...is a cemetery!"
With a resigned shrug of her shoulders, she slowly made
her way back to the front gates, dusting three new vamps
along the way.
~~~~~~~~~~
"On my own, I tried to make the best of it alone
I've done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain.."
~~~~~~~~~~
Later that night, Buffy was restless in her bed. Sitting
up, lying down, rolling over, practically standing on
her head to find a comfortable spot.
She couldn't help thinking that she had come home
too soon. If she'd stayed just a little longer, maybe
he would have....
Pushing that thought away, she sighed. If she'd stayed
much longer, the sun would have been up...not to mention
her mother, who would definitely want an explanation.
She turned on her side and stared out the window, watching
as the sky turned from black to indigo blue. When she saw
streaks of pinkish orange on the horizon, she gave up
trying to sleep and went downstairs in her pajamas to fix
breakfast.
For the first time in weeks, she had a serious appetite
for it.
~~~~~~~~~~
"I just can't live without you
I miss everything about you.."
~~~~~~~~~~
"You're up early."
Buffy looked up and smiled when her mother walked
into the kitchen, wrapped up in her fuzzy blue robe.
"I am," she agreed. "Woke up this morning really hungry."
Half a lie, in a good cause. No point in telling her mom
she hadn't slept all night.
Joyce returned her daughter's smile and ruffled her hair
as she walked by. "Up early AND in a good mood? I
should call the Sunnydale Daily News."
Buffy winced. "Have I been that bad?"
Her mother nodded. "You've had your moments."
"Well, those days are over," Buffy said firmly. "From
now on, I'm gonna be a brand new me. The new and
improved Buffy Summers."
"I can't wait," Joyce replied, taking a coffee mug out of
the cupboard. "Actually, I believe you," she added. "I
don't remember the old Buffy Summers ever making a
pot of coffee."
"Yay for me!"
"Want some?" Joyce asked as she filled her mug.
"Yes, please." After more than twenty-four hours with no
sleep, she knew she was going to need it.
Joyce poured a second cup half full of coffee and handed
it to Buffy. She opened the fridge and took out a carton
of milk, then joined her daughter at the table.
Buffy reached for the sugar bowl and began dumping
spoonfuls from it into her cup. When she had it as sweet
as she preferred, she topped the cup off with milk, turning
the dark brown liquid a light mocha.
Even this simple act reminded her of William, bringing
back the memory of the time he'd stayed all day with
her. After making love when they woke up, he had dragged
her down to the kitchen and made breakfast for her.
She had sat at the table and watched as he produced
huge mounds of pale yellow scrambled eggs, lightly crisp
bacon, and golden brown toast, which she slathered in
raspberry jam.
He had poured her a cup of coffee, then watched in amazement
as she doctored it to her liking. With a huge grin on his face,
he had asked her if she would care for a little coffee with her
milk and sugar.
"So," Joyce said, breaking into Buffy's thoughts. "Does this
new found happiness and change for the better have anything
to do with a boy?"
Buffy grinned. "Does it show?"
"Kind of, yes."
"Well...." Buffy's cheeks turned pink as she nodded.
Joyce sipped her coffee. "This isn't by any chance the boy
you were going to introduce me to when I got home from New
York, is it?"
"Yes," Buffy said briefly.
Her mother studied her face for a moment. "Everything's all
right then?"
Buffy stirred her coffee. "It will be soon," she murmured. "Every-
thing will be perfect."
Joyce arched her eyebrows. "I hope so, honey. You were awfully
unhappy up until...well, up until now!"
"I know," Buffy replied. "But things are different now. You'll
see."
"So, you're planning on introducing him to your old mom, huh?"
"Definitely!"
Joyce waited half a beat, then changed the subject. "Did
you say you were hungry?"
"Starved," Buffy nodded eagerly.
"Pancakes?"
"Chocolate chip?"
"What else?"
~~~~~~~~~~
"Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh, baby, those memories come crashing through
And I just can't...go on without.."
~~~~~~~~~~
Darkness came once more, and Buffy left the
house to take up her vigil in the cemetery.
By midnight, she had slain four vampires, but saw no
sign of the one she most wanted to appear.
She loitered around the front gates of Mount Hope
for as long as she could without getting chased home
by the police.
Completely exhausted, she crawled into bed and slept
for fifteen hours.
~~~~~~~~~
"It's just no good without...you."
~~~~~~~~~~
TBC....
(Want more? Sure you do ;-D )
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