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Part thirty-eight.....


Smile

~~~~~
"Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking..."
~~~~~


He ran every red light and stop sign between the
hotel and Willow's house.

When Buffy had called, William had been on the
verge of calling her. Only the discipline he'd forced
himself to acquire when he'd first realized that he was
going to have to change his ways if he wanted to stay
a part of the slayer's life kept him from picking up the
phone.

Lying in a bed he'd only ever shared with her, felt more
like lying on a bed of nails. The mattress was plush and
comfortable, and the bed linens were soft and warm,
and scented of her...but he needed her beside him to
feel truly at peace. As he'd stared up at the dark ceiling,
he'd made a decision regarding his future living arrangements;
as soon as it was possible to accomplish, he was going
to have to find a house for them to eventually live in together.
This hotel was simply too full of distracting memories for
him to remain there alone.

Tossing and thrashing about in an effort to find a comfortable
sleeping position, he hadn't been able to focus his waking
thoughts on anything but Buffy. Even after their mutually
pleasurable reunion...all four encounters...he was still starved
for her; for the taste of her lips and the warmth of her arms,
for her tender touch and the bite of her nails, for her girlish
laughter and her passionate cries.

When he'd heard the soft burring of his cell phone, he knew
instantly that it was her, and that she was feeling the same
yearnings he was experiencing.

What he hadn't taken into account was the intensity with
which she was feeling them.

He really should have known. Buffy was very young and not
experienced in hiding her feelings. When she was happy, she
smiled and laughed. When she was angry, she stamped her
foot and her eyes flashed with fire. When she was sad, she
cried....no one knew that better than he did.

After leaving her at her friend's house, he had tormented
himself all the way back to the hotel with the image of her
sweet face and her frightened eyes...the way she had clung
to him, begging him without words not to leave her there.

It had been difficult, but he'd had no real choice in the
matter. If she hadn't shown up at a fairly reasonable hour,
her friends would have sent up an alarm. Her mother would
have been called, and no doubt the police department would
have become involved at that point, since the woman had no
way of knowing that her daughter was more than capable of
taking care of herself.

It would be hard enough to gain her mother's acceptance
of him as a suitor for her sixteen year old daughter. He had
no illusions of being welcomed with open arms by a prospective
mother-in-law. Joyce Summers would see him as a grown
man, far too old to be pursuing a teenage girl in her third year
of high school.

He couldn't take a chance on alienating her, at this early
stage of the game, by keeping Buffy out all night when she'd
been instructed to go home with her friend.

Still, it had almost broken his heart when he'd had to
forcibly pull Buffy's arms from around his neck and make her
go inside. He didn't want her any farther away than the reach
of his hand, and he'd felt as though he was deserting her all over
again.

Kissing her one last time, he had turned and walked purpose-
fully back to his car, not daring to look back and lose all of
his hard won resolve.


~~~~~
"When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by..."
~~~~~

She had sounded quite brave at first. Her voice had
been bright and slightly amused at her own weakness.
After sharing a mutual confession of inability to sleep
though, it had changed in tone.

When she had finally admitted that she was afraid
to be apart from him, afraid that their reunion would
turn out to be a figment of her imagination or a
shattered dream, he'd felt the first touch of his own
fears returning. He'd been determined to conquer those
fears, both his and hers, by assuring her that he was
back now, and that nothing was going to separate them.

For a moment, he'd thought he'd been successful. When
he'd told her to look at her ring whenever she was feeling
sad or uncertain, and she'd responded by taking him to
task about the expense, he'd laughed and teased her.

But the light moment hadn't lasted long. He'd heard the
amusement disappear from her voice, and he'd braced
himself for what he feared was coming next.

Then...she had begun to cry. Not loudly or plaintively,
but he knew...as sure as if he'd been standing there
with her...that it was happening.

And he couldn't bear it.

He'd already been the cause of more unhappiness than
she deserved to have thrust upon her, and he had sworn
to himself that...when he had her back...she would never
have reason to cry because of him again.

So, his course had been clear. She needed him, needed
him badly enough to cry for him...and he had to go to her.

It was as simple as that.


~~~~~
"If you smile through your fear
and sorrow
Smile, and maybe tomorrow..."
~~~~~


William pulled up to the curb and slammed the car
into 'Park'.

Buffy was sitting on the little balcony that ran alongside
her friend's house, dangling her legs over the side. With
her fingers wrapped around the railing, she peeked
through two of the slats, watching him as he crossed
the large expanse of lawn.

He couldn't help being amused by what he saw. She'd obviously
tried to repair her tear streaked face without going back
inside, and had used the sleeve of her nightshirt to do it
with. There was a streak of black mascara smeared on
the maroon cotton, and her eyes looked smudged.

The sight touched his heart, and he smiled at her.

"Well, well...if it isn't Juliet," he said. "You've strayed
awfully far from Verona, my lady. Are you expecting some-
one?"

Buffy sniffled and gave him a watery eyed smile. "Well,
I was waiting for Romeo...but I guess you'll do."

She sounded cheerful enough, but in the next moment
she jumped to her feet and pelted down the stairs.

William met her at the bottom of the staircase, wrapping
her in a tight embrace as she catapulted into his arms.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice muffled against his
throat.

He just shook his head. "Oh, don't be, angelface," he
said firmly. "Don't you ever apologize for needing me." He
tightened his arms around her, nuzzling her soft hair. "It's
the sweetest thing I've ever known."

Buffy clung to him even more. "But I made you come all
the way back here."

"No...you just gave me an excuse," he told her.

A few moments went by before she released her iron
clad grip on him and moved back a little, looking up into
his eyes. She looked as though she had a lot to day,
as if she'd been rehearsing a lengthy speech of ex-
planation for her needy behavior.

"I...I just missed you," she said haltingly. "It was awful.
It actually hurt...right here." She placed one hand over
her heart.

He nodded in complete understanding. "For me, too,"
he said, stroking her hair tenderly.

Buffy placed her hands on his cheeks, drawing him
down into her kiss. Her chaotic emotions seemed to
be guiding her, making her a little more aggressive
than she normally was. Her tongue crept from her
mouth and slipped past his lips, searching for his.

"Buffy," he murmured, when she pulled away to
draw breath. Needing to maintain contact, he kissed
and nuzzled the side of her face and down her throat.

When he located his mark on her skin, he licked
it gently, making her inhale sharply and shiver a little.

He pulled back, looking at her with concern. "Are
you cold?" he asked, rubbing his hands up and down
her arms.

"Cold?" she echoed. Afraid he might order her back
into the house, she denied it. The grass felt un-
pleasantly damp and chilly, and she shifted from
one foot to the other. "What makes you think THAT?"

William glanced down at her moving feet. "Because
either you're cold, or you need to go to the bathroom
very badly," he observed.

Two crimson flags appeared in her cheeks, but she
giggled at his remark.

"That's much better," he said, smiling back at her.

~~~~~
You'll see the sun come shining
through, if you...."
~~~~~


"Okay," she admitted. "I'm a little cold...but please
don't make me go in the..."

Her voice trailed off as he shrugged his coat off
and bundled her up in it, guiding her arms into the
sleeves. He looked her up and down, delighted
with the picture she made standing there in a
garment that was far too large for her petite frame.

Shaking the sleeves down to free her hands, Buffy's
ring caught on the inner lining and ripped it.

She froze in place, staring up at him, her eyes
growing wider and wider. "Oh, no. I'm sor..."

Watching the changing expressions on her face,
he knew what was coming and he decided to
head it off.

"Don't," he said, pointing one finger at her to
emphasize the word.

"Yeah, but I tore the..."

"Ah-ah." He shook his head seriously.

"But..."

"I mean it, Buffy."

She subsided, and he watched her, counting
it down in his head. **Five..four..three..two..**

"I'll pay for the..." she burst out, inevitably.

Grabbing her around the waist, he lifted her
off her feet. "Fine," he said, laughing and squeezing
her until an 'oomph' came from her abdomen. "I'll
bill you."

~~~~~
"Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness..."
~~~~~

Buffy smiled widely when she got her air back,
ready to try and join in his fun. "Will you take
a check?" she asked.

"Depends," he replied. "You got any I.D.?"

She shook her head, no.

"Then you're out of luck. Pay up."

"Actually," she amended, "Xander got me a fake
one once from this guy he knows who makes them,
but it said I was forty-two so I figured I'd better not
try and use it."

William didn't even want to imagine what kind of
lame-brained idea that stupid boy may have been
cooking up that required identification.

Shaking off his irritation, he kissed Buffy again,
projecting into it every bit of love and desire, and
the unending need for her glowing presence in his
life...and in his heart.

She returned it all to him in full measure, holding
nothing of herself back, surrendering willingly to
him.

But try as she might, she couldn't dismiss a feeling
of impending sadness when she remembered that
the sun would be rising soon.

He would have to leave...and she would have to
stay, and that knowledge made her throat ache with
tears she was determined not to give in to.

Holding him to her, she saw the same emotions in
his eyes.

~~~~~
"Although a tear may be ever so
near
That's the time you must keep on trying.."
~~~~~

"Baby..."

Buffy nodded, a jerky movement of her head. "I
know," she said, swallowing that ache that was
strangling her and straightening her spine when he
set her on her feet.

She wasn't-wasn't-WAS NOT going to make this
harder on him by acting like a child. Smoothing the
wrinkles that her fingers had made in his shirt, she
took a deep breath. "I'm okay, now...and you have to
go."

He knew her far too well to accept THIS at face
value. Cupping her face in his hands, he tilted it
up and made her look at him.

The tenderness in his eyes totally decimated her
"I'm just fine, thanks" facade.

Tears shimmered, blinding her for a moment as
she tried to blink them away.

~~~~~
"Smile...what's the use in crying?"
~~~~~


Misery swamped her, taking her down before she knew
what was coming.

Pressing her cheek against his chest, she shut her
eyes tight.

"Oh, God," she whispered. "William...what are we going
to do?"

Keeping her close, he kissed the soft crown of her
hair....and told her.

"We're going to get married."


~~~~~
"You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just smile..."
~~~~~



TBC...





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