Money would be tight now, he thought. Jenny was doing kind of ok. He'd overheard his mother and her discussing finances awhile ago, so he knew the house was paid off and she had enough money in her accounts to keep the household running, but he also knew some of the larger accounts were in his uncle's name only and until he was found or declared dead, which could take a long time, they were inaccessible to her. He briefly worried about his mother's hospital bills and thought that maybe he would have to get a job and try to contribute, but as he didn't have any way of helping that at the moment, he shoved it to the back of his mind.
The bell went off as he pushed the door to the florist's shop open and the woman behind the counter smiled, welcoming him. "How may I help you?" She asked.
"Erm," William started hesitantly, "I need to buy some flowers for my mother. She's in hospital. I think she likes," he paused, "uh, some big, fluffy flowers, about this size," he formed his hands into a loose circle, "pink or white…"
The florist smiled again and said patiently, "Could you be a little more specific? Or perhaps point them out, if you see them here?" She waved at the refrigerated cases.
William glanced around, but didn't see what he was looking for. "Uh, they grow on a bush, I know. Bigger than roses… I don't see them."
The woman said, "Ah, I think you may be referring to peonies, if you don't see them here. They're out of season at the moment."
"Oh," William looked down, unsure, "Well-"
"Let's see if we can find something else she'd like instead." The woman came around the counter.
"Oh, um," William pulled out his cash and change and said, "I have uh, ten dollars and fifty cents, so…"
The woman, whose nametag bore the name, 'Lisa', saw a worried look come over his face, noted the dark circles under his eyes and hollow cheeks and took pity on the young man. She said gently, "I think we can find something nice for that amount," and guided him over to the cases.
William left the shop, blissfully unaware of the fact that the bouquet and vase he carried were worth closer to fifty dollars than the ten he'd paid.
"Hi, Mum." William entered the room and spoke, seeing that she was awake.
"William," Anne said, surprised, "Shouldn't you be at school? What are those?"
"Oh, these are for you." William said and cleared a spot near the bed to place the vase where she could see and smell the flowers.
Anne breathed in their fragrance, "Darling, you shouldn't have, but they're lovely. Thank you. Come and give me a kiss." She held out her arms to him.
William went to her and then settled in his now customary spot in the chair beside her bed. "How are you feeling?" He asked her.
Anne avoided the question, not deterred from her earlier inquiry, "William. You should be at school." She raised her hand to his cheek. "I know you're upset, but you can't let this interfere with school and your future. Please. For me."
He stared at her, helpless. "Mum, I want to be here…"
"William, there's nothing you can do here. Of course, I love seeing you, but you can't sit at my bed all day, every day. You need to go out and do the things you have to do. Even-" She caressed his cheek, "have a little fun when you can. I'm worried about you."
"But Mum," he said and she cut him off.
"No buts. I don't want to see you here except when you don't have class. I don't want you to spend every evening here either. You may come once a day, for an hour or so and that's it. I won't have you wrecking your future or your health. If you want to be helpful, help your Aunt Jenny." Her tone grew less stern and she said, "Now give me another kiss and run to school. I want to hear all about what you're learning the next time I see you."
He did as she bid him and kissed her wan cheek lightly. "Yes, Mum. But, if you need me-"
"You'll be called if anything changes or you need to be here." Anne promised. "Now go." She gave him a nudge towards the door and though he looked back once uncertainly at her, he left.
Buffy was waiting in the library again. She told herself that she was perfectly entitled to study in the library and she wasn't particularly waiting for William to show up, but her frequent glances at the doors told a different story. Finally, she realized he wasn't coming and managed to devote herself to her history assignment. She didn't see him when he showed up and peered through the windows of the doors.
William stood with his hand on the door, undecided. Then he turned away regretfully, deciding he couldn't face her yet. What she'd been witness to the day before had been very private and shameful. At least he felt it was. He just couldn't see her again so soon and he still didn't know what to say to her.
He was preoccupied too, with his mother's words. Help Jenny, she'd said. The only thing he could think to do to help his aunt was to get a job after school. He didn't feel right taking her money for his needs. If his mother wouldn't allow him to visit her, he'd find another way to use his time to contribute. He fingered his cell phone thoughtfully.
Dru had programmed her phone number in it at some time when he hadn't been paying attention. The entry read, 'Dru XXX', which he thought she'd meant to be read as kisses, but he wasn't entirely sure. He walked outside for his free period and flipped the phone open.
"Hi Dru, it's William," he said when she answered.
"Spike!" She greeted him happily.
He sighed. "William, pet. Anyway-"
"How is your mother?" Drusilla asked.
"Still not well, still in hospital," he replied, "but I was calling for another reason. I wondered if-" he paused, "well, look, I know we don't know each other well at all, but I'm rather desperate and I wondered if your father might need some help at the gym after school…"
"Oh, my Spike needs a job," he could almost see her nodding sagely, "I could talk to Daddy. I don't know if he's looking, but I could ask."
He let the name go this time. "Dru, if you could, that would be great. I really need a job and well, that's something I know quite a bit about."
"I'll work on it, dearest. I'll call you back to let you know after I've talked to him." Dru said cheerily.
"Thank you," he said, relieved that that had gone so well.
"However, I did think you were already employed," she continued. What on earth was she talking about, he wondered.
"Uh, pet-"
"You know, as my slave for life. You did promise me," she said, perfectly seriously.
William rolled his eyes. "Um…don't you think that we could take into consideration what you did, completely without my permission, to my hair and call that even?"
Dru laughed. "I'll have to do it again next week if you want to keep it that way. It looks so much better now, I think. Unless you want to try the blue," she sounded intrigued at this prospect and he thought he heard a faint, stifled giggle at his choked sound of protest. He made a mental note not to be incapacitated near her again anytime soon. "Well, even though I think it's unfair to retract your promise of servitude, I'll let it go this time. I'll call you later." She hung up.
'Odd bird,' he thought again, but he was grateful at the possibility of employment. He worked it out quickly in his mind. If he worked at the gym after school, he could use his free period to visit his mother. Buffy was doing better and her paper was pretty much written, so she'd be fine without him. He recalled the tension and awkwardness of the ride to her house the evening before. 'Yeah, she'll be fine.' Things were falling into place and he felt marginally better at least having some plan of action. He hated feeling as helpless and out of control as he had been the past few days.
Buffy saw Willow in the hall and walked over to her. "Hey, Willow." The other girl turned. "Thanks again for helping me yesterday."
Willow smiled, "Oh…yesterday, you're welcome. No problem. I mean, not much of a problem. It would've been a big problem if we were caught, but you know we weren't, so yay and yeah, no problem!" She finished brightly, then her face clouded, "How is William? And his mom? How's his mom?"
Buffy grimaced. "Uh, I didn't get specifics, but it sounds kind of bad." She clarified, "his mom that is. William is…" She looked at the ground, "Um, I guess he's ok. As ok as he can be. Better."
Willow nodded sympathetically. "He wasn't at lunch again today, but I saw him in the hall a little while ago. Guess school stops for nothing, huh."
"Oh he's back?" Buffy asked softly.
"Buffy," Willow started, "sorry if this is rude, but how do you know William? Why do you care whether he's here or not? I mean," she looked puzzled, "it's not like you hang out with him or anything."
Buffy studied her toes intently. "He's my friend," she said so quietly Willow almost didn't catch it. "He's been helping me get my grades up and he's very nice and I hate that everything is so bad for him right now. That's all." She shrugged, still fixated on her shoes.
"Oh." Willow said. "He is really nice."
"Buffy!" Michelle darted through the crowd of students and grabbed her friend. "I know you're mad at Cordy and you can't cheer because of your wrist, but Karen and I were thinking of trying something new and I can't remember how the move goes, if it's a this," She struck a pose, "or a this," she did another, "at the end and I can't quite line up the-" she dragged her friend away and Buffy only had time to send Willow an apologetic look as she was pulled down the hall.
William lay in bed, staring at his blank, white ceiling. He was a little more hopeful now that he'd asked Dru about the job. He was actually glad he'd met her now. Underneath the eccentricities, it seemed she had a good heart. He reached out and turned the light off.
He could start tomorrow off purposefully. He had plans - go to school, see his mother, possibly work and earn some money. Maybe tomorrow morning he wouldn't have such difficulty getting out of bed. Maybe tomorrow he could fill up the strange hollowness inside him with action, not stopping to think.
'Stop all the clocks.' Auden's poem* ran through his head. 'That's what should really happen.' Somewhere deep inside of him he wondered at what moment he'd accepted the fact that his mother wasn't going to get well. Tomorrow he could go back to fighting it. Tonight, here in his dark room, alone, he knew.
His father's death had hurt horribly, but William had always been closest to his mother.
He hoped that by staying busy himself, perhaps tomorrow it wouldn't feel so strange that everything was carrying on, much as usual, just as though his life hadn't fallen apart…again. Maybe tomorrow he wouldn't feel like hiding under the covers and pleading for a timeout from life. It wasn't fair that everything around him should continue normally, the pace not slackening a beat for the lack of his mother. 'It's like she doesn't matter,' he thought sadly, 'no one notices her missing but Jenny and me. Nothing stops.' He closed his eyes.
But a brighter thought stealthily wove its way into the darkness in his head as, exhausted, he drifted off to sleep at last.
Buffy had noticed he was missing.
*The poem William was remembering:
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
by W. H. Auden
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.