[Reviews - 610]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 4990 times

- Text Size +



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


“Right, um…” Spike hesitated for a moment. Suddenly he felt completely sober and, even though he knew that it was probably a good thing, it only made him more nervous about what he was about to tell Buffy. “Before I met you, I was involved with someone else. Her name was Drusilla.”

Buffy nodded. “I remember you mentioned something about an ex at dinner. Was it serious?” She blushed then, realizing that it might be a rude thing to ask, but Spike didn’t seem offended.

He just shrugged. “Could say that. We were engaged.”

Eyes widening, Buffy tried to force a smile. “Sounds kinda serious to me.” She didn’t understand why she suddenly felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. Spike had said that they were engaged, he wasn’t involved with that woman anymore. But the realization that there had been someone else, someone who he probably had been very much in love with, someone that wasn’t her, made her feel incredibly jealous.

“Wasn’t.” She frowned, and Spike shrugged again. “Least not from her point of view.”

Buffy was confused. “But if you were engaged…?”

“Yeah, well…” Spike sighed, suddenly feeling stupid. “She was reluctant from the beginning. Said that marriage was just a pathetic attempt of showing off your happiness to the rest of the world, that we didn’t need to be married to prove how we felt about each other, stuff like that.”

“O-kay…” Buffy already hated the other woman. “But I assume she changed her mind?”

Spike nodded. “I thought she was just afraid of making such a serious commitment, that she just needed some time to get used to the idea.” He paused for a moment. “Suppose I pushed the matter, but I just really wanted to marry her.” He looked away, embarrassed. “You don’t wanna hear that. Sorry.”

She really didn’t, but for some reason she couldn’t tell him that. “No, it’s okay, I understand. You loved her.” Buffy took a deep breath before she went on. “But you don’t feel that way about her now? I mean, then you would still be with her. Right?”

He let out a bitter laugh. “No, I don’t love her anymore. And even if I did, I couldn’t be with her. She’s dead.”

Buffy stared at him in shock. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry, I…” She stopped, not knowing what to say.

Spike went on, like he hadn’t heard her. “I finally bought her a ring and proposed for real, and she said yes. The next day she left to go to work, and didn’t come back. She got hit by a drunk-driver, or at least that’s what the cops think, they never caught the person who did it.”

Swallowing hard, Buffy suddenly felt like she was going to be sick. “That’s… just awful.” She reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. “I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay.” She opened her mouth to object, but he raised his hand to stop her. “Let me just finish, yeah? There’s more.”

More than this? Buffy wasn’t sure she wanted to hear it, but of course she didn’t say that. She just nodded for him to go on.

Spike had decided to tell Buffy everything, but suddenly he hesitated. He knew that he’d done nothing wrong, but he just felt so bloody stupid. He knew now that Dru had never even been close to feeling the same way about him, and he should have realized that from the beginning. Darla was right, he had been blinded by Drusilla, and he hated himself for it. He should have seen the signs, because they had been there all along. The way she hadn’t wanted to get married in the first place, for one thing. But he’d been convinced that he could get her to change her mind, and when she’d finally accepted his proposal, he’d thought that he’d succeeded. Now he realized that she had probably only accepted to get him to stop bringing it up. After all, they had never set a date for the wedding, and he had a feeling that if he’d suggested anything, she would’ve kept stalling.

Then there was the baby. From the moment the doctor had confirmed Drusilla’s pregnancy, all he could think about was that he would have been a father. He had never, even for a moment, considered the fact that it wasn’t just possible, but even likely, that the baby would’ve belonged to someone else. And that was another reason why he felt so stupid. He had known, not for long but still, that Drusilla had been cheating on him. That was probably why she hadn’t told him about her condition, because she had suspected that it wasn’t his. And the fact that it had been that bitch, Darla, who had opened his eyes, didn’t exactly make him feel better. That was why he’d gotten so drunk tonight, because he couldn’t deal with the shame and humiliation. But how would he be able to explain that to Buffy?

He snapped out of his thoughts, realizing that Buffy was waiting for him to go on. Suddenly, he felt the urge to just get up and run. He’d thought that he was ready to talk to her, but now he wasn’t so sure at all. But he feared that if he wouldn’t explain why he’d done what he did tonight, that would be it between them. It would be over before it had even started, and he didn’t want that. The mere thought of not seeing Buffy, or Hannah again was almost too painful for him to handle.

So he took a deep breath, and started telling Buffy everything; how he’d found out later that Drusilla had been seeing others, and how Darla had told him about the pregnancy. He finished by telling her about Darla’s surprise visit earlier. All the time while he’d been talking, Buffy had listened without a word, and he realized that he was terrified of her reaction. Would she decide that it was all too much for her, that she didn’t want to have to deal with his messed up past? He knew he didn’t want to, so why should she?

But eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore; he needed to know what she was thinking. Afraid of her rejection, he didn’t dare look her in the eyes. “Buffy? Say something.”


TBC





You must login (register) to review.