Buffy opened her mouth, then closed it again, feeling like her head was spinning. She could tell that Spike was waiting, desperately for her to say something, anything, but she just didn’t know what it was he wanted to hear. That she was sorry for what he’d been through? That went without saying. He had yet to look at her, and she suddenly realized that he was afraid of her reaction. But she couldn’t understand why. A part of her wanted to take him into her arms and tell him that everything would be okay, but she hesitated, not sure of how he’d react to such an intimate act.
She swallowed. “Spike? Look at me?” He reluctantly obeyed. “This is going to sound terrible, but I’d say you’re probably better off without her.” He frowned, and she hurriedly went on. “I mean, what happened was awful, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for your loss, but…” She stopped, groaning with frustration. “God, how lame is that?! I don’t know what to say, I’m so bad at this!”
“No.” Spike shook his head. “You’re right, but I kinda wish that she hadn’t…” He shrugged. “I wish she’d just dumped me, she didn’t have to die. I know now that she wasn’t the person I thought she was, but I really did love her for a while. Losing her like that, it just…” He swallowed. “It hurts.”
“Of course it does.” Buffy felt like crying. She so didn’t want to hear about this, about how much Spike had loved that heartless woman, who so clearly had loved no one but herself. She was glad, not to mention relieved, that Drusilla was dead, and therefore no threat to her. And that made her feel really guilty. She knew she was a horrible person for thinking like that, but she just couldn’t help herself. She realized that she was falling for Spike, and now she feared that he had yet to come over Drusilla. At the same time, she was angry at herself for making this about her, in the first place. Spike needed her support now, not her selfish jealousy.
Spike misread her silence. “Shouldn’t have told you this, s’too much for you to take in.” He sighed. “If you want, I can leave.”
“No!” Buffy grabbed his hand in desperation; as if she was afraid he’d just jump off the couch and run. She gave him a pleading look. “Please, don’t go.” Then she looked down at her hand, still clinging to his, and blinked away some tears. “I mean, if you want to leave… you shouldn’t feel like you have to stay, I didn’t mean it like that.”
Spike raised his free hand to gently caress her cheek. “So, you’re saying you don’t want me to go?” She stared into his eyes like hypnotized, shaking her head, and he let out the breath he’d been holding. “Thank God!” Buffy gave him a shaky smile, leaning into his touch, and he pulled her into his arms, hugging her hard.
She hugged him back, and for a couple of minutes they just sat like that. Then, Buffy finally pulled back. “I really am sorry.”
“I’m the one who should be sorry.” Spike rolled his eyes. “We were supposed to go out tonight, having a good time, and I ruined it.” He looked at her then, a hopeful look on his face. “Think I could take you out some other night instead? I promise I’ll show up on time.”
She couldn’t help but smile. “I think that could be arranged.”
He looked relieved, then had to suppress a yawn. “Sorry, guess I'm a bit knackered. Think I probably should go after all. Don't think I'd be much of a company if I'll fall asleep.”
Buffy’s smile disappeared. She realized that he was tired, and so was she. But still, she didn’t want him to go. “Or, you could always stay here.” Seeing that he was about to object, she hurried to add; “On the couch!” She blushed. “I mean, it’s getting late, and you’re really tired. You shouldn’t have to walk all the way back to your place tonight. And besides…” Her smile was back. “I know someone who would really like to see you here in the morning.” Then she frowned. “Other than me, that is.”
Spike chuckled. “So, bit’s not too upset with me then?”
Snorting, Buffy got up from the couch. “I didn’t say that. You’ll probably have to bribe her with another bedtime story to get her to forgive you. Or six.”
Getting up as well, Spike groaned. “Thought she was going to be the death of me with all her questions and interruptions last time. Can’t I just buy her a rhino instead?”
Buffy laughed. “Sure. But it’s staying at your place.”
He gave her an innocent look. “Can’t. Don’t have a bath tub.”
Rolling her eyes, Buffy couldn’t help but giggle. “Go to sleep.”
“You’re sure about wanting me to stay then?” Spike looked at her for confirmation. “Don’t mind going back to my place.”
“I’d mind. You’re staying, and that’s it.” Buffy gave him a firm look, and he chuckled again.
“Bossy bint.”
“Yup, that’s me, whatever that is. Goodnight.” Buffy smiled sweetly, then turned around to leave the room, but Spike grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked at him in confusion. “What?”
He suddenly became serious. “I really wanted to go out with you tonight, Buffy. I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I feel…” He hesitated. “…something. I don’t know if it’s just me, or…”
Buffy interrupted him, gently putting her hand on his arm. “It’s not. Just you, I mean. I feel it, too. It’s weird, though. I mean, it’s like you said, we hardly know each other. But maybe…” She stopped, not sure of what she was going to say.
“Maybe it doesn’t matter?” Their eyes met, and suddenly Buffy felt like nothing else existed in the world, but the two of them.
“What doesn’t matter?” She felt dizzy, and wondered if Spike felt the same way. For some reason, she thought he did.
“My point exactly.” Spike looked her deep in the eyes, desperately searching for some sign that he was out of line, that he should step back. Finding nothing, he leaned over and kissed her, softly. When she didn’t pull away, like he’d feared for a second, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Like in slow motion, he could feel Buffy’s arms moving over his back until they finally came up to encircle his neck, as she hungrily returned the kiss.
TBC
Saving You by Pet
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I said to myself; 'If I've gotten 10 reviews or more on the last chap, I'll post the next one today, instead of tomorrow.' And guess what? I did! Yay! Thank you so much, all of you who took your time to write a few words to let me know my story's still appreciated! *hugs* So here you go, hope you'll like the update. :)