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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm struggling with this story, cause right now I have so many ideas for my other fic - A Second Chance, so I really wanna write on that one instead. But this story is almost over, maybe 3 more chapters, so I'm gonna try to focus on this one until it's complete. Thanks to Tammy for betaing, and of course a huge thanks to all my reviewers! *hugs*
Blushing, Buffy suddenly seemed to be very interested in something next to her feet. “I said that, didn’t I?”

“That you did, yeah.” Spike sounded both pleased and amused, bringing his hand up to her cheek, trying to make her look at him, but she stubbornly refused to meet his eyes. “Buffy?” She mumbled something, and his eyes narrowed. “What’s that, luv?”

She sighed, finally looking up. “I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.”

His face fell, and he swallowed. “Didn’t mean it, then?”

Buffy suppressed a groan, angry at herself for not being able to say the right thing. “No, I did. But…” She looked away again. “I shouldn’t just have blurted it out like that. I mean, sure, we’re dating and it’s really nice, but we never talked about…” Her voice trailed off.

“Love?” He nodded in understanding. “Big word.”

“Scary word.” She pouted a little, which he found adorable.

“Buffy…” He hesitated, suddenly not sure of how to go on. “What I feel for you is real. I want it to be more than just dating, I want the whole thing; a serious relationship. If that’s what you want, too, of course.” Now it was his turn to look away, afraid of what her answer would be. Closing his eyes, he waited for a possible rejection.

“Move in with us!” His eyes snapped open and he stared at her in shock. Buffy’s eyes widened as she realized what she’d just said. “Um, maybe that would be too soon? Yeah. Way, way too soon. Sorry, think my brain stopped working for a brief moment. Just forget I said that. I…” She realized that she was babbling, and stopped abruptly, beyond embarrassed.

Spike couldn’t help but chuckle and leaned over to kiss her. Buffy smiled, despite her embarrassment, when he pulled away. “What was that for?”

He shrugged. “No reason. Just find you bloody adorable when you’re blushing, is all.”

She giggled, then became serious. “So, no moving in together yet. But you can still spend the night at our place every once in a while, right?”

Smiling, he kissed her again before nodding. “Sure, pet.”

Buffy looked relieved, then seemed to remember something. “Oh, and the answer is yes, by the way.” He looked confused for a moment, then his face broke out in a wide grin as understanding hit him. She giggled again. “You look like someone just told you you’ve won a million dollars.”

“More than that.”

Their eyes met, and suddenly she felt like she was drowning. She shook her head firmly. “I’m not worth nearly that much.” Seeing that he was about to object; and not sure if she could take another compliment without melting into a puddle of goo, Buffy decided to change the subject. “So, wanna talk about what happened before? With Liam, I mean?”

“Not sure if there’s so much to talk about.” Spike leaned back on the couch with a sigh. “Told you what happened. Short version, anyway.”

“Yeah, you did. But…” Buffy leaned back as well, snuggling close to him. “You didn’t tell me how you feel about it.”

He shrugged, his arm coming to rest around her shoulders. “Doesn’t matter now.”

“Of course it does.” Buffy laid her head down on his shoulder, her fingers starting to draw patterns on his thigh. She had a really hard time taking in the fact that Liam and Angel – the guy who had been sleeping with Drusilla for years – was the same person. Suddenly she thought of something, and frowned. “Wait, didn’t you say Angel used to sleep with Darla as well?” Spike just raised his eyebrows, and Buffy shook her head in disgust. “God, he really kept himself busy, didn’t he?”

“Still do, I wager.” Spike shrugged again. “Bloody wanker was terrified his wife would find out about his affairs.”

Buffy got a sadistic smile on her face. “Ooh, can I be the one to tell her?”

Chuckling, Spike shook his head. “Sorry, pet, promised she wouldn’t find out. We came to an understanding.” Buffy stared at him in disbelief, and he sighed. “All right, so I blackmailed him. I’m not proud of it, though…” He stopped, then smirked. “Wait, I kinda am.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy couldn’t help but smile, even though she tried to stay serious. “What did you do?”

“I…” Suddenly he got nervous, not sure of how Buffy would take what he was about to tell her. But she would find out sooner or later, anyway. “Remember those photos Darla gave me?” She nodded. “Told him that if he didn’t take his wife and kid and left Sunnydale, I’d show them to Cordelia.”

She stared at him, mouth open. “He actually agreed to that?!”

Spike snorted. “Not like he had a choice.” Buffy got a concerned look on her face and he hurried to add; “Might not be morally right what I did, but…” He paused for a second. “To tell the truth, I really don’t give a fuck. I’m sorry if it upsets you, but partly I did it for you and Hannah. Maybe now things will get better for the bit in school.”

Buffy was touched, yet not surprised that he would think about that. “You really care about her, don’t you? That’s very sweet.”

“Course I care.” Spike looked at her, a serious expression on his face. “She’s a great kid, and…” He shrugged. “Well, let’s face it, not like I have any kids of my own to care about.”

Sensing his bitterness, Buffy was almost afraid to ask; “What if Drusilla hadn’t…”

He interrupted her before she could finish. “Not relevant.”

“But…”

Sighing, Spike gently cupped her cheek. “Buffy, I mean it. I spent all this time thinking I could’ve been a father, when really I wouldn’t, even if she’d still been alive.” He closed his eyes for a moment; it still hurt to talk about.

Buffy reached for his hand. “You don’t know that. Maybe…”

“Yeah, maybe. But it doesn’t matter.” He gave her a firm look, only to look away when she raised her eyebrow.

“Really?” He didn’t answer. Buffy sighed. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay with this? Because…” She hesitated. “I understand if you’re not completely over Drusilla, I really do. But…”

“Buffy…” He sighed again. “It’s complicated. I’m over her, really. But still…”

She gave him a sad smile. “It’s hard?” He nodded. “I know. Look, if you’re not ready for anything serious, we can just take it slow. There’s no need to rush things.”

He shook his head, eager to assure her. “Told you I wanted the whole thing, didn’t I? I bloody meant it. Just be patient with me, all right? I’m really trying.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Buffy nodded. “I can be patient.” She leaned over and brushed her lips against his. “You know, tomorrow’s my day off…” She left the rest of the sentence hanging, raising her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

He chuckled. “Is that so? Anything particular in mind?”

Smiling, Buffy snuggled closer to him again. “Maybe.” She paused. “Come with me to pick up Hannah at Willow’s, she’s been dying to meet you ever since you stood me up for our date.” He had the decency to look ashamed, and she couldn’t help but giggle. “It’s okay, I’m over it. Anyway, we can watch a movie or something, all three of us, until it’s time for Hannah to go to bed. Then…” Her brows went up again.

Spike groaned. “Don’t tell me I have to read her another bedtime-story!” He smiled, though, letting her know he wouldn’t really mind.

Buffy gave him an innocent smile. “Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you about starting to read her stories.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I recall you mentioned something about being her slave for life.” Then he looked her deep in the eyes, and she held her breath. “Know what?” She shook her head. “I’m okay with that.”



TBC





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