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Always will be chapter 3

“So, what do you know about finances?” Buffy asked listlessly. The porch was hard, cold, and uncomfortable beneath her bottom, but she didn’t care. The growing pain from the unforgiving hard surface was a reprieve from the constant numbness. She almost giggled at the look Spike gave her, as if she had sprouted a second head. The plumber incident this morning had really smacked her in the face; she had not expected to find out that she was broke. She had been dead for months, so why would she have to suffer now? All the money had been sucked away, when she had been gone. What right did her friends have to spend her money?

Spike looked at her. “Why? You got money problems?” His expression went from ‘are you crazy’ to worry. He had stayed with the Summers’ girls for a little bit after Buffy came back. He and Buffy had argued a little bit, because he thought that it would be okay if he went back to his crypt. In truth, he loved being at the Summers’ house, but sometimes it was too much. He needed to have his own space again. It was so hard to leave, but he knew it was better if he did.

She seemed to be better, and he said he would still be around. But Buffy had given him hell and accused him of abandoning her. But when all was said and done, she apologized and said she was grateful for what he had done for her. She agreed that it would be better if she was on her own, and she would be fine with him coming around whenever he wanted. Things had been fine since then. Or so he thought.

“Yeah, it’s really bad,” she said, looking away from his concerned gaze. She felt like their relationship was heading downhill. She wanted them to friends. But since he had gone back to his crypt, things had been different. She didn’t really want to think about how much emotion she saw swirling in his blue gaze. However, it was near impossible to avoid. He obviously still loved her, despite his avoidance of her now. She didn’t get it. Maybe he really wasn’t happy that she was back, but that was a conversation for another time. “How am I the one in debt, when I haven’t spent any money?” She wondered.

“It’ll be okay. Do you need help?” He asked. “I’ll help, if you need me to. I don’t want anything to happen to you or Dawn and if you’re having debt issues, then I’d like to help you out, if you’ll let me?”

Buffy looked at him. “How could you help me?” She didn’t mean for her voice to be filled with such disbelief, but she didn’t know that Spike had any clue about how to deal with financial issues. They had never talked about how the bills were paid. It had never occurred to her that she would have no money. It apparently never occurred to Spike either. “Why would you want to help? You’re the one decided that you should stay away from us.”

“It wasn’t like that, and you know it, Buffy,” he said, softly. “We both knew it was better if I moved out. And, I had to take care of Dawn, when…when you… so I know a thing or two,” Spike said, smiling sadly. “But no one ever said anything to me about the money and I didn’t keep tabs on who was spending it. I was pretty much just the babysitter and the muscle. Wasn’t included in anything, not even the spell.”

Buffy smiled back a little as the tension began to ease out of her muscles. “I’m sorry I snapped,” she said, softly. “I just miss you being around.” Maybe Spike could help her. That’s all he had been doing since she came back. She didn’t know what she would do without him. They were in the process of transferring guardianship back to Buffy. Both Buffy and Spike decided it would be best. Incase something were to happen. But Spike was next in line incase Buffy died. Again. She was about to comment on her friends’ actions when they heard Dawn scream.

Spike was up and through the door in lightning speed. “Dawn!” He tackled the demon and quickly regained his footing. He’d never seen this kind of demon before and it had the worst taste in fashion, its teeth were crooked and it had sharp fingernails. Spike took a fighting stance as the lizard-y looking thing stood up. The spikes down both sides of its forehead looked painful, he’d have to avoid them. He landed a solid right hook to the thing’s face, before it sent him flying into the wall, leaving a large hole.

Spike went over to Dawn, who was cowering in the kitchen. “You okay, Nibblet?” He asked, crouching next to her. He hated hearing Dawn scream, and it nearly made him sick with worry knowing she could have been seriously hurt. Buffy was only seconds behind him and she took her frustration out on the ugly demon.

Dawn pushed herself up. “I’m fine, just a little scared. Help Buffy,” she told him and winced a little. She just hit her shoulder on the wall or the floor or wherever. Her shoulder hurt, but she would live. Her sister needed Spike’s help right now more then she did. And she knew Spike wouldn’t voluntarily leave her side unless he was absolutely sure that she was fine.

“You sure?” Spike asked, following Dawn’s thoughts. Buffy could handle herself and his first priority was Dawn. His hands reached for her shoulder that the girl was cradling, but Dawn pushed his hands away gently.

“Help Buffy,” she repeated, with a reassuring smile. Her shoulder could wait.

“Go upstairs,” Spike ordered, running into the living room and he jumped on the demon’s back. If she was upstairs, she would be safe and he could concentrate. And so could Buffy.

“Spike!” Buffy screamed. She didn’t want any more damage to her house, she couldn’t afford to replace much more. How much more could one girl take? She could just imagine the bills that would be piling up now. What else could go wrong now?

Spike snapped the demon's neck and it fell to the floor, and he fixed his attention on Buffy. “There. Now, what were we talking about?” She looked like she was going to crumble any minute. He took a step toward her, panting with unnecessary breaths from the fight.

“My debt,” Buffy said, looking around, accessing the damage. The coffee table and a lamp was broken, the banister destroyed and there was a hole in the dining room wall. “Which just got bigger.” She didn’t really want to talk about missing him. He wasn’t coming back. There was nothing she could do about that. And she didn’t want to relieve it.

Spike went over to her. “Tomorrow you go out and I’ll take care of this mess,” he said, softly. He could fix this in a jiff. It wouldn’t take long at all. It wouldn’t be that expensive either. If you had money, which Buffy didn’t.

Buffy gave him a small smile. He was always trying to make things better for her. “Spike, I know you’re trying to help, but…”

Spike put a finger over her lips. “I’ll take care of it. You need a break, so just trust me.” He gave her a hopeful smile. All he wanted was for her to trust him and let him do something for her. To show her that all was alright with them. “Please let me do this for you.”

Buffy sighed. “Fine, you win. But whatever you use to pay for this, I’m paying you back,” she warned. She would find a way to repay Spike for everything that he was doing for her. Why should he do all this for nothing? Her eyes softened and she felt the connection between them, that she had longed for since he had moved out.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, Slayer. Go get some sleep and I’ll get this thing out of here,” he told her as he gestured to the carcass on the floor. He had wanted to tell her that he missed being around her and the Nibblet. But it was better that they left the arrangement the way it was.

“Spike?” Buffy whispered. Spike looked at her. “Thanks,” she said, kissing his cheek tenderly. She smiled at him and went upstairs. Things were definitely getting better. If only she had money, things would be pretty much back to normal. She wanted to tell him what else had been going on since he had left, but she figured it could wait. She was still at odds with Willow, and the witch was giving her a little bit of a cold shoulder. Something was definitely wrong with her friend, she just didn’t know what.

Spike stood dazed for a minute and then hauled the demon out of the house. Buffy was actually going to trust him. She was going to let him do something for her, without causing a scene. He didn’t see the eyes watching from the top of the staircase as he left. He was too caught up in what could be between him and Buffy.

***
The next morning, Spike burst through the back door of the house, his black blanket just starting to smoke. He decided to arrive bright and early and make sure Buffy left for the day to relax. And maybe they could talk after this was taken care of. Maybe he would have to stay away from the house anymore.

The slayer in question was in the kitchen, drinking coffee. “Hey, Spike,” she greeted him in a calm voice, “Any burns?” She raised an amused eyebrow. She hadn’t expected him to show up, but she was very pleased when he did. She missed his company in her house. She had gone up to bed last night and watched him from her window. He had come back to stand beneath her window and she was going to ask him to come inside instead of watching her house all night, but she didn’t summon the courage.

“Morning, Pet,” Spike responded. “No burns, ‘M all good.” He tilted his head and his eyes took in her appearance. She looked drained, exhausted. Maybe him leaving hadn’t been such a good idea. She looked worse, not better like he had hoped. He knew she didn’t sleep very much last night, and was about to ask her why.

Dawn came bounding downstairs interrupting his thoughts. “Hi, Spike,” she said, running into the kitchen and giving him a hug. It felt so good to wake up and have Spike here. She had missed him too; missed him taking care of her. Not that she wasn’t thrilled that Buffy was back, but she didn’t think Spike was going to disappear.

Buffy raised an eyebrow at the two of them. Spike was very… warm towards Dawn. His face just seemed to light up when he saw her and she remembered when he realized Dawn was in danger. She couldn’t help but wonder exactly how close they had gotten over the summer. She buried the small twinge of jealousy at the pair’s closeness, paying closer attention to the conversation.

“Hey, Nibblet. All your homework done?” He asked. It was so easy to just get back into the routine and make sure that she was taken care of. It wasn’t like he just could just give up what he had done for months. And he couldn’t deny that he missed his girls desperately. And it was really important that Dawn stay on her best behavior. Anything could bring social services around. And he wasn’t going to let that happen. Not on his watch.

“Yes,” she answered, “I’ll grab something to eat before school. Are you gonna be here when I get home?” Her hopeful eyes widened as she looked at Spike and then at Buffy. She needed him here. He could help her with her homework. Maybe she could help him with his Buffy problem. She could talk to them. Get them talking again. Maybe she could get Spike back into their house.

“Probably,” Spike smiled. What he had planned was going to take all afternoon he was sure. And he was sure Buffy would let him stick around. She wasn’t that much a bitch anymore. And she seemed to want him around also. That was good for him.

Spike looked over at Buffy after Dawn gave him a hug and said goodbye to them. “What?” he asked, at her raised eyebrow. She looked like she was trying to figure out a puzzle. He looked down at his body. Nope nothing wrong with his clothes or anything.

Buffy shrugged. “Nothing,” she said. “Just like watching you two together.” She offered him a small smile. “Miss you being here. That’s all.” She almost cursed herself. She didn’t want to talk about that right now. She wanted things to just be okay with them. And they wouldn’t be if she kept pressuring him.

Spike shifted uncomfortably. “Well, go out and do something girly. I’m gonna take care of everything, so don’t worry,” he said. He had wondered what Buffy’s reaction would be towards his friendship with Dawn. However, since it had been a habit the past few months, he couldn’t just turn it off. He was slightly embarrassed that Buffy had witnessed his softer side with Dawn just now. He really didn’t think she had noticed the way he had been, and how much it had hurt him to leave them. He quickly wanted to change the subject before she started asking more questions that he wasn’t ready to answer.

Buffy still looked a little skeptical, “Can’t I stay and help?” She asked. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him. It was just… she didn’t want to go out. She wanted to stay and talk to him, and make sure he was okay. He might need to lift something heavy or something. But that wouldn’t work. He had vampire strength. Or he might have a question about the money situation, but he still couldn’t ask her, because she didn’t know either. There really was no reason for her to stay.

Spike shook his head, “No,” he refused, smiling, “Just go have fun for once.” He would love for her stay, and be in her company, but he would have to wait for that. He wanted her to have a relaxing day and he didn’t want her to worry about anything. He would take care of it all. He wanted her to trust him and let him do this for her.

Buffy grabbed her coat and went to the door, “You sure?” She bit her lip and looked up at him. “I’ll stay if you need me to.” If she stayed maybe they could talk. Maybe they could get tings sorted out with them. Maybe she could get him to move back into the house. After getting rid of Willow and Tara, it was lonely without Spike.

Spike rolled his eyes, “Just give me the keys to the SUV,” he requested. “And please just let me do this for you Buffy.” He held out his hands and gave her a soft smile. “I promise you won’t regret this.”

“They are in the top drawer in the kitchen,” she said, “Don’t crash the car.” She was just teasing him. She knew he would behave. She sighed but opened the door. “I’ll be back.” She gave him a soft smile and one last pleading look but she did finally leave. She knew that what he was doing was going to be worth it. He wouldn’t do anything less then extraordinary for her. Not in her time of need.
***

Buffy went to the park, she actually enjoyed just relaxing, and being by herself, it gave her time to contemplate her life. Spike… he seemed to have become a very important part of her life. She trusted him. Believe it or not, she actually loved having him around. But what did that mean? What was going to happen with them? Could she allow it to be more then friendship? She really wasn’t sure. She knew she missed him, she desperately needed his presence. Life was so much harder without him. She could function if Spike was in her life. When he didn’t want to be around, she felt alone. But she hated relying on people. She just wanted to okay, and she usually only was when Spike was around. But she didn’t know what that meant. She didn’t know how to handle it.

***

When Buffy came home, she was in awe of the house, “Spike,” she said, softly. Her eyes widened as she looked around. Spike really came through for her. She couldn’t… where did he get the money to fix all of this stuff? How had her mom always fixed the house? She had trashed it many times.

Spike came out of the kitchen, “You like it?” He asked, giving her a smile. He had a few obstacles along the way, mostly trying to shop for Buffy’s tastes, but he must have done a good job. He figured anything was good as long as it wasn’t broken or some outrageous neon color.

Buffy looked around her living room. There was a new coffee table and lamp in place of the broken ones and the broken banister and door were good as new. “I don’t know what to say.” He had done everything. She was speechless.

“There’s more,” Spike said. He ran his hand over his blonde head nervously. This was the part he knew she would be the most surprised about, but would feel the most guilty as well. He knew she would give him a hard time about it, even though it was already done.

“What else did you do?” Buffy asked. What else could he do? He had done more then she could ever ask for. She rubbed her arms but met his eyes. He seemed nervous, she couldn’t even begin to imagine why.

“I found a bunch of papers laying on the desk in the living room. It looked like someone was trying to help you out to see how much you owe,” he whispered, “I paid all the bills that I could find though.” He shifted on his feet nervously. He wanted to help her, make sure she was safe. But he didn’t want her to feel any kind of obligation to pay him back. That’s not what he wanted. It gave him enough to know that he took care of her.

Buffy’s eyes widened, “How?” That wasn’t exactly what she wanted to say, but she knew she wanted to jump in his arms and thank him indefinitely. How was she going to pay him back? Her stomach felt it had fallen to the floor. She was safe for now. That was an unbelievable comfort. She had time to find a job and not have a panic attack or a melt down.

“I had a savings account and when your account accumulates interest for 100 years, it gets quite big. I put some of it away for Dawn and you if you wanna go back to school,” he answered her. He knew she had loved school, but with her mom being sick and having to run a home, she didn’t think she had time. Or the money.

Buffy smiled politely and rested her hand on his arm. “Spike, I can’t take your money.” But it sounded like it would be a good life. But she didn’t want Spike taking care of them. Not on his own. She wanted to help and not be a charity case.

“Buffy, come on. I didn’t give you all of it and I transferred the rest of it here. If you need it, I have it for you. I love you and Dawn and ’m gonna take care of you whether you like it or not,” he replied stubbornly. He was ready to fight her on this. There was no way in heaven or hell he was going to let his girls work in some hellhole just to make ends meet. Not when he could help.

Buffy looked around at her house, “Spike, this is unbelievable,” she stated. She couldn’t deny that she needed the money. But what kind of person did that make her if she took his money? She sighed. She could let him do this until she got a decent job. Then she could pay him back.

Spike smiled. “Well, ’m glad you like it. I just want you and Dawn to be happy,” he said as he watched her. She looked happy, relieved. Like a huge weight had been taken off her shoulders. He was happy that he had been the one able to do that.

Buffy smiled a little as the phone rang. She made her way to the kitchen and answered it. “Hello…Angel?” Her heart flipped at hearing her ex lovers voice on the phone. Someone must have called him. She was sure it was Wllow.

Spike’s head snapped up at his sire’s name. He followed Buffy to the kitchen and looked at her expectantly. Dawn had just come home and he had told her what had happened with the house. But he didn’t get a chance to tell her everything before Peaches was on the phone. What in the bleeding hell did he want?

Buffy looked at Spike and gave him an apologetic smile. “Ok. Yeah. That’s fine. Bye,” she said, and hung up. She collapsed on a bar stool and sighed as she rubbed her face. She so didn’t need this right now.

Dawn walked in the room and noticed the scowl on Spike‘s face as he crossed his arms over his chest. “What did Angel want?” She asked, distastefully. She didn’t like Angel either and knew that if he came here, he would mess up what was already so fragile in her life.

“He’s coming over tonight to visit. He just found out that I was back and wants to see me,” Buffy said, laying her head down on the counter. This was not going to go over well. She wasn’t going to kick Spike out just because Angel was coming. But she knew one way or the other that Angel would be here; whether or not she told him about Spike. But she needed Spike here. She didn’t need Angel here. And he would leave after a few hours.

“Yeah, I bet he does,” he muttered. The great poof was on his way, and was going to fill Buffy’s head with all kinds of nonsense about how much a monster Spike was. And Spike was fairly certain that Buffy would buy into and kick him to the curb while they played tounsel hockey.

“Spike, I don’t want you to leave just because he coming over,” she said, going toward him, “Angel is just gonna have to deal.” She bit her lip. “He’s going to leave after a few hours, and you’re still going to be here. I promise you.”

Dawn smiled, “So are things back to normal?” She asked. “Can he move back in?” Buffy was reassuring Spike that Angel’s visit was nothing more then that. So things had to be better with them. Even with Angel coming, she was sure Buffy and Spike were going to work out.

“Nibblet!” Spike exclaimed. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid for right now. He didn’t want to ruin a good day by fighting with his girls. Nor on top of Angel coming. It would be too much for Buffy and she would get stressed out again.

“It’s up to Spike,” Buffy said, softly as she looked at the floor. There was nothing she wanted more. But Spike seemed to want his space. Maybe he couldn’t handle living with her and not have her like he wanted. But she really couldn’t be sure.

Dawn raised an eyebrow. “You know… why don’t you just kiss and be done with it?” She asked crossing her arms. “Because you know, me, who has to look at the both of you, I’m getting tired of the tension. You guys would be much more happier if you just let yourselves be together.” She looked at them pointedly and headed toward the stairs to go her room.

Buffy sighed and looked at Spike. “If you want you can move back in,” she whispered. “But I’m not going to force it on you. I want you to be here because you want to be. Not because you think you have to take care of me.” She rubbed her face. “I really don’t want to deal with him right now either.” She headed into the living room leaving Spike to his thoughts. There wasn’t much she could do. The house was already clean, thanks to Spike. Yeah, this night was going to be fun.

***

That night when Angel arrived, Spike was upstairs with Dawn. Buffy had been dreading his arrival, and Spike had pretty much made himself scarce. Exactly what she had told him he didn’t have to do. Buffy opened the door when there was a knock. “Hi,” she said to Angel with a forced smile.

“Hey,” Angel said, engulfing her in a hug. He had told himself that everything was fine, but not to scare her. That was apparently more difficult then the had thought once he saw her right in front of him.

Buffy hugged him back although she was tense. She hated hugs. It felt like she was being suffocated. Especially Angel. He was a broad man, and he towered over her. She should have known he would just jump on her like he was doing. But she didn’t say anything to Angel. She just let him hold her.

Angel shut the door and led her to the couch. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. “This is remarkable,” he said, grasping her hands in his. “How are you? Are you alright?” She looked tired, drained, scared. All things he wasn’t used to seeing in her eyes. It kind of scared him a little.

Buffy smiled. “It is. Angel, we need to talk. The first thing is…” She wanted to tell him straight up that Spike was in her house. She didn’t need the macho bullshit right now. She didn’t want Angel causing problems. Spike was more then welcome in her home, and she was going to make sure everyone knew it.

Dawn came running downstairs laughing, interrupting Buffy’s conversation with Angel. Just what she needed. Of course that wasn’t all she got.

“Lil Bit, come back here!” Spike yelled, tearing down the stairs after her and chasing her through the house. So much for his plan to stay upstairs away from Angel. He didn’t want to be anywhere near him, or see him making the moves on Buffy. It was just to o much for one vampire to deal with.

Dawn came running into the living room and Buffy stood up, “Hey,” she said, “Enough.” She raised an eyebrow at the two of them acting like four year olds. She couldn’t help as a small smile curved at the top of her lips. At least there was some happiness in her house. It kinda lifted the depressing atmosphere that had settled over her house.

“Buffy, make him stay away from me,” Dawn said, breathless. She slid behind her sister, and didn’t even acknowledge Angel’s presence. She peeked over Buffy’s shoulder at the blonde vampire and stuck her tongue out at him.

Buffy looked at Spike as he came into the living room. “What are you doing?” She asked. “Other then acting like a couple of kids.” She was trying to scold them like kids, but the smile on her face gave it away. How could she be mad at them for laughing and joking around?

“She started it,” Spike said, trying to get a hold of Dawn around Buffy, “Come on, Nibblet. Big Sis can’t save you.” He smirked at her and vaguely debated in physically removing Buffy from in between them. Not that it would be hard, he just didn’t need any problems. He was pretty sure that Angel would start a fight, and he didn’t want to add any stress on Buffy.

Dawn stuck her tongue out at him again. “I win,” she said. She bounced on her toes in glee as she relaxed her back. She thought Spike was going to try to get her again, but he seemed to let her take the win this time.

Spike backed off. “Fine,” he said, going in to the kitchen. “Hungry?”

Dawn went after him. “Starved.” And she started squealing, when Spike started tickling her again. “You cheated!” She should have known. “Spike… please.”

“You cheated too,” Spike said, tickling her mercilessly. “Hiding behind big sis. You know that doesn’t work.” It felt so good to be laughing and having a light attitude even with Angel’s brooding presence in the house. Buffy seemed to be alright too. It made him feel at least a little better that he got her to smile.

Back in the living room, Angel‘s face was filled with disbelief at the scene he just witnessed. “Why is Spike running around your house?” He asked. His idiotic childe, just chased Buffy’s little sister through the house. Tickling her. And Buffy seemed amused. This could not be good.

“He lives here,” Buffy said, going into the kitchen. She didn’t even think about the answer she had given him. It really wasn’t his business. “Alright you two, that’s enough.” She smiled at Spike with warmth in her eyes, trying to tell him that nothing had changed. Angel was going to leaving and things would be fine.

“I’m going out for a smoke,” Spike said, as Angel made his way to the kitchen. Dawn said she was going with him and followed him out to the back porch. She didn’t have a desire to stay and be in the presence of a fight between Buffy and Angel. Even though it would be very entertaining.

“Since when does Spike live here?” Angel asked. He folded his arms and glared daggers at Spike’s back through the back door. He wanted to go out there and break his neck. This was not what he was expecting. He tried to ignore the way that Buffy looked at his childe, but it seemed to be plastered on her face.

“Since I asked him to. He takes care of Dawn and I, and we have become attached to him,” she said, leaning against the counter. “It’s not really any of your business.” And she didn’t want to tell him that she and Spike had had a fight and he had moved out. Only because it seemed like he might move back in. And she didn’t need Angel giving her a lecture about how much it wouldn’t work, or rubbing it in her face that she couldn’t make it work. That was the last thing she needed.

“The both of you?” Angel asked. She just admitted that she liked him. This was not good. He didn’t want this kind of life for her. That’s why he left. He couldn’t give her the kind of life she deserved. And Spike sure as hell couldn’t either. How could she not see how bad of an idea this was?

“Angel, things are different know between Spike and I. We’re friends, possibly more,” she said, softly. She met his eyes squarely. She was ready to fight him tooth and nail for what she believed in. He wasn’t going to ruin this for her. She just couldn’t allow someone to mess her life. And certainly not Angel. He had no right. Not anymore.

“Buffy, he’s a soulless vampire,” Angel growled. “What is wrong with you?!” She had totally lost her mind. He was already forming a plan to get Spike out of her life. He would be an awful influence on her. He knew he would.

“At least he was here through the worst fight of my life,” Buffy said, flatly. “He loves me and he’d do anything for me. I could have lost my house Angel. I could have lost everything, and he made sure that Dawn and I were taken care of.” She knew Angel wouldn’t have much of an argument. He didn’t really know Spike. Not like she did.

“You could’ve called me and I would’ve helped you,” Angel said, “You don’t need Spike.” She needed to see tha reality that Spike was not the one for her. He needed to leave. Angel could give her anything she needed. Almost anything anyway.

“Angel, I know you care about me but look at him,” she said, looking out the back door. Spike was leaning against the railing with Dawn in his lap. Dawn was snuggled up to Spike and he was running a hand over her hair. Buffy looked at Angel, “See? We do need him,” she said. “He’s everything that Dawn and I have ever wanted. He takes good care of us.”

Spike came in with a sleeping Dawn in his arms. “I’m gonna go put her in bed,” he said. He moved around them both and took his little girl upstairs. He carefully laid her in bed, removed her sneakers and pulled the comforter of her body. He smiled at her fondly but headed back down stairs. As he came into the kitchen, Angel growled. “Save your breath, Peaches. You haven’t been involved with her for years. Now shouldn’t make a difference,” Spike said.

Angel growled again, “What do you know?” Spike didn’t know anything about his relationship with Buffy. He had good reasons for leaving. At her funeral, things had been fine with Spike. But now it was different. He didn’t think that Buffy would come back. He certainly didn’t think that she would just jump into Spike’s arms. What was this world coming to?

Spike crossed his arms, “I love her more then anything. And I was strong enough to deal with what happen and move on with life,” he said, walking toward Angel, “You don’t really love her. Not like I do,” Spike said. “I was here, trying to make sure Dawn was gonna be okay and forced myself to be okay ‘cause I was not gonna abandon her.” Spike turned on his heel, and went out the front door with a slam.

Buffy looked heart broken as Spike left. She didn’t even get to say anything to him as she dumbly reached for him as he had passed her in the kitchen. She knew this was a bad idea. “I thought…” She looked at Angel. “What was that about?”

Angel shrugged. “I’m not sure,” he said. “At you’re funeral, things were fine. We grieved, we got along. We accepted what happened. But I had to go back to L.A. Spike was pissed at me for leaving.” But what could he do? He had to leave. It was just better that he moved on with his life. Spike, however, didn’t see it that way.

“Oh,” she said, softly. “He’s a member of my family and I care about him. But I’ll talk to him. Guess you guys can’t really get along for me huh?” It was almost too good to be true, that everything could be easy. Nothing was easy anymore. That was the worst part about being back. Everything was too freaking hard. “Look, he’s important to me and he’s gone through hell for me.” She was grateful that Angel hadn’t tried to rip Spike’s throat out, and that was a plus for her. She chatted with him for a few more minutes, but said her goodbyes with just a hug. He left peacefully and she went back inside. She wondered when Spike would be back. She missed him.
***

Spike came back inside about fifteen minutes later and found Buffy on the couch, “You’re still up?” He had wanted to stay away, making sure that Angel was gone when he came back. He couldn’t stand it anymore. It had been a tough choice. He needed to get away from Angel, but it had killed him to leave Buffy alone. He personally didn’t think that she was ready to deal with him, but he couldn’t tell her what to do.

Buffy looked up at him, “I was waiting for you,” she told him, as she stood up. She didn’t want to go to bed knowing that Spike was out. She would worry way too much. She knew he could take care of himself, but she couldn’t help it. “Where did you go?” She tried not to sound like a pestering girlfriend or anything, but she couldn’t help the way it came out.

“I was coming back,” he said, locking the door before going over to her. He could see it in her eyes that she wasn’t sure. She had been scared that he was going to leave her. Spike pushed her hair out of her face, “I just had to get away from him.” He loved that she was worried about him. Made him feel like he really was wanted. The fact that Angle wasn’t still here to beat the shit out of him, and Buffy was waiting for him, that was just even better.

Buffy smiled, “I explained to him the way things are now. It’s hard to lose someone you love,” she said. “And I made it clear to him that you’re part of my life and he seemed to be okay with that. And he left.” She reached out to touch his hand and squeezed it. “I tried to talk to you before you left, but you left before I could say anything. But I understand.”

“Yes it is. And I hope I don’t have to do it for a very long time ’cause, ’am not sure I can survive again,” he said. He knew he wouldn’t be able to survive if she died again. He would lose his mind if he didn’t commit suicide first. Boldly, he put his hands on her hips. “But I am sorry I took off. I really didn’t want to. But I hung close.” Like he would go far while his girl was with her ex poof. He wasn’t that stupid.

“Come on. Let’s go to bed,” she said, going into the kitchen. She locked the back door and killed the lights. She joined him at the bottom of the stairs and grabbed his hand before leading him upstairs. She was going to make this work. And she didn’t care what Spike thought. Well, okay she did. But she was going to convince him that this was right.

Spike followed Buffy upstairs but paused at Dawn’s door to check on her.
When he went to Buffy’s room, she was brushing her hair. “Is Dawn sleeping?” She asked softly. She was still getting used to the idea of him being protective of Dawn. She knew he loved her, and she had seen a little bit of how he was with her last year, but this was went above and beyond all that.

“She can sleep through anything,” Spike said, shrugging off his duster. He sat on her bed and looked at her. He loved watching her, especially brushing her golden locks. He sat nervously, unsure of what he was supposed to be doing. What did she want from him? Was she ready for anything right now? He really couldn’t be sure.

“Lucky her,” Buffy mumbled. She put her brush down and bent over to unzip her boots. She kicked them into the corner of her room and peeled off her shirt, revealing a black tank top underneath. She rolled her tense shoulders, and rubbed her neck. She really needed to start relaxing, or she was going to be a tense cookie for a very long time.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, shifting his legs as she revealed more skin to him. She was so beautiful. Not that she’d let him say it out loud. But it felt so natural to just watch her get ready for bed, when he knew he should leave her to her privacy. She just hadn’t asked him to leave. But he didn’t want to stare. Of course, he loved looking at her, and it was hard to look away, she was just so freaking beautiful.

“I don’t sleep. I always have nightmares and flashes of being in my coffin. Sometimes I can’t breathe,” she whispered. She shrugged it off as if it was nothing and joined him on the bed. “I survive.” She didn’t want pity from Spike, or anything else. She just wanted to rest and forget her nightmares. She didn’t want to dwell on them or share the detiails.

Spike wrapped his arms around her. “Wish there was something I could do,” he said. He could pay her bills but he couldn’t chase away her inner demons as much as he wanted to. He just couldn’t and it killed him to see her in pain like she was. She seemed to not really want to talk about it and he could understand that. “You can tell me about them when you’re ready. I don’t need to know right now.”

She leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. She knew he wouldn’t push her. He just knew what to do for her and what to say to help her feel better. How did he always know? “Will you stay with me?” She whispered. “I mean… we can just sleep.” She blushed and pulled back. They weren’t ready. “Never mind. You don’t have to.”

He gently grabbed her arm and pulled her back. “Buffy,” he said, softly. “I want to stay with you. I do. I just… I don’t want you to feel pressured by me or anything. And I don’t want to be with you out of gratitude for what I did for you.” He wanted her to want to be with him. He wanted her to want him in her bed, and not out of gratitude. He wouldn’t be able to handle that.

Buffy looked up at him. “That’s not why I asked,” she whispered. “I just miss you. And I’ve missed having you here.” She looked at the bedspread and shuddered. “I’m lonely when you’re not here. My friends don’t come around, not that I really want them to. But I miss you. Even as a friend. And… I would really like it if you moved back in.” She shifted and blushed. “You don’t have to stay with me. It’s just… the nights aren’t as long if you’re around.”

Spike bit his lip. “I’ll stay with you,” he said, softly. “Even if it’s just until you fall asleep. But I want you to be okay. And I told you I would take care of you and the Nibblet, if you would just let me.” He was trying not to get his hopes up. It probably didn’t mean anything, but he could wish. She seemed to genuinely care for him, and she didn’t put on any kind of front when Angel was around. She seemed very serious about her decisions where he was concerned.

Buffy nodded. “You can stay here for the night if you want,” she said, climbing out of bed. “I don’t mind you being here. Makes me feel safer.” She pulled the drapes closed, letting him know she was serious about her invite. “The bed’s big enough. I know you wont take advantage of me or something.” She turned to look at him. “And I wont be kicking you out or anything in the morning.”

Spike opened his mouth to say something. “Buffy, I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to spend the night in here,” he said. “I just don’t think you’re ready for that. Especially if you’re having nightmares or something.” He didn’t want to make it worse for her. He didn’t want to make her feel suffocated.

She rolled her eyes and approached him. She pushed him onto the bed and smashed her lips against his. “I think that it’s a perfect idea for you to stay here,” she said, smiling down at his shocked face. “I’m fine. But I’ll be even better if you stay here with me. Please? Just stay with me?” She leaned down to nibble on his neck. “Please?”

He groaned her name. “Pet,” he whispered. “Fine, you win. I’ll stay with you.” He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him as he moved them up the bed. “That was cheating.” She was going to be the death him. He mutter the word ‘vixen’ under his breath as they moved under the covers.

“You love it,” she said snuggling into him. “Thanks for being here.” She was so happy for finally getting him to loosen up and stay with her. She had been craving his presence. And she finally had it. And she wasn’t going to lose it. It was just time to prove it to him.

“I’ll always be here.” He kissed her hair and purred softly against her cheek as it rested over his chest. And he knew he would always be by her side. Nothing would ever change that. Not Angel, and not her friends. He was here to stay. And he was a little closer to maybe getting what he always wanted. He was a little closer to being in Buffy’s heart. And she was okay with that.





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