Heartache

“I wonder what they’re doing. He’s been up a while,” Julie said. She and Buffy were sitting on Juliet’s couch.

“Yeah,” she replied wondering the same thing herself. It had been almost an hour since they had arrived at her house and she hadn’t even seen him since. In her mind she went over all of the possible things he would say to her.

‘I know you’re going through a rough time, but I wanna break up.’

‘I really hate what happened, but I’m leaving you for Buffy.’

‘I’m sorry your moms dead, but it’s over.’

Buffy shook her head. Of course he wouldn’t say any of those things. He was probably comforting her like a good boyfriend should. It seemed that fate didn’t want them to be together. A part of her felt guilty for being upset about this because she felt bad for the wrong reasons. This poor girl had lost her mother and all she could think about was that she and James probably wouldn’t get to be together. She knew how it felt to lose your mother. At least in her mind she did.

Buffy was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard footsteps on the stairs. She looked up to see James heading towards her.

“Is she okay?” Julie asked him.

“As much as can be expected. She’s lying down now. I told her I would be right back up. I wanted to let you guys know you can head home. I’m gonna stay with her tonight.” Julie nodded.

“Alright. I’ll come back over in the morning.” She picked up her coat and purse and walked towards the door. “Buffy do you want me to give you a ride home?” She glanced away from James’ eyes that had been locked on hers ever since he’d come down.

“Uh sure. I just need to use the bathroom first.”

“Sure. It’s down that hall second door on the left.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll wait in the car.” Buffy nodded and Julie went outside. As soon as the door shut Buffy looked back at James.

“I can’t. I can’t break up with her. Not right now.”

“I know,” she replied looking at the floor. He reached out and grabbed her hand.

“I’m sorry. She’s been through so much…” Her eyes met his once again.

“I understand.” His other hand went to brush the hair out of her face.

“I still want this. We’ll just have to wait a little while.” She nodded and he leaned in giving her a quick kiss. He gave her hand a squeeze before breaking all contact.

“I should get back upstairs.”

“Yeah. I should go too. Julie’s waiting.” They gave each other one last look before she headed for the door.

“Bye Buffy.”

“Bye.” Once she was in the car she silently shut the door and put her seatbelt on. Her face must have shown her sadness.

“Are you alright?” Julie asked her.

“Yeah. I just…I just feel really bad for her. I wish there was something we could do.” It wasn’t a complete lie. She did feel really bad for the girl and did wish she could do something to make the situation better. However her sadness was also caused by the words she had just exchanged with James. She had finally admitted to herself that she wanted to be with him and now she couldn’t. It seemed that no matter what world she lived in fate was not going to let her be happy.

“Me too. But what can you do in times like these?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said looking out the window. “I really don’t know.”

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Buffy looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing black pants and a short sleeved black shirt. Getting ready for a funeral was not exactly something she enjoyed doing. She recalled getting ready for her own mother’s funeral. It had been one of the worst things she had ever done. What do you wear? I mean it’s not like they’re going to know if you look like crap or not. For some reason though, people liked to get dressed up for funerals. She wondered how that tradition had started. Maybe because funerals are one of the only places you see most of your relatives and you feel the need to impress them. She reached down and picked up the black eye liner that was lying on her dresser. That was another one of those things that people did that often did not make sense. Wearing eye makeup when they knew they would probably cry and it would run. Though they did make waterproof mascara now. She lightly applied the liner and stepped back to look at herself. Not to dark, but dark enough.

“Buffy, are you almost ready sweetheart?” her mother called from the hallway.

“Yeah mom.” Joyce opened the door and looked in at her daughter.

“Do you have my black heels?”

“Uhuh. They’re in the closet.” The older nodded and walked over to retrieve them.

“Mom?”

“Yeah?” she asked as she bent down and looked through the closet.

“Do you think that Juliet will alright?”

“Well eventually, but it could take a while.” Yes it could take a while. And the longer it took the longer it would be before she would be able to be with James.

Buffy sighed. Stupid world. Stupid world that never let her catch a break. It was always something that stood in the way of her happiness. The end of the world, gypsy curses, secret government agencies, and now a grieving girl. She felt guilty for thinking about her misfortunes when one of her friends had just lost her mother, but she couldn’t help it. It was human nature to want something, and Buffy nature not to get it.

“Don’t worry honey,” Joyce said walking up behind her daughter. “She’ll be fine. She’s a strong girl. And she has her dad. They’ll make it.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Oh I’m always right.” Buffy attempted a smile even though she wasn’t in the smiling mood. Now was not the time to be happy. It was the time to be sad for Juliet and her family.

She took one final look in the mirror before following her mother out of the room and down to the car.

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“She was loved by many and will be greatly missed,” the preacher said concluding his eulogy. Buffy looked over at Juliet. She was leaning against James crying slightly. He himself looked sad as well. The old man motioned for the funeral director who informed everyone that they could go back into the church to get something to eat while they fixed up the grave. Most people began walking back that way.

“I’m gonna go inside,” Joyce told her daughter.

“I’ll be in in a minute.” She nodded before leaving. Buffy looked back over to where Juliet was standing. James and Julie were talking to her. After a moment Julie put an arm around her and they headed towards the church. James stood there for a few minutes before walking over to where Buffy was standing.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Both of them felt very awkward.

“So how is she?” Buffy asked.

“She’s doing alright.” He glanced back to her retreating form. “As alright as she could be.”

“Yeah.”

“Listen Buffy…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I understand.”

“You don’t. You can’t know how sorry I am. I…I really want to be with you. But I can’t do this to her right now.”

“I know James, and I don’t expect you to. I know that you need to be there for her. If I were going through this I would want the person I love to be there for me.” She thought back to her own mother’s funeral. Angel had been there for her then when she had needed him.

“I wish things were different.”

“Me too.”

“Maybe one day we’ll…”

“Yeah…maybe.” He reached out and grabbed her hand.

“Don’t give up on me.”

“I won’t,” she told him honestly. She wouldn’t give up hope that one day it would be okay for them to be together. Until then she would just have deal with it. He continued to hold her hand for a moment before giving it a squeeze and letting it go.

“We should go inside. See if anyone brought anything decent to eat.” She nodded and they proceeded into the church.

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The next morning Buffy woke up determined to make this a good day. She was tired of feeling down about this whole situation. It was a bad situation that she was going to have to make the best of. She took a quick shower and got dressed. As she was pulling her hair up she accidentally knocked the box sitting on her dresser onto the floor. She cursed as she bent down to pick up its contents. She paused when she saw the ring lying there. The ring she had more or less stolen from the gallery. Though she figured it must not have meant much to them since her mother had said nothing about any missing items. She picked it up and looked at it. The little silver skull seemed to be staring back at her. She wondered how the ring had ended up in the gallery in the first place. She hadn’t given it much thought since the day she had found it. It was a mystery indeed.

Not wanting to dwell on it any longer she put the ring back into the box and placed it back on the dresser. Today was about thinking of things other than James. She finished getting ready and headed downstairs. She heard a knock at the door as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

“I’ll get it,” Buffy called to her mother. She opened the door and her mouth fell open slightly.

“Giles?”

She was indeed shocked to see him standing in her doorway, but that was not the reason her mouth had fell open. That had more to do with the woman standing beside him. A face she never thought she would see again.

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