Author's Chapter Notes:
here's a chapter with a little lovin in it...
L is for Sex

Buffy closed the door to her room and dropped her purse on the floor. She pulled her jacket off and threw it on her desk chair before going to sit on her bed. She glanced over at her night stand and saw the flower laying on it. She smiled and then sighed running a hand through her hair before lying back and closing her eyes. What was she getting herself into? Starting a secret relationship with James was so not a good idea. For one thing she’d been there and done that. For another thing those kinds of relationships never worked and in the end no matter how hard you tried to keep it a secret someone always found out.

“Did you tell them?” She opened her eyes to see a figure standing in the corner of her room. Surprisingly the voice hadn’t startled her. She sat up as the owner of the voice stepped out of the shadows.

“You’re not real.”

“Aren’t I?” He patted his chest. “Feels pretty real to me. But you’re more than welcome to feel for yourself.” He smirked.

“You’re not really here. You’re just a figment of my imagination.” She closed her eyes. When she reopened them he was still standing there.

“One hell of an imagination you got then slayer. I mean to think up this whole world. Trying to explain everything that happened. You really wanted to get away from us didn’t you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know good and damn well what I’m talking about. You wanted a normal life so badly that you left all of the people you claimed to love to die.”

“No. That never happened. That wasn’t real. It was all in my head.”

“Just like I am?” She was about to respond when she heard the door to her bedroom open.

“Buffy sweetheart are you alright?” her mother asked.

“Fine mom.”

“Good. We’re you talking to someone?”

“No I was just…thinking out loud.”

“Oh okay.” Buffy put on a smile for her mother glad that she’d bought the lame excuse. No need to tell her she was seeing things.

“Goodnight honey,” Joyce said.

“Night mom.” The door closed and Buffy laid back down on her bed thinking about what just happened. This was the third time she’d had a ‘vision’ of Spike. What did that mean?

‘Maybe,’ her brain told her, ‘just maybe you’re having hallucinations brought on by what’s been happening with James lately.’ Yes. That had to be it. It couldn’t be anything else. She hadn’t left her friends to die. She wouldn’t do that.

Would she?

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Days turned to weeks as Buffy and James continued their affair. They were both becoming better at making up excuses to get away from the crowd and spending forbidden time together. Buffy had also convinced herself that her recent vision of Spike didn’t mean anything. There was no way that world could be real, and it was ridiculous to think for a second that it was.

This particular night Buffy’s parents had gone out of town with Tony and Robia to some charity event in Los Angeles so James had taken it upon himself to come over and spend time with his secret girlfriend. He still didn’t know what it was about her that made him want to leave behind everything he had ever known, but didn’t care anymore. As long as she was in his arms, nothing else seemed to matter. Buffy herself was tired of running from her feelings and had decided to just give into them, no matter how insane it might have seemed.

Now they were up in her bedroom, making the most of their alone time. They had decided that tonight would be the night they took their relationship to the next level.

“Are you sure about this?” Buffy asked pulling away slightly from the man who was currently kissing her senseless.

“I’ve never been more sure about anything.” He started to kiss her again.

“But what if they find out?” They had been together for weeks now, it was almost August, but she was still worried her friends would find out.

“They won’t,” he assured her.

“But what if they do?”

“Then we’ll deal with it.” Buffy wasn’t convinced, but the feel of his lips on hers made her forget all of her doubts. When his hand reached under her shirt her body stiffened. James pulled back and looked at her.

“Are you alright?” She nodded. “Are you sure? Because if you don’t want to do this we won’t.”

“No. It’s not that. It’s just…” she paused not really knowing how to say this. “This is my…first time.” Sure she remembered having sex but in reality she hadn’t. Which meant this would physically feel like a first time and that made her slightly nervous.

“Oh.” He seemed to ponder this.

“Sorry,” she offered.

“No no. You have nothing to be sorry for. I guess I just assumed…”

“I was in a coma for six years.”

“Right. I keep forgetting.” She smiled in spite of her nervousness.

“I’m glad.” He smiled back.

“You know we don’t have to do this tonight if you’re not ready.”

“No I’m ready.” He raised his eyebrows. “Well I am. Now shut up and kiss me.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he said returning his lips to hers. This time when his hand slid under her shirt she didn’t mind it. In fact she raised her arms so he could take it off. She then reached to remove his. He began to trail kisses down her neck and shoulder pulling her bra strap down as he did so. She let him remove the article of clothing, and reached down fumbling with the buttons on his pants.

Soon they were both naked and he positioned himself above her. She gasped when he gently thrust inside her.

“If you need me to stop, just tell me,” he told her. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. She shook her head.

“O…okay” she managed. She was having trouble thinking at the moment. This felt really good. Better than it should have. She pulled him down to her and kissed him passionately. What she was feeling inside was similar to the passion she remembered feeling with Spike and all she wanted at the moment was to have him all the way inside of her. She lifted her hips and took him all the way in. He grunted and buried his head in her neck. To be her first time she sure seemed to know what she was doing. Buffy closed her eyes and put her forehead to his. She wanted to get lost in him like she had so many times before. Only this time it would be different. This time she wouldn’t regret it.

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Buffy opened her eyes and squinted at the offending sunlight. She rolled over and smiled when she saw the man lying next to her. He was still asleep. Her smiled faded when she saw the sunlight hitting his chest. She inwardly panicked a moment before remembering that it didn’t matter. He was human here and humans did not catch on fire when exposed to sunlight. She almost laughed at her stupidity. Her mind drifted to the cocky vampire she had woken up next to many times. She remembered watching him the same way once, thinking how innocent he looked when he slept. It had been strange watching him sleep. She could not tell whether he was actually sleeping or just faking it. Most of the time she would try to get up without disturbing him but he would always wake up and pull her back to him. And she would let him. That was how she had ended up spending so many nights in that crypt. James’ stirring beside her pulled her out of her thoughts.

His eyes opened and he looked at her with a smile on his face.

“Morning sleepyhead,” she said.

“Mornin’.” Something about the way he said it drew her mind back to the vampire she had been thinking about a moment earlier. He raised his hand and brushed the hair out of her face.

“You’re amazing,” he told her. She smiled in response.

“You’re not so bad yourself.” She half expected him to say ‘I was just trying to keep up’ but he didn’t. Instead he just looked at her.

“What?”

“I was just thinking about how crazy this is.”

“Crazy bad?”

“No, definitely not bad. Just crazy.” She wasn’t sure exactly what he meant, but she did know that she was on cloud 9 right now. Last night had been amazing. But despite all of that there was still something in the back of her mind that was bugging her about the situation, and she couldn’t figure out exactly what it was.

“Yeah.” He leaned over and kissed her gently.

“I know this may seem a little soon and I don’t mean to freak you out or anything, but…I think I’m falling in love with you,” James said. He wasn’t sure what she would say or how she would take it. He was afraid that if she didn’t feel the same then he would have just made a fool of himself and ruined everything. What he didn’t realize was that he had nothing to worry about.

“I think I’m falling in love with you too.”

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