When Buffy returned to the Magic Box, almost two hours had passed and the small shop was quiet and seemingly empty. Although, it was most likely that Anya was still around, eagerly counting today’s profit. She suspected Giles and Spike to still be there somewhere as well, but the others had probably left a while ago. Thankfully, that also included Wesley. Buffy shuddered at the thought of another member of the Watcher’s Council, constantly being around, looking over their shoulders and reporting their every move back to Quentin Travers. They couldn’t let that happen again, Giles wouldn’t let it happen, Buffy thought.
She trusted Giles to keep them all safe, but yet, a small part of her had never forgiven him for his actions three years ago. Of course, she knew he was still suffering from the loss of his son, and would probably blame himself for the rest of his life, wishing he had acted differently. And Giles had been the one to pull her out of the miserable state she had been in for almost a year after William’s death; he had taken her in and taken care of her, been there for her whenever she needed someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. Buffy also knew that Giles couldn’t have loved her more had she been his own daughter. But still, deep inside, she was constantly reminded of his part of the ‘accident’. And she knew that Giles was, as well.
Now she found herself hoping that Spike was still around; a realization that surprised her. But she hadn’t been able to get the bleached blonde out of her mind since she had left the training room earlier. She had been both disappointed and relieved when Giles had walked in on them. Disappointed, because she’d enjoyed being around Spike, and she definitely wanted to get to know him better. And relieved, because she had discovered that he brought out these feelings and emotions from her that she had been convinced she would never feel again. And that frightened her, more than she was ready to admit.
She hadn’t known Spike for long, and already she felt a connection between them, like they had known each other in another lifetime. She supposed it could have something to do with the fact that he was William’s cousin; she could look into Spike’s eyes, and for a brief moment almost fool herself into thinking that she was looking at William. But there was more than that. She was intrigued by the man behind those blue eyes, interested to learn all about his life story, getting to know him as Spike Pratt, not as William’s cousin.
For the last three years, Buffy had refused to even look at another man, feeling that if she did, she would betray William’s memory. But now she was starting to wonder if, maybe, it was time to finally let go of the past, and move on. William wouldn’t have wanted her to go through the rest of her life alone and miserable, of that she was certain. But still, she didn’t know if she dared to take another chance at love, to risk having her heart broken again. She had lost the man she loved once, if that would happen again, she didn’t think she would survive. She could never go through so much pain again.
“Buffy? Are you all right, dear?”
Buffy jumped at the sound of Giles’ voice behind her, snapping her out of her thoughts. “Hey, Giles.” She gave him a small smile. “I’m fine. I just needed to get out of here for a while, you know?” He nodded, and she went on; “So, everybody left for the night?”
“Um, well, Anya is still in the back, counting money if I’m not mistaken.”
Buffy couldn’t help but giggle; Anya was just so predictable. She tried to sound casual when she asked her next question; “What about Spike, is he still here?” Then she cringed at the eager note in her voice, hoping that Giles wouldn’t notice.
Giles suddenly seemed to be very interested in something on the floor. “He left a while ago.”
“Left?” Buffy was confused. “You mean he went back to the house?”
“No, he, um…” Giles still didn’t meet her eyes. “He went out, um… patrolling.” Buffy opened her mouth to speak, and he hurried to explain; “Not alone, of course, he went with Wesley.”
“He what?” Buffy stared at him in shock. “How could you send him out there with someone from the Council? That’s crazy, what the hell were you thinking?! Spike doesn’t even know…”
“Actually…” Giles finally looked up, a determined expression on his face. “Spike may not have the experience with vampires you and I have, but I assure you, he knows quite a bit when it comes to fighting.” Seeing that she was about to object, he hurriedly went on; “Wesley and I observed him in the training room for almost an hour before they left, we were both quite impressed by his skills.” He paused. “Believe me, Buffy, I would not have sent Spike out there if I didn’t think he could handle it.”
Buffy wasn’t convinced. “Sure, he can fight. But has he even held a stake before?”
Giles sighed. “Buffy, Spike is the Slayer. He will have to learn to slay vampires the hard way. This is how it has always been done. When I first started training William, I did the exact same thing; took him out there so he would see for himself what it was like. You don’t learn to fight vampires in a training room, Buffy, you do it out in the real world. That is how William learned to slay.”
“And see what happened to him!” Buffy regretted her words immediately, but it was too late to take them back.
Giles got a cold look on his face, but she could also see the pain in his eyes. “That was not fair, Buffy. I do realize you still hold me partly responsible for William’s death, but…”
“Giles, I’m sorry.” Buffy swallowed, desperately trying to hold back tears. “I didn’t mean…”
He interrupted her. “Yes, you did. And that is all right. I blame myself for what happened, every day. But you have to understand, I was only doing my job. As long as there is evil in the world, there will be a Slayer. And the Slayer has to fight that evil for as long as he can, because otherwise, the world as we know it would be doomed. William knew that. And Spike will have to accept that as well. This is his destiny. I can’t change that, anymore than I could change William’s destiny.”
Buffy angrily wiped away a tear. “I refuse to accept that William was destined to die before he was twenty. It’s not fair, Giles!”
“Maybe not.” Giles sighed. “But it is a fact. Do you think I want this? Do you think I enjoy the idea of possibly losing another part of my family to the same fate? If I was to decide, neither William nor Spike would have to go through this.” He let out a bitter laugh. “Bloody hell, Buffy, if I was to decide, there would be no evil in the world. But sadly, that is not the case.”
“I know,” Buffy whispered, quietly. Giles was right, and she hated it. She hated the unfairness of it all; she felt so helpless. And she knew Giles felt the same way. But she couldn’t let the same thing that happened to William happen to Spike. She took a deep breath. “When did they leave?”
Giles looked a little surprised, then gave her a firm expression. “Spike will have to learn to handle this, alone. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know.” Buffy gave him a pleading look. “I promise, I’m not gonna get in his way. Just please, tell me…”
He let out a defeated sigh, and glanced at his watch. “They left about an hour ago, heading to Restfield Cemetery.”
She gave him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Giles.” With that, she turned around and left the store.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Wow, lots of reviews for last chap, did wonders for the muse! :) Thank you all so much, here's the next chapter.