“I don’t get it.” Spike followed William across the dark cemetery, never once slowing down to take in the surroundings. He supposed William knew exactly where he was taking them. “You said this was about me and Buffy, right? That mean you want us to be together? I thought she was supposed to be the love of your life.” The moment the word ‘life’ had left his mouth, he immediately regretted it. “What I meant was…”
“I know what you meant.” William stopped with a sigh. “That’s the thing, isn’t it? I’m dead now.”
Spike suddenly felt like the biggest git in the world. Then he frowned. Was it possible to hurt a ghost’s feelings?
“I already told you, I’m not a bloody ghost! You’d do well by remembering that.” William glared at him.
“And I told you to stop reading my soddin’ mind!” Spike glared back at his cousin. “How’s that even possible, anyway?”
William just shrugged. “You don’t need to know. Let’s get back to what’s important, shall we?” He didn’t wait for an answer before he went on; “Yes, I loved Buffy, very much. But it doesn’t matter now. I can’t be there for her anymore. That’s where you come in.”
“Right.” Spike snorted, not bothering to keep the hurt out of his voice. “You want me to be your bloody replacement? Forget it! I’m done playing that game.”
“Don’t be daft! That’s not what I’m saying.” William rolled his eyes. “When are you going to get it into your thick head that she loves you?”
“She loves you.” Spike stubbornly kept his eyes on the ground. “I was just…convenient.”
“That’s bollocks and you know it.” William had started walking again and Spike reluctantly followed. “Thing is, Buffy and I were never meant to be together forever. Sure, we were happy for a while, but sooner or later, she would’ve realized that it wouldn’t be enough. I wouldn’t be enough.” He paused. “She might not be aware of it yet, but she needs a little monster in her man.”
Spike stopped abruptly. “Hold on! What are you saying? That she didn’t really love you? That’s just…” He shook his head in disbelief.
“No, I know she loved me.” William gave him a patient look. “I know how much she’s mourned for me. Believe me, if I’d known what it would do to her…” He sighed. “I never wanted her to suffer like that. But what I’m saying is it wouldn’t have lasted. Not forever, anyway.”
“Nothing will last forever,” Spike mumbled, and William chuckled.
“That was deep, mate. However, you’re incorrect. There are some things that will last forever.”
Spike gave him a curious look. “Like what?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” William raised a brow. “True love?”
“Yeah, right.” Spike started walking, then stopped again as he realized that he had no idea in which direction they were supposed to go.
William looked amused, but took the hint and gestured towards a large mausoleum. “We’re almost there. Look, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Then he paused. “No, wait, in a way I did.” Spike just rolled his eyes. “What I meant was,” William went on; “Buffy and I were different in many ways. I never thought it would matter, though. Now I realize I was wrong.”
“What do you mean?” Spike was confused. He had gotten the impression that Buffy and William had been the perfect match.
“I always hated this life.” William saw that Spike was about to interrupt and raised his hand to stop him. “The slaying, I mean. I liked my life pretty good before that. But I could never fully accept the fact that my life had changed, and that it was permanent. Not a day went by without me wishing it was my last fight; that I would wake up the next day and realize it had all just been a dream.”
“Join the club.” Spike stopped in front of the large stone door, leading into the mausoleum. “We suppose to go in here?”
Instead of answering, William easily pushed the door open and motioned for Spike to step inside. “Not the same. Being the Slayer may not have been what you wanted at first, but that has changed now. You enjoy it.”
“That’s not…”
“You enjoyed it. The slaying. You enjoyed it. Admit it.”
“Maybe. What’s that got to do with anything?”
The conversation he’d had with Buffy when they were sparring suddenly flashed through Spike’s mind. She had said the exact same thing. And he hadn’t objected then. So, why do it now? He shrugged. “What if I do?”
“Actually, it’s good. Might help keeping you alive.” William walked over to a sarcophagus and hopped up to sit on it. Spike went to follow, but stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed the man and the woman sitting close together on the floor. The man was him. And the woman… Well, he supposed she was not really a woman at all.
“You want to help me.” Drusilla ran her fingers down his cheek, looking deep into his eyes. “You will not understand it, but you will feel an almost desperate need to help me get my soul back. Because you will be convinced that once I’ve got it, I will help you fight on the good side. Do you understand?”
Spike nodded. “I understand.”
Spike shook his head in denial, turning to William. “I don’t remember this.”
William sighed. “You wouldn’t.” Spike turned his attention back to him and Drusilla.
“You feel like we have something in common.” Drusilla smiled and leaned closer, like she was going to kiss him. “And you will not remember us having this conversation.”
“Yes.” Spike flinched back, slightly, before Drusilla’s lips could brush against his. If he noticed the furious expression on the vampire’s pale face, he had forgotten it a moment later.
“Surprised?” William looked at Spike.
“Not really.” Spike leaned back against the wall with a sigh. “Knew she had me in a thrall somehow. Still, seeing it like this…” He shrugged, trying not to let it show how uncomfortable he really was by all of it. Who knew what else Drusilla had made him forget?
“Don’t worry; you haven’t done anything… really bad. Not like…” William stopped, his eyes suddenly darkening. “We’re done here. Let’s move on.” He jumped off the sarcophagus and headed towards the door. Puzzled, Spike followed.
He had expected to see tombstones when he stepped outside. Instead, he found himself standing inside his own apartment. “I’ll never get used to this.” William smiled a little. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Spike frowned as he watched himself cast a startled look in the direction of the knocking sound.
“Oh, bloody hell! Forgot about Buffy.”
Drusilla casted a glance towards the door as well, then turned back to Spike. “Make her go away.”
“What?” Spike stared at her in confusion. “No!” He paused. “I’ll introduce you to her, then you’re gonna leave.”
“No.” Drusilla ran her fingers down his cheek. “She can’t know I’m here.”
Spike got up. “I don’t know what you’re on about, but I’m not gonna lie to Buffy. If you don’t…” His voice trailed off as he once again found himself looking into those dark, empty eyes.
Spike cringed as the other Spike merely nodded in response to Drusilla’s words and headed over to the door as soon as the vampire had left the room. Not wanting to see himself telling Buffy to leave again, he turned to William. “I don’t wanna do this anymore. I wanna go back.”
“Sorry. Doesn’t work that way.” William’s voice trailed off as he was looking at Buffy, a longing expression on his face. “My God, she’s beautiful.”
“Hey!” Spike was about to tell William off for checking Buffy out, then rolled his eyes at himself. “I know she is.” He felt a pang in his chest at the sight of Buffy’s disappointed face when the door closed in front of her.
He remembered this all too well. Now he would go into the bedroom, where Drusilla was waiting. Only, that didn’t happen. Instead, Drusilla came back out into the living room. Spike frowned. He didn’t remember this.
“You got rid of Sunshine. Well done, my sweet Slayer. Now, I want you to go back to the door where an old friend of mine will be waiting. Oh, and Spike? You will need to invite him in.”
Spike just stared in disbelief as the other him went over to the door and opened it, then immediately stepped aside to allow Angel to enter his apartment. With an evil grin on his face, the tall, dark vampire nodded in thanks and, without a word, headed for the bedroom.
Swallowing, Spike glanced at William. “Suppose that’s how the wanker got inside, then.” William didn’t answer, just looked after Angel. Spike was confused at first, then realized that his cousin had faced this vampire before. “Oh, right. Sorry. Forgot that he…” He hesitated.
“Killed me?” William got a grim look on his face for a brief moment, then shrugged. “I’m over it. Besides, he’s dust now.” He smiled, sadly. “My dad was always good with a crossbow.” Spike vaguely remembered Buffy saying something about Giles killing Angel when she had first visited him at the hospital.
Suddenly he realized that he – the other him, that was – was heading towards the bedroom, and he let out a sigh. “All right, then. Might as well go see how it ends…”
TBC
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