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Author's Chapter Notes:
Many Many thanks to my amazing reviewers
Cordykitten, Jennifer, Dom, Bridgette, and Dusty.
I now have a live journal, when I can tame it. so will be begging for bannermakers
Spike was hovering, again. And it was beginning to piss Buffy off again. She couldn’t move without him trying to help. She wasn’t even allowed to go to the bathroom without him offering an arm or trying to carry her and it was beginning to really annoy her off. OK, so she was still weak from whatever that demon was, but she could walk as far as the end of her room.

Every time she tried to talk to him about what happened he would ‘shush’ her, and ‘it’s alright luv’ her and she was beginning to believe he needed to have his nose broken, again.

Spike was doing his best. She’d jumped through a portal and come back unconscious, it reminded him far too much of 147 days she’d been dead. He couldn’t help it. He was frightened, and he didn’t want her to get upset, so he fussed over her, if he could breathe for her he’d do that as well. Gone were the snarky comments and the quick banter but it didn’t feel right, the demon in him was growling. He wanted to just take his mate and make her his now; the poet just wanted to care.

Dawn noticed the rising tension in the air, everybody did, and they were all waiting for the explosion.

Buffy tried talking to Spike again, really talking to him: they hadn’t talked about anything important. Every time she started he hushed her and plumped her pillows or got her a drink, or something to eat, or put the DVD on or switched it off until she yelled at him to leave the room.

Spike was trying, he was desperate not to lose Buffy again, scared that what she wanted to tell him was goodbye: if he kept her quiet it wouldn’t happen.

But Buffy had to tell him about the spells. Willow had tried to free him from the memory spell, but of course, the blood running through his veins wasn’t his, it belonged to whoever had donated it. So the spell hadn’t worked and Spike was still under the impression that Buffy didn’t truly love him, he just remembered burning in the hell mouth and then the time with Angel.

Buffy had kicked Spike out her room again. It was the only way she could get any peace. What she wanted was for him to ignore her and throw her on the bed, what she got was, ‘of course pet,’ and him wandering off!!

‘God that Vamp is so frustrating!’ she screamed at the closed door.

Xander looked at Spike, standing outside Buffy’s door tears in his eyes; the vampire looked broken, terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing. Xander knew the feeling. He had been a little too protective when Anya had got back, and it had taken Anya flashing a demon face at him and threatening to cut off his sex for him to realise that he’d annoyed her.

Maybe he needed to talk to Spike before Buffy lost it completely. It was funny but it took him losing an eye and nearly losing Anya for him to clearly see just how much Spike and Buffy loved each other. If he’d been less blind before it would have saved a lot of heartache.

Xander grabbed a couple of beers from the small stock they had in the kitchen and headed for the second floor. Spike was still sitting outside Buffy’s door where he’d been thrown out; again, he hadn’t moved from his spot. He was the picture of misery sitting outside the door, leaning against the wall, his head bent and resting on his crossed arms. He looked pale, well paler, than normal. Xander wondered if the vamp had been eating at all.

‘Here.’ Xander passed over the open bottle. Spike looked at the bottle as though it were a spitting cobra.

‘Wha’ d’you want, whelp? And what’s that for?’

‘This is called beer and its traditionally drunk by men, especially when they are having female trouble.’

‘She doesn’t want me.’

‘Bullshit, she’s wanted you for years.’

‘What, she keeps throwing me out of the room and struggling without me there to help, and she keeps wanting to have ‘The Talk’ and we all know what that means…’ he took a swig of the beer.

Xander pulled up a bit of floor and sat by the Vampire.

‘I think you’ll find that the talk is more along the line of ‘I love you and there’s been a horrendous spell on us all’ type talk, not the one where she says ‘it’s not you it’s me’ type. I have found out from Anya that ‘we need to talk’ can actually refer to things like socks needing changing or toilet seats being put down, it’s just not the end of things. Women talk, we ignore at our peril.’ Xander looked across at the vampire. He watched as what he said sank into Spike’s brain.

‘What spell?’

‘And here it comes, the light dawneth.’ Xander said taking a huge gulp of beer.

Spike looked at him sideways ‘You been reading, whelp?’

‘Yep, books with no pictures and everything,’ Xander grinned. ‘It’s all about Giles,’ he continued. ‘Seems he put a spell on all of us, really powerful one. Now get in there and make up with Buffy so we can get on with the job we’ve got to do, otherwise Cordy will be back shouting again, and if my ex turns up one more time to talk to me I think Anya will be doing something serious to my body. And I don’t mean in a good way.’

Spike looked at the beer and swigged down the last before getting to his feet quickly and pushing open the door.

Buffy was asleep again, her hair looked golden in the sun. His heart leapt at the sight of her. She is beautiful, he thought to himself.

‘Goldilocks,’ he said quietly. Buffy woke up and looked into those amazing Blue eyes. There were tears in both their eyes.

‘You needed to tell me something?’ He added quietly. Steeling himself for her telling him it was over, but all he heard was a muffled sob.

‘Are you actually going to let me talk this time?’ She asked.
He nodded and looked at Buffy and there were tears in her eyes.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said quietly, ‘the baby…’

‘What baby pet?’

‘Yours, ours,’ she answered quietly; if it hadn’t been for his vamp hearing he might have missed it.

‘I don’t have a baby, not even a childe.’ He answered softly, he didn’t want to scare his precious Buffy anymore.

‘When we left Sunnydale, after you’d died, I found out I was pregnant. I was so happy, Spike. I thought the powers were being kind, giving me a tiny bit of you to keep but Giles gave me something to drink and I lost the baby.’

The tears started again. Spike could feel them in his eyes too. He’d been a complete pillock. This was what Buffy had been trying to tell him and he’d kept shutting her up; how stupid could he be?

‘Tell me pet, how did it happen, and why would Giles hurt the baby and you?’

‘There’s been a huge spell on us all: Giles has gone completely mad, he’s been dealing with Egghon a demon Lord and it’s poisoned him, letting out his inner Ripper; how I got pregnant I really don’t know, I mean there was only you, honest, I never cheated, there was no one else,’ she started babbling.

Spike quietened her with a gentle kiss. ‘I believe you pet, you aren’t the kind that cheats and even if I didn’t, I would have smelt anyone else on you.’

‘Eww… have I told you how gross the smelling thing is?’

‘Yes, now on with your story, and why can’t I remember any of this?’

‘Cause of the spell, we’ve all had the remove done, but Willow said she couldn’t do it on your blood. It would have to be on you, ‘cause the blood’s not yours or something, and that means you sitting in the circle and she knows how you feel, felt about magic.’

‘There’s always a cost,’ he reminded her.

‘Well it would help if we had your memories as well to add to the pile.’

Spike looked into her eyes and saw the sadness there. ‘I’ll do it,’ he said, ‘but after you tell me the tale.’

Spike sat on the edge of the bed and Buffy snuggled into his arms. Safe, she started to tell him about discovering the spell and Andrew being totally controlled.

‘But I saw Andrew in Rome, he said you were with the Immortal.’ He wasn’t going to let her see how the information about a baby had upset him. It was time to be strong and let her unload. He’d have his meltdown later.

‘I was, killing him, he’s not so Immortal when his head is separated from his body, but I had to kill his heart first and that was hidden in a monastery. But he’s gone now.’

‘No pet, I meant with with, not killing with.’

‘What!! As if I’d go out with a scuzz ball like that, as if I’d cheat on your memory Spike, I never…’

Spike silenced her rant with a kiss, it seemed the easiest way.

‘When I get my true memories back we’ll compare notes, OK?’

‘OK. Where was I?’

‘The baby,’ he answered quietly, frightened of upsetting her again.

‘The baby,’ she said sadly. ‘I found out I was pregnant, it was amazing. I was scared, and excited and exhilarated and grateful all at once. I wanted to share the news with everyone I could think of. Dawnie was so hyped at the thought of being an Auntie, even Xander thought it was a miracle, life from all that death, you know. He and Willow did this crazy baby dance and everything. And then I went to tell Giles. He seemed happy for me, gave me some tea. It tasted a bit strange but he drinks Duke grey sometimes.’

‘Earl Grey, pet.’

‘Yes, that’s it. So I thought it was another of his mixes, you know. But within an hour I lost the baby, and he gloated. Called it a thing and he was glad it was dead.’

The tears stopped her story again. She was sobbing into his shoulder.

‘Hey, you’re making my shirt all wet, come on pet.’ But his voice was breaking as well. His baby dead, and his precious Buffy so badly hurt.

‘Then next morning I couldn’t remember any of it. The spell sort of resets our memories to what he wants after sleeping. You go to bed and wake up in forgetful land.’

She started crying again. Spike, William, could do nothing other than join in. They had lost their child. The couple just lay there crying for nearly an hour, just holding one another and crying, crying over their lost child and lost chances.

‘I suppose I had better go downstairs and get the witch to zap my head, or what ever she does.’

‘I’ll come with,’ Buffy said.

‘Only if you let me help,’ Spike smiled, but it wasn’t the fussy help he’d been giving her. It was the loving help of a man with his heart. He stood and allowed Buffy to get dressed. He knew there was far more they had to discuss but he had to get his memories back first; then he would deal with Rupert Giles, and soul or no soul the man was going down. He could feel both halves of himself in total agreement. The demon wanted to just rip Ripper into pieces, small bloody painful pieces. The poet had a far greater and more detailed imagination. He’d been to The Tower of London and seen the display. William might be soft and gentle but this man had attacked his family and killed his child. His death would be slow and painful. William Pratt, William the Bloody, one quarter of the scourge of Europe was in total agreement with himself. Over a hundred years of mayhem, and the death of Rupert Giles would be its pinnacle.

But Spike smiled when a fully dressed Buffy came out of the bathroom. She was still a little weak and gratefully took his arm for the walk downstairs. Spike was just glad she couldn’t read minds and that he wasn’t chipped any more.





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