Spike enjoyed his coffee while Liz and Buffy held a whispered conversation on the other side of the room. He was inordinately pleased with himself. Two hot girls in one day, who weren't going to ignore each other? Priceless. And the ultimate American Dream, no less.

The whispering continued, but Spike felt he had adequately made his point, so he was content to just sit back and let them scheme...take back some of the power...Spike grinned behind his coffee mug. Life was beautiful.

Liz and Buffy eyed the smirking Brit. The confidence just rolled off of him. That just would not do. Buffy flounced over to Spike, a brilliant smile plastered on her face. Liz followed, more amused than anything else. Buffy had A Plan.

“You're taking us to lunch,” Buffy announced cheerfully. Spike raised one eyebrow and took a sip of his lukewarm coffee. “After our shower.” Buffy grabbed Liz's hand and skipped out of the room, waiting for the realization to hit.

“Wait...our...?” A giggle floated to him from the hall, and Spike was up before the thought had fully filtered through his brain. The door slammed in his face, and a lock clicked into place. Spike stared at the smooth expanse of wood, cruelly separating him from deliciously naked flesh, and scowled. He pressed his ear against the door. Was that the whisper of a shirt hitting the ground? Spike jerked back from the door as what could only be a moan drifted over the sounds of a shower running.

Holy fuck.

He moved back to his place, ear pressed firmly against the roughened wood, briefly contemplating leaving to get a glass. But a particularly enthusiastic gasp had him riveted. The sounds were muddled by falling water, but his cock was straining against his jeans, his imagination supplying him with the image of water sluicing off heated flesh, jade eyes dark with lust, soapy hands running over slick bodies, water rolling down sensuous curves...

But Buffy would be getting impatient with the foreplay and push Liz up against the wall. She's use those sharp little teeth to claim Liz's lower lip, so pouty and full. Liz would moan—just like that—and roll her hips against the mirrors of her own, the hot water gathering between them. Buffy would trace the path of the falling water, and reach to touch Liz's steaming skin, goosebumps rising in her wake. Then they'd kiss, deeply and fully, their bodies drawing closer together so that not even the water could get between them and—Spike muffled a curse as the door swung open and spilled him onto the floor, Spike Junior at full mast, two freshly showered ladies smirking down at him

***
Buffy and Liz were doubled over with laughter by the time they made it into the bathroom.

“Oh man, did you see his face?!” Buffy gasped.

“I know! He was so confused!” They heard a dull thump against the door.

“You shower. I'll see what's up.” Liz shrugged but headed into the shower. Her hair could really use some TLC. She quickly stripped and got into the shower, just this side of too hot. Just the way she liked it. She groaned when she realized her hair was beyond tangled. It was like one giant rat's nest. This was going to take a lot of work. Time to pull out the bug guns. She'd gone through a quick conditioner, and was resudsing her hair when she heard Buffy gasp.

“Well?” Liz whispered from the shower, poking her sudsy head out. Buffy was crouched by the door, peering through the key hole and pressing her ear against the door. “Buffy!” Liz rolled her eyes as Buffy waved her away distractedly; apparently, whatever Spike was doing was incredibly absorbing. Liz felt a mischievous impulse and decided to run with it. She threw her head back and let out the most porntastic moan she could come up with.

“Jesus!” Buffy hissed. Liz grinned as her twin pulled the shower curtain to one side, staring at her incredulously (and a little awe-struck). Liz smirked and stuck her tongue at her dumbfounded sister. They heard what sounded suspiciously like whimpering coming through the door. Buffy's face lit up. She threw her head back and let out her own pornstar moan. There is was again, that strangled cat-dying sound. Liz jerked the curtain closed, and they kept trying to out-porn each other while Liz worked at untangling her hair. She quickly vacated the shower when Buffy got bored of the door and decided she needed a rinse off. Liz's own moans started sounding suspiciously like true pain as she attacked her locks with a comb.

All the while, Spike was making some truly amusing sounds through the door. The decided to take their time.

When they were both redressed and fairly presentable, they stopped in front of the door.

“Ready?” Buffy asked with a grin.

“Like you have no idea,” Liz answered. Buffy pulled open the door, and Liz had to scamper backwards to avoid Spike. He looked like sex, laying there, pants bulging, eyes hazy. The Twins exchanged a look, and then looked down at their victim.

“Did we interrupt something?” Buffy drawled in that seductive way Liz had never managed to emulate. Spike scowled at them and sat up gingerly. Liz stifled her laugh at his incredibly cute and put-out pout.

“Just nappin' while you birds took forever to get ready,” Spike said nonchalantly, trying to surreptitiously adjust himself. Buffy looked pointedly at his crotch.

“Right. You were...napping.” Liz let the laugh come out that time, and they both stepped over Spike, who scrambled up in their wake.

***

They led Spike to an all-day breakfast joint, a cozy little place with outdoor seating. Spike was both amused and concerned with how he willingly allowed them to lead him around. They'd ushered him into the back seat of a car, and that had been that. He was just along for the ride, done. Spike had a feeling he was turning into a kept man after only two shags and a cup of coffee. (Not to mention the likely set of blue balls he was sure to have after that shower performance.) But he was...surprisingly OK with that.


A/N: Hello! Guess what? I AM ALIVE! Shocking, I know. It's been a tough 10 weeks, but I'm officially done with the quarter tomorrow, so here's an early celebration. Man, if anyone's thinking about grad school, be prepared to have no life. But, if anyone is actually reading this, you may want to check the latest installment of the Twinlets One Shot. There's a very merry crack!fic posted in there that should put you all in a very crack-ficish mood.

And anything you have to say that will make my bruised and battered spirits lift will be much welcomed!





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