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"Well?" Cordy demanded without a word of greeting as Buffy opened the apartment door to her friend Sunday evening. Cordy swept her backpack from her shoulder and carelessly tossed it aside.

"How'd the party go?"

"Successfully. From what I understand, Giles raised a lot of money for his fundraiser." She was being "avoidance girl" and knew it, but the subject of Angel and Spike was too painful to even think about.

"That would matter if I cared if jocks were smart, but really I don't. I didn't care when I dated them, why would I care now?"

Cordy then ordered Buffy to sit on the sofa as she began pacing in front of the coffee table saying, "I've given this matter some thought."

"I can see that," Buffy returned, wondering what Cordy's zealous mind had invented this time.

"I want you to develop a limp," Cordy said, sounding as though this was a stroke of pure genius.

Buffy wanted to laugh out loud. "You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking…"

"No, why would I joke about something like this?" Cordy asked, puzzled.

"Why would you be serious about something like this?" Buffy countered.

"But I only want you to limp when Spike's around, not Angel," said Cordy, acting as if she didn't hear Buffy's last question.

Buffy shook her head, as though that would improve her hearing. For utter lunacy, this idea ranked right up there with the "luncheon/Willow-emergency" fiasco. "Why would I do something so stupid as to fake an injury?"

"Just remember to limp on the same foot," Cordy instructed, ignoring Buffy's comment again. "This is just the type of thing someone like you'd forget…"

"Someone like me?!?" Buffy shrieked, starting to get annoyed.

"It might be a good idea if you put a mark on the top of your shoe so you don't pull a Bill-Buckner and screw it up."

Buffy held up her hands. "Cordy, have you pulled a Willow and OD'd on too much coffee or something? This is one of the craziest things you've ever suggested, and believe me, you've suggested some pretty crazy things in the past!"

"Trust me," Cordy said impatiently. "I'm in theater - I know what I'm doing."

"This isn't some movie guaranteed to have a happy ending, it's my life, Cordelia!" Buffy exclaimed, getting up and pacing herself.

Cordy sat down and watched her friend intensely. She then sighed deeply before simply saying, "Sympathy."

Buffy stopped her pacing and turned to look at her friend. "Sympathy?"

"Sympathy," Cordy repeated as Buffy sat down next to her.

"We want Spike to think you've hurt yourself," Cordelia continued, "A twisted ankle, a tricked knee-that sort of thing. If he cares about you half as much as I know he does, he won't be able to stand by and do nothing. He'll come to your aid, and the minute he touches you, he won't be able to hide how he really feels."

"Sympathy..." Buffy murmured once more.

Cordelia sighed wistfully as she thought of all the possibilities. "Be warned, though. You should be prepared."

"For what?"

"He might just explode at you. Anger in a man is far more complicated than it is with us women. He'll think you aren't taking care of yourself, and for some crazy, self-centered reason, he'll blame himself. Men do that kind of thing, you know. He might even decide to blame his brother, so make sure you take that into consideration."

"I know damn well that Spike'll get angry!" Buffy cried. "He'd have every right to once he finds out the I'm faking an injury to gain his bleeding sympathy!"

Cordy laughed good-naturedly. "You just said bleeding-you are quite the smitten kitten."

"Cordy," Buffy said on the end of a long sigh. "I appreciate your…uh…help, I really do, but I can't pretend to be hurt. First of all Spike would know in an instant. I'm not nearly as good an actress as you - he'd figure me out in no time. You seem to forget that Spike's an experienced attorney."

Cordy frowned, chewing her lower lip as she thought. "Okay," she said after a while. "Forget the limp. The only other thing I can suggest is forthright honesty. It works well for me."

"For some reason, I agree with you," Buffy said. "This whole thing is ridiculous. I'm not good at charades. I'd like to help Angel, but not at the expense of my emotional well-being."

"There's the bitchy Buffy I know and love." Cordy slid to the edge of the cushion. "What are you going to say to Spike?"

"I…don't know yet." Heaviness settled on her shoulders at the thought. "You know what my biggest fear is? That Spike will smile at me in patronizing fondness and tell me how flattered and honored he is by my little confession."

"With sadness echoing in his voice," Cordy added, demonstrating her usual flair for the dramatic.

"Right. Then he'll sigh and add that unfortunately he doesn't share my feelings."

"That sounds just like a man," Cordy agreed. "Of course, he'd be lying through his teeth, because he's being all noble for his brother's sake. Just don't listen to him. Trust me, Buff, this guy loves you."

Buffy wished with all her heart that it were true.

"Well, I'd love to sit here and chat more, but I have a date."

"Devon?"

"Close. Doyle."

"Who?"

"He's irish catholic. I met him at church," Cordy called as she picked up her bag.

"You aren't catholic and you don't go to church…"

"I know," she said, walking out the door.





Angel was in his office working when Buffy arrived Monday morning. "Good morning," he called out cheerfully. "I was hoping it was you."

"Would you like me to get us some coffee?" she asked. Then she glanced toward the machine and noticed Angel had already put on a pot.

He wandered out of his office, mug in hand, and sat on the corner of her desk, one leg swinging like a pendulum. He smiled down on her, his chocolate eyes twinkling. "Are you rested and ready to tackle the world?"

Buffy smiled even though that didn't describe her even on her best Monday morning. "Not quite. Give me until Wednesday or Thursday for that."

"Then this should help brighten your day," he said casually, pulling out a picnic basket. "Come on, we're going to the park."




The impromptu breakfast in the park was very nice. Bagels and muffins and fruit-nothing could've been better. Just two friends, at least that's how Buffy saw it, sitting and enjoying the morning. That was until Angel spotted a mysterious raven-haired girl sitting on a bench with a young man, both about Buffy's age.

"Who's that?" Buffy asked, following his eyes to the couple.

"No one," Angel answered, a little too quickly for Buffy's liking.

"Well, I recognize the man…that's Xander. We went to school together," Buffy said to Angel before calling out to the couple. "Xander! How have you been?"

The young man shot her a happy-go-lucky smile before standing up and leading his companion over to where Buffy and Angel were seated.

"Buffy!" he shouted, pulling her into a hug. "It's been a while…"

Xander continued talking, but Buffy had stopped listening. Instead, she watched the woman looking at Angel awkwardly as she shuffled her feet. Buffy glanced over at Angel, his face masked in cool indifference as he listened to Xander.

"So, Buffy," Xander said, calling back her attention. "Who's your friend?"

"Oh, uh this is Angel-Liam Giles…My neighbor, remember?" Buffy said, starting to feel awkward herself. "So…who's your, uh, friend?"

"This is Faith," Xander replied, putting his arm around her, "my girlfriend."

The group continued talking for a minute or two before Buffy told them she and Angel had to return to the office, hoping Angel would tell her about Faith now.

"So, how do you know Faith?" Buffy asked when they got in the car.

"What makes you think I know Faith?" Angel replied defensively.

Buffy raised her eyebrow skeptically as she said, "I'm not naïve, Liam."

Angel sighed deeply, turning the car around towards her house, not the office. He led her to her apartment and waited quietly as she unlocked her door. He sat down on the sofa in silence as she made coffee and set a mug before him before taking a seat next to him.

He sighed deeply again, staring into his mug as if it had all the answers in the world before he spoke softly, "I was at the beach with a few friends of mine. We'd played volleyball and had a few beers and were enjoying ourselves-taking a break from work. We soaked up sunshine and laughter and got rid of a lot of pent-up energy."

He stopped staring at his mug and abruptly met her eyes. "Most of my friends had left and I was winding down by taking a walk along the beach, and that's when I met Faith. She was so hot, standing in the waves, doing karate, or something. Well, a big tide came in crashed right into her-she went under. Being the heroic kind of guy I am, I ran out and saved her. So, we got to talking, her shivering all the while, so I gave her my coat…She looked so beautiful all snuggled in my coat, I knew that…Well, none of that matters now."

"So, I take it you liked her?"

"Well…yeah. There was a freshness about her. She just seemed like a lost little girl hidden away underneath all this roughness…" Angel trailed off again as he stared back into his mug. "I wanted to get to know the girl under all that bull shit, so I asked her out." He smiled as he said, "She turned me down."

Buffy laughed loudly at that thought. "Did she give you a reason or anything?"

Angel chuckled before saying, "Several, as a matter of fact, but I was able to talk her out of all of her objections. She had the most marvelous laugh, and I found myself saying the most ridiculous things, just so I could hear it. Being with Faith made me want to laugh myself. It was the most exhilarating day I'd had in years."

"So you convinced her?" Buffy asked, caught up in the story.

"Not exactly." Caught in memories, Angel didn't seem inclined to say anything more for a minute. Buffy studied him silently as the emotions crossed his face. First she saw his eyes light up with recollection, followed by a pain so deep she yearned to reach out and take his hand. The small movements of his mouth were telling, too. It quivered when he first mentioned meeting Faith, as if that first conversation served to amuse him still, to help ease his pain. But a moment later, the corners sank as his pain took hold. Buffy longed to reassure him, but knew Angel wouldn't have appreciated it.

"As it happened," Angel continued at last, his tone wistful, "I spent the rest of the day and nearly all of the night with Faith. We built a fire on the beach and talked until morning…we started dating regularly after that. I found her refreshing and fun, so much better than the girls I normally date. Our lives were so different…"

"What happened next?' Buffy prompted when he didn't immediately continue. She was eager now for the details.

"I knew I was going to fall in love with her that first day on the beach," he said, his voice so low it was a strain to distinguish the words. "Love isn't something I take lightly, but it hit me then - and I knew."

"I know what you mean," Buffy mumbled. She felt the same way about Spike. Quietly, but clearly, she continued, "Faith sounds like a very special woman."

"She is," Angel whispered softly. "Special enough to marry."

"You asked her to be your wife, didn't you?"

He gave an odd smile, one that was a blend of amusement and pain. "Yes. Afterward, I took her to meet my parents. She was intimidated by my family's wealth - I realized that from the beginning. Who wouldn't be, seeing our estate for the first time? My parents had some doubts, my dad especially, but once they met Faith, they changed their minds."

"I don't remember hearing about the engagement," Buffy said.

"I wanted to give her a diamond, but she preferred a pearl ring, instead. She'd recently completed her student teaching and been hired as a high school teacher. She wanted to make a difference in teenagers' lives, help them like no one ever helped her. Anyways, she wanted to delay making a formal announcement until she'd settled in to her job."

"I wasn't too happy about waiting," Angel confessed, "but I agreed, because, well, because I was willing to do whatever Faith wanted." He paused and drew a deep breath, holding it a moment s if he dreaded continuing. "I first suspected something was wrong in early October. She kept finding excuses why we couldn't see one another. In the beginning I accepted them - I was busy myself - and although I missed her, I didn't press the issue. I didn't like it, mind you, but I understood how busy she was with her new job and such. When Faith mailed me back the ring, I was stunned. I've had some surprises in my life, both pleasant and unpleasant, but none that have shocked me or hurt me more."

Buffy felt angry at Faith for not having the courage to confront Angel face-to-face. If she wanted to break the engagement, even an informal one, than the least she could have done as have the consideration to tell him in person. Mailing Angel the ring was cowardly and cruel.

"So," Angel continued, "I drove over to her apartment in a fury."

"You had every right to be angry."

He shook his head. "I should have waited until I'd cooled down. I wish with all that I am that I had."

Life is filled with regrets, thought Buffy. She'd been carrying around a fair share of her own, especially in the past few weeks.

"When I confronted her, Faith told me there was someone else," he whispered. "I didn't believe her at first. I refused to entertain the thought that a woman as honest and forthright as Faith would see another man behind my back. It didn't make sense in my mind, I couldn't comprehend it, couldn't fathom it-but I was wrong." His voice dwindled to a whisper. "Apparently they met at the school where she teaches. He's a construction worker-built the school and maintains it, or something. The agony of being engaged to me and in love with someone else must have torn her apart."

Buffy dropped her gaze for fear he would read what was in her eyes. She wasn't engaged to Angel, but she continued to see him when she was in love with Spike. While Angel spoke, Buffy had been casting mental stone at Faith, when she was guilty of essentially the same thing.

"I'm so sorry I called them over…" Buffy whispered.

"Faith's a special woman," Angel whispered. "The man who marries her is a lucky man…" He paused again, and that odd smile the one of blended joy and pain returned. "She'll be a wonderful wife and mother."

"Under the circumstances, that's a very sweet thing to say."

"Clearly, you don't know Faith, or you'd think the same thing yourself. In the months since we parted, I've come to realize that my ego played a substantial role in all this. Faith was the first woman to break off a relationship with me." He smiled as he said it; as though it had served him right after all these years. "I guess I'd gotten a bit cocky."

"We're all guilty of that in one form or another," she offered.

He looked at Buffy then, and his gaze sobered. "I've ruined our morning, haven't I?"

"No," she answered immediately without hesitation, hoping he heard the sincerity in her voice. She understood how passionately Angel had loved the woman, and how deeply the pain of their parting still affected him.

More than ever, after hearing Angel talk about losing the woman he loved, Buffy knew she couldn't allow the same thing to happen to her. She couldn't continue to mislead Angel by letting him believe their relationship would evolve into something it was never meant to be.



A week passed. Every time she was with Angel he told her more about his relationship with Faith. She soon realized that every invitation to dinner or a show was an excuse to talk. Every outing was followed by coffee and a long heart-to-heart. It was as though a floodgate had opened inside him, and the need to release the pent-up emotion was too strong to ignore.

They were friends, nothing more, and Buffy was comfortable with their relationship. With their frequent talks, she was able to open up to him, as well, in little ways.

"Have you ever been in love, Buffy?" he asked her unexpectedly one night.

"I think so," she said hesitantly as the strolled along the streets Sunnydale. "Yes," she amended quickly. "And it isn't what you're thinking."

"Oh?"

"It's not you, so don't get a big head." She didn't realize until she spoke how insulting she sounded, and she immediately apologized.

Angel laughed it off good-naturedly.

The night was lovely. The stars were like twinkling rows of sequins that hung so close they seemed draped over the upper limbs of trees.

"You know when it's love, don't you?" he asked after a few moments.

"Yea.." She whispered, slightly wistful.

"Does this mystery man feel the same way about you?"

"I…I don't know. I'd like to think so." Although there were more signs to the contrary.

For Spike continued to avoid her. Other than that brief moment when he'd come into her office, she hadn't talked to him once.

He arrived at the office promptly at eight each morning and left at five. She guessed that his involvement in his father's campaign, which had grown from making sure athletes could read to bettering the entire educational system of the Sunnydale School District, dictated his hours. That meant if she wanted to see him, it had to be during work hours. With his hectic schedule it was easier to get an audience with the pope. Buffy didn't know how Spike managed to cram all he did into a single workday. She'd tried to talk to him, but hadn't found the opportunity when there weren't other people around.

Buffy was quickly losing her patience. She'd never been very patient to begin with, mind you, but what little patience she had, she was losing. And then, just when she was about to throw her hands in the air and scream with frustration, it happened. Quite by accident, and where she least expected it.

At his parents estate.

Angel had learned from Joyce that she'd played on her college tennis team; he'd been intrigued, and challenged her to a game. It had sounded like an entertaining way to spend a Saturday afternoon, and she'd agreed. Since he'd neglected to schedule a time on the courts at the country club, they drove to his parents' home to play.

They smacked the ball back and forth for a solid hour, and Angel soundly defeated her. Not that his athletic ability surprised her, but in her effort to beat him - she was very competitive - she strained her knee. It wasn't anything serious, and she desperately wanted a rematch, but Angel insisted that they stop playing.

They made their way to the house, laughing and in a good mood, her knee long forgotten, to discover Jenny anxiously attempting to start her car without success. She had a doctor's appointment within the hour, that took her forever to schedule, and she was fretting about what she should do.

"Not to worry, Mom," Angel said affectionately kissing his mother's cheek. "I'll drive you."

"But what about Buffy?"

"I'm perfectly capable of entertaining myself," Buffy assured her. She stood in the driveway until the car had disappeared, then wandered back into the house, wiping the perspiration from her brow with the back of her forearm. She walked into the kitchen and, finding a cold soda in the refrigerator, helped herself.

She was humming a show tune when the kitchen door swung open. "Mum, what the bloody hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be at-" Spike stopped when he saw her. "Buffy," he said, his surprise evident.

"Jenny's car wouldn't start, so Angel drove her to the appointment," she explained. Her face was red with exertion, and her hair fell in damp tendrils about her face.

"Angel drove her." Already Spike was physically withdrawing from her. "I'd better go see what's wrong with Mum's car."

"Spike…" Cordy's suggestion about faking an injury came to her mind like a stone from a slingshot. She was injured - well, sort of - and there was no better time than the present to make use of it.

She concentrated her efforts on her right foot and limped toward him. She hated resorting to such an underhanded method, but she was desperate to talk to him. Surely he'd forgive her once he learned the truth.

His gaze went to her knee, his concern immediate. "You hurt yourself," he said, moving toward her. The kitchen door swung in his wake.

"I'm fine," she whispered.

"Sit down," he ordered, his voice none too tender. "Does Angel know about this?"

"Yea, but it's not that bad," she mumbled. He pulled out a kitchen chair and eased her into it. His hands at her shoulders were gentle but firm. She closed her eyes at his touch. God, she'd missed him! For days she'd been waited for the opportunity to be alone with Spike, and she wasn't about to waste it now.

"We need to talk," she said. "Listen, I-"

"We'll talk after I've seen to your knee. What in the bleeding hell possessed my brother to leave you like this?"

"Spike, please just listen to me."

"Later." He was busy at work packing ice into a bag.

She was irritated now and leapt off the chair. "My knee will be fine. I strained a muscle or something. It's no bd."

You'd better have a doc – 'bd'? What's that?" Spike asked, suddenly confused.

"Big deal… It's no big deal, Spike."

Spike sighed, positioning her back in the chair, raising her leg and resting it against the seat of a second chair, then balancing the ice pack on the knee.

"I need to talk to you about Angel and me," she said, refusing to be put off any longer. "I'm not in love with Angel, and he doesn't love me. We're just friends, that's it. He's in love with Faith still, and I'm in love with-"

"Keep that ice pack on your leg for a good twenty minutes, understand?"

Infuriated, Buffy rose to her feet and tossed the ice pack into the sink. "You are going to listen to me, William, even if it kills me! I realize I'm making a mess of this. I should never have used my knee to keep you here, but I was desperate."

"Did you or did you not twist your knee?" he demanded as his eyes narrowed in anger.

"Yes, a little, but it's nothing." she assured quickly. "I want to talk about the two of us. About you and me."

"Buffy," he said with ill-concealed impatience. "You're dating my brother."

"Damn it, Spike! Your brother and I are just friends! How many times do I have to say it before it gets through your head? Is all that bleach seeping into your brain and causing so much damage that you can no longer wrap your mind around that concept?"

"There's a change in Angel," Spike insisted heatedly. "Do you think I haven't noticed? For the first time in months, he's his old self. My brother's back again, and it's all due to you."

"Maybe, Spike, but not in the way you think," Buffy replied, growing tired of trying to explain everything to him.

"It doesn't matter what I bloody think!" Spike said angrily, running a hand through his hair. "You're dating my brother, so there can't be a you and me. Don't you understand?"

"No!" She cried. "Clearly I don't fucking understand!"

"Buffy," Spike begged. "It has to be this way."

"But why?" Hot tears blurred her vision.

He didn't answer her for several time-shattering seconds, staring at the floor. "That's just the way it is," he said softly.

"Is…is that the way you want it?" Swallowing became impossible. She knotted her hands into fists at her sides.

"Yes," he said after a moment, the longest moment of her life. "That's the way I want it."

Buffy turned away from him, grateful to the very depths of her soul that she hadn't declared her undying love for him. This humiliation was bad enough.

"Buffy," Spike pleaded.

She hung her head, knowing he would abandon her the way he always did, part of her hoping he did just that-but he didn't. Instead, his arms came around her and turned her to face him. His touch was as if he had to experience holding her, as if the feel of her was the one thread keeping his sanity intact. And then his mouth came down on hers.

This kiss was hungry and hard and demanding, unlike the kisses they'd shared previously. Buffy clung to him, mindful only of this man and the sheer joy she experienced in his arms. Pulling him closer, she played with the hair at the nape of his neck as the intensity of their need increased. He angled her head to one side for a series of short nibbling kissed down her cheek, her throat as his hands wandered all over her body, needing to be every where at once.

"No more," he moaned, then jerked his head away, but she refused to release him, hugging him around the neck and burying her face in shoulder. "Buffy, please." When he tugged her hands free, she realized he was trembling as badly as she was. His hands closed around hers and his head fell forward, hiding his face in her hair.

The sound of the front door closing echoed like a clap of thunder. Spike moved away from her and had his back to her when Angel strolled into the kitchen, whistling. He stopped when he saw Spike.

"Hello, William, my darling brother. I'm glad to see you kept my best girl company."

With something less than a curt nod to his brother, Spike strode out of the kitchen, muttering about looking at Jenny's car.

Buffy thought her heart would break. She rushed to the bathroom, where she proceeded to cry for a good five minutes. Then she washed her face and asked Angel if he wanted to go for coffee.





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