Other than brief glimpses Buffy didn’t see Spike all during the next two weeks. A new legal assistant, Andrew, was hired, and Buffy helped train the nervous young man.
On her last day a teary-eyed Tara came in the office and said, “ I hope you change your mind. I’m gonna miss you so much.” She cast a speculative eye toward Angel’s closed office door. “I’m sure Angel’s going to miss you, too…Oh! By the way, Spike wants to see you in his office. You better not make him wait.”
Angel had made several attempts in the past two weeks to bribe her into staying, but Buffy had stood unwaveringly by her decision. Although it had been an impulsive act, it was the right thing to do.
Buffy reached for a pad and pen before starting toward Spike’s office, although she highly doubted he expected her to take notes. When she arrived at his office Anya hurriedly waved her in.
She found Spike standing at the window, his back to her. His hands were clasped behind him, the pose he assumed when he was thinking or when something was troubling him. She wondered if he found her departure upsetting, then decided if that was the case he’d have said so long before now.
“You wanted to see me?” she asked quietly, almost afraid to break the silence.
He turned around and offered her a reassuring smile. “Yes, please sit down.” He motioned toward the chair, then claimed the seat behind his desk. He reached for an envelope and handed it to her.
“It’s your paycheck,” he explained. “I took the liberty of adding a small bonus.”
“That wasn’t necessary,” she said, surprised by the gesture.
“I never claimed it was.”
“Really, Spike,” she began hesitantly, “ you didn’t have-”
“I wanted to,” he interrupted. “You’ve been a great help to the firm, and I don’t-”
“Please, don’t do this,” Buffy calmly said as she stared at her shoes.
“Fine then,” he said clearing his throat. “Uh, have you found another position yet?”
“Nope,” she said, popping the p. “As of 5 o’clock today, I’m an jobless-Buffy.” Working every day had made searching for a job almost impossible. There would be time enough for that later, in the days and weeks to follow.
“I see,” he said unemotionally. “If you’d like, I’d be happy to write you a letter recommendation.”
“I’d appreciate that, but I plan on moving to the east coast…I have friends that live there…” Buffy trailed off softly.
“Oh.”
“Yea…I was thinking about starting something new. As much as I love the law thing, I think I wanna try something else.”
His eyes revealed a sadness Buffy had never seen before, his smile bittersweet. “Well, you were pretty good at the ‘law thing.’ I’m sure you’ll be good at whatever you decide to do.” He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. “If you ever need anything-”
“I know,” she interrupted softly, her eyes downcast.
She slowly turn and walked away. She hesitated for a moment at the door, her hand poised on the knob, forcing down the tears in her eyes. They could wait until she got home.
“Good bye, William,” Buffy whispered so quietly that Spike barely heard her.
“Good bye, Buffy…I really wish thing were different…If they were, I could really lo-” He stopped when he realized she was already gone.
“I can’t believe you just left it like that.” Cordy was outraged, pacing Buffy’s living room like a caged tiger. She hadn’t been able to stand still from the moment Buffy had told her about her last meeting with Spike.
“What did you expect me to say? It’s not like I could’ve done anything else! God, Cordy!” Buffy stood up. She’d had enough. “If he had a shred of feeling for me, this would have been a golden opportunity for him to say something. But he didn’t! Cordy, he doesn’t love me!” Tears started forming in her eyes somewhere throughout her rant, but now they were full out sobs. “Why doesn’t he love me?”
She fell to the ground in a heap. Cordy kneeled down next her, holding her as she cried. She stroked her hair for a moment and whispered comforting words in her ear. “He’s an idiot…I mean his name is Spike for the love of God! He can’t even stand up to his brother for-” Cordy stopped, her eyes widening as she realized something before standing up. “You are so stupid!”
“Way to comfort me,” Buffy mumbled as she grabbed a Kleenex.
“I’m serious…Does he know you’re not seeing Angel?”
“What? Of course!”
“How can you be so sure? Did you tell him?” Cordy questioned quickly, her eyes narrowing.
“No,” she said quietly as she sniffled softly.
Cordy lifted her hand in frustration. “Well, duh! You cunt face! He thinks you’re still dating his brother.”
“I never was dating his brother! Plus, he’s gone out with that Darla chic twice this week. Spike knows that. Me and Angel are just friends! There was no dating! No dating whatsoever!” She stood up and stomped her foot a little. “We’re very non-datey!”
“I thought you told me you and Angel were going sailing this weekend?” Cordy asked curiously, sitting down on the couch for the first time since she arrived.
“Not this weekend. Next,” Buffy said, joining the party on the couch.
“Aha!” Her friend slapped the end of the coffee table. “There‘s the dateyness! Wait, that makes no sense…” she trailed off.
“Cordy,” she sighed, “just leave it. I probably won’t be seeing Spike again. I mean, I’m moving in like two weeks. Apparently that’s how he wants it. I couldn’t have been more obvious about how I felt.”
“Not apparent! You could’ve-” she stopped and shook her head sadly. “I guess I must be more of a romantic than I realized. I was so sure he was in love with you. I was so confident I was right, I guess, because I wanted to be. I’ve waited all these years for you to fall in love, to be truly in love, and now that you have…” Her voice faded as a frown ruled her features. “I was so very sure,” she whispered, the puzzled expression growing more intense as though she didn’t understand, even now, what could possibly have gone wrong.
“This is a treat,” Buffy said sitting across the table from her mother in their favorite restaurant.
Joyce spread the linen napkin on her lap and smiled. “I’m gonna miss you so much, baby. I just don’t understand why you-”
“Quit my job?” she finished. “Mom,” she sighed. “I had to.”
“Why, Buffy?”
“Everyone was trying to force Angel on me, and I didn’t want that…” Her eyes watered as she played with her napkin. “I wanted Spike,” she admitted in a whisper.
“Oh, Buffy,” she began in her very best motherly voice “I’m so very-”
“Mom, please, let’s just not,” Buffy interrupted, not wanting to talk about it anymore.
“Ok then,” she relented with a sad smile. “That’s not why I asked you here.”
Buffy's heart stopped when her mother said that. What could she have to tell me? A million options ran through her head.
"Your father and I are getting a divorce. I'm losing everything," Joyce took a deep breath before continuing, "and so are you."
"What?" Buffy asked quietly. Daddy doesn't love us anymore...
"Your father is starting a new life, with a new woman, and he doesn't want either of us to be apart of it."
"But...I-he...Why?" Buffy's eyes darted quickly over the table as if the napkins could give her some divine answer.
"Sometimes...People just, fall out of love," Joyce responded with unshed tears in her eyes. "And sometimes all the love in the world isn't enough to make things better again."
Buffy's days were spent packing and getting ready for her move. She had never been more confused in all of her young life. Maybe Spike did love her, but maybe that wasn't enough for them. Maybe he didn't love her at all.
The day she and Angel went sailing came all too quickly.
"Once on board, you can go below and unload the groceries," Angel instructed, as they walked along the floating dock at the marina. When they reached the berth where the thirty-foot sailboat was moored, Angel help Buffy aboard.
While she went below, Angel moved forward and busied himself with the sails, setting the jib and readying the spinnaker.
"Jesus, Angel, you packed way too much food!" Buffy shouted through the open stairwell that led to the deck above.
"I eat a lot." Came the simple reply. The day was lovely, the wind perfect for sailing. despite all his comments about being the captain while she was the crew, Angel seemed eager to do the majority of the work. Putting away a few bags of groceries seemed like such an easy task.
"I'll probably set sail while you're below," Angel shouted down to her, "so don't be concerned if you feel the boat move."
Buffy's experience as a sailor was limited. Angel had insisted for weeks that he was going to change all that. Before the end of the day, he claimed she'd be a top-notch mariner. Apparently the lessons started in the galley.
Humming as she worked, Buffy unloaded the three large grocery bags. Clearly they were going to eat well this weekend. She was busy cleaning lettuce for a salad later when she heard voices up above, but although she craned her neck to see who Angel was speaking to, she couldn't see anyone. It was probably someone standing on the dock, Buffy decided.
A few moments later came the sound of the sailboat's small outboard motor. The boat dipped slightly as Angel moved ahead and raised the sails. When the motor stopped, she knew they were a safe distance from the marina.
She finished her tasks, and, bringing a couple cans of cold soda with her, climbed up from the galley. It wasn't until she looked away from the helm that she realized someone else and joined them.
Spike.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I wasn't planning on updating so soon, but I read the reviews and was inspired to do so...Keep 'em coming...I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint...I don't know much about sailing, so if the lingo's wrong-I'm sorry.