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Chapter V - Dawn

I am here no longer a vision birthed into my body
I accept praise, blame, joy, sorrow
I realize we are in truth the truth we seek god
Perfect this very moment

Me'Shell NdegéOcello, God Shiva lyrics

Los Angeles, California, Spike’s Apartment – July 2004

Buffy broke another egg into the skillet. The sizzling hot butter and sweet, greasy smell of bacon reminded her of Sunnydale on a Sunday morning. And with her sister visiting from Cleveland it was almost as if she was back in that old kitchen on Revello Drive.

“How do you want your eggs?” Buffy asked Dawn, who was sitting in one of the two chairs at the kitchenette-sized table in Spike’s one room apartment.

“Scrambled is good,” Dawn replied. “You know, I could’ve stayed at a hotel. Didn’t need to break up the reunion between you and Spike.”

“Spike didn’t mind spending the night at Gunn’s. They had some catching up to do.”

“I bet,” Dawn responded. "How are you doing…and how’s Spike…with Angel...you know, gone."

She faced her. “It's weird, but everything feels more urgent, as if I have to pay more attention to every moment. I don't know. I miss Angel. We both do."

“I'm sorry Buffy.”

“It’s okay.”

"You look good, though,” Dawn added quickly.

Buffy smiled at her sister. “I am good." She turned back to the stove. "I know I can't help being a little sad, but this is the best I’ve been in a long, long time.”

“It's being with Spike, isn't it?" Dawn sighed. "I always knew you loved him.”

“Right, like you are the ultimate mind reader, soothsayer, kid sister of all time.” Buffy finished stirring the eggs. “Grab some plates.” She lifted her chin toward the lone cabinet sitting next to the small refrigerator.

Dawn hopped from her seat, got the plates and utensils, and then plopped back down. “What’s it like, Buffy?”

“What’s what like?”

“Being with Spike…now that he’s human.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Do you mean sexually?”

“Oh, Buffy!” Dawn’s face reddened. “Okay, yes…kind of…and no, I mean seriously…don’t you miss vampire Spike?”

“Sometimes.” Buffy held the skillet in her hand, staring at it, not wanting to tell Dawn that having Spike with her in any form had given her back her life. “I miss patrolling with Spike—but I won’t let him patrol—and we miss sparing, although he still loves to pick a fight.”

“Sounds like the same old Spike.”

Buffy smiled. “He is.”

“Willow sure did pull that one out of a hat.” Dawn continued. “She’s so powerful. It’s great being with her and Faith, and learning so much about slaying and magic.”

“So, Cleveland and Case Western Reserve University, not all that bad, huh?”

“It’s okay.” Dawn’s eyes clouded.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy dumped a spoonful of eggs in Dawn’s plate.

“Willow’s been mentoring me, you know, and she’s decided to go back to London this fall to work with the Coven she was in after…you know, Warren killed Tara, and she killed Warren…and…”

“Spit it out, Dawn.” Buffy placed the skillet back on the stove.

“I’m leaving Cleveland and going with her to London to study.” Dawn looked up at Buffy, her eyes moist, but her mouth determined. “She’s been teaching me a lot, and I’m getting really good.”

“At what?” Buffy exclaimed. “Witchcraft?”

“Well, yeah.”

“What about college?”

“You never finished college, why should I?”

Buffy ignored the remark. “I don’t have anything against witches. But being with Willow full time, learning? Dawn, she’s out of your league.”

“Thanks.”

“Be real,” Buffy demanded. “Willow is mega powerful, and that Coven, well, Giles said that each one of those witches is practically as strong as Willow.”

“So, I’m not good enough?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Please Dawn, I’m just saying, you might be better off finishing school before you go traipsing around London performing spells with Willow.”

Dawn visibly stiffened in her chair. “Willow Rosenberg saved Spike’s life and Angel’s friend Gunn. She almost saved Angel. And she was the only one powerful enough to change the potentials into slayers. That made it possible for you to stop the First, Buffy.”

“Spike stopped the First.”

“Okay, technicality,” Dawn exhaled. “But Willow is barely twenty-four years old and super powerful. And I want to learn as much as possible from her as fast as I can.”

“You don’t have to school me about Willow and her accomplishments, Dawn. I know how much I owe her.” Buffy took a deep breath. “But don’t forget, she also used magic in ways that were very scary. Remember, it hasn’t been that long since she learned to control her power.”

Dawn’s jaw dropped. “I don’t believe it. You still don’t trust Willow.”

Buffy walked to the chair opposite Dawn and sat down, folding her hands on the table. “I love Willow, Dawn. She’s my best friend. But with all that power…I think you’d be better off going back to college in the fall.”

Dawn tore a bite out of the piece of toast she had in her hand. “I’m going to London.”

“You’re not eighteen years old yet, which means I can tell you where you’ll be going.”

“Willow said you’d react this way,” Dawn muttered. “I didn’t believe it. I said no way you’d make a fuss about me being with her.”

“God, Dawn. I’m not saying I don’t want you to be with Willow,” Buffy said. “I just don’t want you giving up your education to practice magic with Willow. It’s too soon for Willow to have that kind of responsibility, and it’s too soon for you.”

“I don’t agree with you, Buffy.”

“Have you thought about the possibility that Willow is going back to the Coven because she’s feeling the pull of black magic?"

“Wow, friendship only goes so far with you,” Dawn said. “I guess now that you have Spike, your friends and your family don’t matter any more.”

“Not true, and totally unfair.” Buffy said.

“Then don’t interfere in my life.”

Buffy stared at her plate and then at her sister. “I don’t want to argue with you about this.”

Dawn rose from her chair. “Then don’t. Just support my decision.”

“If I have to stop you, I will.” Buffy was on her feet, her fists pushing into the tabletop.

The door opened.

“Hello, Love.” Spike strolled into the apartment, and raised an eyebrow at Buffy before heading to Dawn. “Nibblet? How are my two best girls doing this fine morning?” He pulled Dawn to him for a quick hug.

Dawn scowled at Buffy. “Spike, can you talk some sense into her? She’s being unreasonable.”

“Don’t put me in the middle of whatever this is.” He slipped out of his jacket, and gave Buffy a “what’s-going-on-here?” face.

“Do you really want to go to London to live with Willow?”

“Yes, Buffy, I do.”

Buffy unclenched her fists and slumped down into the chair. Looking from Spike to Dawn, she wondered why her stomach was churning. She could trust Dawn to take care of herself. Couldn't she? And Willow...she'd been doing great for nearly two years. But the muscles in Buffy's chest still ached. She just couldn't lose any one else. There'd been enough of that the past thee years to last a lifetime.

“Will you at least think about it?” Dawn said.

Buffy's legs were shaking beneath the table. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

to be continued...





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