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Author's Chapter Notes:
Long chapter. Shortened up the night out that I would have lengthened and put in Ch. 4. Now I've got to think about what to do with Ch. 4. It'll be coming soon enough. And I think I'll bring Spike into the story in Ch. 5. Yay! ;)
Chapter 3 – Decisions

It had been days since Buffy had explained to Dawn that Spike was alive. Dawn took it better than Buffy had expected, but Buffy was still reeling from the news herself. She felt like Dawn and Andrew were constantly watching her and worrying about her too. It bugged her but she tried to remain calm. Each day since Buffy had found out about Spike she thought about him. How could she not? Before she found out her life was beginning to attain some normalcy. Now here she was thinking back to Sunnydale and wondering why another dead lover was brought back from the dead and she didn’t like it.

Buffy was confused about why Spike was alive again and she knew there was one way to find out for sure. She kept pushing the idea aside though in hopes that she could move on with her life. Spike hadn’t been a part of her life for over a year now alive or not, so why should she go stepping back into his. She battled with herself telling herself that it wouldn’t do any good to do that.

Despite that she found herself thinking of him more often and entertaining what ifs to no end. Trying to push all her thoughts about Spike aside Buffy walked out to the living room late in the morning to talk to Dawn and Andrew. She was thinking she needed a good night out on the town to get her head screwed on straight. Buffy needed to be focusing on work, work that included a disturbed slayer. Then again she needed an escape and going out was the perfect way to get away from thoughts about Spike and work.

“Dawnie,” Buffy called to her sister as she walked into the living room.

“Yea Buff,” Dawn replied.

There was a slapping sound on the coffee table. Dawn and Andrew were playing a game of Egyptian Ratscrew. Buffy had played a few times, but didn’t really like the game. Then there was the whole thing where her reflexes gave her an unfair advantage and Dawn and Andrew would scowl at her when she played with them.

“I was thinking…” Buffy began.

Dawn quickly turned around. “Thinkin’ bout what?” Andrew kept playing taking advantage of the distraction when Dawn turned back to the cards and exclaimed, “No fair. Cheater!”

Buffy sighed and they both stopped the bickering. “Better,” Buffy said with a little smirk. “I want to go out tonight. You guys wanna come with? It’d be more fun that way.” Buffy smiled lightly at the two who looked at her with surprise.

“Wha-at?” Andrew asked. “You want to go out?”

“That is what I just said Andy.”

“Sure Buffy,” Dawn replied a little hesitantly.

Buffy eyed her sister, knowing that they had been worried about her. “It’s ok Dawnie. I want to go out. I need to get out for a while.” Buffy looked at them both for a moment more. “So, will you two be so kind as to help me have a good time tonight?” Buffy asked playfully.

Dawn stood up and walked to her sister. She gave her a hug and said, “I’ll do anything for you Buffy. You know that.” Dawn pulled back and smiled at her big sister. Then she stood beside her, turning to face the couch. They both waited to hear Andrew’s compliance.

Andrew looked the Summers’ women over and knew he couldn’t stand up to them. He never could, but why would he want to. Going out with them would look good and probably be fun if not a little trying at times if the subject of conversation broached girl stuff. He plastered on a big smile and said, “Count me in.” His smile was genuine as was his enthusiasm.

Buffy smiled and looked at Dawn as she tried not to laugh at Andrew’s enthusiasm. “Well, I think I need some coffee,” she said once she had staved off laughter.

Buffy headed for the kitchen, leaving the other two to chatter away about the night out. As she entered the kitchen and found the still warm pot of coffee she glanced back at the younger two on the couch. They were indeed chattering away, and quietly too. Buffy knew they were probably talking about her. She hadn’t been herself since learning that Spike was still alive, but now she’d decided that she wanted to be herself again. How she was going to do that she didn’t really know, but her first step was going out and having some fun. She needed to relax and get her mind off of Spike, if that was possible. Buffy turned back to the coffee pot and reached up into the cabinet for a clean mug. She easily found a striped one and set it on the counter. Pouring the coffee into the mug and sitting at the table quietly she stared out the window and thought about what she was going to do.

One decision had been made easily enough, but that was the decision to be herself. It was something that was more easily managed than the much larger decision looming over her head. She heard the other two chattering and getting back to their card game. They didn’t know about the decision she was trying to make. No one but Buffy knew what was in her mind.

She drank her coffee slowly and pondered the options. First, there was staying in Rome and moving on with her life as if she never knew. Second, she could call LA and talk to Spike, or possibly Angel, about this. Then there was her third choice. Buffy could go to LA. She could see him and talk to him in person. The most sensible thing to do, the thing Giles would probably tell her was what she should do, was stay in Rome and live her life. A part of Buffy could do that. She could manage it and go on living her life just as she should, but then there was a little nagging in the back of her mind. That nagging told her to go to LA. To see him. To talk to him.

The right thing to do, Buffy didn’t know what that was. The thing she wanted to do, she knew exactly what that was. She wanted, more than anything, to see him again. So that was the decision she was trying to make and as she finished her coffee she made the decision. Buffy knew what she was going to do. She wouldn’t tell the others just yet though. “Maybe I’ll tell them tonight,” she said to herself as she got up from the table and washed her mug.

Afterall, Buffy had decided to go to Los Angeles, and that was something that the others would want to know and should know. Buffy just didn’t want to go into it right now. No, right now all she wanted to do was go back to her room and take a shower.

Buffy passed Dawn and Andrew on her way back towards her room. She told them what she was doing and continued on to her room. She grabbed her towel from the back of the door that separated her bedroom from her bathroom and then walked into the bathroom. Walking up to the sink she brushed her teeth and looked at herself for a moment. She turned to look at her body from different angles as she brushed her teeth. “Hmmm…” she said as she looked in the mirror. If I’m going to LA I think I should start running again. Going to LA was a big decision and she knew she wouldn’t be able to leave right away. She’d need to explain things to Dawn and Andrew and make a call to Giles. It would probably be necessary to stop in London on her way to LA too. She had a feeling Giles was going to want to talk to her in person as well. All of the arrangements would be made in the next few weeks, giving everyone time to get used to the idea. The one thing Buffy was set on though…she wasn’t going to call LA ahead of time and tell them she was coming. This would work better if it was a surprise visit. The few weeks would also give her time to make sure everything was taken care of in Rome. Buffy spit in the sink and rinsed her mouth out. Then she walked back to her bedroom.

She changed into some running clothes and walked back out to the living room. Dawn and Andrew both looked at her wondering what the hell she was doing, but they didn’t say a word. It was impossible to miss the looks though and Buffy explained, “I thought I’d go for a run first.” She walked out of the door and down the stairs to the street. Her run took her through a park and a plaza and down little streets and alleys. Buffy enjoyed the time by herself, with her thoughts. It was good to be able to think clearly. The run helped her with that. She was able to see things more clearly and she knew she was making the right decision. She needed to see Spike again, now that he was alive.


Sometime later Buffy walked back into the apartment with a slight shine to her skin from the productive run. She smiled at the Andrew who was looking through some books and papers and looked around for Dawn. Andrew noticed her looks and without even looking up he said, “Kitchen.” Buffy looked into the kitchen and saw Dawn making herself a snack. She walked up to stand beside her sister and draped a sweaty arm over her shoulders. “Whatcha makin’?” Buffy asked with a grin.

Dawn gave Buffy an exasperated look and tossed her arm off of her shoulders. “Eww! is the only word I’m saying about that.” Dawn smirked and then said, “Just thought I’d make some soup for lunch. I’m toasting some of the bread we got from the shop yesterday too.”

Buffy smiled and rubbed her grumbling tummy. “Sounds delicious.”

Dawn couldn’t help from giggling and Buffy joined in. Once the giggling had died away Buffy took a step back and said, “I better hit the shower first though.”

The younger Summers nodded at the older one and smirked as turned back to lunch preparations. Buffy walked out of the kitchen, swatting at Andrew as she passed him, and went for her bathroom. She passed through her bedroom and was back in her bathroom. Her towel was already there and she quickly shed her clothes and hopped into the shower. The shower was quick, but it offered her more time to consider how she was going to go to LA or tell Dawn and Andrew that she was going. Somehow Buffy knew that she wouldn’t need to convince them so much as she would Giles. Several minutes later Buffy stepped out of the shower, wrapping her body in her towel and her hair in another, smaller one. She walked back into her room and dried herself off and got dressed. It wasn’t anything special right now, so she just put on some jeans and a t-shirt.

Walking back out to the rest of the apartment Buffy headed straight for the kitchen. She stopped at the table though and glance at the books Andrew had been poring over earlier. They were books on psychological trauma and how to move on or repair the damage. ‘Dana,’ Buffy thought. It gave her a warm feeling inside to know that Andrew cared so much.

A few more steps and she was in the kitchen. Buffy smiled at her two young roommates making the last touches on their simple lunch. She took a deep breath and released it. “That smells so good Dawnie,” she said with a smile to her little sister.

Just a few minutes later they all sat down around the kitchen table and started eating their lunch. They were quiet for the first few minutes. As they settled in to eating they managed more conversation though. The first subject was going out tonight. Buffy chatted cheerfully about it and it seemed she was rubbing off on the other two, who were a little reluctant at first. After chatting about it for a few minutes they decided to go out to dinner at a lounge where they could do some dancing too. Dawn mentioned one about 20 minutes’ walk from the apartment that sounded perfect. The night’s plans were settled and they moved on to other subjects of conversation. Eventually they broached the topic of Spike. While Dawn had been calm when she first heard the news she admitted now that it was a shock.

“It’s just so strange, Buffy. I’m sure you know that as well as I do… probably better. I just don’t know what else to say about it.” Dawn got a little quiet.

Andrew didn’t have anything to say really, but he decided to say, “He seemed happy.” There was a pause. “That’s all I can think to say about him. He seemed happy… which is good.” Andrew felt a little awkward talking about Spike.

Buffy was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, that is good, Andrew. I’m glad that he’s doing well. I can see that helping Angel would be a good thing for him.” Buffy smiled at the thought of the two of them working together. ‘They probably hate it,’ she thought. Another minute or so passed in silence and Buffy took another bite of her toast and a sip from her glass of water. Finally she decided now was the perfect opportunity to tell them about her big decision concerning the whole Spike issue. She got serious and looked at them both. “I came to a decision today and I think both of you should hear it.” She watched their faces contain the questions they held about what her decision could be. They looked at her and she at them, all silent for a few seconds. Then Buffy began by saying, “I’ve thought a lot about Spike these past few days. I know that he would have wanted to tell me that he was back himself. He might have been scared or nervous or a lot of other things, but I know that I still care about him. I know that I need to see him…not so I can be with him, but to know it’s really him. Seeing him will give me something, maybe some peace so I can move on with my life. Whatever it gives me, I made the decision today,” Buffy took a deep breath and continued, “To go to LA.”

The other two looked at her blankly. She explained herself, telling them that it’s what she needed and that she would be leaving in a week or two once she knew that everything here was ok. Dawn and Andrew remained quiet while she spoke about it. When she was stopped for a moment Dawn got up the nerve to ask her, “Are you sure about this Buffy?”

“Very sure, Dawnie.” Buffy gave Dawn a sweet smile.

Dawn didn’t put up any arguments. Andrew didn’t say a word about it. Buffy stopped explaining herself for now, and lunch was decidedly over. They all cleaned up and then went on to do other little things throughout the day.


That night they would still go out and have a good time. That night Buffy let Spike and her plans for LA move to the back of her mind. She relaxed and had fun with her sister and Andrew for a few hours. When the few hours were over, Buffy left to go on patrol while Dawn and Andrew stayed at the lounge and danced some more. Patrol didn’t turn up anything and Buffy headed back to the apartment. She was tired and went to bed, easily falling asleep tonight.





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