Spike sat up with a start, his eyes immediately landing on Buffy who had woken up as well and was now watching him, a concerned look on her face. “Just a dream, sweetie,” she whispered sleepily, her hand gently stroking his arm. When he didn’t say anything, just stared at her, she sat up, slowly. “Spike? Are you okay?”
Instead of answering, he pulled her into his arms almost fiercely and buried his face against her neck. “Too late,” he mumbled, his breathing coming out as unsteadily gasps and his heart beating like a sledgehammer inside his chest. “Hurt you. Sorry. Please don’t leave me.” He was clinging to her like his very life depended on how hard he managed to hold on, and made no sign of loosen the death grip he had her in.
Buffy tried to put her arms around him, but he was holding on so tight, she was unable to move. He was really starting to scare her. “Spike?” she tried again, a pleading note in her voice. “Please, you’re hurting me.”
Pulling back back so abruptly that she nearly fell off the couch, he stared at her with an expression of absolute horror on his face. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he mumbled repeatedly, flinching back as she reached out for him to prevent him from moving away from her.
Taking a deep breath, Buffy let her arms drop, although her entire body ached to touch him. “Spike? Listen to me. I’m fine, okay? You didn’t hurt me. I just…” She hesitated, not knowing how to assure him. ”You just scared me a little, is all. I’m okay, and I’m not going anywhere. You hear me?” She let out the breath she had been holding when he finally nodded. “Good.” She put on a strained smile. “Are you okay?” He nodded again, and she noticed that he did seem a bit calmer. Still, she realized it must have been quite some dream, causing him to react like that.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, quietly. This time he looked at her, an ashamed look on his face. “Didn’t mean to wake you up.” He paused. “Bad dream.”
Buffy raised a brow. “No kidding?” She reached out a hesitant hand towards his, relieved when he didn’t pull back this time, and squeezed it gently. “Tell me. Was it about your mom?”
“No.” He shook his head, slumping back into the couch. “Ethan.”
“Oh.” Buffy nodded in understanding, snuggling closer to him. “I’m sorry. I realize it must’ve been horrible, but he’s gone now. He can’t hurt you anymore. He’s dead, remember?”
“He’s not dead.” Spike swallowed. “He’s here.”
For a moment, Buffy looked confused. Then she shook her head, firmly. “No, Spike, he’s not. It was just a dream.”
“No!” Spike rolled his eyes. “I mean, yes, I know. But my mum was wrong; Ethan’s still alive. And he’s here, in Sunnydale.” Then he became silent, closing his eyes for a moment. He hadn’t meant to tell Buffy about that, it had just slipped out. Then he remembered Buffy’s face from the dream, and shuddered. It could have been real. How could he not tell her about Ethan threatening to hurt her? The thought that it could be dangerous for Buffy to not being aware of the potential danger hadn’t even crossed his mind. Suddenly he realized that he was shaking.
Buffy just stared at him, mouth open. Then she shook her head, as if to clear it. “You’re serious?” He just nodded, not wanting to meet her eyes. “You seen him?” Spike nodded again. Buffy was quiet for a moment, and he had a feeling she was silently counting to ten. When she spoke again, he realized that was probably exactly what she had been doing. “When?” She sounded calm, though. Maybe a little too calm for his liking.
Spike kept his eyes on the floor, knowing he had to be honest with her. “When you were out. Before you got back with the pizzas.”
“He was here?!”
He couldn’t help but wince. Now she didn’t sound so calm anymore. Not that he could really blame her. He gulped. “Yes.”
“Spike, look at me!” She sounded furious now, and he reluctantly obeyed. “When were you going to tell me? Or didn’t you think I had the right to know?”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. She would leave him now, of that he was certain. Maybe that was for the best, he thought. For her, anyway.
“What about no more secrets? When you said you trusted me, was that just a big lie? How can you…?!” Buffy stopped, suddenly regretting her outburst. This was bad, yes, but he didn’t need this from her right now. Spike needed her support, not her hysterical yelling. She wasn’t even angry at him, she was just shocked by the whole thing. Reaching out her hand towards his face, she nearly cried when he flinched back from her touch, like he was expecting a blow. She swallowed hard. “Spike, please… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out like that. Oh my God, are you…” She hesitated. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
Shrugging, he looked away again. “I’m fine.”
“What happened? What did he do?! Spike, talk to me!” Spike glanced at her and realized that she was silently crying. He wanted to comfort her, but didn’t know if she would let him. Suddenly he couldn’t understand how he could’ve been so incredibly stupid. Finally things were going well, and then he had to go and ruin everything, just because he had wanted to protect her. Only his thoughtless actions might have put her in even more danger. Just when he opened his mouth to say something, although he had no idea what, Buffy threw herself into his arms, hugging him hard as she kept sobbing, quietly. “I’m so sorry. It’s gonna be okay.” Now it was her turn to cling to him, and he hesitantly put his arms around her.
For a couple of minutes, neither of them moved. Finally Spike pulled back a little, frowning as he looked at her. “Thought you were mad at me.” Seeing the guilty look on her face, he hurried at add; “Don’t blame you if you are. I know I should’ve told you, but…”
“Sch…” Buffy gently put her finger on his lips to stop him. “I’m not mad. I’m…” She wiped away her tears with a sigh. ”God, Spike, you have to stop doing this to yourself.” He looked confused, so she hurried to explain; “You’re not alone anymore. Don’t you see? It’s killing me to see you like this. Spike, I love you…” He opened his mouth, but she raised her hand to stop him and went on. “I wanna help you get through this, but I can’t do that if you won’t let me. If you don’t trust me.”
Spike sighed. “I do trust you, pet. It’s not about that.”
Buffy managed a small smile, but didn’t look totally convinced. “Then why didn’t you tell me?” She paused. “What did he say to you? You think he’ll come back?”
“I will leave, but don’t think for a second that I won’t be back. We’re going to finish this conversation, William, and when we do, I’ll make sure you know your place.”
Hearing Ethan’s voice in his head, just as clear had the man been in the same room, Spike swallowed hard. The question wasn’t whether or not Ethan would return, the question was just when. He let out a shaky breath. “I’d say, that’s most likely.”
For a moment, Buffy was silent. Then she nodded. “That’s it. This can’t go on, you’ll have to call the police.” A pause. “If you won’t call them, I will.”
“We’re done talking. Get out of here, or I’ll call the cops.” He paused. “I mean it.”
Ethan met his eyes, calmly. “Unless you want me to pay your girlfriend a little visit, you will do no such thing. Because I can assure you, I’d have no problem finding out where she lives.”
“No!” Spike grabbed her arm, looking her straight in the eyes to make sure she knew he was serious. “Forget about the cops. There’s nothing they can do, anyway.”
She gave him a doubtful look. “But there has to be something! I mean, if he’s threatening you…”
Spike glared at her. “I said, forget it!” His face softened when he saw the hurt look on her face. “I’m sorry, luv. But believe me; getting the cops involved will only make things worse.”
Buffy stared at him in disbelief. “How is that possible? Spike, the man was here, in your apartment! He must’ve seen me leave, and then…” She stopped as realization hit her. “Oh my God, that creepy guy I ran into outside. He asked me all these questions, trying to convince me he was just a friendly neighbor. It was him, God, I should never have left!” She swallowed, desperately trying to keep more tears from falling.
“Don’t be ridiculous, you couldn’t possibly have known.” Spike closed his eyes for a moment, fighting back tears of his own. “Buffy, listen to me. Tonight was nothing. Believe me when I say this; things can get worse.”
“Yeah?” She crossed her arms over her chest, a stubborn look on her face. “How?”
He took a deep breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was barely more than a whisper. “Because he could hurt you.”
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This story has been nominated for Best Angst at the Cradle Of Humanity Awards! *does happydance* Thank you so much, whoever nominated it! :D