Title: To Love A Woman
Author:Pattyanne
snapkik@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: None of the BtVS
characters belong to me.
Summary: Buffy and friends spend
an evening. Spike shows up un-
expectedly and teaches them a
thing or two about dancing.
Part Two....
Ten minutes later, Spike pulled into the
driveway of Buffy's house. He shut off
the engine and climbed off the motor-
cycle, then placed his hands on Buffy's
waist and lifted her off, as well.
She was smiling hugely. "THAT was
fun."
He smiled at her childlike enthusiasm. "Be
a good girl and I'll take you for a nice long
outing some fine evening."
Still exhilarated by the ride, Buffy was
feeling flirtacious. "I'm always a good
girl," she said, tossing her hair out of
her eyes.
Spike's own eyes sparkled with ap-
preciation of her sassy demeanor.
"Do tell," he murmured, following her
as she backed away.
Buffy unlocked the door and stepped
inside, then turned to see him still stand-
ing on the porch, waiting.
"Oh, dear," she said teasingly. "Did you
want to come in, too?"
Spike narrowed his eyes, prepared to let
her play, but only just as long as he
was amused by it.
"I want to come IN, all right," he said. "Now,
say the magic words, darling."
"Ummm...abracadabra?" she offered,
innocently as she kicked off her sandals.
"No. Try again." Spike placed his hands
on either side of the door frame.
"Open sesame!" Her handbag landed on the
sofa.
"Wrong again, luv."
"Well, I'm running out of magic phrases,"
she admitted, reaching under her skirt to
unclip her stockings.
When he saw what she was doing, he
shook his head. "Don't you dare."
"What?" she asked.
He gestured at her legs. "I want to do that,
take your stockings off."
Buffy felt her heart skip at least three
beats. How could such a simple sentence
sound so...deliciously sexy.
Spike could hear her pulse quicken, and
easily picked up the scent of feminine
arousal. "Play time's over, darling," he
said firmly. "Let me in."
She licked her lips, and tilted her head
a little to one side. "Would you like to come
in....Spike?"
Without a word, he crossed the threshold
and reached for her.
She came into his arms with an eagerness
that pleased him. He kissed her long and
hard on the mouth, then cupped her face in
his hands and covered it with brief kisses.
Buffy moaned softly, tipping her head back
as his mouth trailed wetly down her heated
skin, dampening the lace collar of her dress.
The sounds she was making were driving
him wild. "Buffy," he whispered against
her throat. "God, baby...you're so soft. So
sweet."
"More," she panted. "Don't stop."
"I won't. I'll never stop. I'm gonna make
it so good for you, baby. All for you..."
He picked her up and carried her upstairs,
almost stumbling at the feel of her warm breath
against his ear.
Spike paused at the door to her bedroom. "Dawn?"
he asked, realizing that this was a fine time to
be thinking about THAT.
But Buffy shook her head. "She's spending
the weekend with a friend. They're all going
camping..somewhere."
"ALL weekend?" he asked, stepping into
her room.
"Mm-hmm. She'll be back...Sunday night,"
Buffy replied, laying the palm of her hand
on his cheek and turning his face to kiss
him.
Spike set her on her feet, without losing con-
tact with her mouth. When he did finally
pull back, he turned her until her back was
to him.
Tugging the combs out of her hair, he laid
them on the vanity, then gathered the length
of it up and draped it over one shoulder.
After laying a gentle kiss on the nape of her
neck, he began to undo the three tiny red
buttons that fastened the collar of her dress.
Buffy closed her eyes when she felt his mouth
on her bare skin. Her knees trembled, and
he urged her back until she was leaning against
him.
Slowly, Spike peeled the red silk away from
her hyper-sensitized skin. His own knees
almost failed him when she reached for his
hands and moved them up her body, until
they were cradling her breasts.
He squeezed the heavy mounds, then swept
his thumbs back and forth over their hard
nipples, loving the way her breathing es-
calated at his touch.
"Do you like that?" he whispered in her ear.
"Yes," she panted. "God...yes."
"You want more?"
"Yes, please," she begged, sounding like a
little girl asking politely for ice cream.
"You're sweet," he said, turning her to face
him. "I have to taste you."
Cupping his hand beneath one breast, he
lifted it and lowered his head to lick the
tight peak.
Buffy hissed with pleasure, placing one
hand on the back of his head.
"Here, too," she whispered, urging him to
her other breast.
He spread moist kisses on her flesh, rubbing
his cheek against it.
"Spike...please."
He felt a rush of possessive pride
at the sound of his name on her lips. Smiling,
he took her into his mouth, sucking hard.
Buffy dug her fingers into his hair as Spike
began to move her backwards until she
was up against the bed. He lowered her
slowly onto her back, never taking his mouth
from her breast.
Her upper body was prone on the bed, and
her legs hung over the side. Spike sank
to his knees and lifted the skirt of her dress.
The sight of the red garter belt holding up
her stockings drove him wild with lust. He
unclipped them carefully, then drew them down
her legs and off, dropping them on the floor.
The garter belt itself came off next, leaving
her in nothing more than a lacy pair of red
underpants. He hooked his fingers in the
sides of the material and pulled on them.
Buffy watched as he removed her panties,
hypnotized, as he raised the delicate
fabric to his cheek and rubbed it against
his skin.
Spike looked down at her with hot, knowing
eyes. "They're wet," he murmured.
She held out her arms. "Come here."
Tossing her panties aside, he fell into her
outstretched arms.
"Buffy...baby. I love you, my baby...love you
so much." he babbled, covering her face
with kisses as he spoke the words he had
waited so long to say.
Somewhere in the lake of passion she was
currently drowning in, Buffy heard him. As
his mouth moved down her throat, she tried
to clear her head.
**No, wait...something's wrong...he's not
supposed to love me...it's wrong, it's
so wrong...but...but it feels so good...**
She knew it was good now, for them both.
But, how long would it last? How could it,
being what they both were?
Spike sensed the change in her immediately.
Her body tensed slightly, was no longer so
completely welcoming.
He knew what he had done wrong, and he
could have bitten off his tongue.
Trying to smooth over his mistake, he held
her face between his hands and kissed her.
She allowed him to do it, but his heart
sank when he felt her hands splayed
over his chest, knowing that she was about
to push him away.
He moved back, staring down into her eyes,
hating the uncertainty he found in them.
It was as effective as a bucket of ice
water.
"Buffy...please don't be upset. I..I didn't
mean..."
"You didn't mean what you said?" she asked.
"Or you didn't mean to say it?"
Spike sat up and moved off the bed. Placing
both hands on the wall, he closed his eyes
and tried to calm both his raging emotions
and his frustrated body.
"Which is it?" Buffy sat up and refastened
her dress. "Tell me."
He knew it was finished. He had over played
his hand, and she was about to shut him
out permanently.
Steeling himself, he turned to face her. If
he was going to go down, he was damned
if he would do it with a lie.
"I didn't mean to say it..yet." He straightened
his shoulders. "But I do love you, Buffy, and
I'm not gonna pretend that I don't."
Buffy curled up her legs beneath her, and
huddled against the headboard."I thought
that...I knew that you..."
"Wanted you?"
"I...I figured it was...you know.."
"Physical attraction?" He shrugged. "My
taste for forbidden fruit?"
Buffy was silent, staring at her hands.
"Well, I can't deny it, luv. I AM physically
attracted. And you...you're the most for-
bidden fruit there is. Ripe and juicy...and
sweet."
"Spike.."
"Let me finish." He crossed the room and
sat down next to her on the bed. He didn't
try to touch her, but she still inched away.
"Buffy..don't be afraid of me. You have to know
that I won't hurt you."
She wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Buffy...you DO know that, don't you?
That I would never hurt you? I'd sooner cut
off my hands than hurt you."
"I know," she finally said. "I know you won't
hurt me...physically."
"But, you're afraid I'll hurt you in other ways
if you let me love you. Let yourself love me."
"I won't..."
He cut her off. "You can't control my love for
you, Buffy. You might be master of your own
heart...but not mine."
Buffy shook her head. "I don't want you to
love me."
Spike felt as though he'd been slapped.
"You don't have a choice," he said harshly.
"It's not something you can drive a stake
through and have it explode into dust par-
ticles. It's a living...breathing...thing, and it's
always gonna be part of me."
Buffy rolled off the bed and headed for
the door. Turning the door knob, she
had it open a few inches when Spike's
hand came down on it, slamming it with a
bang that rattled the windows.
"Oh, no you don't" he bit out. "You can spend
the rest of your life running away from this,
but you ARE going to listen to me now."
He turned her around to face him, pinning her
to the wall with his body.
"There's no turning back from this, Buffy. I
won't go back to whatever we were before.
Not now that I've touched you..tasted you..."
Buffy turned her head away, biting her lower
lip.
"...felt you beneath me. Your nails digging
into my back. Your legs parting to let me
lie between them..."
"Stop it." She shoved him away. "Stop
saying those things!"
"Why?" Spike asked bitterly. "Because you
don't want to hear them...or because you do?"
"I mean it.."
"You were ready for it when you thought it
was just lust. You were begging me for
it." His voice became suggestive as he
trailed one finger down her throat. "Come
on," he said. "I'll pretend if you will."
Buffy slapped his hand away. "And
here it comes. The real you. The nasty,
mean one, who doesn't care what he
says." Tears shimmered in her eyes. "I
should have known it wouldn't be far
behind."
These words, combined with the tears
in her eyes, stopped him cold. Step-
ping back from her, he sat on the bed
and stared at the floor.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, looking up
when he heard her open the door. "Buffy...
Buffy, wait!" he called, jumping to his feet
and running after her.
He caught up with her at the top of
the stairs. Taking hold of her arm, he
he swung her around to face him, then
pulled her close when he saw her tears.
"Don't cry...please, please don't cry,"
he begged in her ear as he stroked
her hair. "It's all right...it's all over now,
sweetheart. I'll go...I will, just..just
don't cry anymore."
Her tears soaked his shirt front, and he
cursed himself, hating the thing inside
him that had made her so unhappy.
At that moment, he would have been
willing to walk out into the noonday sun
to be sure that he would never make her
cry again.
Bending over, he picked her up and
carried her downstairs, then sat on
the sofa with her in his lap, cuddling
her like a frightened child.
If Buffy had been thinking clearly, she
might have seen the pain in his eyes,
the hurt he was inflicting on himself
rather than dump all over her.
And if she had seen it, it might have
given her pause, made her wonder at
the obvious change from what he used
to be, someone who couldn't have cared
less whether she was happy or sad, well
or in pain.
But she was too confused to deal with
this sort of knowledge at the moment. Too
overwhelmed by her own convoluted
feelings to try and sort out his.
"Buffy...listen to me. You don't have to
look at me, but..just hear me. I love you.
I'll never stop loving you. I'm not made that
way. I'm sorry, but I just can't help it."
Feeling her shudder, he tightened his arms
around her. "I didn't mean to frighten you...
or make you angry. And I sure as hell didn't
want to make you cry."
His voice was quiet and soothing. "I know you
don't love me. I...I hoped you might care
about me...someday. I didn't mean for things
to go this far tonight. But...when I saw you
in your pretty new dress..saw how beautiful you
looked...and how you responded to me when
we danced...I couldn't stop myself, luv."
Spike had to force out the words that came
next. "I meant it, though, when I said that
I can't go back to how things were. I can't
be near you...and not have you. If I thought
there was just the smallest chance that you
would...well, I'd wait forever. But the one thing
I don't want to do...is cause you any more pain
than I already have. If it'll make things easier
for you...then I'll go. I swear it. I'll leave
Sunnydale and I'll never come back."
He waited, hoping she would speak, tell him
not to go, ask him to give her time.
But she said nothing, and he felt his
heart...the one she'd once claimed didn't
exist...begin to break in two.
Oh, God...this was gonna hurt. He'd once thought
that losing Drusilla had been painful, but that was
nothing compared to what was coming his way
now.
Spike swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the
ache in his throat, allowing himself to hold
her for just a few more seconds, knowing it
would be for the last time.
"All right, luv," he finally said, moving her
off his lap. "I'll go now." He held her tear
stained face in his hands, drinking in the sight
and feel and scent of her, then pressed a kiss
on each wet cheek and one on her forehead.
"Goodbye, Buffy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He stood on the porch for a moment,
rubbing his forehead.
Staring out into the darkness of the
front yard, he wondered just where the
hell he was going to go...IF he could
really force himself to leave Sunnydale..to
leave Buffy.
He would think about it later. Right now, it
was time to go home and get thoroughly
drunk, drunk enough to pass out and
put off the pain for just a little while longer.
Climbing onto the motorcycle, he started
the engine and took off with a scream of
the tires; a scream loud enough to drown
out the one that came from him.
TBC.....
Feedback is appreciated.
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