Nothing you can do
There's nothing in between
You know the truth
There's nothing left to face
There's nothing left to lose
Nothing takes your place..
London June 2008
William looked down at his hand on the doorknob.
My hand. It stings…
For a moment he seriously considered turning his back against the door and flee back to the safety in the car. But then the door swung open and he found himself standing face to face with a vision.
His heart literally sang at the sight of her; the girl from his dreams. The golden goddess that plagued him every night for so long now.
Her eyes seemed to brim with emotions and her petite form shacking from repressed feelings. This made him a little bit curious. It almost seemed as…
“Spike…” she suddenly whispered and threw herself at him without warning.
William carefully laid his arms around the shuddering figure and sent Rupert Giles a pleading look – not sure what to do with this crying woman that pressed her face against his breast.
“Spike,” she repeated in a low voice.
Something popped inside William’s heart.
“My name is William,” he said softly.
The woman – and he had a strong suspicion that she was the mysterious ‘Buffy’, drew back at his words and with the sleeve of her shirt she wiped away the salty tears. It was almost as of she was ashamed of something that in fact only made her more beautiful. It was evident that Buffy Summers was one of the lucky few that only got more beautiful when she cried instead of red nosed and snivelling. Well, fortuned favoured the few…
“William.” Her voice trembled with withheld emotions. “Of course.”
“William,” Rupert Giles said as he stopped forward. “As you might have guessed this is the Buffy Summers I’ve told you about.” Pause. “Even tough you don’t remember – you two used to know each other. Only that she, and the others, knew you under the name ‘Spike’”.
“Spike!!”
Suddenly the notion of a blur ran passed the immobile Buffy and threw itself right into the arms of the surprised William. He looked down at the young woman with long honey hair and big – almost ridicule big, eyes. Eyes that happily gazed up at him.
Who was she?
“Dawn,” the quiet Buffy said with a thin smile. “You can let go now.”
William had to withstand a tight squeeze before Dawn finally realized him and as she did he found himself being the subject of adoring gazes from about twenty young girls that stood behind the blond slayer in the doorway.
“Spike…” Dawn fired of a megawatt smile and he blinked down at her. “I’m so glad…”
“He’s name is William,” interrupted Buffy almost grimly.
“William…?”
He returned his focus to the young girl and nodded silently, urging her to continue.
“William,” she repeated with a little more confidence, “I’m so glad that you’re alive.”
“Thank you.” ‘I guess’ was evident in his words and he could see the disappointment in her eyes – as well in the eyes of the one called Buffy. But what did they expect really? Because they might recognize him – but he had no memory of them whatsoever.
Suddenly it all got very quiet and all the girls moved quickly out of the way to let through a tall figure. A tall, blue figure.
“Spike,” she said with an almost emotionless voice. “It pleases me that you are alive.”
“Illyria?” He managed to get out before he passed out.
~ ~ ~ ~
When William woke up he found himself lying in a soft bad, wrapped up in the finest silk. And with the young woman named Dawn staring intensely down at him. As if she was looking for something but not really finding it.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said guiltily.
“You didn’t,” he assured her and propped himself on the elbows. He gave a reassuring smile and noticed that she appeared to relax.
“Is it true,” she asked and played with a lock of her hair, “that you don’t remember… anything?”
He gazed at her, trying to find something that could spark a memory, but got nothing. Only a elusive feeling of wanting to protect her. And oddly - affection. And he suddenly understood that she once meant a great deal to him.
“Don’t you remember me?” she now asked weakly.
“No.” He shook his head and noticed yet again the disappointment in her eyes. “’m sorry.”
“Dawn,” a weary voice said from the doorway as the blond slayer appeared into view, “You’re not harassing William, are you?”
William turned his head towards the door as Buffy stepped in, Illyria following her.
The God king glanced at William, then to Buffy. Her eyes fell hard on Buffy. For what reason William could only speculate on.
And wasn’t it funny that he remember Illyria and not anything else?
“She wasn’t” he assured the woman and smiled at her – only to receive a cold stare. What was her problem? Really?
“Willow wished to speak with you downstairs,” Buffy informed William as she turned her back against him and left the room, posture stiff.
“Don’t worry about Buffy,” Dawn said and laid a hand on William’s, “she’s just upset that you don’t remember her.”
“’m sorry,” he repeated again.
“Don’t be,” she exclaimed as she got to her feet. “’s just that you two were friends, before you…died.” Pause. “Close friends.”
“The witch is waiting,” Illyria suddenly stated from her spot and William blinked at her.
“Illyria?”
She tilted her head in a strangely familiar way and studied him with unblinking eyes.
“Why is there that I can remember your name and not…?”
“I am Illyria,” she informed imperiously. “Once known my name never falters from ones memory.”
“Please,” Dawn rolled her eyes and was rewarded with a deadly stare from the God king.
“Willow awaits you,” she repeated and left the room in a stiff, jerky way. Not at all like Fred…
Whoa! Who the hell is Fred?!
Beats me.
“Willow?” He asked Dawn who was on her way to the door.
“The redhead to the left of Buffy before you…passed out.”
I remember her.
Red.
Uncanny…
Yeah…
“What does she want with me?”
Dawn turned around and sent him a long, searching look.
“She’s going to fix everything.” Shrugging. “Or that’s what she believes anyway.” And with that cryptic note she left the room and one very confused William.
“Oh,” he simply said and stared at the door. “Goody…”
Only he wasn’t so sure that he wanted everything to be fixed. He had a sneaky suspicion that if he regained his memory he would not like what would be revealed to him. He also feared something of which he had learned from his nightmares. Something he’d never told anyone. Not even Ana.
Something horrible…
~ ~ ~ ~
William sat face to face with a lovely young woman with red hair and kind eyes. The one called Willow. And apparently she was a powerful witch.
No one could really have guessed that from appearance.
Magic always has consequences.
“So…” he said and pressed forward a quick smile.
“So…” she said and played with her skirt.
The silence stretched on.
William was just about to break the silence – out of pure boredom, when she finally looked into his eyes and gave him a tiny nod.
“I’m ready,” she stated calmly.
“Ready for what?”
“To dissect you brain.”
He simply stared at her.
“He he,” she laughed uncomfortably, “didn’t quite mean it like it sounded. What I meant was that I’m going to go ‘inside’ your head and see what hides in there.” Pause. “See it like a… therapy session.”
“A therapy session.” He tried to hold back the urge to frown at the witch. All he knew was that it didn’t sound very…pleasing.
“It’s necessary,” she concluded and sent him a firm glare. “Or we’re never able to fix what has been wronged.”
“And that would be?”
“I believe something happened when you died in the Hellmouth,” Willow revealed and leaned forward. “Something that has affected both you and Buffy.” Pause. “And I also believe that it’s killing her.”
There was a short pause.
“Do it,” William then said quietly.
Willow got up from her chair and walked over to him. Laying her hands on each sides of his face she mumbled:
“This might hurt a little.”
It hurt a lot.
~ ~ ~ ~
Willow stared into the blue depths that made Spike’s eyes and felt a terrible ache in her heart as she watched him stand there, in that pillar of light, looking like a messiah.
Suddenly he turned his head to look down at her, giving her a soft smile.
“I can feel it, Buffy.”
Huh?
As Willow frowned in confusion she could see her reflection in the vampire’s eyes – and what she saw stunned her. She appeared to be in Buffy’s body!!
How strange isn’t this?”
“What?” Willow didn’t speak those words, yet her – no, Buffy’s (Oh, how confusing!) lips moved to form them.
“My soul. It’s really there,” Spike said and seemed to lose focus for a short while. “It kind’a stings.”
Willow tried desperately to take control over the situation – and maybe most of all, Buffy’s body so that she could reach through to the dying vampire.
“Wha…” she choked on the words. “What’s happening?”
“Can’t you see it?” He asked and gazed down at her. “It’s all coming down on us.” Pause. “Go on then.”
Willow shook her head.
“No.” Desperately she shook her head. “Spike… You need to listen.”
“He’s going to die, you know,” said a calm voice next to Willow and as the witch turned her head she saw Buffy 2.0(!) standing next to her.
It was safe to say that that totally had Willow on the loop.
What was going on?
“What?”
“You cannot save him,” Buffy 2.0 said calmly. “You never could.”
“No one can,” said the third Buffy – the First, as it approached them with a grin plastered all over its face.
Willow looked from Buffy 2.0 to the First and then back to Buffy 2.0 and opened her mouth as to say something when she got interrupted by Spike.
"Got to move, luv. I guess it's safe to say that school's out for the bloody summer."
"Spike..." Willow shook her head at the irreversible at it all. Was she doomed to watch the same scenario over and over again?
"Mean it. I got to do this."
“Spike…” Willow reached out her hand to grasp his, not unlike what Buffy had done so many years ago. And then she felt it. As their hands lit aflame she felt the burst of power that coursed through the vampire’s body and into hers.
She stared at him in shock.
Oh Goddess…
“This is it,” Buffy 2.0 said bitterly. “This is the part when you realize that you cannot rescue him.”
Willow blinked and turned her head against Buffy 2.0 and the First. The latter smiled triumphantly at Willow – no, Buffy…
Argh!!
“You’re welcome,” it said as it vanished into thin air with an audible pop.
Willow turned her focus back at the dying vampire and noticed that he looked down at her with sad eyes.
“You took something,” he said slowly. “Something that doesn’t belong with you.”
Willow gazed down at their joint hands and felt the power surge through her body. It felt… good. When she looked up at Spike again her eyes glowered yellow.
“No, I didn’t. But thanks for saying it.”
And then she laughed as he incinerated into ashes.
~ ~ ~ ~
William gasped for air as he violently pulled away from the panting witch.
It hurt… It hurt so badly…
He could literally feel his body turn into dust…
“Oh Goddess…” breathed Willow as she backed away from him in shock. “Oh…”
“What happened?!” Rupert Giles asked as he entered the room. “I heard a scream.”
Willow could only shake her head as she stared at the breathless William. And he in turn could not quit staring at the distressed witch.
“Willow?”
“’m sorry, Giles,” she said and blinked. “It’s just…”
“What?”
“Oh Goddess… It’s worst than we thought.” She met his concerned gaze. “Way worse.”
“Do tell,” he pleaded and supported her on her way back to the chair.
“I’ll try,” she said as she sat down on the chair. “I think… I think that a part of Spike got stuck with Buffy when they joined hands down in the Hellmouth. A part of his demon.”
Giles nodded.
“That would most likely be the reason to his amnesia.”
“Yeah,” Willow concurred. “But that’s not all.” Pause. “I also believe that the amulet had a different function whatsoever – besides killing all the Turok-Hans.”
“What would that be?”
“It linked Spike with the First.”
A long silence followed that statement.
“Would you like to repeat that?” Giles then asked politely.
“The amulet worked as a link between the carrier and the First – trapping the entity within it in order to contain it. Only that when Buffy laid her hands in Spike’s…”
“It got transferred into her instead,” the Watcher finished grinly.
Willow nodded sadly.
“And that is what’s killing her.”
“Not Spike’s demon?”
Willow shook her head.
“No. The First is obviously using Spike’s voice and behaviour patterns to drive Buffy mad.” Pause. “It is in fact Spike’s demon that has kept her alive this long.”
The both of them turned to stare at the silent William who felt uncomfortable under their scrutinizing gazes.
“What?”
“What would happen if we would restore Spike’s memory?” Mr Giles asked the witch.
She stared at the man in question with sadness written all over her face.
“Then Buffy would most certainly die…”
There's nothing I won't do
There's nothing like the pain I feel for you
Nothing left to hide
Nothing left to fear
I am always here…
Tbc…