She screams in silence
A sullen riot penetrating through her mind
Waiting for a sign to smash the silence
With the brick of self-control
London July 2008
Buffy stood on the porch and gazed out over the newly trimmed lawn, her hands clenching and unclenching as she thinks of the man that’s just on the other side of the door.
Spike.
William.
Which was worst? That he didn’t remember who he had been or that she somehow was the reason to why it was so?
She couldn’t quite make up her mind about that.
Buffy let out a deep breath and shook her head, silently grieving over things that was forever lost and things that were, maybe not so lost but pretty hopeless.
From what she had gathered from Willow and Giles after their brief ‘visit’ inside William’s head, it was that there wasn’t anything that could be done to restore Spike’s memory. For what reason they would not tell her.
Nothing new there. Always keeping me out of the loop.
Well, what did you expect? Really?
A deep sigh. Yeah, what did she expect?
Maybe the truth…
Ha! The truth! You can’t handle…
Zip it.
Some serious sulking, then:
You’re really shirty.
Buffy snorted and wrinkling her nose, she turned around and walked right into a solid – very manly form.
Spike!
Buffy blinked and gazed up at the man that softly looked into her eyes.
William…
It was William’s hands that reached out to steady her and Buffy’s heart made an involuntary jump in her chest as her skin reacted to the familiar touch. It was both the touch from a long lost lover as well as a stranger – and Buffy didn’t quite know how to react in the face of such dilemma.
Spike.
William.
Which was worse?
That she loved the man he had been or that she barely could stand to be near the man he now was?
“How are you?” he asked now and it was his voice… yet not. It poured over her skin like melted, warm honey – sending shivers down her spine. Like thunder over the soft hills under a warm summers evening. Familiar enough for her to want to confide in him, yet strange enough to make her take a step back.
“Fine.” She knew her answer was short and almost rude, but she found that she couldn’t really care less. This man before her wasn’t Spike. In that her inner demon had been right.
“’m sorry,” he said as he gazed down at her with those incredible blue eyes.
Spike’s eyes…
“For what?”
“That I can’t be him,” William whispered and reached out a hand as if to touch her cheek. But it quickly fell to his side as she shied away. For a second he seemed hurt by her rejection. Then his features steadily set in a deadpanned expression. “I was told that you two were close friends.”
“We were lovers,” she admitted roughly and saw him jump in surprise. Buffy passed him and opened up the front door. Before she disappeared into the hallway, she cast a bitter glance over her shoulder. “I loved him.” And with that she entered the house and closed the door behind her – leaving the baffled William alone on the porch.
We were lovers…
~ ~ ~ ~
Buffy sat on the madras in the training room and stared at a black spot on the opposite wall, slowly strapping on the tape over her knuckles.
‘I told you’ the voice in her head gloated. ‘He doesn’t remember you.’
Buffy kept staring at that black spot, trying to ignore the voice. A voice she now knew belonged to the First – and how wicked crazy wasn’t that?
He will never remember you. Do you understand? Spike will never come back.
Shut up.
The only way to bring him back is to drag his demon out of you and the witch and the Watcher are not willing to risk it.
Buffy blinked in shock.
‘Ah,’ the First sneered inside of her head. ‘They didn’t tell you that bit, did they?’
What?
Oh, there isa way to restore Spike’s memory. To bring him back. But Willow and ok’ dear Rupert won’t even try that. Bastards…
Is it true? Can… can it be done?
Hell yeah.
Spike…
He would be with you again. Your beloved Spike.
“Spike…”
You know what you have to do.
Buffy nodded and got up to her feet.
“Yeah…”
~ ~ ~ ~
It was a dark and dusty room to which Buffy was showed into as she prepared herself to wait for her turn to seek audients with the powerful witch that resided in the abandoned building. It didn’t really serve to increase one’s faith in the dark sorcerer’s capability to help Buffy with her problem – but what other options had she? When her best friend and the one she saw as a father figure wouldn’t do anything to help her?
“Buffy Summers?”
Buffy quickly gazed up at the hunching figure that obviously served as the dark witch’s assistant and held back a shudder at the horrific sight it made, with its big nose dripping and heavy eyes that glared at her in black menace. With a gesture for her to join it, it began limping out of the room and Buffy followed shortly after.
Entering a equal dark and dusty room as the first, Buffy scrunched up her nose in reaction to the nasty smell that invaded her sensed and she blinked at all the overfilled jars that decorated the shells along the rooms walls. What they contained she wisely chose to ignore.
A tiny figure, clothed in grey robes, appeared behind a curtain and Buffy tried not to stare at the dark haired beauty that the dark witch so obviously possessed.
Evil surely came in a beautiful package…
“Buffy Summers,” the young witch said in a warm and welcoming voice. “This is a true pleasure indeed. To have the legendary slayer visit my humble adobe.”
“Er… Yeah.”
“You seek the darkest magic to help you in a matter of the heart, is it not so?”
Buffy simply nodded.
“Alas,” sighed the witch and began picking jars from the shells, “this kind of magic is very dangerous.” She sent Buffy a long and searching gaze. “You must love him a great deal.”
“More than life itself,” Buffy admitted grimly.
“Indeed.” A tiny smile formed on the red painted lips. “It is not very wise of you to admit such a thing, Buffy Summers. It would leave you weak and exposed to your enemies.” The witch hummed silently and turned around to pour some liquid from one of the jars into a big bowl on the table behind her. “Luckily for you, Miya isn’t interested in your pain.”
“Great,” Buffy said deadpanned. She left out the part in which she would kill the witch at the slightest hunch of threat against the slayer. “Can you help me or not?”
“I can help you,” Miya said with a short nod. “It will take a while to muster up the kind of ingredients that will be required for such a spell that will be needed in this case.” Another hum. “But it can be done.”
“When?”
“In a matter of days,” the other woman assured. “You will know when the spell takes effect.”
“Okay.”
Buffy turned her back and left the room, companied by the voice in her head.
You’re doing the right thing, pet. Soon you’ll be with your love again.
Spike.
Yeah, Spike…
~ ~ ~ ~
Buffy walked up the pathway leading to the house and noticed that the front door stood open. That was so unusual that she stopped in her tracks to take in the surroundings – alert to any possible danger that could lurk in the shadows.
“Buffy!”
Dawn appeared in the doorway and she winked happily at her older sister.
“You can never guess who’s here!”
“Who?” Buffy relaxed as soon as she realised that there wasn’t any appending threats or the possibility of death and continued up the stairs to meet with her excited sister.
“Hi, sweet cheeks!” exclaimed the green skinned demon as he appeared behind Dawn in the doorway.
“Lorne!!”
Buffy found herself enveloped into a tight hug from the friendly demon that she’d meet briefly after the destruction of the Hellmouth.
“I came as soon as I heard!” he continued as he drew away to let her retrieve her breath. “Poor Spike!” Giving her a sad look. “Poor you.”
Buffy pressed forward a tiny smile, aware that he could probably see right through her. She could only hope that he would be unable to see her true intentions. Because she knew, as surely as she knew that Willow and Giles would, that he wouldn’t like her plans.
Not at all…
But in her world all was fair in love and war.
Spike.
William.
Which was worse?
That the man she once loved was trapped somewhere in the man he once was – or that she was about to kill the man he was so that he could be the man he were?
She honestly had no idea.
You’re doing the right thing.
Am I?
Absolutely.
Buffy let herself be guided inside by the chattering empathy and she pressed forward another smile as she listened to his warm voice.
As soon as she was inside her eyes met his.
Spike.
William.
She looked down at her hand that began to sting as soon as she entered the room.
Do Spike still burn, Buffy?
No, but she did…
She's figured out
All her doubts were really some one else's point of veiw
Waking up this time
To smash the silence
with the brick of self-control
Tbc…