[Reviews - 111]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 2522 times

- Text Size +




Author's Chapter Notes:
Another update! I hope the frequency of updates lately has made up for the lack of them in the last few months. :) This is a long one too and there a mixture of serious talks and a little (very little) light heartedness. And there's a little sexiness to satisfy the muse too. :D Afterall I did rate this NC-17 but haven't had it since the 1st chapter.

Enjoy! And please review!!
Chapter 11 – Cut Me Open

Summers’ house

Buffy awoke the next morning with a small smile on her face. She ran her fingertips over her lips as she remembered last night. She was happy. That seemed to be happening a lot lately. As she got out of bed and went for a shower she thought about it. The realization wasn’t sudden or surprising really. She was happy because of Spike, or rather William. She knew this was the case and she knew in her heart of hearts that she couldn’t make him wait too long for the us that he wanted. In truth she wanted it too, but she wasn’t lying when she said she was afraid or that she needed to think about it. There was a lot she had to think about and consider, but in the end she knew, or at least believed, that she would choose William and us.

As she stood in the bathroom and started to run the water she decided she didn’t want to shower right now. No, instead she wanted, or rather needed, to go out for a run. Maybe that would help her clear her head.

So, she went back into her bedroom and grabbed some running clothes. Then she put on her trainers and tied them up. She picked up her watch and looked at the time. Seeing that it was still early she went through the rooms to see if Dawn and Will were still asleep before she headed downstairs. As she was going out the door she remembered to grab her ipod out of her purse.

Buffy started down the road and tried to sort through her thoughts. She and William had certainly had an argument, one of, if not, their worst. Things from here would not be easy for them no matter how they proceeded, but she couldn’t imagine her life without him again and that scared her a little. He’d only been back in her life for a few days and she felt that she couldn’t live without him. That was scary.

She had never felt that way about anyone, but then, William wasn’t just anyone. He was her best friend, her confidant, her world. Well, he was all those things when they were in high school. Now things were different. Things had been quite different since that night after graduation.

Somehow she didn’t even realize where she was running to. Her mind had got the best of her as she just ran and ran while she thought and thought. Then she stopped. She put her arms behind her head to help open up her lungs and control her breathing. She wasn’t out of shape by any means, but it did seem that she had run harder than she’d intended to. For a moment she closed her eyes and went back over her thoughts. They seemed a little bit clearer now, but she was still avoiding something. She knew it, but she wasn’t ready to face that thing just yet. Later. She would face it later. She would have to face it later.

As she opened her eyes and looked around her she realized where she had come to… she had run to William’s house. Well, more accurately it was his parents’ house, but still. She took a deep breath and didn’t even really have to ask herself how she ended up here of all places in Sunnydale.

The reason was simple: it was where she always headed. William’s house was like a second home to her when she was in high school. It was where she went to have fun with her best friend… where she went to get away from it all… where she went when she needed to think about it all. So now that she was back in Sunnydale and William was on her mind once again it made perfect sense to her to come back here. But she didn’t go in. She didn’t go near the front door. She just stood there for a few minutes.

When her few minutes were up she started running again and she ran until she was back at her own house. She ran in the house and straight up the stairs to her bedroom. Nothing but the distress of it all was on her mind. She didn’t even remember feeling like this back in high school. How had things gotten so screwed up for them? Maybe if they hadn’t slept together… maybe then things wouldn’t be so complicated.

If they hadn’t… would she have gone after him? Would she have left Sunnydale to find him in LA and tell him that she was in love with him? Or would they have ended up right here with her mother in the hospital and still very much in love with each other despite whatever complications there were? She would never know the answers to those questions though. And despite the ‘what if’ of them never having sex that night she wouldn’t give little Will up for anything in the world.


Buffy took her time in the shower. Water ran over her. Right now all she wanted was for the water to wash it all away. Wash away the fear of getting hurt. Wash away the fear of being left. Wash away the fear of her mother dying today. There it was… the thing she had been trying to avoid thinking about all day.

Now it was at the forefront of her mind and she could feel the fear gripping her heart. It felt like a hand, a very cold hand snaking it’s way around her inner self… like it was trying to make her give in. With everything running through her mind she didn’t have the strength of mind right then to push it away. For one moment Buffy gave up on being strong. She gave up on holding herself together and she let the tears come. Several minutes passed in which her body was wracked with sobs.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

Finally Buffy stepped out of the shower and dried herself off. She tucked the corner of the towel in and made sure it stuck before walking out of the bathroom and into her room. She quickly found something to wear, deciding on a simple blue t-shirt and pair of blue jeans. After she was dressed she tied her hair back in a ponytail and walked out of her room to find Dawn and Will.

She wasn’t surprised to see that they were awake. She found them playing games downstairs with the TV set on the Cartoon Network. She stood in the doorway to the living room and just watched them for a moment. When she heard the doorbell ring her eyes immediately went to the clock on the wall. It was only 11 in the morning. William wouldn’t be here this early, would he?

Buffy smiled at Dawn and Will and went to answer the door. When she opened the door she was surprised to see Willow and Xander standing before her. She couldn’t help the way her smile grew at the sight of two of her oldest friends. She was so happy that they were here with her through the situation with her mother.

“Hey guys, what’s up? I didn’t expect you two to be coming by the house.”

“Yeah, well, we thought we could hang out some today…” Xander supplied.

“And keep your mind off of all the stuff going on,” Willow added.

“Thanks guys. I’m really glad you came over.” Buffy flashed a genuine smile to make sure they knew she was truly happy they came over. Then she motioned them inside. “Dawn and Will are just playing some games in the living room while cartoons are on.”

“Really? What are they watching?” Xander asked eagerly as he headed into the living room leaving Willow and Buffy at the door.

“Ever the kid at heart,” Buffy said with a half sigh, half laugh that Willow joined in on.

“That’s our Xan man,” Willow added.

“Yes, it is,” Buffy said quietly. “Would you like some coffee or tea or… anything?” she asked.

“Tea would be great.”

“Let’s just go into the kitchen and leave them to the TV.”

Buffy led the way into the kitchen and started a pot of water for the tea. There was so much she wanted to talk to Willow about that she just didn’t know where to begin. Well, that wasn’t necessarily true. She wanted to start with Spike… or William, but even that subject had a lot to be said for it.

Willow started off, saving Buffy the trouble. “So, how’s William these days? I was surprised to see him in Sunnydale yesterday.”

“Me too,” she said as she thought back to William arriving at the hospital yesterday. As her mind began wandering to the rest of their evening she had to mentally shake herself back to reality. “I guess he’s doing well. He seems successful which is good. He’s coming by in a little while to take Will out for some father/son time.”

“That should be good for Will,” the red-head interjected.

“It should,” the blonde said with a smile. “They need to spend more time together. I want Will to know his dad. I never really got to know mine and it bothered me… still does I suppose.”

“That’s normal Buff. Every child wants to know their father. It’s good that Will has the chance now.”

“You’re right.”

“Well, yeah,” Willow said with a chuckle.

Buffy got out to tea mugs and readied them for tea. She gave one to Willow and then took the other to her seat at the island.

“I just can’t help but to think…”

“Think what, Buffy? What are you worried about?” Willow could tell that something was on Buffy’s mind.

Buffy shook herself. She didn’t need to get into this with Willow too. “Oh, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Spill.” Willow gave her her resolve face and pointed to it.

“Okay, okay. Just put away the resolve face, will ya?” she said in a joking manner.

“Done.”

“Well… I’m just worried that William won’t be around so much. I’m worried that he’ll leave again. Will won’t understand that and I’m afraid that he’ll get hurt.”

“And what about you?”

“It’s not about me,” Buffy lied.

“You know what I meant missy. How do you feel about it?” Willow clarified. “Your feelings matter too.”

“When did you get so insightful?” Buffy asked sarcastically.

Willow shrugged and prodded her friend to answer the question.

“Alright…” Buffy rubbed her arm where Willow had literally prodded her. “My feelings are involved in this too.” She was quiet for a moment. “I lost him once Willow and I loved him then. I think I’m falling… well, I’ve fallen for him… all over again and I don’t know if I can lose him again.” Buffy sighed and looked at her hands wrapped around her tea mug.

“Buffy, I can see that he loves you, and I don’t think he’s planning on leaving you anytime soon… if ever. It seems to me that you’re standing in your own way here, and if you don’t get out of your way you might just lose him for good. He won’t wait around forever and you can’t expect him to.”

Buffy looked up at her friend. “Again with the insight.” They shared a smile then.

“Yeah, I’ve been told.”

They continued to chat about all sorts of things having gotten the bigger subject out of the way. When they were finished with their tea they went back into the other room to see what the others were up to. Just as Buffy sat down on the couch with Willow there was another knock at the door.

“That would be William,” Buffy said, taking a deep breath as she stood from the couch.

She answered the door with a cheery smile on her face. For a moment she thought about talking to him outside, but decided against it. Better to let things rest for a while. Instead she said, “Hi.”

“Hello.”

A moment of silence passed between them. Then they both tried to speak at the same time. Buffy saying, “Will—” and Spike saying, “How’s—”

They smiled at one another and tried again this time Spike allowed Buffy to go first. “Will’s just inside playing with Dawn and Xander. Do you want to come in or should I just bring him to you?”

“I can come in.”

He came in and everyone said their hello’s. Little Will jumped up at the sight of Spike and ran to give him a hug. Spike lifted him into his arms and gave him a big grin. “Hey buddy. Are you ready to go out with your dad and have some fun?”

“What are we gonna do?” Will asked curiously.

“Whatever you want,” was his honest reply.

Everyone else in the room watched the interaction as Will was now quietly thoughtful with his dad’s reply. Buffy gave Spike a look hoping that he wasn’t going to do anything extravagant with Will. Spike just smiled back at her, trying to put her at ease.

Buffy had a thought just then and gave Spike a nod. Spike saw the nod and set Will down telling him, “Mom and I need to talk for a minute. How about you think about what you want to do and I’ll be back. Ok?”

“Ok Dad,” Will said cheerfully.

Buffy took Spike into the kitchen where they could talk privately for a moment. “I just had a thought… maybe you can keep Will until after Mom’s surgery today. I can call you when it’s done… is that ok with you?” She was a little hesitant with the idea, but wanted to be upfront.

“I can do that. Are you sure you don’t want me there with you?” he asked, concern lacing his voice.

“It’ll be better if you’re keeping Will happy. He loves you and knowing that he’s ok through it all is what makes it easier for me.”

“Okay. Any ideas as to what we can do around town? It’s been so long since I’ve been back.”

“I know,” she said in agreement. “I think there’s a go-cart and mini-golf place on the other side of town and there are a few good places to go for lunch.”

They talked it over a little more and went back out to the living room where Spike picked up Will and they said goodbye to everyone. Then they were gone. Buffy plopped down on the couch with a sigh as she laid her head back.

“You okay Buffster?” Xander asked. There was a little concern in his voice, but mostly just silly Xander.

“Yep,” she said, emphasizing the ‘p’ sound.

Everyone went back to what they were doing. Xander and Dawn playing go fish and saying the occasional ‘oh’ or ‘ah’ to whatever show was on the TV. Willow just gave Buffy a look and then resumed watching Xander and Dawn. They were a funny pair.

They were all like that for a while. Buffy wasn’t sure how long but it was long enough that she totally zoned out. She just stared out the window and off in the distance to no point in particular.

Finally Willow spoke, drawing Buffy out of herself. “What time do we need to be at the hospital?” It wasn’t a question she wanted to ask, but it needed to be asked.

“3,” was all Buffy said.

“Maybe a little earlier,” Dawn added hopefully.

“I can take you earlier if you want Dawnie,” Willow told the girl.

Dawn gave her a nod and looked at her sister. “Buffy…” she said hesitantly.

Buffy didn’t say anything for a minute. Then she turned to Dawn and said, “That’s ok with me.” Then she turned back to the window.

Willow looked at her watch. It was 2:15 now. “It’s already 2:15,” she said to the room. “Dawn, how long until you can be ready?”

“5 minutes,” the teen said hurriedly as she raced upstairs to change.

Willow and Xander shared a look and then looked at their old friend. This didn’t seem of the good.

“Buffy, are you alright?” Willow asked the hard question again. It was safe to say that Buffy wasn’t alright. She was out of it and it seemed she was avoiding the present state of things.

“I hope they’re having fun,” she said dreamily.

“I’m sure they are,” Willow responded.

Xander nodded as he said, “Yeah Buffy. William and Will… they’re two fun people. Of course they’re having fun.”

“I’m just worried,” Buffy said, her voice still kind of distant.

“About Will?” Xander asked confusedly.

“Mom,” she said simply.

“Oh,” Xander replied.

Dawn came back in time to here the last part that Buffy and Xander had said.

“She’s going to be ok Buffy. Mom’s strong and she’s going to make it through this.” Dawn was serious and kind when she knelt before Buffy and took her hand. She laid her head on Buffy’s lap.

Willow gave Xander a look and they both left the room to sit on the front porch.

“They need some alone sister time,” Willow clarified.

“Yeah,” was all Xander could say.

“How’s Anya? Is she gonna be at the hospital later?” Willow asked, changing the subject a little.

“Anya’s good. She’s Anya, ya know?” He smiled. “I don’t know if she’s coming by or not. She might. She likes Joyce a good deal, but none of us have been as close with her in the last 5 years. It could’ve been so different if Buffy had stayed.”

“I know, but she… I know,” was all Willow said.

They were quiet for a moment. A few minutes later Dawn came out of the house with surprisingly dry eyes.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Willow said.

“What about Buffy?” Xander asked.

“She’s coming in a few minutes. She’ll be there a little after us.” Dawn said and then walked out to the car.


Sunnydale General Hospital – a couple hours later

They were all waiting just outside Joyce’s room. The surgeon had just gone in to talk to Joyce and then he would be taking her to the Operation Room.

Everyone was quiet and it just made Buffy more nervous. She’d spoken to Spike a little earlier, only to tell him that it would be hours yet and if Will was getting tired he could take him back to Buffy’s and watch over him there. Now she was just nervous. Suddenly she felt a hand creep into hers and when she turned to look at who it was she saw Dawn. A small smile came over Buffy’s features.

Dawn saw it and smiled back. It was a small but reassuring moment that passed between the girls. They held onto one another as they waited patiently. A few minutes later the surgeon’s assistant came to them and asked everyone to follow her to the waiting room at the end of the hall.

Everyone else got situated in the comfy chairs waiting for something, anything. Buffy walked slowly back up the hall as she saw the doctors taking her mom out of her room. Dawn came up and stood beside her. They held onto each other and watched as their mother was rolled away to the OR.

Then they walked back to the comfy chairs to await word of their mother. No matter how long or what position Buffy sat in the chair it was not all that comfortable. She couldn’t let herself rest until she knew.

Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned hours. The surgery had started at 4 and it was now 10. Buffy hadn’t slept a wink. Everyone else seemed to be sleeping. Even Dawn had fallen asleep with her head on Buffy’s shoulder. Buffy tried to stay still so as not to wake Dawn up and she managed it until she saw the surgeon coming down the hall.

It was now 10:30. Buffy had been at the hospital since just after 2 that afternoon. It took everything in her not to run down the hall to that surgeon and badger him to tell her what had happened. It took all of her strength to only stand and walk a few steps to wait for the surgeon to come to her. It wore her nerves even more to look at his expression and try not to think about what he was about to tell her.

‘She has to be ok… she has to be… she can’t be… I can’t do this without her… William…’

Thoughts ran through her mind until the surgeon reached her. By that time a groggy Dawn was standing next to her waiting for the news too. Buffy was silent, but Dawn prodded the surgeon with a “Well…”

The surgeon looked from Dawn to Buffy and took a deep breath. “We got the tumor out. Your mother has been moved to recovery now. There was a small bleed but we were able to stop it. We think we got it all out but we’ll have to wait a few days to do a scan and be sure, but we expect her to make a full recovery.”

By the end of his little explanation of what had been done Buffy released a breath she didn’t realize she was holding in. She had been so scared and now it was over, wasn’t it? She smiled and impulsively reached over and gave the surgeon a big hug. “Thank you… I don’t know what to say… or how to… thank you,” she said simply.

“You are quite welcome Miss Summers. Now there is nothing else you can do here tonight. Your mother won’t be awake until sometime tomorrow and she’s in good hands here. I suggest you and your sister go home and get some rest.” He gave Dawn a pat on the shoulder and added, “The same goes for your friends.”

With that said Buffy turned around with a big, but tired smile on her face and walked over to her friends. “She’s ok,” Dawn said with excitement.


Summers’ house

Buffy was getting ready for bed. When she got home Spike was there watching the TV and they had talked for a few minutes. He had put Will to bed earlier. She saw the relief on his face when Dawn told him about their mother. It made her smile to know that he cared that much, but then again she’d known that he had cared. Now she was thinking back to that moment, where she’d seen the relief plainly on his face, as she put on her tank top and boxers for bed.

She was exhausted and she felt like she could sleep for a whole day. Slowly and quietly she crawled in between her covers and turned off her lamp. A few minutes later she was trying to go to sleep, trying being the operative word. For whatever reason she couldn’t fall asleep despite the fact that she really, really wanted to. Then she heard something outside. Something hit her window. And she was sure she heard someone whisper her name. There… something hit her window again.

Slowly she walked over to the window and looked out from it. She couldn’t see anything but then she heard her name whispered again, this time a little more loudly. So, she opened the window and stuck her head out. When she did she was surprised to see Spike standing there.

“Will… what on earth on you doing?” she asked, her heart beating wildly.

“Trying to get your attention,” he said with a sly grin.

“OK, you’ve got my attention. Now what do you want? I thought you’d gone home,” she said in a loud whisper.

“I did, but then I came back. I just wanted to… hold on,” he said as he started to climb up the tree.

She gasped as he climbed up the tree, and he did it so quickly. Altogether it caught her a little off guard. “What—”

He was at her window in a moment and cut her off with a kiss. When he stopped he couldn’t help but smile at the way her eyes were glazed over and she stumbled backward a step or two.

“Come in,” she said slowly.

He hopped through the window and waited for her to make a move.

It took her a minute to regain her senses. And when she did she still sounded quite silly saying, “That was nice.” She wore a silly smile to match.

He took a step closer to her and she didn’t say anything. So, he took another and still she said nothing. Another step and their bodies were nearly touching. He could feel his pulse pounding at the nearness of her. Other parts of him were throbbing.

Then he caught her gaze and it nearly burned a hole through him. His lips were on hers in an instant. He slowly eased them to the bed, his body over hers. He heard her whimper and it only spurned him on as he ground his jean clad erection against the thin fabric covering her nether region.

He caught her moan in his mouth as he kissed her again. It was slow and sensual while also being desperate and harsh. She didn’t understand that, but she definitely understood how good it felt. This was the closest they’d come to… since… ‘Oh God!’ suddenly went through her mind.

She pushed at him lightly and managed to whisper, “Will… William… Stop.”

It penetrated through his lust addled brain somehow and he stopped suddenly, not moving a muscle. He looked into her eyes and knew that something was wrong. ‘Oh bloody hell! What am I doing?’ he thought to himself. “Buffy…” he started but she put a finger to his mouth. She sat up and he did the same, ready for an unleashing of unpleasantness from her.

“It’s not you Will. It’s me… and all this baggage… and after the day I’ve had… I don’t want to use you and that’s exactly what I’d be doing here.” She looked him in the eye when she said it but when she had finished she looked down, unsure of what she would see when he understood all of what she was saying or if he’d be able to read what else was going on in her mind. He’d always had a way of doing that, reading her when no one else could.

“Pet,” he lifted her chin up with a finger. “It’s alright. I understand that I hurt you. I get that you’re not ready for this yet, and believe me I know you’ve had a rough day. Because believe it or not I had one too.”

She looked at him with a question in her eyes at the last part. “But… didn’t you and Will have fun today?” There was a deep fear that he would say they hadn’t.

“Oh, we did. It’s not that.” He paused for a second before saying, “I just couldn’t stop thinking about you and what you must have be going through at the hospital.”

This man was incredible and she couldn’t believe she was… well, being all unsure about him. Suddenly she leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips, slowing pulling him back down to the bed with her.

To be continued…


Chapter End Notes:
I know, I know. I left you with another cliffhanger. Don't kill me. Chapter 12 will hopefully be along shortly. Let me know what you thought of this one. I know there was a lot of serious stuff in it, but it all needed to be covered. I have through chapter 24 of this fic mapped out if everything goes according to plan, but it all depends on the muse, doesn't it? She's been changing things a bit of late. Thanks again to cordykitten! And please review guys... and girls! :) Duchess

PS - I almost forgot... the song is 'When You're Gone' by Avril Lavigne. I thought it fit pretty well with what was going through Buffy's mind.



You must login (register) to review.