Chapter 12 – Window Treatment
Buffy’s bedroom
This man was incredible and she couldn’t believe she was… well, being all unsure about him. Suddenly she leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips, slowing pulling him back down to the bed with her.
Spike was surprised to say the least when he felt Buffy’s lips on his and then the pulling back down to the bed. He didn’t know what to do, but that didn’t seem to matter right now. He knew he wanted Buffy more than he’d ever wanted anyone else and right now all that mattered was that she wanted him to.
They went on kissing for several minutes before they both needed to break for air. Even then they gazed adoringly into one another’s eyes as they caught their breath. When their breathing had returned to normal they each smiled in turn, a little self-consciously.
There was something on the edge, right there, ready to be said, but neither said it. Before another minute of silence passed between them though Buffy spoke:
“Stay with me,” was her plea. “Please stay with me tonight, William.”
Spike could never tell her no, but he wouldn’t dream of saying it now. He nodded and said, “Happy to, pet.”
He shifted his wait for a moment and sat up on the bed. Somehow he knew Buffy was watching him and it only made him smile more. He quickly rid himself of his boots and lay back down with Buffy. He wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest. Then he planted a light kiss on her shoulder and said, “Goodnight, Buffy.”
She whispered back a soft, “Night, William.” And before she drifted off she could have sworn he whispered back to her ‘I love you.’
Spike woke before Buffy and just watched her. She was so cute when she slept. She was also easier to handle when she was asleep. He loved her completely, but the tug of war they’d been doing lately was not easy for him. The fear of losing her was always at the back of his mind, and losing her was something he was determined not to do.
As he watched over her he couldn’t help but think if he was what she really wanted. She deserved to be happy. Would he make her happy? He was certain he could and he knew he wanted no less, but still he couldn’t help wondering if she would be happy with him.
It wasn’t long before Buffy opened her eyes and turned them on Spike. Still neither spoke for several minutes, just basking in the other, happy to wake beside the other.
Look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it’d be
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Look into your heart pretty baby,
Is it aching with some nameless need.
Is there something wrong and you can’t put your finger on it
Right then, roll to me
and I don’t think I have ever seen a soul so in despair
so if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?
So don’t try to deny it pretty baby,
You’ve been down so long you can hardly see
When the engines stalled and it won’t stop raining
Its the right time to roll to me
Look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
“I love you, Buffy,” were the first words out of Spike’s mouth.
Buffy worried her bottom lip for a minute. She looked into Spike’s eyes. There was nothing but love there, well, love and what she thought was a little fear. Slowly she caressed his cheek and spoke softly, “Oh, William,” she began. She ran her thumb over his lower lips and saw his eyes close for a second. She smiled at his reaction before adding. “I love you too, I really do.” Then, before he could say a word she put her finger over his lips and said, “Shhh, let’s not ruin this with more words.”
He nodded his agreement with a knowing smile. The subject would have to be spoken of sooner or later. They couldn’t continue on this merry-go-round for much longer.
After a few minutes longer of basking in the other and passing smiles, they both rose from bed. Just then Buffy heard noises in the hall. She turned to look at her door and then looked back at Spike.
“I’d best be going anyway,” he reassured her.
“I think that’s a good idea.”
“Yeah…” There was a pause before Spike asked, “Can I see you later?”
She smiled and replied, “That would be nice.”
They kissed briefly and said goodbye before Spike left through the window once more.
Buffy turned back to her room after watching him go. She just stood there for a few minutes, dazed as she was. Her mind was racing with the course of things and she felt as if she was floating on cloud 9. It wasn’t until Dawn knocked on her bedroom door that Buffy snapped out of her daze.
“When are you going to see Mom today?” Dawn asked.
She looked up at Dawn and thought about it for a minute. “Umm…”
“Are you okay, Buffy?”
Buffy nodded. “Yeah, fine… sorry, I just hadn’t thought about it really.”
“Oh.”
“I’m going so there’s no need for that look or that tone,” she said with some of her trademark wit.
Dawn gave a little pout at that but with a smile from Buffy the pout quickly turned into a smile of her own.
“I guess Will and I can go over a little after lunch that way you can meet us over there after school. I can call to see if Willow or Xander can pick you up…” Buffy trailed off as she thought about it.
“Or…” Dawn got Buffy’s attention and added “Spike could pick me up. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind and Mom would be happy to see him.”
Buffy looked at Dawn seriously. She had to admit it sounded wonderful. “Yeah… that sounds good. I’ll give Spike a call later. I’ve got to do some grocery shopping today anyway so I know we won’t be going to the hospital until later, okay?”
“Yeah, I got that part already. You’re just trying to change the subject when I already know he was here last night.” With that said Dawn walked downstairs to get some breakfast before school. Buffy was making her go the day after the surgery and she wasn’t exactly happy about it. She wanted to go see her Mom and avoid all the people at school who would inevitably pester her with questions about the ordeal.
Buffy was left standing slack jawed in her own room. How did her little sister know that Spike had spent the night? It was something that blew her mind and made her think that Dawn was becoming quite the ‘mom’ in training. “Let’s just hope she doesn’t have a kid at 18 like me,” Buffy muttered to herself when Dawn was long gone.
Later
Buffy made sure that Dawn got off to school and then she let Will watch some TV while she got ready to go to the store. She took a quick shower and then quickly found some comfortable clothes to wear. Today comfortable for Buffy was a tank top with thin straps and a pair of blue jeans. She tied her hair back into a ponytail and called down to Will so she could get him dressed.
Once he was dressed they were out the door and in her mom’s Jeep heading for the grocery store. She had made sure she had her purse and her cell phone and even remembered to bring the list of groceries they needed. Everyone was hoping that Joyce would be home in only a few days time and Buffy wanted to have a family dinner when she did.
In Buffy’s mind it would be a nice ‘welcome home’ gesture for her mom and somewhere inside of her she just wanted to have the family together. It had been so long since they’d all been together, and she wasn’t even sure if they’d really been together since Will was born. She knew they hadn’t been together in Sunnydale with Will. A part of Buffy was sorry she hadn’t been home, but in the last 5 years she never found the time when she wanted to face her fears. Now she was forced to not only because of her mom’s illness but because of Spike. With him back in her life she would have to face the fears Sunnydale held for her sooner or later, and sooner was better than later.
The sooner she faced her fears the better it would be for everyone. Sooner meant she could move on with her life. Sooner meant that she could find some peace and decide what to do about Spike. As much as she loved him she was still afraid. While she knew where some of her fears stemmed from (i.e. her own father leaving and Spike leaving) she didn’t understand why she was afraid of letting herself love him. That’s what this was about. She was holding herself back from being happy.
Buffy knew all this and yet she continued the vicious cycle of ‘I’m hurt’ and ‘I’m afraid’ and kept giving Spike the ‘I can’t do this right now’ run-around. She knew she had to stop eventually, but as long as she kept it up she wouldn’t have to really face what she was afraid of. And what she was really afraid of wasn’t love and it wasn’t Spike leaving her again. Deep down she knew that he wouldn’t hurt her and he wouldn’t leave her ever again. No, if Buffy was really honest with herself she would come to terms with the fact that all of this was because she was afraid that her mom was going to die.
The question she was left with as she walked with Will into the grocery store a few blocks from the house was when she would come to terms with her fear. It was fairly reasonable to be afraid of Spike leaving again, but it wasn’t fair to drag everything out the way she was doing.
Today Will didn’t want to sit in the basket. Instead he wanted to walk beside Buffy around the store. Buffy wandered around a bit trying to find everything she needed. In the last 5 years the grocery store had certainly changed. It was a little bigger and shinier. There was no doubt that it was nice but Buffy found it confusing too. Back in San Francisco she always shopped in little natural food stores. They were small and eclectic and familiar.
She was strolling around trying to find a particular spice that her mom did not have at home when she heard someone call out her name.
“Buffy! Is that you?” came the man’s voice.
Buffy spun around and saw someone she really didn’t expect to be happy to see. “Angel?” she said incredulously with a genuine smile.
To be continued…
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Author's Chapter Notes:
There is some light sexual content here, but it's nothing a teenager shouldn't look at... I don't think.
Chapter End Notes:
I'm currently working on Chapter 17. So, yeah, I've got a bunch of saved chapters to post if I go through some writer's block. :) That should make you all happy. I'll try to post 1 a week.