Chapter 7 – From Home to Home
Buffy’s apartment
Spike slowly opened his eyes as he felt a warm body beside him. He began to wonder, ‘Did I go back home last night?’ But when his gaze fell on the blonde head on his chest he suddenly felt like he’d found a whole new meaning to being home. He smiled a genuine smile at the still sleeping Buffy curled against him and he brushed a little of her hair from her face to study her sleeping face a little better.
Buffy began to wake up, but she refrained from opening her eyes. Instead she let herself wake up a little more before she really greeted the new day. It was a habit of hers in the mornings. Her hands wandered around and she felt something strange. Suddenly her position felt completely different. Her eyes shot open and she was greeted with a sight quite different from a new day. “Spike?” she said, her voice still thick from sleep.
He nodded with a silly smirk on his face, but as he took in her expression and the way her eyes had shot open he stopped smiling. “Is something wrong, Buffy?”
Quickly, she sat up and started playing with her hair. There were a million and one thoughts running through her mind, first of all being what her son, their son would think if he saw them like this. Then there was what Spike would think. She didn’t want him thinking there was more to this than there was, but she didn’t even know what was going on. She bit her lip for a second.
Spike saw her hesitation and he immediately sat up and leaned forward. There was no hesitation on his side as he brought his lips to hers for a gentle kiss.
Buffy quickly lost her resolve and began melting against Spike. Just as she started to put her hands around his neck she pushed him away. “We can’t,” she said quickly.
“And why not, Buffy?” Spike asked curiously.
“Because of Will. He won’t understand. He’s just a kid Spike.”
“Yeah, I know.” He let his head sink a little and he sighed as he brought his hand through his hair, releasing the curls from their gel. He let out a soft chuckle. “I don’t understand either Buffy, and I think it’s ok to be confused right now. You have to be feeling it too.” He looked at her hopefully. All he wanted was to soften her a little.
“Yeah…” she started, but that was all that she said before Will came running out into the living room.
He wore a big smile on his face. Looking at that smile neither of his parents could keep their resolve for their own, slightly serious, conversation. Instead they smiled at their little boy.
“Good morning Will,” Buffy said, ruffling his hair a little.
“Mom!”
“Morning buddy,” Spike said cheerfully.
“Good morning Dad,” Will said without a moment’s hesitation.
Buffy stopped in her tracks on her way to the kitchen. Spike was getting up to go to the bathroom and stopped too. They both heard what Will had said and it struck a cord, but the boy didn’t seem to notice.
A part of Buffy was scared. She didn’t want her son to get hurt the way she had, but in her heart of hearts she knew that Spike would never hurt Will, or her. He never had hurt her on purpose. When he left they both knew he was going and their friendship just drifted away.
They had both missed the other, not the sex part, but the friend. They never found that easy rapport with another. They never had someone that knew them as well. They never had as much fun with anyone else. So even now as Buffy tried not to let herself fall back into old habits with Spike, and some new ones, she knew that she had her best friend back.
Spike on the other hand had found something so much greater. He had never stopped thinking about Buffy. The only thing that stopped him from picking up the phone and calling her was their present lives. He didn’t think she would understand his lifestyle in LA and he didn’t want to mess up whatever she had going on in her life.
Buffy looked across the room at Spike and smiled softly. Then she mouthed the words, “He loves you.”
Spike smiled back at Buffy and mouthed back “I love him too.” He looked down at the kid for a moment and when he looked back up at Buffy she was still looking at him with a certain love in her eyes. He knew he just had to bring it out.
Will started playing with his toys out in the living room. Buffy went back to work on making something for breakfast and Spike, he wanted to ask where the bathroom was. Instead of asking like a normal person he quietly stepped up behind Buffy and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I love you too,” he said softly.
Buffy immediately tensed in his arms, but he didn’t let go. No, he repeated his words again and again until Buffy relaxed a little. It took a conscious effort on her part though. She couldn’t repeat those words yet. She just couldn’t say them and have him leave again. She couldn’t bare that. Then there was a little voice in her head that told her if she said those words maybe he wouldn’t leave again. She never said them that morning back in Sunnydale and he left without ever knowing how she felt.
She slowly turned around in Spike’s arms. Slowly she brought one hand up to cup his cheek as she whispered to him. “I can’t say it to you… yet.”
There was a little hope in that and she really hoped she would be able to say it to him one day, soon. “I hope you can understand that,” she continued.
“I do, and I can wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes.” He kissed her lightly on the nose before asking, “Where’s the loo?”
“Down the hall,” she directed. “Pancakes sound good for breakfast?” she inquired.
“As long as you can cook better than you did back in high school,” he joked, half-serious.
“I had to learn sometime,” she joked back.
While Buffy began making pancakes she heard the shower start in the bathroom with a small smile on her face. Buffy’s mischievous side thought of peeking into the bathroom, but she continued to make breakfast.
The pancakes didn’t take long and Buffy grabbed some fresh fruit out of the fridge to go with the pancakes. She set the table and got out the syrup and some whipped cream. Will liked his with whipped cream.
Just when everything was ready Spike came out of the bathroom wearing his black t-shirt, jeans, and no shoes. When he came out to the table he saw everything and asked, “What are we having?”
Will was the first to answer, jumping up and down with excitement as he said “Pancakes! With whip cream!”
Spike smiled at the boy. “My favorite.”
“Mine too,” Will said surprised.
Buffy looked on with a soft smile from the sidelines as she watched this interaction between father and son.
“Well… come on boys. Let’s dig in.”
They all sat down at the table and did what Buffy said, dug in. As they were finishing up eating Spike was thinking about the day ahead. He felt like there was so much he had missed out on with Will and he wanted to catch up on it all. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with him.
“What do you guys think about going to the park today?” Spike asked cheerfully.
Buffy looked up and met his gaze with a small glint of surprise.
Spike caught the look and glanced at Will before looking back to Buffy. Will looked so excited and Spike suddenly caught on. Buffy couldn’t say no now. He had already said it and Will was all excited and that was the reason for the look. Spike didn’t know all the little parenting rules and he suddenly felt at a loss.
“If it’s ok with you mum of course,” he added quickly.
Will looked at Buffy with those big puppy dog eyes. “Can we Mom? Can we please?”
Buffy looked across the table at Spike and read his mouthed ‘sorry.’ She smiled and turned back to Will and said, “Yes, we can go to the park honey. I think that would be fun for all of us.”
As they walked over to the park Buffy remained pretty quiet. She was watching the interaction between father and son. Will was so eager to get to know this man and Spike seemed equally eager, almost childlike in his eagerness. It was touching, really, and yet it scared Buffy.
She didn’t want Will to get hurt in this. He didn’t need to get hurt. He didn’t deserve it. Buffy had built up these walls after everything that had happened after graduation. More than she was scared of Will getting hurt, she was scared of getting hurt again. She had tried so hard to build a life for herself and her son. A safe life, a place that Will could be happy and carefree. It was amazing the way he was carefree. It made Buffy wish that she could be a kid again, that she could go back and do things over again.
That couldn’t happen though, and as they approached the park Will ran ahead to the swings. They were his favorite, but Buffy didn’t want him running off on his own.
“Will!” she called after him, but he didn’t look back.
“Don’t worry Buffy. I’ll catch up with him,” Spike said as he took off after Will with a smile.
Buffy was left alone, again. “Yeah…” she began, but ended up smiling as she thought about how much Spike wanted to run after Will. “He wants to be a dad. He wants this.”
Suddenly her heart warmed at the thought of it. She felt happier, lighter than she had in a long time. “And I want this too,” she told herself. “I want him.” Now she was finally letting herself be happy.
She walked slowly until she reached a bench near the swings where she could sit and watch them. Will sat himself down in one of the swings and bounced eagerly as he waited for Spike to start pushing him. There was a smile on Spike’s face. It was so genuine and it was something Buffy had never seen from him before. In all the years she’d known him she’d never seen him as happy as he was with his son. As for Will, Buffy could see that he loved his father already and she knew that love would only grow as they got to know each other better. ‘This was meant to be,’ she thought.
They played on the swings for a bit. Will even had Spike take a turn while he tried to push him. It was so comical that Buffy couldn’t help but to laugh out loud. Spike glanced at her and smiled. It was good to hear her laugh. It was good to know that she was happy with him around too.
After playing on the swings Spike whispered in Will’s ear, “How ‘bout some hide an’ seek, buddy?”
Will nodded and whispered back, “Mom’s it first.” Then he scampered off to find a hiding place.
Spike was left standing there with a grin. He walked over to Buffy and told her what was going on. “Hide an’ seek, love.”
“Oh,” she replied demurely.
“And you’re it first,” he added with a chuckle as he ran off to find his own hiding place.
“Oh, you two are so on!” she said, taking on the challenge.
Buffy looked and looked. She had every intention of finding Spike first to give him a piece of her mind, in a good way of course. She knew the kinds of places that Will would hide in. He liked hiding out in bushes and tall grass. He was good at the game. Spike on the other hand… she remembered playing with him when they were kids. He was fun to play with, but he always tried to hide behind a tree or something that didn’t hide him very well.
Before long Buffy turned a corner in the park and found the tree. She tip toed up to it and spun around in a flash. “Aha!” she said as she pinned Spike to the tree with her arms on either side of his head. “Got ya!”
He could have gotten out if he wanted, but he didn’t want to do that. Instead he was rather curious what Buffy was up to with her proximity to him. “That you do, love,” he said in a low, slightly husky voice.
“I love you, but you’re terrible at hiding.” The words came out suddenly. They just flowed. They felt right. She knew she said them. She hadn’t planned on it. They just came out.
“Buffy…” Spike started. “What did you just say?”
“Oh… nothing…” she said, playfully evading the question.
“You said…” he was nearly stuttering. “Say it again.”
“We’d better find Will before he comes looking for us first.”
“Buffy, please.” He was almost pleading with her.
“You’ll hear those words again Spike, I promise you. It just won’t be when you’re asking me for them. Okay?”
“I can wait.”
“Good. Now let’s find Will.”
They set off looking for Will. It only took a few minutes before Buffy found a bush that he could crawl into. Crouching down she poked her head inside. “Will…” she called into the bush.
He poked his head out at her. “Hi Mama,” he said sweetly.
“Hi pumpkin. It’s time to come out now.” Buffy pulled her head out and stood up.
“Ok, but can I be it next?” he asked, crawling out of the bush.
“Sure, but this’ll be the last game. We should get something for lunch soon.”
“Okies,” he said brightly.
They played another game and then headed back to Buffy’s apartment where they ate lunch together. After lunch Will wanted to go in his room and play with his toys.
“You can do that, but I think you should say bye to your dad first. He’ll be leaving soon.”
Spike nodded at Will. “I had a really great time with you these last couple days Will.”
“Me too. Can we do it again really soon?” he asked eagerly.
“You bet, buddy. Just as soon as your mom and I can find a good time. How does that sound to you?”
“Very good,” he said with a grin. “Bye Dad,” he added with a big hug.
Spike hugged Will back. “Bye buddy. I’ll see you soon. I love you.” He kissed him on the cheek.
“I love you too,” Will said. “Can I go play now?” he asked his mom.
“Yes, you can go play now.”
Will scampered off leaving Buffy and Spike alone together. They were both looking after him even after he had gone into his room.
“I love that kid,” Spike said, his words thick with emotion.
“And I love you,” Buffy said with a small smile as she watched Spike turn to look at her. “Yeah, you heard me this time. I said ‘I love you.’”
“God, you’re incredible,” Spike exclaimed.
“Go on,” Buffy said, prodding him in the stomach.
Spike laughed. “Amazing. Beautiful. Funny. Lovely. Bloody gorgeous. Cute as a button. Wonderful. Need I continue?”
“Later. Kiss me,” was all she said.
His lips met hers and everything else melted and everything else disappeared. It felt like no time had passed at all. It felt as if they were back in Spike’s bedroom after graduation, only they weren’t. Slowly, the kiss stopped. They both caught their breath and looked at the other with a content smile.
“So…” Spike said, unsure of what happened next. He wanted Buffy to set the ground rules on this one.
“Call me,” she said, reaching into her purse and pulling out a business card. “It has my home number and my cell.” She smiled and gave him another peck on the lips.
“I’ll call you,” he said, opening the door.
She waved. He waved. Then he was gone and Buffy closed the door behind him.
“No leaving through the bedroom window this time. That’s good.” She sighed. Her heart was fluttering. “I’m falling for him all over again,” she said with another sigh.
Later that night
Will was asleep and Buffy was in bed reading when the phone rang. She picked it up in an instant, hoping that it was Spike. “Hello,” she said eagerly.
“Buffy,” said the small voice with a sniffle.
“Dawn?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“What’s wrong? You’re crying. Is everything ok?” Buffy said in a hurry as she suddenly got worried.
“It’s Mom, Buffy. She’s sick.” Dawn sniffled again.
“I’ll be there tomorrow Dawnie,” Buffy said impulsively. “I’ll set everything up tonight and Will and I will be on the first flight home tomorrow.”
“Thanks Buffy. Mom will be so happy to see you. I think it’ll help her. And it’ll help me.”
“Everything’s going to be okay Dawnie,” Buffy reassured her.
“I know. I’m just scared.”
“I know. I’ll be there tomorrow though, okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks. Goodnight Buffy.”
“Goodnight Dawnie.”
Buffy hung up the phone and looked up the number to the airport. She got through to ticketing and booked 2 tickets on the 9:30 flight to Sunnydale. That would put them in Sunnydale around noon.
With that done Buffy laid her head on her pillow and tried to get some sleep. The next day was going to be a long one, and she had no idea what she would have to face in the coming weeks.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Fun chapter. Lighthearted and progressive in Spike & Buffy's relationship. Enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
Ah... the ending. Buffy's going back to Sunnydale! What does that mean for her and Spike? Review! And we'll see! This is ultimately a romance so I'm not breaking them up. :)