When Giles pulled onto Main street, he was met with utter chaos. People on the sidewalks were caught up in brawls, wildly throwing punches, drivers on the street were cursing out of their windows at other drivers. There was a trash can on fire and a young mother holding her child as she reined verbal abuse on an adolescent boy, who was obviously responsible for lighting it. It was madness. No one seemed able to hold back anything.
“Good Lord, this is terrible!” He exclaimed, driving slowly and carefully, so as to avoid the pedestrians and other cars.
“It’s like they’ve all lost total sense of control,” Buffy whispered, taking in the devastation.
Anya shrugged. “They have. It’s obviously the truth spell.”
Xander raised his eyebrows. “So the whole town is affected?”
“Looks that way,” Buffy whispered again, in horror. How could telling the truth result in such a crisis? Where did it stop being a good thing and turn into something so bad? Was this really what became of people when they started being honest? She shook her head in amazement.
Anya ducked her head as a paper fireball went flying past her head. “Giles, put the top up!”
“Oh, right!” Giles quickly reached for the button to bring the roof up over his convertible.
When they reached the mall, it was like the mother ship of chaos.
“Hey, it’s like the hellmouth of truth,” Xander commented as Giles pulled into a parking space.
Buffy nodded at him in agreement. “You’re not wrong.”
“Wow, this is insane, Buffy. People are crazy!” Dawn cried, surveying the scene in shock.
Buffy nodded again. “You’re right, it’s gonna be hell in there, no pun intended. And Willow’s in there. We have to get her out.”
Anya rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure, one of the most powerful witches on the face of the planet needs our help to get out of a shopping mall.”
“Look, you guys can wait here, I’ll meet Willow and bring her out,” Buffy said firmly.
Xander raised his eyebrows. “And then what? We leave the crazies in the mall and let them destroy each other and everything?”
“I don’t know! Giles?”
Giles cleared his throat. “Maybe Willow can perform a freezing spell, to hold everyone in place while we figure this all out,” he suggested.
Buffy jumped as a fist pounded on her window. It was Spike, the blanket over his head again. “Oi! Let me in!”
She opened the door, mindful of the fact that there was no room in the car. She pushed her seat back against Dawn’s legs, providing a small space for Spike to kneel in on the floor infront of her. He jumped in. It was uncomfortably squishy. “Bloody crazies,” he grumbled, looking out the window.
“Huh?” Buffy asked, trying hard not to be distracted by Spike’s closeness.
Spike waved his hands infront of her face. “Out there,” he pointed and frowned. “You alright, Slayer?”
“A little Claustraphobic,” she murmured.
Spike smirked, knowingly. “I know it’s hard, bein’ in close quarters with a devilishly handsome bloke like myself, but there’s a time and a place, Buffy, and this ain’t it.”
“I know that, moron!” Buffy retorted.
“Yes, we all know Spike’s a moron, not exactly a news bulletin there. But are we going in or not? Because personally, I think we’ll all be better off if we stay in a group. Minus Captain Peroxide, preferably, but hey, whatever.”
Spike smirked at Xander, shaking his head at the smartass boy. “You really are a git.”
“Yeah, coming from a -”
“Let’s not begin with the arguing again, please!” Giles intervened. “I think Xander may be right, we should stay together, find Willow and bring her out. Once we have everyone to relative safety, we’ll find a course of action to stop this mayhem. Buffy and Spike will lead upfront, and we shall all follow behind. Stay as close as you can. Let’s go.”
No one had a chance to point out possible flaws in this plan, before he and Buffy had both opened their doors and launched themselves into the fray. Xander and Anya followed suit, putting Dawn between them as they walked behind Buffy, Spike and Giles. The small group huddled together, attempting to be as quick and inconspicuous as possible. Until a boy of about fifteen knocked Anya with his elbow as he came charging past them.
“Hey, you watch where you’re going young man, or I’ll tell your mother her son’s a rude little sh-”
Xander clamped his hand over her mouth. “Way to go on the stealth Ahn,” he muttered, not letting her go until they were several metres away from the youth, who was now giving them the one finger salute.
Once inside the mall, the group noted wearily that the scene was even worse. In a closed in area, with bigger crowds, mayhem wasn’t a strong enough word. Carefully, and much more slowly, the scoobies made their way to Woolworths, expecting to find Willow. When they finally arrived, however, Willow was nowhere to be seen.
“Well, where is she then?” Spike asked gruffly.
Buffy looked around, biting her lip in concern for her friend. “She’s meant to be here, she said to meet her outside the grocery store of the mall. Which is here.”
“Maybe she went inside?” Anya suggested.
Xander nodded in agreement. “She probably decided to get a few things while she waited. I mean, I’ve seen the inside of the Summer’s fridge and it’s a pretty sad sight to behold,” he joked.
“Why don’t we go in and look for her then?” Dawn prompted her sister, who was shaking her head at Xander’s comment.
Buffy looked up, coming to a decision. “No. You guys wait here. Stay with Spike, I’m gonna go in.”
“Bollocks! I’m not stayin’ here with the whelp like a sodding baby sitter, I’m with you, Summers. The Watcher and the other two can look after the Bit.”
“Spike! This isn’t the time to be uncooperative! Can’t you just do what I say for once in your undead existence?!”
Spike raised one eyebrow cockily, trademark smirk in place. “No.”
Buffy sighed. “Whatever, let’s go then. Stay with Giles, Dawnie.”
The vampire and slayer entered the grocery store and walked down the main strip, looking down each of the aisles as they went, hoping to catch a glimpse of fiery red hair. The reached frozen foods with no sign of Willow.
“Ok, let’s just go down this way and make a sweep along the other end of the aisles, just in case we missed her,” Buffy suggested.
“Right,” Spike agreed. “So, when you plan on gettin’ off your high horse and bloody discussing a few things, Slayer?”
Buffy stuck her arm out to stop him. “Spike, not now. I told you to let it go.”
“Pffft, yeah, problem is, it’s not what you meant, Pet, is it?” He brought his hand down over hers, never breaking eye contact.
“Not really… But that is so not the point!” She snatched her hand back, anger flaring at him for making her answer something honestly.
“Then what is the point, Buffy? What are you so bloody afraid of?”
“God Spike! Don’t you ever listen when someone says to back the hell off?! You want to know what I’m ‘afraid’ of? I’m afraid of my friends finding out, my watcher. Of seeing their undisguised disgust at me, of them thinking that I’ve lost all sense of sanity. I’m afraid of what will happen if I fall in love with another vampire. How it won’t work because there’s so much other stuff in the way. I’m the Vampire Slayer, Spike, and you’re a vampire. It’s so wrong. What do you think that would mean for us? That we’ll fight side by side for the forces of good and you’ll just abandon all your natural instincts? We‘ll play ‘happy families‘ with Dawn?”
“We already do fight side by side for the forces of sodding good, Buffy. I’ve changed, you know it, I know you know it.”
“Spike, a chip in the brain does not equal change. That thing is like a holding cell and when it stops working, you’ll go back to killing,” Buffy argued.
Spike growled and grabbed her by the arms, holding her still, so that they were face to face. “It’s not the chip, Buffy, it’s me. I’ve changed. I couldn’t go back to killing, chip or no chip. Not after I’ve… after you… Bloody hell, can’t you see it? I know I’ve done a lot of… less than admirable things in my time, hell, I’m the first to admit that I don’t deserve you. But who cares what they all think? You give me a chance, Buffy. One chance. And I won’t let you down. Because I love you.”
Buffy’s eyes were blurry with unshed tears. He couldn’t lie, she knew he meant every word of what he said. But how? How could he really love her? He had no soul. She looked at the ground. She looked back up at Spike.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “But I can’t.”
Spike swallowed and looked away. When he spoke again, his voice came out in low, even tones, as though he was trying to maintain his self control. “I’m not Angelus.”
Buffy’s head snapped up at the mention of his name. “I know you’re not. But that doesn’t change my decision,” she said softly. “I’m sorry, William.”
“And you’re sayin’ the great ponce himself had nothing to do with that decision?”
Buffy sighed. “Of course he did, on some level, but overall? No.”
“Then why can’t you give me a shot? I’ll make it so good for you, Buffy,” Spike said, grazing her cheek with his fingertips. The emotion in his voice was almost too much for her. He was trying so hard not to beg.
“I just gave you a list of reasons, Spike. Please, let’s just find Wil, ok?”
“Buffy, just listen to m-”
“No. We have to find Willow. That’s why we’re here. Now, let’s go.” She pulled out of Spike’s grip and picked up a fast walking pace, not wanting to give him the opportunity to keep talking.
Spike looked so defeated as he followed her half-heartedly. With his head down and his posture robbed of its arrogance, he was a pathetic sight. And he was past caring. There was no confident swagger left in him by that point.
* * *
Dawn looked up from the corner where she and Giles were huddled with the others and saw Buffy and Spike re-emerge from the supermarket, without Willow. Buffy was looking uncomfortable and Spike was looking like he’d just lost his best friend. It didn’t take long for the perceptive teenager to figure out that something other than looking for Willow had happened in their absence. She tried to meet Spike’s gaze, but he wouldn’t look at her.
“No Willow,” Buffy announced, worriedly.
Xander forced a laugh. “I gotta say Buff, when you walked out without her, my first thought was that you’d found invisible Willow. And what’s up with him?” He asked, indicating Spike. “He looks like he just saw a stake.”
“Nothin’, just faced brutal rejection, is all,” Spike blurted and then wished he had seen a stake. Buffy looked at the ground solemnly.
Xander let out a faux sigh. “Spike, Spike, when are you going to come to your senses and stop hitting on Buffy?”
“Never, mate,” snarled Spike. “Not giving up on her that easy.” He was surprised by his own admission and the realisation that being turned down by Buffy again was nothing. She’d turned him down before. He would break through to her sooner or later, he refused to let her slip through his fingers. His face a show of pride once more, Spike squared his shoulders, attitude intact. Nothing the whelp had to say to him was more than he could handle.
Xander‘s eyes narrowed at the vampire. “Ok, one, I’m really not your mate. And two, she’s never going to sleep with you, so give up the creepy obsession already.”
“You know, I realise you’re a bloody stupid git, but tell me, why are you always makin’ half assed jokes at someone else’s expense?” Spike asked, smirking when Xander’s face was stricken with panic at the realisation of the truth he was about to bestow on them all.
“Because my alcoholic parents gave me a pretty crappy upbringing, which taught me early on that true feelings should be repressed, hence my using humour as a defense mechanism.”
Spike smirked at Xander, who was currently staking him with his eyes. “Thought as much.”
“Right,” Giles stepped in, playing a fatherly role for what felt like the umpteenth time that day. “So, Willow is not where she said she would be, which is very unlike her. I think now is the time to split up and do a thorough search of the shopping centre. We’ll meet back at the car in twenty minutes. Dawn, you go with Buffy.”
“Ok,” Dawn agreed, walking with her sister.
There was silence for a couple of minutes, before Dawn started in with the questions. “What happened in there, Buffy? Spike looked shattered.”
“He asked me to give him a chance, I said no. And I really don’t wanna talk about this now, Dawnie.”
“Well, too bad! What is your deal? He loves you, really loves you and you said yourself that you have feelings for him, so what’s the problem?”
“I don’t even know where to begin with the problems list and did I mention how much I don’t want to talk about this right now?”
“Yeah, you did. Ok, so there’s lots of small problems. Every relationship has those, right? Big deal. What’s the real problem Buffy? Do you even know? ‘Cos I’m kinda thinking that even you don’t know why you‘re pushing him away.”
Buffy glanced at her sister, startled. She hadn’t really thought that there could be anything else. There were so many issues with the idea of her and Spike, that she hadn’t pushed them aside and gotten to the core of it.
Dawn waited patiently, watching the slayer’s face screw up in deep thought.
Buffy thought about how she’d felt (or not felt) since her return from Heaven. She thought about how distanced she’d become from her friends and her sister, about how Spike had been by her side whenever she needed someone to talk to, how he was the only one who understood what she had been through. The only one who seemed able to make her feel anything. She remembered Dawn telling her about the way Spike had looked after her while she was gone, taken good care of her, protected her with his life. She pictured the way he would often look at her when he thought she was oblivious and how he had always looked out for all the Summers women. Then she thought about how she had treated him when he professed his love to her. The disgust she had bestowed on him, the beatings she had given him, her horrible words… ‘you’re beneath me’. Her gaze met Dawn’s unflinchingly.
“I’m waiting for him to realise he’s not the monster. I am. The way I’ve treated him… Sooner or later he’ll realise that he deserves so much better than that, won’t he?”
Dawn took her sister’s hand. “Buffy, you’re not a monster and he does deserve better than to be treated like crap, but now that you know that, you can treat him with respect.”
“But what if I can’t?” Buffy whispered, staring off into nothing. “What if I don’t have anything to give? He gives and he gives and I just take… How come I never saw that? I’m so detached right now, what if I can’t be enough? And then he leaves like… like the others?”
Dawn’s heart just about broke to her sister talk that way. She knew that if it weren’t for the spell, Buffy would not be talking this freely. “Spike would never leave you. He loves you so much, he’s not going to stop loving you because you’re going through a hard time. He’ll be there for you for as long as you need.”
Buffy shook her head emphatically. “But I don’t love him Dawn. I do have feelings for him, but they’re not… that yet. And what if they never are? How cruel would that be? And there‘s still the whole vampire thing, I mean that‘s not going to go away and it‘s still a problem. I kill his kind, Dawnie. Then there‘s the whole no soul thing, even though sometimes I think he has more humanity in him with no soul than Angel had with one… All this time I thought it was all about worrying about what everyone else would think… Thinking I’m better than him. That was never it…”
Dawn was quiet, instinctively knowing that Buffy needed to absorb the weight of this newfound revelation. She was aware of what a huge step it was for her sister, this realisation of what was truly holding her back from happiness - from Spike. They walked on in silence once more, Dawn mostly searching for Willow and Buffy lost in thought.
* * *
When the group reconvened at Giles’ car twenty minutes later, there was still no sign of Willow. No one was saying it, but they were all graduating from the mild concern category and moving on into fully fledged worry. Buffy tried to meet Spike’s gaze, but he looked away. They all decided not to go into panic mode until they had been to Buffy’s house and made sure that Willow hadn’t ended up back there. As the others climbed into Giles’ convertible, Buffy watched Spike’s retreating form, as he made his way carelessly through the angry mob, to the sewers. She knew she wouldn’t be seeing him back at her place. And she really didn’t blame him.
* * *
Willow wasn’t at the Summer’s home. Upon this realisation, Giles’ picked up the phone.
“Who are you calling?” Buffy frowned.
Giles looked up, as his fingers dialed a number. “Tara. We need someone who can cast a spell to put a freeze over the town, otherwise those Neanderthals are going to tear it and each other apart.”
“Good thinking, but do we want her to know that we can’t find Willow? Should we be worrying her this early on?”
“Well, I think it’s best that we be open with her and I’m sure she will be willing to help.”
Xander and Anya sat with Dawn on the couch.
“I wonder where she is,” Anya murmured thoughtfully.
Xander squeezed her hand. “I’m sure we’ll find her, Ahn. She’s got the best people on the case, don’t worry.”
“Oh, I’m not worried. She’s one of the most powerful witches I’ve ever come across, in eleven hundred years. I think she could hold her own with pretty much anything, or anyone. Who could possibly cross Willow’s path and come out the victor?”
* * *
Opening her eyes, Willow surveyed her surroundings. She was in some kind of cave and she was a metre or so above the ground. Her arms were bound at her sides. She tried to pull free, but couldn’t. Looking down, she saw that she was inside a glowing green bubble type thing, like a shield. It held her tightly, rendering her immobile. So whoever now held her captive was down with the magicks. This didn’t sit well with Willow. She couldn’t use magic to save her own ass if she couldn’t even move. She tried opening her mouth to speak. Nada. She’d lost the use of words, also. She began to panic. Where was she? Who would bring her here? And more importantly, why?
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm glad people are reading and reviewing, all feedback is muchos appreciated! =) And I promise that the Spuffyness is coming next chapter, so hang in there =D.