Buffy looked up. She’d spent the last half hour recounting her visit from Malach and the choice she’d had to make. “I’m not sure why you’re human now though.”
Spike glanced at her over his shoulder and snorted. He’d been pacing for the past several minutes. “Returned the soul and the body but not the demon, pet. Nothing in here to make me anything more now.”
Buffy scrunched her forehead. That made sense, she realized. She wasn’t surprised by his easy analysis; for all the jokes about Spike’s intelligence or lack there of, he always seemed to see the truth of things. “I don’t think you can die though…I mean not unless...” She frowned; there were still a lot of questions. “I’ll call Willow tomorrow, maybe she and Giles can find out if this has ever happened before, or maybe the seers can tell us something.”
Spike nodded, suddenly feeling tired again. He walked into the living room and picked up the CD she’d left on the couch. Billy Idol, he thought, not really Buffy’s taste. He held it up. “You know the git stole his look from…”
“You.”
Startled, Spike looked up to see the tears running freely down her cheeks. “luv?”
She shook her head. “It’s just been a long day.”
He nodded. She’s probably still upset about losing Angel, he thought. “Yeah, it’s been that.”
“Maybe we should try to get some sleep. It’ll be daytime in a few hours.” When he bent his head in agreement she continued awkwardly. “There’s another bedroom upstairs. Do you want me to show you?”
“I can probably scout it out myself.” He walked to the stairs.
“Right” She watched him start up the stairs. “Spike?”
He paused. “Yeah?”
“I missed you.”
He responded without turning. “Missed you too pet.”
Buffy watched as he slowly climbed the stairs. He’s probably healing like a human now, she realized, suddenly noticing the tension and pain in his gait. She wondered again if she should be taking him to a hospital. Where she would tell them what exactly, she thought with a smile. It might be a good idea to have Willow look into getting some fake ID’s for him.
She brought the dishes to the sink but quickly decided to see to them in the morning. She’d been tired all day, as she had been for weeks, tired when she forced herself out of bed and tired when she crawled back in and finally cried herself to sleep. She turned off the lights and headed up the stairs. She stopped for only a moment, wondering if she had any real excuse to check on him one more time. She didn’t; she just wanted to see him, so she went into her own room and got ready for bed. Buffy showered quickly, hoping the hot water would pull some of the tension from her aching body and pulled on a cami and shorts to sleep in. She was crawling in to bed when she heard him. She froze for a second, focusing on the sound and then rushed to his room.
She pushed the door open quickly, ready to fight off whatever demon was causing him to make such pained sounds, and found nothing. He was alone, asleep even. But the sound continued, groans and whimpers from a battle Buffy couldn’t help fight, the battle he fought in his sleep. She remembered suddenly that she knew about this, the nightmares. He’d admitted to them that last year in a moment of embarrassment and self-loathing.
She paused for a moment, unsure of what action she should take. She knew what he would do. If it were her, if she were crying in her sleep, he would offer comfort. He’d take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be all right and he would keep telling her until she’d heard him. He’d done it before. But she’d taken the comfort and not offered any in return. Oh sure, she’d given a few pep talks, even said thank you in a way, but she’d never just held him and told him that it was going to be ok. She should have, she realized now, she should have done a lot of things differently. She wasn’t sure if he’d want her comfort now, but she figured she would try.
She sat at the edge of the bed and placed her hand on his. “Spike” She said his name softly, her tone gentle and soothing. “Spike its ok, everything is going to be ok. I’m here and I promise…” She continued whispering soft words for a few minutes and watched the tension leave him. He never woke up, but his face relaxed and he became quiet. So she watched him sleep again and smiled at the wonder of his breathing. She could tell he had mixed feelings about his new humanity, but couldn’t deny thinking that it was a miracle herself. He moved, curled up on his side and she slipped into the bed behind him. She was still for a moment, worried that her movement would awaken him and that he would ask her to leave. When he didn’t, when he snuggled back against her instead, she smiled and gently wrapped her arm around his waist. Within moments she fell asleep.
***********************************************************
Buffy woke first, never having gotten used to sleeping for very long. Sometime during the night Spike had rolled over and curled into a ball, burying his face against her stomach and holding her in place firmly with both arms. Surprised at the intimacy of their position, she tried to pull away without waking him. He pulled back with surprising strength for a sleeping and now human man. He made a small noise of irritation, but he didn’t woken up.
She smiled as he snuggled against her; remembering how deeply he sometimes slept. She brought her hand up to run through his hair; without the gel he usually used to slick it back it was a riot of soft curls. She dropped her head to press her lips gently on the top of those curls. He hadn’t told her if she’d made the right choice yet, but he hadn’t told her that he wished things to be otherwise yet either. She decided to hold on to that; it was hopeful. It made her feel like maybe there was still a chance.
She was still lost in thought when he began to stir, nuzzling first her stomach and then her breasts in a slow sleepy fashion. Suddenly he froze and she knew he was awake. He pulled back enough to look at her, surprise and fear written on his face.
“Hi,” he said quietly, the unspoken question clear on his face.
“You…you were having a nightmare, I just…I wanted to help.”
Spike nodded. She’d felt sorry for him, he thought, that was all.
She pulled away a little, sitting up but not quite leaving the warm cocoon of his arms. “I didn’t mean to invade …Are you mad?”
He gave a soft laugh. “Course not pet, ‘s not everyday a bloke goes to bed alone and wakes up with a pretty bird.” He winked then, as if to remind them both of their buddy status.
Buffy forced herself to smile as she pulled herself away. He doesn’t want you anymore, the voice inside her head pressed, leave before you embarrass yourself. “I should probably call Giles and Willow, they’re in Scotland so it could take a couple of days for them to get here.”
“Who’s here with you?”
“No one, I needed some time after…I’m here alone.”
Of course she did you git, he thought bitterly, she just lost Angel; he was the love of her life, you were just convenient. “Right.”
She got off the bed and stood in the doorway.
Spike watched her for a moment. “Pet?”
“Huh, what?”
“Did you need something?”
“What? No…I…”
“I didn’t sleep in my pants luv, so unless you’re lookin’ for an eyeful.”
Buffy starred at him for a second, eyes wide, before mumbling “sorry” and disappearing down the hall.
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